Fake Character Email Dan/argument

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Contents

Summary

The Cheat rips Victor off.

Cast (In order of appearance): Dan, The Cheat, Victor, Coach Z (mentioned), Michelle (mentioned), Carlos (mentioned), Tristan, The construction worker (Easter Egg)

Places: Dan's Computer Room, The streets

Date: February 15, 2007

Length: 47 lines

Transcript

DAN: A little email over here, a little email over there...

{Dan reads Dna as "biology class", and Einoo as Ee-noo}

DAN: Einoo? You sound like a Teletubbie, man. {typing} Well, Noo-Noo, I don't know really Victor that well. I mean, we play on the same freaked out sports team, but who wants to talk to a guy who thinks it's still cool to wear a propeller cap? Maybe you should ask The Cheat. That guy's always ripping him off. {stops typing} Hey The Cheat!

{Cut to a wide view of the room}

THE CHEAT: {walking onscreen} What?

DAN: My friend Noo-Noo here wants to know when the last time you had an argument with that Victor guy was.

THE CHEAT: Uh... There was this one time...

{Cut to The Cheat and Victor in the streets. The Cheat is holding a dirty toilet brush}

VICTOR: How much for that there terlet brush?

THE CHEAT: Sixty bucks. Hand it over.

VICTOR: {suspicious} Oh, really? Why, Coach Z was offering me that same terlet brush for a packet of ketchup just this morning!

THE CHEAT: It's a magic toilet brush. Yeah, give me an extra thirty bucks and I'll tell you how to use it.

VICTOR: {pulling some money out of his pocket and snatching the brush} Sold! This'll make the perfect birthday present for Michelle!

THE CHEAT: {voiceover} And that one other time...

{Cut to another scene in the streets. It's snowing, and The Cheat is standing around wearing antlers and a red nose. Victor runs onscreen}

VICTOR: Quick! Rudolph! I need to buy everyone and their brother Decemberween presents!

THE CHEAT: Not here you don't.

VICTOR: Aw, come ooooon...

THE CHEAT: Uh... Okay. {Holds out his hand} Have some air.

THE CHEAT: {voiceover} And that three time...

{Cut to The Cheat and Victor talking in the locker room. The Cheat is very obviously picking Victor's pockets, but Victor doesn't appear to notice.}

VICTOR: So then Michelle told me to get— {suspicious} Hey! Wait a minute! {The Cheat freezes with his hand still in Victor's pocket} That terlet brush wasn't magical at all!

{The Cheat relaxes. Cut back to the computer room}

DAN: Whoa, really? I'll have to try that out sometime.

THE CHEAT: Can I go now?

{Dan turns back to his computer}

DAN: {typing} So there you have it. The Cheat stole all of Victor's money, and the proceeds probably went to the Awesome-Stuff-For-Me-Carlos-and-The-Cheat... fund. {solemn} A worthy cause if ever there was one. {normal} So until next time, start

TRISTAN: {offscreen} Who are you talking to?

{Cut to a wide view of the computer room. Tristan is looking over Dan's shoulder, The Cheat has left}

DAN: {uncertain} Uh... The viewers. You know, 'cause this is an... email show?

TRISTAN: {looking around} I don't see any cameras.

DAN: Yeah, well, they're... invisible. Invisible email cameras. {cut back to the computer screen} Anyways, {mumbles as he reads what he's written, then types again} sending me email, and I'll probably start answering them.

{Dan types the_paper.exe, causing an offscreen printer out some paper, which Dan holds in front of the screen. It reads, "Click here to email Dan"}

TRISTAN: {offscreen} Uh, how can you click on paper?

DAN: Shut up! They're probably all off sending me awesome emails right now!

TRISTAN: {offscreen} Who are?

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "dirty toilet brush" to see a scene with Victor and a construction worker. Victor has the toilet brush.
VICTOR: I got this here terlet brush... So if you could just... Take it off my hands...
{The construction worker gives a thumbs up}

Fun Facts

  • The email is from Emails 4 you!.
  • Homestar's pronunciation of toilet is from Halloween Potion-ma-jig, where one of the things you can get from Bubs is a "terlet brush".
  • The line "I need to buy everyone and their brother Decemberween presents!" is from Homestar Presents: Presents, as is The Cheat's costume.
  • Noo Noo was the name of the Teletubbies' pet and vacuum cleaner, as I recall.

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