Fake Character Email Dan/fanfic

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

Cast (In order of appearance): Tristan, Dan, Victor, the mayor, Jennifer (Easter egg), Carlos (Easter egg), Michelle (Easter egg)

Places: Tristan's Room, Dan's Computer Room, Living Room of the Brothers Strong

Date: June 19, 2007

Lines: 68

Transcript

{Open on a split screen with Tristan on one side and Dan on the other. Tristan appears to be in his room, while Dan is somewhere unrecognisable. They're on the phone to each other}

TRISTAN: What do you want me to answer your email for?

DAN: I figure that everyone will hate your emails, so my ratings will go through the roof for my comeback special!

TRISTAN: What ratings? There are no cameras! Besides, I'm not really willing to be humiliated on national... internet.

DAN: Look, man, you owe me one. I paid your hospital bills.

TRISTAN: It was your fault I was in the hospital!

DAN: {Holds up fist} And guess what? You're going back there unless you answer the freaking email!

TRISTAN: {groans} All right.

DAN: Okay, make sure you type "the paper dot e-x-e" when you finish the email. That'll print out the paper from the fancy new inkjet printer Bubs installed.

TRISTAN: {annoyed} Okay!

DAN: Oh, and I called in some extra help.

TRISTAN: What?

DAN: {Looking offscreen} Ah, The Cheat! {To Tristan} I gotta go. See ya.

{He hangs up and Tristan groans again. Cut to Tristan bringing up an email on the Lappy}

TRISTAN: Uh... I guess I'm supposed to say something here.

{Tristan reads the email as written, though a bit uncertainly}

TRISTAN: Oh, well, to write a fanfiction, the first thing you should do is make it as depressing as possible. That makes it more real. And you should kill off most of the characters, {depressingly} so you can show their futile lives whooshing down the drain... Check out this Sesame Street fanfiction I wrote.

{He begins reciting from memory}

TRISTAN: "And that was when Big Bird realised: Elmo's death, Cookie Monster's insanity, and Oscar's killing spree... They were all because of him. He sank to the ground of the blasted wasteland that had once been his home, and let out a primal yell." That's just the end of the first draft, but I—

VICTOR: {Offscreen} Bor-ing!

{Cut to a wide shot to see Victor standing to Tristan's right. Tristan looks at him.}

VICTOR: {chuckling} That's not how you make a fanfiction. Let me try! First, you stay up until two am and drink three bottles of Mountain Dew. {Holds up three fingers} Then, you sit down at your computer and write a story about giant waffle irons takin' over the world! Oh, or maybe a story with a Furby and a pink bunny...

TRISTAN: {Annoyed} That's not how you write properly!

VICTOR: Yeah it is. I got hundreds of reviews on my story about me, and Reginald, and Michelle, and Coach Z, and all the rest.

TRISTAN: That's not fanfiction! That's RPF!

VICTOR: Oh, right, right. It's that too.

{The mayor walks in, eating an icecream. Tristan stares}

MAYOR: Did I hear someone say "giant waffle irons"? I love waffles!

TRISTAN: Uh... Aren't you the mayor of town? What are you doing in my house?

VICTOR: I invited him. Waffles for everyone!

MAYOR: Hooray!

TRISTAN: {Makes aggravated noise, starts answering email again} You also need to proofread your writing a couple times.

VICTOR: {quickly} No you don't!

{The mayor leaves the screen}

TRISTAN: {Ignoring them} That way you'll pick up on all the mistakes you made the first time. And make sure you know what spelling and grammar are, or else your readers won't take you seriously.

VICTOR: {quickly} Yes they will!

{The mayor comes back with a bag of chips, eating them noisily. Victor leaves the screen}

TRISTAN: And... I guess you could try and hear the characters' voices in your head so you know you're writing them right.

{Victor comes back with a bag of marshmallows}

TRISTAN: Oh, and don't forget to sp—

VICTOR: These are some great marshmallows, eh Strong Strong?

TRISTAN: {Fed up} Quit eating all our food!

MAYOR: What kinda host are you? {Mumbles} Won't let an old man sate his hunger...

{He finishes the chips and drops the bag on the floor}

VICTOR: He's right. Leave some for the others!

TRISTAN: Others?

{Victor runs over the window and looks out}

VICTOR: Come on in, guys!

{Tristan looks out the window, and sees everyone who's appeared so far, except for Dan, The Cheat, and the commandos, entering through the front door}

TRISTAN: {angrily} Why don't you throw a party at your own house?

VICTOR: Oh. Mom threatened to disown me last time I did that. So I thought I'd come leech of off you.

TRISTAN: {groans, answers email} Maybe you should write a fanfic where I move out!

VICTOR: {Not realising that Tristan isn't talking to him} Yeah, maybe I should.

TRISTAN: I hope this is enough lines...

{Tristan goes back over to the computer and types "the_paper.exe". The New Paper prints out, and Tristan puts it on the desk. It reads "Click here to email Dan", with some extra art on the side.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the window to see a scene later on in the living room. There are balloons strewn around the place.
JENNIFER: Make a perfect princess character!
CARLOS: DRAW PICTURES!
MICHELLE: I don't even know what a famfiction is.

Fun Facts

  • It's not a requirement to write Sesame Street darkfic, but other than that, Tristan's advice is pretty accurate.
  • Tristan's fanfic was originally about Harry Potter, but I think Sesame Street is funnier.
  • I mentioned the following genres of fanfiction:
    • Darkfic — A Depressing story that is usually darker than the source material.
    • Sugar high humourfic — A comedy that focuses on randomness and OOCness for its humour, and is usually written in script format. Friends don't let friends write sugar high humourfic.
    • Real Person Fic (RPF) — A story that centres around real people. Despite what Tristan says, it is a legitimate form of fanfiction, although it's banned at fanfiction.net.
    • Mary Sues — A fic that features a perfect fake character who upstages the original characters.
  • Victor's line "These are some great marshmallows, eh Strong Strong?" is a combination of Homestar's lines, "These are some great marshmallows, eh Pom Pom?", and "Seriously, Strong Strong, we have got to do something about this".
  • Tristan thinks that there should be a fanfic where he moves out. CashWheel, who sent the email, has a fanfic to that effect, and I'm pretty sure that was what he was talking about when he left the email.
  • Tristan's last line is a reference to Rule 2.2, which states that emails have to be at least twenty lines long. Yes, it's the dreaded fourth wall break. How scary.

Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Fake_Character_Email_Dan/fanfic"