Other Character Email Tampo/DVD/lazor beams revisited

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Tampo Email DVD: "lazor beams revisited"

Summary: An email that's based on an idea that didn't make the final cut; the original idea of how the email "lazor beams" would be answered. Cul asks about tropical lazor beams, and we get to meet a bunch of Tampo's unique laserballs.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Pirate Laserball, Tropical Laserball, Cool Laserball, Steve Irwin Laserball, Stinkoman

Places: Computer Room, Laserball Chamber, A Field

Date: September 21, 2005

Length: 112 Lines (101 lines without introduction)

Contents

Transcript

{Cut to a black screen. White text fades into view and it read outloud by Joshua, who is offscreen.}

{Full screen view of the Plasma 2000. Tampo is floating in the top-left corner, Brody's leg is visible on the left side, and Stlunko is barely visible at the bottom.}

TAMPO: {scary voice} Email me or die...

{After Tampo's phrase, Stlunko opens an email. Tampo reads it out loud.}

{Stlunko opens a word document after Tampo finishes reading and types in Tampo's response.}

TAMPO: Lazor beams? Um... I'm not sure what one of those is.

STLUNKO: He probably means "laser beams." That is the correct spelling.

BRODY: Duh.

TAMPO: {not typed} Oh. Well... {typed} I don't really have any laser beams, pretty "Cul" or otherwise. So you must be talking about my laserballs. They're my best attack, and will rock your socks off. Wanna see?

{Tampo shoots his classic quadruple laserball attack to the left, hitting the unsuspecting Brody on the leg. Brody screams in pain and his leg recoils and moves offscreen. Crashes are heard as Brody jumps on one leg, screaming.}

TAMPO: {calling, not typed} Consider that your punishment for making fun of me in email #1!

{The crashes cease as Brody calms down. He is still not visible.}

BRODY: Oooh... That's enough of this! I'm going to my room.

{After a brief pause, a door is heard opening and closing.}

TAMPO: {not typed} He hasn't been punished in a while. He needed a little reminder. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes... {typed} So in regards to your question, Ekul, yes, I do have tropical laserballs. But someone as cool as me has more that. Let me show you. {not typed} C'mon, Stlunko. To the laserball chamber!

STLUNKO: Okay.

{Tampo floats offscreen as Stlunko rolls offscreen. Cut to the entrance of a large, gray room with a door in the front. Tampo and Stlunko enter the area.}

TAMPO: Now first let me explain, I can only hold so many laserballs in my body. Like, 20 or something.

STLUNKO: So he has to get new ones whenever he runs out.

TAMPO: I have a limitless supply here, so it's no big deal.

STLUNKO: He has many different kinds.

TAMPO: Yep, I have several different kinds of laserballs. They all look a little bit different and actually have little personalities. Although these usually get turned off before I use them in by quad-laserball attack.

STLUNKO: Enough explaining. Let us show the audience some of these laserballs.

TAMPO: Alrighty.

{Stlunko pushes a button the wall and the door opens. It is pitch black inside.}

TAMPO: {calls through the door} Hey, laserballs, come out here.

{A yellow sphere comes out of the room. It has a pirate hat and eyepatch.}

PIRATE LASERBALL: Arr... I be the toughest laserball to ever sail the six seas.

STLUNKO: Six?

TAMPO: Alright, pirate laserball, I need you to get inside me. I have to use you.

PIRATE LASERBALL: Aye, whatever ye say, cap'n.

{The pirate laserball jumps at the red part of Tampo and disappears.}

TAMPO: {calls through the door} Alright, I need three more laserballs. Don't be shy!

{Three more laserballs exit through the door. One of them looks like a hula dancer. Another one is wearing shades and a cap. And the last one has a hat like The Crocodile Hunter's.}

TAMPO: Hey, look! It's a tropical laserball!

TROPICAL LASERBALL: {female voice} Aloha! I prefer Hawai'ian, but being called Tropical's okay, too.

TAMPO: Just be quiet and get inside me.

TROPICAL LASERBALL: Alright, fine. Aloha guys! {jumps inside Tampo}

STEVE IRWAN LASERBALL: Crikey, mate! I better hurry along. Woah, what a beauty! {jumps inside Tampo}

STLUNKO: Did he just call you a beauty?

TAMPO: I hope not.

COOL LASERBALL: Whatever, dudes. If you need me, I'll be like, inside you. Which is like, totally gross. {jumps inside Tampo}

TAMPO: Okay... so I'm loaded with one round of laserballs. Let's use these things.

STLUNKO: When they are used, they are destroyed. But there are several identical laserballs, so it is not a big deal.

TAMPO: Yeah. So let's go show these things off to Stinkoman.

STLUNKO: Are you asking for a challenge?

TAMPO: Uh huh. Let's go.

{Stlunko pushes the button again and the door closes. Then the two leave.}

{Cut to a 20X6 field. Stinkoman is sitting, bored. Tampo and Stlunko enter the scene, but are quiet enough so that Stinkoman doesn't notice them.}

TAMPO: Okay, here's a challenge just waiting to happen. Now normally I turn off the personalities of my laserballs before using them in combat, but today I'll make an exception.

STLUNKO: This is untested.

TAMPO: Yes, but I don't think anything bad will happen.

STLUNKO: Me neither. Now get Stinkoman off guard.

{Tampo nods in agreement and fires his quadruple laserball attack at Stinkoman. The laserballs all look like they had earlier - all uniquely dressed up. The tropical one hits Stinkoman in the back and disappears. The other three fly right over Stinkoman. After being momentarily stunned, Stinkoman jumps up and faces Tampo.}

STINKOMAN: {points at Tampo} Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you asking for a CHALLLENNNGEE?!

STEVE IRWIN LASERBALL: Crickey! We got ourselves a naughty boy here. {turns around and heads toward Stinkoman's back} Danger, danger, danger! {hits Stinkoman again, shocking him to the ground}

TAMPO: What the...? I didn't know laserballs could aim.

STLUNKO: I suppose turning off their personalities also turn off their consciousness, making them lose the ability to think.

TAMPO: So keeping their personalities on may be a benefit.

STLUNKO: Maybe.

COOL LASERBALL: {flying around the collapsed Stinkoman} Hey man, it seems like you have about... 2 units of health left, dude. Maybe if I can like, hit him super hard, he'll like, lose 2 health thingies and die.

{Stinkoman starts to get back up, but the cool laserball charges at him very fast. Stinkoman freezes in midair, stunned. He turns white and vanishes.}

{Cut to a screenshot of the Stinkoman game's Game Over screen, with the picture of Stinkoman upset.}

STINKOMAN: {on screenshot, subtitled} My stummy hurts...

{Cut back to the field. Tampo and Stlunko are the only characters visible.}

TAMPO: Wow. That was easy.

STLUNKO: Maybe you should keep their personalities on.

TAMPO: Maybe, I don't see a downside. Except for that they're slightly annoying, but that's not a big deal. Although, I think we are forgetting something...

{Suddenly the pirate laserball comes back.}

PIRATE LASERBALL: Arr... ye made me crew walk the plank just for ye pleasure. To avenge me crew, I will send you both down to h-

TAMPO: Awww... shut up.

PIRATE LASERBALL: Aye, ye be askin' for it!

{The pirate laserball charges at Tampo.}

TAMPO: Yikes!

STLUNKO: We better leave.

{The two quickly leave with the laserball following close behind.}

{Cut to the Plasma 2000. Tampo and Stlunko are in their positions and Stlunko is typing in Tampo's response.}

TAMPO: So there you have it, Cul. I got all sorts of tropical lazor crap. And for the record, I shall never leave the laserball's personalities on when I use them. It's just not worth it. {he turns around and reveals a bandage on his backside, then turns back to normal} So until next time... um... I guess I should go tell Brody I'm sorry. {leaves}

{Stlunko leaves after pushing a button which brings up the "Click here to email Tampo" popup onscreen.}

Easter Eggs

  • Pressing the UP button on the DVD remote will highlight the word "crap." Then click ENTER to see the following scene.
{Cut to Tampo, Brody and Stlunko at the Plasma. On a pop-up is the very end of the email you just saw, after Tampo and Stlunko left.}
TAMPO: That was the worst piece of crap I've ever seen.
BRODY: I have to agree. It's a good thing I left when I did.
STLUNKO: Who wrote that?
TAMPO: {nervous} Um... I don't know...
BRODY: Well, we can't use that, can we?
TAMPO: Nah, I have a better idea for an email.
STLUNKO: But we already filmded the whole email. Are we just going to throw it away?
TAMPO: Hmm... no. Let's keep it, and when we make a DVD, stuff it in there and call it a "bonus feature."
STLUNKO: Whatever you say.
BRODY: DVD?!

Fun Facts

  • Don't believe everything you see. Tampo doesn't really have limited ammunition or laserballs with personalities.
  • Tampo's email rap is based on Bonus Stage Episode 34: Virtual Diary, where a talking doll says "Love me or die!" in a scary voice.
  • The scene where Tampo harms Brody was another deleted scene which was taken out of the current version of this email.
  • Steve Irwin is the host of the Animal Planet show: The Crocodile Hunter.
  • "Hawai'i" (and "Hawai'ian") is the Hawaiian way to spell the state's name.
  • The "Game Over" scene is from Stinkoman 20X6.
    • It is parodying the fact that the old Tampo Emails were heavily based on the said game.
  • The link to Tampo's inbox at the end is merely decorative, because you can't access Tampo's inbox from your DVD player.

DVD Navigation

DVD Index
Disc 1
Disc 2
Disc 3
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