Fake Character Email Dan/date

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

Contents

Summary

Are Dan and Jennifer the OTP?

Cast (In order of appearance): Dan, Jennifer, Kristen, Joy, Virginia, Bubs, Tristan (mentioned), Baxter, The Cheat

Places: Dan's Computer Room, Bubs' Concession Stand

Date: May 8, 2007

Length: 74 lines.

Transcript

DAN: Uh... EMAIL'D!

{Dan reads "DANN!!" as "Dan...n", pitches his voice high when he says "date????" to reflect the amount of question marks, and reads <3 as "less than three"}

DAN: {typing} Uh... Do I know you, Jennifer? I mean, I don't really hang out with the under three age group very often. {short pause} Oh wait. Are you that girl I met at practice that one time? Yeah, I guess we could meet up. Maybe buy a milkshake, or watch a movie... Whatever it is people do on dates.

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand, which is on the athletics field. Jennifer is waiting nearby, with her friends Kristen, Joy and Virginia. Jennifer's dress reads "cheergal".}

VIRGINIA: My earlobes are freezing off.

JENNIFER: Just you wait, girls. When my boyfriend gets here—

JOY: {interrupting} He's not your boyfriend. He's just some guy you met last week.

JENNIFER: {angrily, waving arms} He's my boyfriend! You're just jealous! He's miiine!

{Bubs and Dan enter, talking. They don't see the girls.}

DAN: {Handing something to Bubs} So, uh... We can just forget about Tristan's hospital bill, right?

BUBS: {Pocketing the item} You got it!

{Jennifer looks annoyed}

JENNIFER: Ahem.

DAN: {Startled} Wah! {Turns around and sees Jennifer} Oh uh, hi. {He gives his hair a quick comb} Hey, Bubs. This is my girlfriend, uh... {Stares at Jennifer's dress} Cheerleader.

JENNIFER: Jennifer.

DAN: Yeah, whatever. {To Bubs} She's my girlfriend, and I'm taking her out on a classy date.

BUBS: Getting a bit desperate, aren't you, Dan?

DAN: What?!

JENNIFER: {Offering Dan a parcel, and smiling} I got you this box Oreos.

DAN: {Snatching the box} Waiter! Two glasses of milk, if you please.

{Bubs produces a notepad and pen out of his pockets, and writes Dan's order down. Dan leans against the side of Bubs' concession stand.}

BUBS: Certainly! Would you also like to try our special fake ID offer? You know, in case you need to lay low afterwards. You can never tell when you date a kid.

DAN: Uh... No. Just the milk. {To Jennifer} So... how old are you, anyways?

JENNIFER: I'm nineteen!

DAN: Seriously. How old are you?

KRISTEN: We're all fourt—

{Jennifer kicks her}

JENNIFER: Why don't you kids just head on home? Me and Danny have some important making out to do.

{She leans against him}

DAN: Wah! {He drops the Oreos and jumps off to one side. Jennifer stumbles, but doesn't fall} Oh, uh, sorry.

{Later. The Oreos are open and half empty. Dan is eating one and looking bored}

JENNIFER: ...And then, I told Virginia that she's an ugly pig, and she—

DAN: {With mouth full} Yeah, that's great. {Swallows} Let's get back to the kissing.

JENNIFER: Um... Okay!

{They kiss. Baxter and The Cheat come onscreen}

BAXTER: Hey Dan, guess wha— Gah!

THE CHEAT: {Distressed The Cheat noises}

{Baxter covers The Cheat's eyes. Dan stops kissing Jennifer and glares at them}

DAN: What?!

BAXTER: First: You're disgusting. Second: I found out where he came from, and it's important. {points at The Cheat}

JENNIFER: {annoyed} Danny, do you know this creature?

DAN: Uh, yeah, he's my—

JENNIFER: {Dramatic} It's over between us, Danny!

{She slaps Dan and runs away}

DAN: {bewildered} What the crap just happened? Did that teenager just dump me?

BAXTER: That's just one of my stupid stepsister's friends. She's hated me ever since I stole all her fake jewellery and pawned it for a new computer.

DAN: I was gonna dump her!

THE CHEAT: {Questioning The Cheat noises}

BAXTER: Yep, totally.

THE CHEAT: {Questioning The Cheat noises}

BAXTER: You too? Awesome.

DAN: Wait, you can understand that thing?

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

BAXTER: He said, "You, dating Cheerleader? Man, that's desperate."

DAN: Hey! At least I'm not some little... yellow... spotted thing... with yellow spots...

THE CHEAT: {Annoyed The Cheat noises}

BAXTER: {To The Cheat} I keep telling you, he doesn't have one!

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

BAXTER: Okay, okay! {To Dan} He wants to use your alternate universe portal.

DAN: My what?

BAXTER: {To The Cheat} Told you so.

THE CHEAT: {Sad The Cheat noises}

DAN: Whatever, I'm out of here.

{He pulls a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and tapes it to Bubs' Concession Stand. It reads, "Click here to email Dan." Then he starts to walk away.}

DAN: {muttering} Least I got this box Oreos out of the deal.

Easter Eggs

  • Click on Bubs' notepad after he says "Fake ID" to see the fake ID. It is for somebody named Harvey Fakenamerson, born 4/13/189, and it has a silhouette with a question mark in place of a photograph.

Fun Facts

  • OTP stands for One True Pairing. It's a common term used among shippers to refer to their favourite pairings.
  • I suspect that the email refers to the Strong Bad/Cheerleader thing that happened in Reality is a Harsh Mistress.
  • I didn't make it obvious in the story, but Tristan is in the hospital because The Cheat knifed him in mystery. He didn't realise that cartoons heal better and more quickly than real people.
  • The box Oreos thing... Obviously it's a reference to 3 Times Halloween Funjob, but it's less obviously a reference to an IRC chat I was in once.
  • Fakenamerson is also a reference to something IRC-related. I don't know why I bothered mentioning it if I wasn't going to elaborate on it, but trust me. It was hilarious. Maybe.

Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Fake_Character_Email_Dan/date"