Other Character Email King of Town/all the food
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Date: May 11th, 2006 (email finished at school April 27th, 2006)
From: Dylan
Length: 22 Lines
TrueLength: 86 Lines
Characters in order: The King of Town, Little Chef Guy, Policemen, Homestar Runner, Pom Pom, The Poopsmith, Coach Z
Places in order: The Castle, Pom Pom's House, Homestar's House, The House of The Brothers Strong, Marzipan's House, The Stick, The Hospital, Canada {in easter egg}, Iran {in easter egg}, Russia {in easter egg}
The King of Town attempts to eat all the food in the world, per a suggestion science project by Dylan.
Transcript as follows:
KING OF TOWN: {through a PA} Can I get an email on...aisle 1? Email on aisle 1? Aw, forget it. {The King of Town comes on-screen.} That didn't work too well. But I will do something now that has never failed me 29 times in the past: Check my e-mail! Now, on to the email. {run kingmail.app} There has to be something good today. {The email pops up.} Oh, it is something good!
subject:science progectDear King O Town
I need you to eat all the food in the world, for a science
project I'm doing. See, if you eat all the food, I am
wondering if nothing will happen, or...we plunge into the sun,
because of your wieght. We'll just have to find out.
-Dylan
KING OF TOWN: Well, Dylan, I'd normally say no, but since it's for a science project, I'll take up the bet -- I mean, project offer! Now...all the food in the world. I'll start in my own house.
{We view a total of five cutscenes involving the King of Town eating all the food in his house. Elevator music from the HomestarRunner.com toons plays in the background during the cutscenes.}
{In the first cutscene, the King of Town eats and drinks everything in his pantry, including his 1983 Aww Gratin' Potatoes, his supply of Butter-Da, his Schnectady Crisps, and a total of ten fishsticks that must have been left over from when he claimed them during Strong Bad's Homestar flashback time period. The King of Town shows no sign of wearing out going into the next cutscene.}
{In the second cutscene, the King of Town asks his little Japanese-looking chef guy to make him 175 rolls of sushi. The chef guy oblidges, and makes him all the sushi, which the KoT proceeds to eat. He still shows no signs of wearing out.}
{In the third cutscene, the King of Town goes over to everybody else's house and eats all their food. The houses shown in the cutscene are those of Pom Pom, Homestar, Strong Bad/Mad/Sad, and Marzipan. The King of Town shows a few, but nonetheless minimal signs of wearing out after this cutscene. The wearing out mentioned is him breaking one single sweat.}
{In the fourth cutscene, the King of Town gets in his car and drives to the stadium that Homestar and Strong Bad fought in in Marshmallow's Last Stand. He eats all the food at the concession stands, paying for none of it. When he is threatened with arrest for stealing food, he threatens the police with the dungeon of his castle. The police go away without arresting him. The HomestarRunner.com elevator music continues playing through all of this, and the King of Town surprisingly looks full going into the break between the fourth and fifth cutscenes.}
KING OF TOWN: Well, I can only eat all the food in Free Country, USA. However, grass is considered by many to be a food, so...
{The fifth cutscene entails the King of Town on the ground eating all the grass everywhere. Homestar walks in from off-screen.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh, King-type man, do you know you're eating grass? I mean, it's good for you, but it's not tasty. At all.
KING OF TOWN: {talking with mouth full} Eating grass, no time to talk!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh...okay then. Bye! {He runs off.}
{Cut to The Stick. Pom Pom is standing by it with his Pom Pilot. Homestar Runner runs in from off-screen, on the left.}
POM POM: {Hey, Homestar! What's up?}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Pom Pom. There's a problem with Santa!
POM POM: {You mean the King of Town?}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: King of Town, Santa, tomatoes, oranges, they're all the same to me. Either way, the King-type man is eating grass! On the ground! And I think he's gone crazy!
POM POM: {The King of Town's an idiot. Ignore him.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whatever you say, Pom Pom!
POM POM: {That's right, and don't you forget it!}
{Cut to The Castle. The King of Town is sitting by the computer, all green.}
KING OF TOWN: Dylan, that was a very, very, very, very, VERY bad idea. Don't do that to your king again! Oh...{groaning}
{Even his robe turns green.}
KING OF TOWN: Yugh! {He falls over, unconscious.}
{The Poopsmith runs in from off-screen, wearing his "HAS MATT?" suit. Homestar Runner runs in, following The Poopsmith.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Call the paramedics! SOMEBODY CALL THE PARAMEDICS!
{Coach Z runs in from off-screen, following Homestar and The Poopsmith.}
COACH Z: {with his hands on his face} KINGY! HANG IN THERE! AAAUUUGGH! {He starts to jump on the King of Town, reminiscent of Where's the Cheat?, although this time he thinks he's helping, even though he isn't. The Poopsmith pushes him off.} Ow!
{Cut to The Hospital. The Poopsmith is now in a uniform marked "DOC. TOR". He is dousing the King of Town with water. Coach Z is watching, his hands on his face again.}
COACH Z: Oh...I HOPE HE MAKES IT! The horror! The horror! I can't watch! {He walks off.}
{The King of Town suddenly awakes from his coma.}
KING OF TOWN: The Poopsmith! Stop that immediately! Wait...where am I? {The Poopsmith holds up a sign.}
THE POOPSMITH: {In the hospital. You were in a coma after eating all that food.}
KING OF TOWN: Oh, jeez...
{Cut to The Castle. The King of Town, feeling better, is typing at his computer, finishing off his e-mail.}
KING OF TOWN: Well, Dylan, I guess that sums up your question, and sums up my answer! The answer to your project is, 'if you eat too much food, you'll pass out, get tackled by Coach Z, and end up in the hospital with The Poopsmith dressed as a doctor dousing you with water'. Or maybe that's just my case. Either way, however, I'd suggest you not eat all the grass in one area of land! it's really rough on the stomach, and Homestar was right. Another project answer could be that grass is good for you, but not tasty.
So, to end this email, I'd like to ask the viewers at home to please not unintentionally get me to pass out again. Or I'll mail ten crates of butter to your doorstep!
{The Parchment comes down.}
Click here to email the KOT.
Fun Facts
This was the first email that Homsar wrote entirely at school. This was also the first email that he wrote entirely on his school computer, the eMate 300.
The Poopsmith is (apparently) a doctor in addition to being a HAZMAT specialist, as evidenced and suggested by this e-mail.
Easter Eggs
Click on 'tasty' at the end of this email to view of a clip of the King of Town hosting a food show about eating all the food in a country.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What's on the TV today? {He turns on the TV.}
KING OF TOWN: {on the TV} Hello from The Castle! You're watching Food Trek, a show on the FCUSA Food Network where I go to a country and attempt to eat all their food! Now, the intro!
{We see video clips that look like photographs overlapping each other on the intro. They show the King of Town eating all the food in a locale. We first see a moose behind the King of Town.}
KING OF TOWN: All the food in Canada!
{We then see him in front of a white tower.}
KING OF TOWN: All the food in Iran!
{We then see him in front of a poster of Vladimir Putin.}
KING OF TOWN: All the food in Russia!
{Homestar turns the TV off.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Will that King-type man ever learn?
