The System is Gone

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Hello, and welcome to the second installment in the "Real World Runner" series. Please make sure that you have read The Real World Adventures of Homestar Runner before starting on this fanfic. Other than that, enjoy! And pleez review.

Contents 1 The Visitor 2 Hole in the Sky 3 Important Papers 4 Scott 5 Autumgraphs 6 Buffalo Chicken 7 Ticket Taker 8 Snowglobe 9 Alex 10 Caffeine 11 Fame 12 Hotel 13 Portal 14 Cartoonification 15 Limbo 16 Awkward 17 Gone 18 Hope 19 Website 20 The Conclusion

The Visitor

The unseen sun shined down on the lush fields of FCUSA. It was early in the afternoon, and as usual not a single cloud hung in the two toned sky. All in all, it was a very average day. Strong Sad was hanging upside down from a tree while The Cheat and Strong Bad disposed of a bag of ropes and pulleys. Strong Mad was sitting in his bedroom finger painting the backdrop for his next dinosaur claymation. Coach Z was- well, in his locker room. Everybody was busily doing what they do best, except for Homestar Runner.

BEEP BEEP BEEP! The alarm clock on Homestar’s nightstand screeched piercingly until a pillow flew into it and knocked it to the floor. Homestar sat up in bed, bleary eyed and cinnamon covered. He glanced around the room.

“Wow, I didn’t know it was daylight savews time yet. Suwe is bwight out this mowning.” He remarked. Then he yawned and climbed out of bed.

He threw the pillow back on his bed and was just setting the alarm clock on the nightstand when he took notice of the time. “Thwee o’ clock?! I didn’t set it fow thwee o’ clock! Holy cwap!” He dashed out of the room.

A minute later he came bursting out the front door and sprinted off in the direction of Marshmallow’s Last Stand. “I hope Marzipan is still thewe.” He panted. When he drew close enough he saw a flash of yellow hair through the window. “Whew! That was close.” He hurried to the door.

“Marzipa- oof…” He backed up and opened the glass door. “Marzipan! You’ll nevew believe what happened.”

Marzipan regarded Homestar sternly. “It better be a good one this time. I’m just glad I decided to come twenty minutes late, or I would have been sitting here for over an hour like last time.”

“Oh this is a good one.” Homestar assured, taking his seat across from her.

“Well?” Marzipan inquired, sipping her herbal tea.

“Huh? Oh yeah wight… so I was wunning ovew hewe because my alawm clock went off late, and I saw the weiwdest thing. Stwong Sad was climbing a twee!”

“A… tree?” Marzipan set down her cup. “Really. And that’s your excuse?”

“Oh you wanted an excuse? I thought you just wanted to heaw a stowy. I don’t have an excuse.” Homestar explained.

“I see. Well that’s it, we’re breakin’ up.” Marzipan stood and made for the door.

“Does this mean I have to give back that Public Wadio tote bag you gave me?” Homestar wondered.

Marzipan paused and turned around. “Homestar, I never gave you that totebag. I never even got that totebag.”

There was a pregnant pause. Then he said, “Well… I gotta go, um… do my taxes on Stwong Bad’s adding machine. See ya!” And with that, Homestar brushed past Marzipan and slipped out the door.

As he jogged away, he got the strangest feeling that something wasn’t the way it should be. Being Homestar though, he shrugged it off and kept on his merry way to the Stick. He looked around but no one appeared to be interested in hanging out at the Stick today. “I wonder if everyone is gone because of that mystewious white spot in the sky.”

Homestar scrutinized the blue expanse. A white blotch hung ominously above him like someone had taken an eraser and rubbed out the sky’s color. He pulled his gaze back to the ground and was startled to see Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Strong Mad standing in front of him. “Whoa. How long have you guys been standing thewe?”

“About five minutes, captain ignoramus. Is your power out too?” Strong Bad asked.

“Um… oh hey look here comes Pom Pom and Coach Z.” Homestar abruptly shifted his attention. Actually, everyone in FCUSA appeared to be gathering around the stick. The only resident Homestar didn’t see was Marzipan. Even Strong Sad had apparently found his way out of the tree. “I think someone fowgot to invite Marzipan.” Homestar noted.

“You idiot, this isn’t a freakin party. We’re here because something serious is going on.” Strong Bad replied angrily.

Homestar began to respond, but Pom Pom bubbled and pointed, silencing the nervous chatter of the crowd. Homestar turned around and saw a very familiar sight. A tear had opened in the air, and someone… or something… was emerging from it.

“Oh no, not again.” Homestar blurted out.

The figure straightened itself and regarded his audience with black beady eyes. He was wearing a khaki trench coat and a wide brimmed hat, and commanded an imposing presence. He turned to face Homestar. “Don’t worry, my friend. I’m here to help. That last trip you took was purely an accident. My apologies.”

“Who the crap are you?” Strong Bad demanded.

The stranger removed his hat with an unseen arm. “I am Homeschool Winner. I have returned to bring you a warning… and perhaps a means of escape.”

Hole in the Sky

Homeschool’s appearance was a shock for everyone, but even more startling was the news he brought with him. Homeschool stood before the crowd; behind him the wormhole that lead to the real world hovered silently. Every eye was on him.

“As you all know, I disappeared from Free Country a few years ago. The truth is, I discovered a way to cross the boundary between here and the other reality. You may recall Homestar here stumbling into one such passageway a month ago-”

“What is he talking about? I heawd him mention my name.” Homestar whispered to Strong Bad. After receiving no response, he asked again in a more urgent hiss. “Hey Stwong Bad! What is he-”

“Shut. Up. Stupid.” Strong Bad growled. “I don’t know what he’s saying with you in my face!”

“Oh.” Homestar turned back to face Homeschool.

“… which means, there are only two options. We send some of you through to try to save the site, or… we all have to leave Free Country forever.” Homeschool said solemnly.

“Now wait just a freakin’ minute… why do we have to leave? What is this crap?” Strong Bad challenged.

“As I said just a minute ago-” Homeschool began.

“Yeah, well brainless wonder here couldn’t keep quiet to save his life.” Strong Bad ranted. “Just recap what you said before you go jumping into crazy ideas like that.”

“Very well. The Chapman Brothers have closed the website. Free Country will be gone in a little under two weeks, along with everyone in it if we don’t do something. The blank spot in the sky is only the beginning.” Homeschool reported sadly.

The news seemed to finally sink into Homestar’s brain. “They closed my site? But… ?” He couldn’t bring himself to say anything else.

“I could be wrong, but this situation seems a little fishy considering that the Chapmans were on vacation in Cancun while this event occured. That is why I am here. I need someone to find Matt and Mike in Cancun, and tell them of our plight. I will have to stay with the portal in case the mission fails so we can evacuate, but four people should be enough to avoid attracting too much attention. I have all the supplies you will need waiting on the other end of this portal. Now… who’s with me?”

Everyone was silent for a few seconds as they considered Homeschool’s proposition. Then the crowd parted, and Pom Pom bounced up next to Homeschool, bubbling his offer of support.

Homestar was next. He walked purposefully forward and took his place beside his friend. “Pom Pom, I’ll go with you anywhewe. You’ve been my best fwiend since fowevew. Besides, I’ve been thewe befowe. You gotta have suwvival skills to make it out thewe!”

“I can’t believe this. Our home is on the line, and you’re sending Bubble Boy and Dufus to pull our butts out of the fire? That’s not a rescue plan, that’s… that’s just stupid!” Strong Bad flared.

“Are you volunteering, Mr. Bad?” Homeschool inquired.

“Well I- hedjeh- fine. Just… fine. I’ll go. Jeez, you gotta have some brains in this mission.” Strong Bad walked over and stood on the other side of Pom Pom.

The Cheat started to run up to stand by Strong Bad, but he paused, looking from him to Strong Mad. “Meh mimeh me meh.”

“Look, buddy…” Strong Bad said, taking The Cheat aside. He continued in a lower voice, “You gotta stay here with Strong Mad. If you came with, there’d be no one left to hold up this end of the universe and keep Strong Sad on his toes. We can’t have all the smart people leave. Okay?”

The Cheat thought for a moment, then nodded. He stole a quick hug.

“Yeah, ok. That’s enough. Quit getting all mushy on me. Yechh.” Strong Bad scolded half heartedly, and the Cheat ran back to Strong Mad.

“We need one more person.” Homeschool said. There was an eruption of chatter as everyone started debating about who should be the final member of the rescue team. Then out of the din of the crowd came a determined voice.

“I’ll go.” Marzipan made her way up to the Stick where Homeschool was.

“Marzipan!” Homestar exclaimed.

“Don’t get your hopes up mister. As far as you’re concerned, we’re still broken up.” Marzipan reminded.

“Aww man…” Homestar looked at his feet.

Homeschool turned to address the intrepid heroes. “Now when you get to the other side, you’ll be in my apartment. I left four backpacks on the bed, and they should have everything you need. I took the liberty of writing up a checklist with a few tips on it as well that should tell you all you need to know to find Matt and Mike. Good luck… you’ll need it.”

With that, Pom Pom bounced into the inter-dimensional tear and out of sight. Strong Bad followed. Homestar and Marzipan looked at each other, and then Homestar walked toward the portal.

“I don’t think so. Haven’t you ever heard of “Ladies first”?” Marzipan said, and she went into the portal.

“Homestaw Wunner, this is not gonna be as fun as last time, that’s fow suwe. Cowabanzai!” Homestar yelled, and jumped into the tear.

Important Papers

Homestar tumbled through darkness. This time there was no empty white space or breaking computer screens. Just the enveloping emptiness. Then, all at once there was blinding light again. It was daylight. Homestar crashed into something hard and heard shattering glass.

“Yeah, that part was definitely still the same…” Homestar muttered. He got to his feet and absentmindedly began brushing off his shirt. Then he paused, turning out his hands. His quite visible, human hands. “I just knew this trip would get weird again!” He looked around the room and saw some strangely familiar, yet unfamiliar people just getting untangled from their awkward landings.

“Whoever’s big butt is squishing my leg needs to MOVE IT RIGHT NOW or get the living crap beat out of them!”

A guy in a wrestling mask was struggling to get out from underneath a big guy in an orange and yellow jacket, who happened to be helping a blonde girl in a purple dress to her feet. Any normal person viewing the scene would have thought the circus was in town.

“Dang. Look at all the dishes we broke! Homeschool isn’t gonna be very happy.” Homestar noted.

“Ugh… who gives a rats butt about the dishes… I think my leg has been pulped.” Strong Bad hobbled over to the pile of ceramic shards that had once been plates on a shelf. “Whoa, what happened to you?!” Strong Bad exclaimed, looking up at Homestar. “You’re all… weird.”

“So are you.” Homestar retorted.

“I am not! Oh wait… Augh!” Strong Bad fell silent.

“Strong Bad, how did you end up underneath me anyway? I came through first.” Everyone turned to stare at Pom Pom. He shrugged. “What?”

“You just… oh never mind. How did you get there Strong Bad?” Marzipan asked.

“He rolled over on me when he was trying to catch you.” Strong Bad grumbled. “So what now?”

“I suppose we should try to find that list Homeschool mentioned,” Pom Pom suggested.

“He said it was with the backpacks.” Marzipan added.

“Hey you guys, check this out… double deuce!” Homestar announced. The room stared.

“That’s it man, I want back through. Open up that portal again.” Strong Bad started whacking at the air where the portal had been.

“Oh cut it out Strong Bad. Homestar, come on… focus. Help us find that list.” Pom Pom ordered.

“Check.” Homestar said, and started looking underneath a toppled dresser.

They dug around the room, but the mess was complicated by a file cabinet that had tipped over and scattered papers across the floor.

“What do I do with the papers that aren’t the list?” Homestar asked, cradling a mass of paper in his arms.

“Just put it in the trash.” Pom Pom said.

“No, put it in the recycle bin.” Marzipan corrected.

Homestar carried the papers over to what looked like a hi-tech garbage and started sticking them in a slot in the top. The paper was yanked out of his hands and consumed by the garbage. “Cool!” Homestar started feeding paper enthusiastically into the ever hungry garbage.

A half hour went by before all the papers were cleaned up, and still there was no sign of the list.

“Well, we’ll just have to go through the papers again. It has to be in there somewhere.” Marzipan shoved some empty folders into the file cabinet.

“Bring the garbage over Homestar.” Pom Pom said.

Homestar brought it over, carefully unplugging it from the wall. “I don’t know how you’re supposed to get the lid off.” He said, and he turned it upside down. Sure enough the top part fell to the floor with a thud, and thousands of ribbons of shredded paper spilled out onto the floor.

Pom Pom shook his head. “Homestar, that’s not the garbage.”

“Stupid garbage ate the papers!” Homestar cried in outrage, kicking the pile of shredded scraps.

“Yep. We’re screwed.” Strong Bad crossed his arms.

Scott

“Jeez, how many floors are there in this building?” Strong Bad wondered, leaning against the cold cement wall of the staircase. The four had been making their way down the apartment stairs to the first floor and were taking a break on a landing. Pom Pom pulled a map out of his backpack and began to inspect it. Homestar took a seat on the stairs, and Marzipan walked over to the nearby door and stuck her head out into the hall.

“We should have taken the elevator.” Homestar suggested.

“I didn’t see any elevator.” Strong Bad retorted.

“I did. It said ‘service elevator: inploys only.’” Homestar replied.

“Employees, Homestar.” Pom Pom corrected mildly.

“Right. That’s what I said.” Homestar got up and looked over the railing at the lower flights of stairs.

“You know for a minute your lack of a speech impediment made you sound smarter, but now I know better.” Strong Bad grumbled.

“Every single floor looks exactly the same.” Marzipan commented, returning from the doorway. “How dull.”

“Any luck with that map, Pom Pom?” Strong Bad asked.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to make any sense of it until we’re outside. I just wanted to see if Homeschool marked anything on here.” Pom Pom slipped the map back into his bag and the group descended three more flights of stairs.

“Hey Homestar, check that thing out.” Strong Bad pointed down at a garbage can. “That’s what a garbage looks like, for future reference.”

“Looks the same to me.” Homestar leaned in and peered at the trash can. Strong Bad grabbed Homestar by the ankles and sent him over the railing and head first into the garbage.

“Strong Bad, what are you doing?!” Marzipan demanded. “This isn’t the time or place for you two to be messing around. Homestar, get out of that garbage barrel right now.”

The garbage barrel wobbled as Homestar attempted to pull himself out, his feet kicking the air. “Umm… I don’t really think I can… AH! You guys, something is moving in here! Get me out!” The garbage began to wobble more violently until it tipped over, scattering trash across the floor. Homestar crawled backwards out of the garbage and snatched his hat, shaking a candy bar wrapper off of the propeller.

“Come on guys.” Pom Pom beckoned them out of the stairway. Strong Bad was struggling to keep a straight face as he followed Homestar out the fire exit. They emerged in an alleyway a few yards back from the sidewalk. Beyond the shadows of the apartment building walked the residents of Atlanta.

“I’m pretty sure staying around here isn’t a good idea. Last time I was in a place like this there was a man hiding in the dumpster.” Homestar explained.

The group moved into the sun and stood at the corner of the building. Pom Pom dug in his backpack to examine the map again. Meanwhile, Strong Bad grabbed an empty patch of wall to lean on and watched the pedestrian traffic.

Pom Pom looked up from the map. “I need to figure out what street this is in front of us.”

“I’ll ask someone.” Strong Bad offered. He walked up to a passing female pedestrian and cleared his throat. “Pardon me, hot stuff-”

“Ugh! Get away, weirdo!” The woman scowled and walked away briskly, glancing over her shoulder.

Homestar started chuckling.

“What are you laughing at, Lord of the Stench?” Strong Bad demanded.

“Oh man, you totally got rejected Strong Bad.” Homestar snorted with laughter. Strong Bad started to raise a fist, but Marzipan intervened.

“Don’t even think about it. We have a job to do, remember? I’ll ask someone.” Marzipan turned around and almost ran into a stranger coming out of the alley. “Oh! Excuse me.”

The man from the alley seemed to have been in a big hurry, but as soon as he caught sight of the group he seemed to relax and pull together. “Oh no, my fault entirely, miss. It’s just… someone was trying to get my wallet back there.” He straightened his coat and then stuck out his hand. “I’m Scott.”

“Oh…” Marzipan shook his hand. “I’m Marzipan, and these are my friends. We were just looking for someone to tell us what street this is.”

“Are you lost?” Scott inquired.

“Well, yes, actually. We’re trying to get to… Pom Pom, where were we going again?” Marzipan turned to Pom Pom.

“The airport. Our flight leaves tomorrow morning.” Pom Pom replied.

“We’re going on a plane? Since when?” Strong Bad asked.

Pom Pom grabbed a plane ticket out of his backpack and held it up. “Since I found these in the backpacks. Did you even look in yours?”

“Tomorrow morning, eh. It’s a little early to be trying to get to the airport then. I’d at least stay another night in a hotel rather than trying to avoid security at the airport. They don’t like people sleeping there when there aren’t delayed flights.”

“We don’t have anywhere to stay, so we’ll take our chances.” Marzipan replied.

“Oh! I can recommend somewhere or-”

“We’re broke.” Strong Bad interrupted.

“I’m so sorry. Well, in that case I suppose you couldn’t get a cab either. Here, I’ll show you the quickest way to get there on your map.” Scott went over to Pom Pom and started explaining the directions as Marzipan looked over his shoulder.

Homestar looked on quietly from several feet away. “I don’t like that guy.” He mumbled.

“Huh?” Strong Bad turned to Homestar. “Did you say something?”

“I don’t trust him. He’s freaky. Just look at him.” Homestar practically stared laser beams at Scott.

“Oh boy, I’m not even gonna go there. I see what’s going on, and no way am I getting involved.” Strong Bad walked away.

“Where are you folks headed?” Scott asked once he’d finished giving directions. “You don’t seem to be from around here.”

Marzipan hesitated. “We’re going south, for a vacation.”

“Oh you too then? I’m leaving tomorrow for Cancun. I work for NAHTA.” Scott explained.

“What’s that?” Marzipan wondered.

“The National Association for the Humane Treatment of Animals. The locals have supposedly been poaching sea turtles, so they’re sending me down to check it out.” Scott pulled out a business card and handed it to her. “I have to get going, but if you guys need anything else feel free to call me.” Scott locked eyes with Marzipan as he said the last few words.

“Thank you very much, Scott. Good luck with those sea turtles!” Marzipan waved, then she turned around. “Well, he sure was nice.”

“I think he was creepy. And weird.” Homestar said stiffly. “And… he looked funny.”

“Oh come on, he gave us directions. Quit sulking, Homestar.” Marzipan scolded.

“All right guys, we should get walking if we want to get to the airport before dark.” Pom Pom announced.

“Thank goodness. I need to get out of this disgusting soap opera…” Strong Bad remarked.

Autumgraphs

“Hey mom, mom! I think there’s some people from Disneyland here!” A little red haired kid ran up to his mother and tugged at her pant leg.

“Honey, mommy’s kind of busy right now.” The woman turned away and continued debating something with the cashier of the gift shop.

“Mommy, gimme a piece of paper, I want to go get a autumgraph.”

“Danny, I told you I’m busy! Ok, fine… here’s a notebook, why don’t you draw me a dinosaur.” Danny’s mom shoved a pen and notepad into his waiting hands and started up with the cashier again. Danny eagerly dashed out of the gift shop.

“Sooo. Booooring…” Homestar complained. The four were sitting in the lobby across from a fast food joint and a gift shop.

“We’ve only been here for fifteen minutes.” Strong Bad pointed out.

“Oh man… I thought it was more like an hour.” Homestar shifted his position on the bench. He looked at Strong Bad, then at Marzipan, then at Strong Bad again. Then he started to bounce his knee.

“I’m gonna punch you.” Strong Bad warned.

“What? I’m bored… I want to go for a walk or something.” Homestar griped.

“Go ahead.” Marzipan suggested.

“Yes. Please. Do us a favor.” Strong Bad added.

“Fine. I will.” Homestar got up and started walking to the gift shop. He paused at the display window and inspected a shelf full of snowglobes. Then he felt a tug on his shirt.

“Who are you supposed to be?” Danny stared up at Homestar curiously. “Are you from a new movie?”

“Uh…” Homestar was completely confused.

“Can you sign this for me? I’m going to Disney World today with my mommy and she said you can get autumgraphs from all the cartoon guys there and you can be the first one!” Danny pushed the notepad at Homestar.

“…okay.” Homestar hesitantly took the notepad and started to scribble on it. “Here.” He handed back the notepad with a few doodles and a sloppy signature.

Danny looked at the notepad. “What kind of name is ‘Home Star Runner?’”

“Mine.” Homestar replied.

Danny cocked his head. “It must be a pretty weird movie,” he remarked. With that he ran back into the gift shop.

“I should check out that movie.” Homestar noted, and he walked away from the gift shop.

Buffalo Chicken

A few uneventful hours passed by. The terminal darkened as the sun set and the fluorescent lights replaced its fading rays. Homestar had returned from his wanderings and was sleeping underneath a bench while Marzipan and Pom Pom chatted about the mission. Strong Bad was collecting coins out of a water fountain in the center of the terminal.

“What on earth is Strong Bad doing?” Pom Pom wondered, finally taking notice of his companion’s strange behavior.

Strong Bad pulled out a fistful of coins and started sorting through them. “Crap… crap… stupid Canadian crap. Oh, one of them new-ish gold dollar coins.” Strong Bad stuck the dollar coin on a pile of quarters. He looked up and saw Marzipan standing over him. “Oh. Hey Marzipan. I was just… organizing these coins here.” He scooped up the pile of quarters hastily.

“I hope you aren’t planning to steal those.”

“Well it’s not like they’re in use or anything… besides, we gotta eat don’t we?” Strong Bad replied defensively.

“We already have some food in our backpacks.” Marzipan countered.

“Come on, a guy can’t live off of granola bars. You have to have all that stuff from the food pyramid, like milk and orange juice …and buffalo wings.” Strong Bad said.

Marzipan crossed her arms and was silent for a minute. “You have a point I guess. We’ll run out of granola bars if we don’t ration them. Don’t take any more than you have to.” Marzipan advised, and she returned to sit by Pom Pom.

Strong Bad counted out the coins and let out a satisfied grunt. “We got enough loot, so whoever wants some real food can come with me.” He said, getting to his feet.

Marzipan and Pom Pom got up and followed Strong Bad to the food stands.

“This looks like a nice place.” Marzipan said, pausing in front of a café.

“Uh… why don’t we check out all the places before we make any decisions.” Strong Bad suggested.

“Sounds reasonable enough.” Pom Pom agreed.

They continued to wander. No one was interested in fast food, and most of the other stores in the terminal were closing. Then they rounded a corner and came to a halt in front of a neon sign.

“This looks like a good place. And it says they have buffalo wings on special.” Strong Bad said.

“Larry’s Bar and Grill?” Marzipan read incredulously.

“I’m the one with the dough, and I say we eat here.” Strong Bad said firmly. “You guys weren’t the ones digging change out of that rancid water.” Strong Bad didn’t wait for them to respond. He walked in and left them to think it over in the hallway.

Marzipan glanced at Pom Pom. He shrugged. “I don’t really care either way. If you want to go in I’ll come with you.” Pom Pom offered.

“I just don’t like leaving him alone. He tends to complicate things.” Marzipan replied.

“All right then.” Pom Pom replied, following her in. Strong Bad was sitting on a barstool.

“I knew you guys would come to your senses. Hurry up and get your food, I ordered already.” Strong Bad said.

Marzipan and Pom Pom sat down and took a look at a menu. Meanwhile, Strong Bad checked out the room and caught a lady staring at him. He nodded at her, and she turned away and started laughing with the others at her table. “Something’s wrong with all the girls here, man.” He muttered.

He stared at the clutter adorning the walls until his plate of buffalo wings arrived. “Oh finally… some real food.”

“Aren’t you even gonna take your gloves off?”

Strong Bad looked up at the guy sitting two stools over. “You need some help keeping your nose in your own business? Cuz I can realign it for ya.”

“Whatever, man. I’m not the one who looks like an escapee from the Mexican circus.” The guy laughed and took a swig of his beer. Suddenly he was struck by a hurtling buffalo wing. “What was that!” The guy wiped buffalo sauce off the side of his head.

“Hey did you see that? I guess chickens can fly.” Strong Bad snickered.

“Listen buddy-“ The guy started to get up, but Marzipan walked over and sat on a stool between them. The two glared at each other over her shoulder.

“Strong Bad, I think we should leave now.” Marzipan urged.

“I’m not leaving because of this moron. I’m not done with my chicken yet.” Strong Bad protested, abruptly ignoring the glare of the other customer and returning his attention to his food.

“Hey there you are!” Homestar suddenly walked into the room. “I woke up and I couldn’t find you.”

“That was the point.” Strong Bad muttered.

Homestar either didn’t hear or didn’t understand this comment and continued, “I just thought you might want to-”

“Nice hat, hon.” A girl in a pink tank top remarked as she walked past Homestar and left the bar.

“Thank… you…” Homestar stared after her.

“AHEM.” Marzipan cleared her throat and Homestar snapped back around. “You wanted to tell us what?”

“Oh. I owe the gift store lady some money for this cool snow globe.” Homestar held up the glittery dome.

“Homestar, we don’t have any money to spare, we just spent it on food.” Pom Pom explained. “You’d better just take it back.”

Homestar sagged sadly. “All right. What are you eating, Strong Bad?” Homestar peered inquisitively at the half empty plate of buffalo wings.

Strong Bad pulled the plate away defensively. “Nothing.”

“Hey, let me try one of those…” Homestar reached for a wing.

“Get away from my wings, man.” Strong Bad yanked the plate away again and attempted to hold it out of Homestar’s reach ineffectively.

“I just wanna try one-”

“Guys, cut it out.” Marzipan stepped in and held Homestar back.

“Strong Bad’s being a Greedy Gus.” Homestar scolded.

Strong Bad took the opportunity to back away and attempt to shovel the rest of the chicken in before Homestar got past Marzipan, but the harassed customer he’d been fighting with earlier chose that moment to stick out his leg. Strong Bad toppled backwards with a yell, and the plate of chicken somersaulted in the air and descended towards Strong Bad’s head, smacking him right in the face.

“Uh oh.” Homestar stared.

The disgruntled customer grabbed a napkin off of the counter and walked over to Strong Bad. “Here, you might need this.” He laughed, dropping it on Strong Bad. Strong Bad threw a punch just as the man bent down to release the napkin, and his head snapped back as the glove connected with his chin. All at once chaos erupted in the bar.

The guy’s buddies got off their stools and charged Strong Bad, who was getting to his feet and preparing to dish out some pain. Homestar crawled under the barstools while Marzipan stared on in frustration at the mess that was unfolding.

“Do something, Pom Pom!” She commanded.

“Yeah, come and get it.” Strong Bad taunted the three angry men that were closing in. He prepared to pummel the nearest opponent, but something caught his fist in midair. Strong Bad looked up and saw Pom Pom had grabbed his wrist.

“What the crap do you think you’re doing?” Strong Bad demanded. “I was about to kick their- ya-a!” Someone yanked Strong Bad by the ear to the door and then shoved him out. He rolled over and stared back to see the manager shaking a fist at him.

“Don’t you ever think of coming back here, you freak.” The manager ranted, slamming the door behind him. Then the door opened and Pom Pom and a very angry Marzipan walked out.

“What were you thinking!” Marzipan demanded. “You know everything isn’t about you, we have to think of all of Free Country. They’re depending on us, and here you are starting fights over… over chicken!”

“Buffalo chicken.” Strong Bad corrected, getting to his feet.

The door to the bar cracked open and revealed the manager once more. “You forgot something.” He said angrily. The door opened all the way and Homestar was jettisoned out into Strong Bad, knocking him to the floor again.

“You got chicken juice on your face.” Homestar remarked.

“GET OFF OF ME! UGH.” Strong Bad shoved Homestar off and stomped away.

Ticket Taker

No one got much sleep that night. The only place night security didn’t check was the bathrooms, so it was the only logical place to camp out for the night without getting caught. Marzipan was alone in the Women’s, and Pom Pom, Strong Bad, and Homestar were just settling down in the Men’s room for an uncomfortable evening.

“What I’d give for one of those inflatable mattresses right now…” Pom Pom sighed, leaning against the wall and folding his hands on his stomach.

“This is the lowest I’ve ever sunk in my entire life.” Strong Bad complained.

“You’d rather get caught and miss the plane?” Pom Pom pointed out.

“No. I just never planned on getting a first hand look into the life of an airport cockroach. I didn’t know Gavin had so many relatives on this end of the multiverse.”

Just then there was a deafening crash. Homestar picked himself up off a slab of plastic that had just broken off the wall.

“I am not even gonna ask.” Strong Bad shook his head.

“Homestar… you know that’s a baby changing station.” Pom Pom informed his friend.

Homestar blinked. “This is the weirdest motel room I’ve ever stayed in.”

Strong Bad moved to the opposite end of the bathroom and turned his back on them. “Insane. Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut…” He muttered.

Somehow they all managed to fall asleep eventually because they woke up when the skylights began to fill with sunlight the next day. They emerged blearily into the hallway to meet up with Marzipan by the fountain. To their surprise someone was already standing next to her.

“Oh look who decided to creep out of his dark alley again.” Strong Bad announced.

“Good morning to you too, Strong Bad.” Scott replied pleasantly.

“I just found out Scott is leaving on the same plane as us.” Marzipan beamed.

Homestar mumbled darkly through chattering teeth. His clothes were soaked from sleeping underneath the bathroom sinks.

“Well, it isn’t like there are that many planes leaving for Cancun.” Scott said, picking up his suitcase. “Anyway, it was nice talking to you again Marzipan. I’d better head off to security to have my bag checked.”

“Oh, we’ll come with you.” Marzipan offered.

Scott glanced hesitantly at Homestar. “Uh, well… if you guys want to that’s fine, I suppose.”

Homestar began to open his mouth, but quickly shut it again under Marzipan’s scrutinizing gaze.

“Homestar, are you going to be okay? You look kind of sick.” Marzipan asked. “And you’re wet…”

“You can borrow my coat if you like,” Scott offered, starting to remove his jacket.

“No, I’m fine.” Homestar huffed, and he started walking towards the other end of the lobby where the security gates were. Taking this as the cue to move on, the rest of the group followed.

“Place all of your metal items in the tray please.” The security guard commanded blandly, shoving a tray in front of each of them as they walked past. Scott threw his suitcase onto the conveyer belt, and the rest of them tossed their backpacks on, following suit.

BZZT! BZZT! BZZT!

A blue light flashed at the metal detector as Strong Bad attempted to walk through. Another guard walked up with a handheld detector.

“You’re going to have to take off your… uh, gloves.” The guard with the detector explained.

“Why?” Strong Bad demanded.

“They have metal eyelets. They won’t go through the machine.” The guard responded patiently.

“So turn it off, what’s the big deal.” Strong Bad shrugged.

“I’m sorry, it’s our security policy. It’s for your own safety.”

“Well for your safety I suggest you just let me through and quit making a scene.” Strong Bad replied hotly. The other guard started to slowly pull out his radio.

“I can’t take them off.” Strong Bad continued.

“If you want to get on that plane, you’re going to have to take off the gloves.”

“Make me.”

The guard slapped a pair of handcuffs on Strong Bad and pulled him to the side. Two more guards with handheld detectors were on him in a flash. Fifteen minutes later, Strong Bad marched through the detector and furiously nabbed his mask and gloves from the security guard on the other side and donned them immediately.

“What are you looking at!” He flared, seeing the shocked look on Homestar’s face. Homestar appeared to be on the verge of a mental meltdown.

“You- you-” Homestar stuttered.

“Let’s get moving, shall we?” Scott interrupted.

They continued to the waiting area for their gate and took their seats by the window that looked out onto the tarmac. Pom Pom, Scott, and Marzipan got into a discussion about the rights of sea turtles. Homestar was still staring incredulously at Strong Bad, who was gradually beginning to crack under the unblinking scrutiny.

Finally he snapped. “What the crap is your problem! I didn’t stare holes into you because you got ARMS from walking through that portal thing!”

“Huh?” Homestar wondered blankly.

“Never mind. I’m gonna go get a drink or something.” Strong Bad got up and walked out of the waiting area.

Homestar turned around and stared out the window at the airplanes that were coming and going. He was transfixed by the little luggage carts that snaked around underneath the docked planes. He didn’t even notice Strong Bad return, or the announcements on the intercom about the arrival of their flight. It wasn’t until Pom Pom tapped him on the shoulder that he finally turned around.

“C’mon, they're boarding now.” Pom Pom said.

“Boarding up what?” Homestar asked.

“No, their boarding the plane. They’re letting people on.” Pom Pom clarified.

“Oh.” Homestar got up and grabbed his backpack. He wandered up to stand in line between Scott and Marzipan. Strong Bad and Pom Pom handed over their tickets further up the line.

“Got your ticket?” Scott reminded him.

“Of course I have my ticket, stupid.” Homestar replied sharply. He started digging through his backpack. In front of him, Marzi was getting the stub ripped off of her ticket. Then she walked onto the ramp and disappeared from view. Homestar still shuffled through his bag.

“Next.” The ticket girl prompted, holding out her hand at Homestar.

Homestar upended his bag on the floor and scattered granola bars everywhere. “It’s not here! My ticket is gone!”

“Ok, calm down buddy. Here, let’s just step out of the line for a minute. Maybe you just missed it.” Scott scooped the pile of junk from Homestar’s backpack up and moved it out of the path of the rest of the passengers. “When did you last see it?” He asked.

“Um… yesterday I think.” Homestar pondered. Suddenly Scott held out a second plane ticket.

“Is this it?” Scott asked.

“Hey, yeah!” Homestar reached for it, but Scott yanked it away and started turning it over in his hands.

“Too bad you’ll miss the flight.” Scott smiled strangely. Then he ripped up the ticket. Homestar gasped.

“What did you do that for!” He demanded, gathering up the fallen shards of paper and trying feebly to shove them back into a whole.

“Oh, Homestar. I’d explain, but I doubt you’d understand anyway. Suffice to say, your friends won’t be getting help from the Chapmans. And now, they won’t be getting help from you either. Enjoy your stay… you’ll be living here the rest of your life.” Scott got to his feet and stepped back in line.

Snowglobe

Scott walked down the aisle of the plane cabin searching for Marzipan. He couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow he’d finally beaten the system. Homestar’s uncanny ability to accidentally save the day had finally been neutralized. So long as Homestar was stranded away from Cancun, Scott knew had a chance at completing his mission. He spotted Marzipan’s golden hair from a few seats ahead. If I play my cards right, he thought, I might even come out of this with a little more than I planned for.

“Marzipan, I’m worried about Homestar. He was still looking for his ticket when I got on the plane.” Scott said in a low voice.

“He lost his ticket?” Marzipan stood up suddenly. “We have to go back-”

“All passengers please be seated, we will be taking off shortly.” The intercom dinged and the seatbelt sign flashed.

“If we miss this flight, I don’t think I’ll be able to help all of you get another ticket… but we can’t leave him behind. I’ll talk to the stewardess and see what I can do to stop the plane.” Scott offered. He started to walk away, but Marzipan caught his shoulder. “Just wait a moment, Scott. Pom Pom… what were you going to say?”

“I think we should just keep going. He’s more trouble than he’s worth anyway. If anything we’re better off without him.” Strong Bad interrupted.

Pom Pom was silent for a moment. Then he said, “I don’t think it would be a good idea to turn back now. There’s no telling whether or not we’d be able to get more tickets, and we can’t afford to take that risk at this point. If I know Homestar, he’ll either find a way to find us, or he’ll hold his own until we get back.”

“He was the only one of us who’d actually met Mike and Matt though.” Marzipan pointed out.

“Well, we know where to find them at least.” Pom Pom pulled a roll of maps out of his backpack. “Homeschool left some more maps in here, and they have written directions on them. But as for what they look like, that could be a problem.”

“I know what they look like.” Scott said. All eyes were suddenly on him.

“What, were they the ones trying to steal your wallet in that alley?” Strong Bad asked sarcastically. “No, I got it... you were on the bowling team together.”

“Actually, I live next door to them.” Scott replied.

A stewardess approached Scott. “Sir, is everything all right? Because you need to find your seat, we’ll be taxiing onto the runway soon.”

“Everything’s fine… Marzipan, might I- ?”

Marzi moved her backpack out of the seat next to her. “Oh. Sure, go ahead.” Homestar picked up the strange object that had fallen out of Scott’s pocket. It fell open like a book, revealing almost a dozen plastic cards and sending change scattering across the floor.

“A wallet?” Homestar groaned. “How am I supposed to get on the plane with a stupid wallet and five hundred bucks?” He was about to throw it into his backpack with the granola bars when suddenly he got an idea. “Wait… I have money! I can buy stuff… which means… I can get my snowglobe now!”

His mood lifted a little as he walked over to the gift shop and browsed through the sparkling shelves stocked with hemispherical wonders. He immediately located the one he grabbed the day before and carried it resolutely to the checkout counter.

“That’ll be three ninety-five.” The clerk said, gnawing at a piece of gum.

Homestar whipped out Scott’s wallet, randomly grabbed a bill, and slapped it on the counter smugly. The clerk’s dim eyes suddenly lit up as she slid the money across the counter and got a look at it. She silently counted out change and handed it to Homestar.

“Have a nice flight.” She said as Homestar happily grabbed his snow globe off of the counter.

Suddenly a messy haired girl with glasses yanked Homestar backwards before he could make it out the door. “Hold it right there!” She commanded, sticking her finger in his face threateningly.

“What did I do?” Homestar asked, bewildered.

“She just shorted you twenty bucks! You can’t let her get away with that!” The strange girl replied urgently. She spun around and leaned on the counter. “Give him his twenty.”

Homestar looked on curiously, frozen in the doorway of the store. The clerk glanced between him and the girl, snapping her gum. She apparently determined it wasn’t worth making a scene over and popped open the cash drawer to remove a twenty dollar bill and pass it to the strange girl.

“Here. You have to be careful in these little junk stores. They don’t make much money off of the actual products they sell, if you know what I mean.” The girl with the glasses said, tucking the twenty dollar bill into Homestar’s hand.

“Well, I have to go grab some breakfast before my break is over with. Watch out for yourself.” She waved and walked a few steps, then stopped and smirked. “You know, Dragon Con was last week.” She added.

“What?” Homestar puzzled.

“Nothing, I just like your costume. That website rocks… ‘sewiously.’ Heh heh.” The girl stuffed her hands in her pockets. Homestar stared.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I’ll shut up.” The girl started walking away.

“Wait-” Homestar’s voice caught in his throat. “Could you help me get a plane ticket?”

“If you’re willing to wait while I grab some food, I’d be happy to. I get all messed up for the rest of the day if I don’t eat in the morning.” The girl replied, nodding toward the Burger King stand.

“Okay.” Homestar shrugged, following her to the fast food joint.

Alex

The penguin stood staunchly on the yellow plastic shoreline of a pristine desert island; his only companion was a single palm tree. The penguin’s unblinking, lopsided gaze was fixed goofily out into nothingness. Suddenly a barrage of sparkles assaulted the penguin and his palm tree, engulfing them in an impenetrable cloud of glitter bits.

“Jeez, I’ve never seen someone take so much interest in a snow globe.”

Homestar looked up from his recently purchased prize and stared at the cheesy, dripping mass in his new friend’s hand. “Gross.” He remarked, making a face.

“Yeah, fast food breakfasts aren’t exactly appealing to look at. But I’m hungry and broke enough not to care. Oh, I’m Alex by the way.” Alex said, taking a bite out of her egg and cheese bagelwich.

“I’m Homestar.” Homestar said. Alex burst out in a coughing fit.

“Don’t do that! Not while I’m eating…” Alex wiped her mouth and struggled to hold back her laughter.

“Okay.”

Alex quickly finished her sandwich and threw away the wrappings. “Now I need a drink. You don’t have to leave soon, do you?” Alex asked.

“I guess not. But I’m in a hurry.” Homestar replied.

“Oh… well which is it?” Alex wondered.

“Which is what?”

“… what?” Alex paused. “Okay, now you’re just confusing me.”

“Yeah. I guess.” Homestar said blankly.

Alex stared at him incredulously, then got to her feet. “Well, if I’m gonna help you I better tell my boss I’m taking my hour instead of my fifteen.”

They walked across the lobby to Starbucks. Alex pulled out a chair for Homestar at an empty table. “Do you want anything? I might as well take advantage of my employee discount while we’re here.” Alex asked.

“Sure.” Homestar replied.

“Okay, what do you want? Can’t be over… let’s see… 3 bucks.” Alex counted out some crinkled dollar bills she had pulled from her sweatshirt pockets.

“Anything.”

“That makes it easy then. Be back in a sec.” Alex went over to the counter and started talking to another employee. Homestar played with the snow globe until she returned with two insulated cups. “Okay, now let’s get your ticket.” She said, handing over one of the cups.

Homestar took the cup from her hesitantly. “It’s hot!”

“That’s generally the idea.” Alex pointed out. “So… where are you heading?”

“I have to get to Cancun to find Mike and Matt so they can save the website.” Homestar replied quickly.

Alex took a moment to absorb what he’d said. “Are you for real?” She finally asked.

“I think so. I just came through the portal yesterday with Pom Pom and Strong Bad and Marzipan, and they seemed to think I was.”

“Uh huh. Where’s your speech impediment then?” Alex responded.

“I dunno.” Homestar shrugged. He set down the insulated cup and started wrapping napkins around it. “Doesn’t this stuff ever cool off?”

“You’re a very interesting person.” Alex shook her head and couldn’t help smiling. “If I didn’t know better… well, let’s get that ticket.”

“Okay.” Homestar gathered the wad of napkins around his cup and followed Alex again, this time to the ticket counters. A man in a blue uniform raised an eyebrow as they stepped up to his counter.

“How can I help you folks today.” He inquired with rehearsed politeness.

“He needs a ticket for your soonest flight to Cancun.” Alex replied.

The man behind the counter looked up the flight on his computer. “Is 3:00 this afternoon all right? I think we have two seats left.”

Alex looked back at Homestar who was sticking his finger tentatively through the hole in the lid of his coffee cup, utterly oblivious. “Hey!” She shouted, making him jump and soak his napkins with coffee. “Is that when you want to leave?”

“What? Oh… sure.”

“Well, then get up here so you can pay.” Alex instructed.

Homestar walked up and took Alex’s place at the counter. “I need a new one of these.” He said, dropping the shredded remains of his last ticket on the counter.

“I already took care of that, hon. You just need to pay.” Alex reminded him.

“Oh. Here’s five hundred bucks. Can I have my ticket now?” Homestar dumped out Scott’s wallet on the counter. Alex put her head in her hands.

“Come here a second.” She said, yanking him away from the counter. “Are you going to be okay on that flight? Don’t you have someone to travel with?”

Homestar paused. “No… should I?”

“I really think you should. You need to get a friend or something to go with you who can help you out like I did at the gift shop and with your ticket. Can you do that?”

“Sure.” Homestar replied.

“All right. Well, I’m going to get back to work now. I need to save some break time for lunch. Good luck.” Alex waved and walked back towards Starbucks.

“Bye! Thanks for the hot chocolate! Wish it had some marshmallows though.” Homestar turned back to the ticket salesman. “Gimme two of those things.” The man typed in the transaction and gave Homestar his change and a pair of tickets.

Homestar stuffed the tickets in his backpack and tried a sip of his coffee. “This hot chocolate tastes funny. I don’t think there’s enough sugar in it.” He pulled out some sugar packets he’d grabbed off the table at Starbucks and poured them in. Homestar glanced around for something to stir it with and grabbed a pen off of an abandoned ticket counter.

“That’s a little better.” He remarked after tasting it again. He tossed the pen onto the floor and walked back to Starbucks.

Alex was wiping down tables, but she stopped when she spotted him approaching. “What are you doing here again?”

“I came to give you your ticket.” Homestar responded.

“What? You didn’t- I didn’t say I was going.” Alex stammered.

“I don’t have anyone else to go with. They were already on the plane.” Homestar explained.

Alex stared at him. “You seriously want me to go with you? Just on the plane, right? It’s a round-trip ticket?”

“I guess so. Here, you can have it.” Homestar handed it to her.

Alex took it and read it. “I’ve never been on a plane before…” She muttered. She looked up at Homestar. “All right. No funny business. Just a straight flight, there and back. Soon as we land, that’s it. Okay?”

“You got a deal! By the way, I think they forgot to put chocolate in this hot chocolate.”

“That’s French Roast.” Alex replied.

“They roasted it? No wonder it was so hot.”

Caffeine

Alex and Homestar were seated next to each other on the 3:00 flight to Cancun waiting for the passengers to finish boarding. Homestar had is face against the window and was staring out across the tarmac. Alex was rubbing her temple, silently cursing herself for buying two French roasts a half hour earlier. Homestar hadn’t shut up since finishing his cup in the waiting area.

“Alex those little trains remind me of the caterpillars that I sometimes look at when I’m bored, like a couple days ago when Marzipan broke up with me and so I went for a walk over to the stick and there was this caterpillar crawling up the side of it so I watched it for a while until Strong Bad came with a magnifying glass and was trying to burn it but I said that was mean and saved the little guy by taking him over to Marzipan’s and letting him go in the garden. Do you like trains?”

Alex shifted in her seat. “No, Homestar. I don’t really li-”

“Oh, because there was another time that I was trying to draw a train and it turned out really cool but then Marzipan got mad at me because she said I drew it on her pledge form, whatever that means, so she kicked me out of the living room and I went home to play space invisitors which is the game I was playing the day I first came to the real world right before I lost where Marzipan was and wandered into a weird crack that took me into an office building where I met Mike and Matt and a nice guy named Frank but I also met this evil lady named Laura who tried to kidnap me so I ran away and got attacked by a garbage monster but luckily Matt came and zapped it with a magic wand and they got me home just fine but Strong Bad took my hundred bucks.”

“Oh look, Homestar… the seat belt light.” Alex interrupted.

“Oh my gosh where?” Homestar stood up and hit his head on the overhead luggage compartment. “Owww…”

“It means you need to sit down and put on your seatbelt, not explode out of your seat and whack your head.” Alex explained, tugging him back into the seat.

“Are we gonna fly now?” Homestar inquired excitedly.

“Yep. Keep watching out the window.” Alex had discovered that as long as Homestar had something interesting to look at, his mouth tended to slow down to a tolerable rate of yapping. Then she got an idea. “Hey, you want some gum?”

“Okay! What kind is it? Mint or pink or stripey… I hope it isn’t that gross kind that Stro-”

“Just try it and find out.” Alex gave a stick of gum to him and he eagerly shoved it in his mouth. Blissful silence resulted, at least until the plane began to move.

Homestar sank back in his seat as the turbines whined to life. The plane lurched forward and taxied to the runway.

“Why did we stop here?” Homestar asked. The plane had slowed to a crawl, waiting for the all clear for takeoff.

“They’re waiting for that plane to land I think.” Alex replied, pointing at an incoming passenger jet just setting down on the runway.

Sure enough their plane lurched forward again a minute later. The engines roared as the plane gathered speed, pressing the passengers into their seats. Homestar grabbed hold of the arm rests when the landing gear retracted with a thud. The retreating ground began to fill the window as the plane made a tight U-turn above the airport. Alex leaned forward to get a better look out the window past Homestar.

“I don’t like planes.” Homestar stated firmly. He appeared paler than usual.

“I thought you were all excited to take off.” Alex said.

The plane leveled out and Homestar relaxed his grip on the arm rests. He stared out the window in silence, hardly moving. The silence didn’t last very long, though.

“All those little squares down there remind me of a quilt. I used to have a quilt once, but The Cheat used it as a parachute for Strong Bad’s sailboat and it got all wet and moldy and smelled real bad, so I threw it away. Wow, are those lakes? Hey look, a river… it looks like some kinda freaky lightning bolt from way up here. Hey Alex, this plane is making me dizzy.”

“You should probably sit back then.” Alex suggested. “Try reading a magazine instead of staring out the window.”

Homestar grabbed a magazine and opened it to the middle, accidentally tearing a few pages along the way. He held it up at different angles, inspecting a foldout airline ad. Then he started rummaging through the contents of the mesh pocket on the seat in front of him.

Alex started playing Tetris on an electronic keychain that was clipped to her purse. She managed to tune out the frantic ruffling of paper coming from beside her and focused on beating her previous high score. The numbers climbed steadily in the left hand corner of the tiny LCD screen as she neared her record. Suddenly the little game beeped, and the screen went blank.

“Oh, it just figures.” Alex spat, flinging the little game into her purse angrily. She glanced over at Homestar. He was curled up on the seat with his knees folded to his chest, staring at the floor with glazed eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked.

“I still don’t feel good.” Homestar replied.

“Well, there’s a bathroom right back there if you-”

Homestar pushed past her before she could finish and dashed for the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later, his face a slightly greener shade of pale. He took his seat again and immediately dozed off.

“Is he with you?”

Alex looked up and saw a flight attendant standing beside her with a cart full of drinks. Her gold nametag was etched with the name “Barbara.”

“Poor guy. Not everyone takes to planes so well.” Barbara remarked. “You want some water or something?”

“Nah, I’m good. I don’t suppose you have any Tylenol?” Alex inquired hopefully.

“I’m a flight attendant, not a pharmacist hon. I don’t think that helps with airsickness anyway.” Barbara said, pouring out some glasses of water for the passengers a row behind them.

“It isn’t for him. It’s for me.” Alex replied flatly.

Fame

“Ho, man… I thought that plane would never land.” Strong Bad sighed with relief. He and the rest of the group were just walking out of the accordion walkway that led from the plane into the Cancun airport. Crowds of people flowed around them as they stopped to stand in the waiting area.

“Maybe you would have enjoyed the flight more if you weren’t so busy hitting on the flight attendants.” Pom Pom replied.

“He wasn’t doing the hitting, the flight attendants were.” Scott chuckled.

Strong Bad glared.

Marzipan turned away and stared up the accordion hallway hopefully. An airport employee walked down the ramp and closed the door. “You guys, this doesn’t feel right.” Marzipan remarked.

Pom Pom put his hand on Marzipan’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, he’ll be there when we get back. He’s Homestar, his specialty is dumb luck.”

“Put ‘dumb’ in front of anything and it’s his specialty…” Strong Bad muttered.

“Well, who’s up for some lunch? I’ll treat…” Scott dug in his coat pocket. “Hey… my wallet!” He patted his pants and scanned the floor.

“Where did you see it last?” Marzipan asked.

“I don’t know… oh no, I think it fell out on the plane.” Scott shook his head hopelessly. “I can’t believe this.”

“Scott, I’m so sorry… I wish there was something we could do.” Marzipan consoled him.

Scott looked at her and adjusted his coat, snapping out of an intense thought. “Yeah… I can’t get a room without that wallet. Well, if you don’t mind I’ll tag along for a while… maybe I can be of some help since I know the people you’re looking for.”

“I don’t see why not.” Pom Pom shrugged. Strong Bad cleared his throat loudly.

“Thanks, Scott. This really means a lot. Pom Pom? What do the maps say to look for?” Marzipan inquired.

Pom Pom pulled out a yellow brochure from his backpack. “We need to go here. This is the resort they’re staying at.” He handed the brochure to Strong Bad and dug out a different map. He unfolded it and started to look it over.

Scott looked over Strong Bad’s shoulder at the brochure. “I know where that is. I went there for vacation last year.” Scott realized.

“Do you mind?” Strong Bad complained, scooting away from Scott and flipping the brochure closed. He tossed it back to Pom Pom.

“He’s trying to help, Strong Bad.” Marzipan scolded.

“Well he doesn’t have to practically lean on me.” Strong Bad defended.

“Come on, I’ll walk you there… it’s only a few blocks away from the airport.” Scott enthusiastically led the three of them over to security.

“Not this again.” Strong Bad protested. He started unlacing his gloves.

“Pardon, señor.…” The security guard walked up to him.

“What? What more embarrassment could you possibly inflict on me? I have nothing left!” Strong Bad flared. The guard took off his hat and offered it to Strong Bad, who stared at it in bewilderment. “I don’t want your freaking hat.”

“¿Podría usted firmar por favor esto para mi sobrino? Él es un partidario enthsiastic.” The guard asked, offering the hat to Strong Bad again.

“Buddy, I have no clue what the crap you’re asking me.” Strong Bad attempted to explain.

The guard pulled a pen out of his shirt and made a motion over the bill of the hat. Then he held the pen and hat back out toward Strong Bad. “Sign it?”

“Sorry man. The privilege of my autograph is one reserved for only the most fortunate of lady types.” Strong Bad finished unlacing and threw his gloves and mask into the plastic tray next to the detector. The guard donned his hat and put his pen away, disappointed.

“What was that about?” Pom Pom asked once Strong Bad had retrieved his items from the plastic bin.

“Some guy wanted my autograph.” Strong Bad replied.

“That’s weird.” Scott blurted.

“Oh yeah? Why, because no one’s asking you for an autograph? I suppose it never occurred to you that I just might be a big deal in this universe. It would only make sense that my awesomenitude would carry over, after all.”

“Strong Bad.” Marzipan said.

“What?” He responded.

“Shut up.”

The four of them made their way through the lobby, but it became increasingly clear that Strong Bad was attracting an unusual amount of attention. He was asked several more times to sign various articles of clothing by random people, not to mention the numerous pointing fingers directed his way. When a girl attempted to get him to sign her bra, Marzipan had had enough.

“All right! Cancun is definitely my kind of city.” Strong Bad flicked the cap off of a sharpie and prepared to fulfill his fan’s unusual request, but Marzipan pulled back his arm. “What now?” He scowled at her.

“Doesn’t this seem a little unusual to you?” Marzipan asked incredulously.

“Hmm… no.” Strong Bad replied, yanking his arm away from Marzipan.

“Strong Bad, they clearly think you’re someone else. Haven’t you noticed that the T-shirts that people have been getting you to sign all have the same person on them? AND IT ISN’T YOU.” Marzipan continued.

Strong Bad paused. “Put your shirt down a sec, el chica.” Strong Bad instructed the fan girl. She obliged a little hesitantly, concerned that her request was being denied. Strong Bad inspected the image on the shirt. “Well… you have to admit, the resemblance is striking.”

“Strong Bad, that wrestler looks like he could bench press a car.” Pom Pom remarked.

“So?” Strong Bad replied.

“The only thing that links you to that person on her shirt is your mask.” Scott clarified.

“What are you trying to say, alley boy?” Strong Bad threatened.

“Look, I just think you should take off your mask for a while. We definitely don’t need this kind of attention while we’re trying to fulfill a rescue mission. It’s only going to slow us down.” Marzipan suggested firmly.

Strong Bad looked from Marzipan to Pom Pom and back again, ignoring Scott. “Fine. But I’m taking care of this last customer here.” Strong Bad turned around, but the girl was no longer in sight. “What the-! Where’d she go?”

“Come on, let’s get going.” Pom Pom said, nudging Strong Bad along.

“But- eh… she- augh!” Strong Bad mumbled, pulling off his mask and fidgeting with it.

Hotel

The group walked down the bustling sidewalks of Cancun, hardly visible in the crowds despite their bright clothing. Since taking off his mask, no one had approached Strong Bad for any more autographs. Unfortunately, this had put Strong Bad in an especially surly mood. He trailed behind his companions, grumbling relentlessly.

Marzipan effortlessly ignored him. “So, Scott… what is it like working for the National Association for the Humane Treatment of Animals?”

Scott shrugged. “It really isn’t too difficult. It’s a fun job, pretty rewarding. It leaves me a lot of time for… doing other things.” He glanced away from her as he finished the last sentence.

“Oh really? Like what?” Marzipan wondered.

Scott looked at Marzipan with a strange gleam in his eyes. “I’m somewhat of an inventor.” He disengaged from her stare and continued, “I also like to work with computers. Programming, web design, a little networking. My job for the NAHTA is actually computer repair and maintenance, but I like to help however I can. I’m here to network a research station that belongs to the CEA- that’s Centro Ecologico Akumal. They’ve been keeping an eye over the nesting habitats around here.”

“Wow… that sounds like quite a job.” Marzipan remarked.

“It has its perks. You know, if you have some time after all of this blows over, I’d be happy to take you down to the station to see the turtles.” Scott offered.

“Oh, I’d like that!” Marzipan replied enthusiastically.

“Great! It’s a date then.” Scott smiled. “Oh, here’s the place.”

They stopped in front of a huge hotel. On either side of them were large glass windows that revealed richly decorated hallways and a luxurious lobby. A white fence separated them from path that led to an enormous courtyard. The massive space housed an ornate swimming pool, complete with plant life and natural rock waterfalls.

“Not bad.” Pom Pom said, raising an eyebrow.

The group walked through the double doors and entered the lobby. Strong Bad flopped onto a velvety lounge chair while Marzipan and Scott went to the counter to ask about Matt and Mike.

“You know, this place would be perfect if it just had some- whoa, I spoke too soon.” Strong Bad eyed a shapely guest as she headed toward the pool. “Pom Pom, you and I need to go on a vacation when we’re done with this mess. I got a real good destination in mind…”

Just then Marzipan and Scott returned from the front desk. “Now we just have to wait.” Scott informed them.

“I’m fine with that… do you think they’d let us wait out by the pool?” Strong Bad wondered hopefully.

“No.” Marzipan replied sharply.

“Hey, it was a valid question!” Strong Bad retorted.

They settled in around the lobby. Scott and Marzipan started talking about NAHTA again, Pom Pom pulled out his cell PDA and busily tapped away at the screen with the stylus. Strong Bad contentedly observed the swimming pool through the window.

“You know, it’s really nice not having dumpface here. He would totally ruin the beauty of this moment by complaining about something or saying something stupid.” Strong Bad sighed. “I think I’m gonna go get a drink from that fountain in the entryway. Be back in a minute, Pom Pom.” Strong Bad got up and went over to the drinking fountain. He was just starting to take a drink when a joyous shout startled him into inhaling a mouthful of water.

“STRONG BAD!”

Strong Bad hacked violently as two pale skinny arms wrapped around his shoulders and squeezed him in an awkward hug. He shoved the assailant off of him and spun around, still struggling to breathe freely. To his deep disgust he found himself staring at an all too familiar goofy grin. He felt like throwing up, and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was because of breathing in the water.

“WHAT the CRAP are you DOING!” Strong Bad demanded, beyond furious.

“I’m so glad I found you guys! I’ve been walking all over town with Alex. She found this yellow paper in my backpack and said that you guys would be here- and you are!”

“Don’t even talk to me, you weirdo. Man, and things were going so well. Touch me again and I’ll punch you into last century.” Strong Bad started to walk away.

“But Strong Bad, Scott is-” Homestar made the mistake of grabbing Strong Bad’s shoulder to stop him from leaving, and Strong Bad reflexively whipped around and punched him squarely in the face. Homestar crumpled to the floor.

“Hey Marzi, your other boyfriend’s here to see you.” He said, stomping back to his chair.

“Homestar? Where is he?” Marzipan stood up suddenly.

“He’s taking a nap in the entryway.” Strong Bad replied.

Marzipan rushed over to the drinking fountain where Homestar was laying. Scott shot to his feet and stared incredulously at Homestar’s limp form. “Impossible…” He muttered under his breath.

“Homestar are you all right? Can you hear me?” Marzipan propped Homestar up against the wall. He blearily opened his eyes.

“Marzi… thewe’s two of you… oww…”

“Homestar, just wait here a moment. I’ll see if I can get you some ice.” Marzipan started to leave, but Homestar waved her back.

“W-wait… Scott… he’s twicky…” Homestar tried to warn her. “He’s a bad guy.”

“Homestar, you don’t know what your saying. Strong Bad hit you really hard, I’ll get you some ice and-”

“No…” Homestar shook his head, just about falling over.

“So, what’s the occasion?” A new voice inquired from in the lobby. Homestar and Marzipan looked up and saw two guys in Hawaiian shirts walk into the room.

“Matt!” Homestar sat up a little straighter.

Marzipan walked into the lobby to stand by Scott and Pom Pom.

“Well, it looks like we’re all one big happy family now.” Scott said cheerfully, and he pulled something out of his pocket. It was a round metal ball.

Portal

Scott dropped the ball onto the floor and it rolled to a stop against the window. There was a hum and the air before the window split apart into a gaping portal. Marzipan turned to Scott, completely bewildered. “How did you…?”

“I told you, I’m an inventor. You didn’t think it was just Homeschool who figured out the way to travel between worlds?” Scott’s voice had a strange pitch to it, and his eyes gleamed darkly. Marzipan drew back. “Marzipan, my offer still stands. Would you like to stay here with me?”

“What are you talking about…” Marzipan gazed at him nervously. “No, I’m not going anywhere with you, Scott.”

His smile faded slightly. “Such a shame. Well, I bid you all farewell then.” He motioned toward the portal.

“We can’t go through yet, the site hasn’t been brought back up!” Strong Bad protested.

“I know. And yes, you can go through. You will.” Scott pulled something that looked like a gun out of his pocket. “This is a high power laser. Unless you feel like finding out just how it feels to have your molecules scrambled, I suggest you step through that portal. All of you.”

Marzipan stared defiantly at Scott. Scott’s finger twitched on the trigger.

“You jerk.” She hissed, and she stepped through the portal.

Scott turned to Strong Bad and waved him over with the laser gun. Strong Bad paused at the portal, glaring. Scott jabbed him in the side, and Strong Bad disappeared into the portal. Pom Pom followed. Next, Scott turned to face Matt and Mike.

“I’ll finally get rid of you.” Scott smiled. “I’m so sick of hearing about your stupid project, how revolutionary or imaginative it is. That should have been my project. Mine. If you hadn’t launched my website would have been the cartoon series with all the publicity. You never did take me seriously, even though I was family. Now you’ll finally get what has been coming to you for the last ten years. Get in the portal.”

“Scott-” Mike started to say something, but Scott raised the laser gun.

“Not a word. Just leave. Get out of my life.” Scott commanded, shoving Mike forward. Mike stumbled into the portal. Matt stood alone in the room. He slowly walked toward the portal, but as he did he stole a glance at Homestar. Their eyes locked, and Matt nodded toward Scott and winked. Then he disappeared into the portal.

Scott walked over to retrieve the metal ball and disengage the inter-dimensional portal. He didn’t see Homestar slowly rise to his feet in the entryway. Homestar prepared to charge, then he leaped forward and did what he did best. Homestar ran full out for Scott, his hands held out in front of him to brace for impact. Scott stood up at the noise, and was surprised… but not enough. Scott stepped aside, and Homestar crashed into his arm. Homestar and the laser gun disappeared into the portal.

Cartoonification

Mike and Matt tumbled out of the portal onto the barren white ground of what was once their own imaginative universe. Now the only features left were several buildings standing out against the stark white nothingness like grim monuments, but even their colors were faded. Mere hours separated FCUSA from complete erasure.

“This would be pretty cool under different circumstances.” Matt remarked as he looked around. “Looks like our site’s been having problems.”

“Cartoonification… weird.” Mike said, poking Matt in the shoulder experimentally. He looked up and noticed the barren landscape. “Oh. Yeah, this definitely doesn’t look good.”

“You guys aren’t supposed to be here. Now who’s going to fix the site?” Bubs observed. The citizens of FCUSA were gathered around the Stick like a collection of refugees with nowhere to flee to. All except Coach Z, who was by himself leaning against the concession stand and chugging a bottle of Listerine miserably.

“What’s wrong with it, exactly?” Mike inquired.

Homeschool stepped up to answer him. “Someone shut it down while you were away. It appears, from what I’ve learned from the others, that someone else has gotten a hold of a TranSphere as well. That is the machine that I have been using to come back and forth between here and your world.” Homeschool held up the metal sphere.

“I’ve seen that thing before…” Matt realized.

“Yes. I was accidentally responsible for Homestar’s little misadventure.” Homeschool admitted.

“So we can just go back then-” Matt started to say.

“No, I’m afraid it isn’t that simple. The opening of the second portal has reversed the sphere’s polarity. The portals are very unstable to begin with. It isn’t difficult to accidentally throw off its electromagnetic properties.” Homeschool explained. “This has happened once before, however. Last time I managed to restore the polarity by jury-rigging the sphere to a computer.”

“Strong Bad has a computer.” Mike pointed out.

“You mean I had a computer. The power’s been out since the first day of this ordeal.” Strong Bad replied. “Besides, I don’t want you hacking up the Lappy. Use The Cheat’s computer for that.”

“Mehmee MEH!” The Cheat protested.

“YOU CAN USE MY COMPUTER.” Strong Mad offered.

“I don’t think a cardboard box is gonna cut it, big guy.” Strong Bad told him.

“I’ve been savin’ this for a rainy day. Maybe you guys can use it.” Bubs walked up pushing a dolly with a generator on it. “I don’t have much gas left because someone’s been siphoning my gasoline the last couple weeks.” Bubs glared at Strong Bad. “But there should be enough for, oh… a good twenty minutes at least.”

Homeschool brightened. “This just might work. I only hope Scott doesn’t decide to open the portal while we’re hooking things up.”

“Why? Wouldn’t that be good since it would set the polarity right again.” Mike said.

“That part would be good, but whoever was touching the sphere at the point it reversed polarity would get stuck in limbo between universes.” Homeschool replied.

“That… doesn’t sound like fun.” Matt remarked.

“Well, let’s get this started. We can help you, Homeschool.” Mike proposed.

“Let’s move this to the Bads’s house then. We’ll have to use The Cheat’s computer because Strong Bad’s laptop is too compact to work with.” Homeschool recommended.

“Don’t worry, The Cheat. We’ll animate you one of those new iMacs when we get back.” Mike assured a distraught The Cheat.

“Where’s Homestar?” Marzipan wondered suddenly.

Everyone fell silent. Matt and Mike had been the last to come out of the portal before it closed.

Limbo

Homestar hurtled through the black void that bridged his world to reality. Then all at once, he emerged into daylight. The blank white sky of Free Country greeted him forebodingly. He looked around and saw Matt and Mike talking to Homeschool.

“Hey guys, have you seen my snow globe? I think it fell out in the hotel… guys?” Homestar asked, but no one seemed to hear him. He stepped between Matt and Homeschool. “Hey Matt! Helloooo… hey, quit ignowing me!”

Matt and Mike started to walk away. Then Marzipan asked if anyone had seen Homestar and they stopped.

“I’m wight hewe!” Homestar shouted in frustration. “See!” He hopped, trying to get their attention.

“Homestar?” Strong Bad asked, looking around.

“I’m wight hewe, dang it! Look at me! I’m in fwont of you!”

“Quit screwing around man. Where are you?” Strong Bad stared straight through Homestar.

“Strong Bad, who are you talking to?” Marzipan asked, a worried look on her face.

“What! Don’t you hear him?” Strong Bad waved in the direction of Homestar’s voice.

“Hear who?” Mike asked.

“Hear Homestar! He’s yelling about something.” All eyes were on Strong Bad now. “You don’t hear it?”

“Wow, I’m invisible! Cool.” Homestar remarked.

“No. Not cool, now you’re making people think I’m crazy.” Strong Bad complained.

“I think the stress finally got to him.” Bubs shook his head.

“NO IT DIDN’T! I’m telling you, he’s invisible and he won’t shut up!” Strong Bad clapped his gloves to his head in an attempt to drown out Homestar’s voice.

“You put youw wight foot in, you put youw wight foot out, you put youw wight foot in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn youwself awound...” Homestar sang.

Strong Bad probed the air in the direction of Homestar’s singing. “So help me, when I find you…”

“Whoa, Stwong Bad youw glove just went thwough me like in that movie with the dead guy.” Homestar commented.

“This is so not fair!” Strong Bad lamented.

“Oh dear. This complicates things.” Homeschool muttered.

“What’s going on?” Matt asked, bewildered.

“I think Homestar is trapped in limbo.” Homeschool stated.

“I can do the limbo too.” Homestar commented.

“For the love of God, shut up. My head is going to explode.”

“Limbo numbew five! One, two, thwee, fouw, five evewybody and the cops, so go on that ride, doot doot dootdoot da doot…”

“Pom Pom, gimme a gun.”

“Strong Bad!” Marzipan scolded. “Homestar, can you hear us?”

“Yeah.” Homestar replied.

“Did he say anything?” Marzipan asked Strong Bad.

“I am not gonna be your freakin’ translator! Find another messenger boy!” Strong Bad stormed off.

“Hey Stwong Bad, whewe awe you going?” Homestar asked, walking along behind him.

“First things first. We need to repair the TranSphere and get you two back to fix the site. Do you think you can manage without me for a while? I know you put the last one together… I’m going to need to make some calculations to get Homestar out of limbo.” Homeschool pulled a notebook out of his trench coat.

Mike glanced at Matt. “Yeah, I think we’ll be okay for a while. How long do you think we have?”

“Well, assuming the rate of decay is constant and not exponential… about six hours before it gets critical. As for Homestar… I’m not really sure how long someone can exist in limbo. Could be indefinitely, or it could be for a matter of minutes. The stability of the pocket of reality that he is existing in is volatile." Homeschool shrugged.

“What happens when he can’t exist in there?” Marzipan asked.

“He’ll either get shoved all the way into one of the universes, or he will cease to exist at all. That’s where I need to make calculations.” Homeschool explained.

Awkward

“Hey Stwong Bad… I’m bowed. Wanna play I spy?” Homestar was standing behind the couch in Strong Bad’s basement, still trapped in universal limbo. Unable to escape from Homestar, Strong Bad was now laying on the couch with two cushions clamped desperately to his head.

“I spy with my little eye… ummm… an adding machine.” Homestar said.

Strong Bad let out a muffled groan from underneath the cushions.

“Yeah, youw wight. That was a bad one. Umm… I spy…” Homestar looked up. “Teddy Gwams.”

Strong Bad sat up and ferociously chucked the cushions toward Homestar, who stood there as they passed right through his incorporeal form. Then he got off the couch and tromped into the next room where Mike, Matt, and Homeschool were working.

“That tickled.” Homestar remarked, following after Strong Bad.

“Why is it that I have to be the only one to hear him! WHY?” Strong Bad demanded, death-glaring Homeschool.

Homeschool set down his pencil and removed a pair of glasses. “You really want to know?”

“Yeah, I would sort of like to know why my life has suddenly become a living nightmare.” Strong Bad fumed.

“All right. You are essentially Homestar’s nemesis. Therefore, you and Homestar are opposites… exact opposites, so your minds lie on the same frequency of thought. Since you are both on the same wavelength, so to speak, you alone are able to hear him in his current predicament. Now can I get back to my work?” Homeschool tapped his pencil on the table.

Homestar wandered over to peer at Homeschool’s paper full of equations. “Those awe some weiwd doodles. Is he doing a wowd pwoblem?”

“No, Homestar… he’s working on getting rid of a problem. And he’d better hurry up about it.” Strong Bad replied. Suddenly there was a crash.

“I thought you said you had it!” Mike flared at Matt, tossing a pliers to the floor.

“I did… it slipped!” Matt defended. The orange iMac was laying on the floor with a large crack in its plastic casing.

“Please tell me that can be fixed.” Strong Bad hoped.

Matt lifted the iMac back to the table. A web of cracks had spread across the screen, and the power button appeared to be jammed at a funny angle. Something inside rattled as he eased it onto the table. Mike turned away, rubbing his temple.

“I don’t want to be the one to break this to The Cheat.” Strong Bad shook his head.

“Homeschool, you think we could get by with using Strong Bad’s laptop?” Matt inquired hopefully.

Homeschool winced. “I’m not so sure. I wish there was another computer we could use…”

“How about that one that fell on my head?” Homestar suggested. Strong Bad stared into empty space in the direction of Homestar’s voice.

“A computer fell on your head.” Strong Bad repeated incredulously.

“Yeah, last time I came back from my adventuwe.” Homestar added.

“What did he say?” Matt and Mike asked simultaneously.

“He says a computer fell on his head.” Strong Bad shrugged.

Homeschool brightened. “Of course! The computer from the office… where is it, Homestar?”

“I sold it to Bubs fow a Cwackle baw. I think he still has it.” Homestar replied.

“He said he got ripped off by Bubs so it’s over at the concession stand.” Strong Bad translated.

“Yeah… I shoulda got two Cwackle baws fow that thing.” Homestar complained.

Matt and Mike left the room and came back fifteen minutes later with a dented computer tower and a beat up monitor. They removed the destroyed iMac from the table and set the only slightly less-broken machine in its place.

“Back to square one, I guess. At least we know our way around this one.” Mike sighed, picking up his pliers. The brothers returned to work, and Homeschool returned to his calculations. Strong Bad enjoyed about thirty seconds of silence.

“So now what?” Homestar asked. “Can we go visit Marzipan?”

“No.” Strong Bad replied flatly.

“Aww, come on Stwong Bad…”

“No.” Strong Bad walked back to the couch and turned on the TV.

“Okay. I guess I’ll sing some mowe then.” Homestar decided. “It’s a smaw wowld aftew all, it’s a smaw wowld aftew all…”

“NO! Is it completely impossible for you to be quiet for five minutes!” Strong Bad pleaded.

Homestar was quiet for a few seconds. “I wanna go visit Marzipan.”

“FINE. We’ll go see Marzipan, but then will you shut up!”

“Okay.” Homestar agreed.

Strong Bad hopped off the couch and Homestar walked along behind him over to the stick. Marzipan was standing aside, talking to Coach Z. The Cheat came running up as they approached.

“Mimeh mimimime meh!” He said, waving a handful of money at Strong Bad.

“Whoa, you won that from Bubs? Way to go! I just hope we’ll be around long enough to spend it…” Strong Bad low-fived The Cheat.

“Memeemi meh?” The Cheat inquired.

“Oh, uh… I guess they’re doing pretty well… they’re working hard over there on… uh, the compy…” Strong Bad nervously scratched his head. “But I’m sure that new one you’re gonna get is gonna be way better than your old one.”

“Stwooong Baaad… come on…” Homestar urged impatiently.

“Shut up!” Strong Bad hissed.

“Mih?” The Cheat gave Strong Bad a funny look.

“Don’t ask, man. Listen, I gotta go talk to Marzipan for a second. I’ll be right back.” Strong Bad left The Cheat and walked over to Marzipan and Coach Z.

“I swear, I didn’t mean it thart way, Marzipan.” Coach Z explained apologetically. Marzipan looked very disgruntled.

“Am I interrupting something?” Strong Bad asked.

“No, Coach Z was just leaving.” Marzipan replied forcefully. Coach Z took the hint and wandered off. “What is it, Strong Bad?”

“Homestar wanted me to tell you something, apparently.” Strong Bad waited. He cleared his throat.

“Oh, sowwy. Tell hew… um… hi, Marzipan.” Homestar instructed.

Strong Bad stared into the empty air. “That’s it?”

“Say it!” Homestar urged.

Strong Bad grumbled.

“It’s a smaw wowld aftew-”

“All right, all right. Homestar says hi.” Strong Bad spat.

“Hi Marzipan.” Homestar corrected. “Say it…”

“He says ‘Hi, Marzipan.’” Strong Bad corrected murderously.

“Oh…” Marzipan responded.

Strong Bad shifted uncomfortably. “Okay, well… I’m gonna go back to-”

“I’m not done yet.” Homestar remarked.

“Wait…” Marzipan requested simultaneously. “He can hear me right?”

“Yeah.” Homestar replied.

“Yes.” Strong Bad said. “But that doesn’t mean he actually listens.”

“Homestar, since I don’t know if we’ll get out of this mess, I just wanted you to know... I forgive you for being late to lunch.” Marzipan said.

“And I fowgive you fow bweaking up with me again.” Homestar responded.

“…well?” Marzipan looked at Strong Bad, who was looking extremely out of place.

“He forgives you for breaking up with him again.” Strong Bad muttered.

Marzipan smiled. “Homestar, sometimes you can be such a jerk… but you can be a real sweetie too.”

“Does this mean we’re going out again?” Homestar inquired hopefully.

“Oh jeez…” Strong Bad moaned. Marzipan looked at him expectantly. “He wants to know if you’re going out with him again.”

“I suppose.” Marzipan replied smugly.

“Whoo-hoo!” Homestar danced around invisibly. “Wait a minute… what about Scott?” Homestar asked suddenly.

“He says ‘What about Scott?’” Strong Bad conveyed.

“Scott was evil.” Marzipan frowned.

“Yay!” Homestar pranced around again.

“Can I go now?” Strong Bad pleaded.

“Nope, I’m gonna say her a poem now.” Homestar beamed. Strong Bad scowled and walked away. “Hey where are you going?” Homestar ran after him.

Gone

“I’ve got it!” Homeschool slapped his pencil down on the table. “I know how to get him out of limbo.” Matt and Mike looked up from the work table. “Someone find Strong Bad and get him in here with Homestar. Let me see that computer, Matt.” Homeschool took Matt’s place at the table and took up a pliers to start tweaking the computer. Mike was about to leave the room to get Strong Bad, but as he opened the door Strong Bad burst into the room.

“Did you say you fixed it?” Strong Bad asked.

“Well, we have to get Homestar out of limbo using the reversed TranSphere, so we have to get him out before we-” Homeschool started to explain, but Strong Bad interrupted him.

“You found a way to get Homestar out of limbo?”

“Yes.” Homeschool replied, yanking out a computer part.

“WELL HURRY UP! It’s about freakin’ time!” Strong Bad ranted.

“You dealt with him out of limbo well enough.” Matt pointed out.

“Yeah, but if he started singing I could actually punch him and shut him up. Now I can’t do anything, and… he follows me.” Strong Bad visibly twitched.

“Stwong Bad did you know that thewe is something gwowing on the back of youw couch? I think it’s a mushwoom.” Homestar walked into the room and looked around. “Whewe’s Homeschool… oh, he’s doin’ the computew thing now.”

Homeschool sat up and set down his tools. “Get the generator.” He ordered. Mike wheeled it over and plugged in the computer.

Homeschool stood and looked at the jury rigged contraption. “This has to work.” He said. “Otherwise… well, it just has to work.”

“Finally, I’m getting rid of him!” Strong Bad exclaimed in relief.

“If this doesn’t go right-” Homeschool warned.

“Psh. Homestar always manages to beat the odds. It’s pretty annoying, really.” Strong Bad grumped.

“Homestar, I’m going to turn on the portal. Let Strong Bad know when you see it.” Homeschool instructed. Then he pulled the cord on the generator and it roared to life. Sparks flew from the computer screen and tower. The cooling fan whirred at top speed. They waited.

Everyone turned to Strong Bad. “Hasn’t he said anything yet?” Mike asked.

“Hey Dorkstar! Can you see it or not?” Strong Bad demanded of the empty air in front of him. There was no response. They waited a few more minutes before turning off the generator.

“We can’t afford to lose any more power.” Matt said, pulling the plugs and shutting the generator down.

“Dang it Homestar, this is serious! Are you there?” Strong Bad’s voice invoked no response. The room was dead silent.

“Homestar… you idiot…” Strong Bad mumbled quietly.

“I was too late... I think we lost him.” Homeschool finally stated.

“Well, he must have just popped through somewhere else or something. Maybe he ended up back in the other universe.” Strong Bad suggested.

“According to my calculations, the chances of him actually…”

“Don’t feed me your freakin’ calculations, Dumbschool. Homestar’s fine. Stupid dork is probably sucking down lemonade with those ladies at that hotel… that’s where I should be, not him.” Strong Bad stormed out of the room.

“Gone?” Strong Bad scoffed, talking to himself now. “I wish. He’s not gone.” He hopped onto the couch and stared at the blank TV screen for a moment. Then he shook his head. “No, he can’t be gone.” Strong Bad muttered, but as he kicked back and tried to get comfortable he desperately wished he could believe himself.

Hope

“We’re going to need some space; we’ll have to turn the power up to full this time around.” Homeschool looked at the completed device. He’d already messed up once, and Homestar had paid for that mistake. They all couldn’t afford for him to make another one. The house had already begun to dissolve around them. If this test failed, they would only have one more chance to try with their limited power supply. If the generator didn’t fade out of existence before they finished with it, that is.

“Move it outside?” Mike suggested.

“Yeah. Yeah that’ll work.” Homeschool replied distractedly.

The three of them wheeled and carried the equipment out of the house to set it up outside.

“Where are you going with all that junk?” Strong Bad asked as they walked by.

“It’s time to fix this mess.” Matt responded.

“It’s ready?” Strong Bad hopped off the couch. “That was fast.”

“Let’s just hope…” Homeschool found that he couldn’t finish his sentence. It was his fault that Homestar was gone and he knew it. For a moment he wondered if it would have just been better if he’d never built the TranSphere, but he knew that if it weren’t for his invention they would all be hopelessly lost against the digital decay that was overtaking Free Country. If I could have just worked faster… just five minutes…

“Homeschool!”

“Huh.” Homeschool snapped out of his thoughts.

“Where’s Homestar? Did you guys get him out of limbo yet?” Marzipan asked.

Homeschool opened his mouth but couldn’t respond.

“They tried, Marzipan.” Strong Bad answered for him.

“Tried? What’s that supposed to mean?” Marzipan demanded.

“We lost contact with him… we don’t know what happened.” Mike replied.

“Oh.” She looked hopefully at Homeschool, but he would not meet her gaze. Marzipan walked away without a word.

“We don’t have much time, come on Homeschool. We need you to help us out here.” Matt encouraged.

They finished setting out the equipment and Homeschool started the generator. “Stand back.” He ordered over the rattling of the generator. Homeschool pushed the power button on the rigged computer.

Nothing happened.

“No…” Homeschool gasped. “No, everything was right! It was perfect! It should work!”

Strong Bad looked down and gave the computer a good swift kick. There was a whir as the cooling fan kicked on, and the green power light flashed to life. Homeschool stared at Strong Bad.

“What can I say… compys can get a little temperamental.” He shrugged.

Suddenly sparks flew out of the computer and Strong Bad jumped back. The air in front of the computer shimmered and appeared to turn inside out as the TranSphere reversed itself. Then it split open and the portal appeared.

Homeschool felt hope flood back to him. He turned to Matt and Mike. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Mike replied.

“Ditto.” Matt nodded. They leapt through the portal.

“Now what?” Strong Bad asked Homeschool.

“We wait. And we hope.” Homeschool replied. Maybe we have a chance after all…

Website

Mike and Matt plummeted into Homeschool’s apartment. It hadn’t changed from when the others left. Chairs and tables were overturned, a shattered lamp was lying amongst broken dishes, and a pile of shredded paper sat in the middle of the floor.

Matt looked around nervously. “Jeez, someone ransacked this place.”

“Let’s get out of here before someone sees us. We aren’t any help to anybody in a jail cell.” Mike reminded. The pair quickly slipped out the door, climbed down the stairs, and broke into a cautious run once they’d cleared the building. Mike hailed a cab and they booked it to their studio.

Matt checked his watch. “Come on, come on…” He muttered.

“How long has it been?” Mike asked.

“We’ve been here 40 minutes.” Matt replied.

“We still have time. We’re okay.” Mike assured his brother.

“Hey Mike… did you actually think the day would start off this way when you woke up?”

“I’ve learned not to expect anything out of the day when I wake up. Ever since you walked into that office building with Homestar…” Mike drifted into thought and the cab was quiet.

“We can re-animate him though, right?” Matt asked, breaking the wake of silence that had followed Mike’s response. “I mean, they’re our characters… no one can really get rid of them but us.”

“I think it’s more complicated than that… they aren’t just ours anymore, Matt. They’re everyone’s. Everyone who has ever watched our cartoons.” Mike replied thoughtfully. “I really don’t understand how it works myself. If it was just us, where would Homestar have come up with all that stuff that we’d never used in our cartoons? And Homeschool… we never even did anything with him. Where’d he come from?”

Matt nodded. “Like their personalities are on autopilot, fueled by the imaginations of our fans…”

“Countless fanfictions, art, and animations…” Mike glanced out the cab window as the vehicle slowed to a stop. “Well, we’re here.”

The brothers pooled together some cash for the driver and walked up to the garage. Matt opened the door.

“That’s funny… I thought we locked it when we left for Cancun.” Mike remarked nervously.

They entered the dim garage. Mike ran his hand along the wall in search of the light switch. In the darkness, something moved and sent boxes sliding off of a counter. They heard a groan. Matt slowly picked up a baseball bat that was leaning against the wall, and he glanced at Mike. Mike motioned and put his hand over the switch, preparing to turn on the light.

Matt gripped the baseball bat tightly, his arms tensed. He slowly approached the table, preparing to take out the intruder that awaited him in the darkness beyond the cluttered work surface. The light flicked on and Matt leapt over the table. Someone yelled, and the baseball bat clattered to the floor.

“Oww… what the crap is goin’ on?” Two figures got to their feet and brushed themselves off. One was Matt, the other-

“Homestar?” Mike gaped.

The thin, pale guy in the colorful albeit somewhat oil-stained clothing adjusted his propeller cap and glanced at both of them, his eyes brightening as he recognized his assailants.

“Oh thank goodness! I thought you were Scott again.” Homestar sighed with relief.

“Where is Scott? What’s going on- why is the garage unlocked? How did you get in here?” Matt flooded him with questions.

“We thought you were gone!” Mike exclaimed.

“Nah, I wasn’t gone. I popped back here right before you guys turned on the machine. ‘Course, that was in the Hotel, and I sorta ended up crashing into Alex and Scott.” Homestar recalled.

“Where’s Scott, Homestar?” Mike asked again.

“Me and Alex chased him, and ended up here but he locked us out. Alex went around back to try to pick the lock on another door.” Homestar said, pointing over his shoulder. "She told me to wait here."

“She told you to wait on the floor.” Matt raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I was beat up. I was the only one fast enough to catch up with Scott and fight him.” Homestar said smugly. “Well, I really just kinda jumped on him.”

Matt turned to Mike. “We gotta get in before Scott gets to the computers” Mike whipped out his keys and hurriedly unlocked the door. “Go get Alex!” Mike commanded Homestar. Homestar ran off to find her.

The lock clicked free, and Mike threw the door open. The place was eerily silent. Matt readied the baseball bat again.

“Either stop following me so close or go ahead of me, you’re making me nervous with that thing.” Mike hissed. Matt went around him and walked in first. Mike followed him through the rooms, searching for any sign of Scott. The computers were untouched, but someone had turned them on. A program window with a status bar showed on one of the screens.

“What is that?” Matt wondered. He walked closer and read the dialogue box.

REFORMAT… 100 PERCENT COMPLETE

“What the-” Matt suddenly felt an arm wrap around his neck, bringing him into a headlock. He flailed the baseball bat over his shoulder, but Scott grabbed a hold of it and wrestled it out of his grasp.

“You don’t put up much more of a fight than your own idiot cartoon character.” Scott remarked coldly. He raised the bat and brought the pommel down on Matt’s head with a thud. Matt slumped to the floor.

Mike heard the noise and ran through the doorway. “Matt!” He cried. Something flew through the air past his head. Scott had taken a swing at him with the bat and missed by hardly an inch. “Oh Crap!” Mike stumbled backwards, startled. He grabbed a garbage basket from next to the doorway and held it up in defense. The bat smashed into it, shattering the plastic. Mike rolled aside as another wild swing smashed into the floor next to him, and he scrambled for the garage on his hands and knees. “You’re insane!” He yelled in anguish.

Scott tilted his head. “Thanks.” He raised the bat over Mike. Mike threw his arms over his face, bracing for a blow that would surely shatter his bones, but it did not come. He tentatively peered over his arms.

Scott was wrestling for the bat with Homestar. “I beat you up once already, how can you keep coming back like that?” Scott demanded through clenched teeth.

Homestar smirked. “Because I’m Homestar, and you are a big fat jerk.” He yanked extra hard and the bat slipped under Scotts fingers a few inches.

“If I’m such a jerk, why are you always getting dumped by your girlfriend?” Scott retorted. “She seemed pretty eager to pursue new interests.” He smiled cruelly.

Homestar’s face turned red. “You stay away from Marzipan…” He growled. Then he let go of the bat suddenly, and Scott tumbled backwards into a counter. He cracked his head sharply against the corner and slid to the floor in a daze.

Alex walked up behind Homestar. “See? Oldest trick in the book. I told you he’d fall for it. Reverse psychology.” Alex tapped her head.

“Reversed psychotics?” Homestar wondered.

“Nevermind.” Alex shrugged. She helped Mike up off the floor. “And who might you be? Another poor bystander that got dragged into this insanity?”

Mike groaned and rubbed his shoulder. “I’m Mike. I’m sorry, I need to check on my brother.” He squeezed between the two and hurried into the computer room.

Alex turned to Homestar. “The Mike? As in…” She glanced back over her shoulder. “Cool. Bad circumstances to meet under, but still.”

Homestar and Alex walked into the computer room. Mike was kneeling next to Matt. “I think he’s okay, he’s just unconscious.” Mike informed them.

“How about the website?” Alex asked.

Mike stood up and turned to the computer. “Oh no… he’s reformatted the drives… it would take me at least an hour to reload all the… wait! My laptop!” He ran to a closet and pulled out a briefcase. He pulled a laptop out of it and set it on the table. As soon as it powered up, he frantically started tapping on the keyboard. “I think this might work… keep your fingers crossed.”

Homestar looked at his hands and suddenly remembered that he actually had fingers he could cross, so he did so.

Mike stepped back from the laptop. “I think it worked.”

“How do we know?” Alex wondered.

“I don’t know… but I can get to the site again, and everything is working. Well, Homestar isn’t on there…” Mike replied.

Homestar walked over and looked at the computer screen. Currently showing was the main menu, but where his likeness usually stood in the lower right corner, there was nothing. “This is really creeping me out for some reason.” Homestar shuddered.

As if on cue, a strange breeze drew their attention to the corner of the room. The air was shimmering, and a split appeared. Out of the newly formed portal stepped a man in a trench coat and a broad hat. He pulled a familiar pair of glasses out of his pocket and slipped them on.

“What are you doing with Homeschool’s glasses?” Homestar demanded.

The man, who was in fact Homeschool, looked up in surprise at the memorable voice. He walked forward and grabbed Homestar’s shoulders, shaking him excitedly. “You’re alive! I can’t believe it… somehow the quantum knot untied itself and expelled you into this reality rather than destroying you! Do you know what this means? Do you realize the odds you have just overcome? I’ll have to make a model of this, maybe I figured something wrong after all. Tests! I need to run some tests-”

Homestar stared at the overexcited man, stunned into silence by all the sudden attention and fuss that was apparently getting raised over him.

Alex cleared her throat and interrupted Homeschool’s ramblings. “Who the heck are you, mister?”

“I’ve seen you somewhere before…” Mike stared at him.

“I’m Homeschool! Well, in this place I’m better known as Zack Andersen…”

“You’re the janitor.” Mike realized. “You work at the same building that-”

“Well, that’s one of my jobs. One of many.” Homeschool replied. He jammed his hands in his pockets and bounced a few times on his heels. “You did it. Everything’s back to normal now.” He beamed, but then his smile paled. “Look out!” He pointed.

The group turned and saw Scott limp into the room, leaning on the baseball bat. His auburn hair was tussled out of its usual precise spikes, and his green eyes glinted dangerously.

The Conclusion

“I’m getting pretty sick of you.” Mike scowled.

Scott straightened shakily. “I’d like to call a truce.”

“You- what?” Mike stared incredulously. “I’m not falling for that one.”

Scott let go of the baseball bat and leaned against the wall. “I’m not exactly in a condition right now to do anything. You pretty much beat the crap out of me. What do you want me to do, fight you to the death?”

Mike almost wished he would. He still burned inside over what Scott had done to Matt. Homestar was not in a much more receptive mood either.

“All right, maybe that was the wrong question. But the fact is, I’m not going to fight you. I’m not that stupid.” Scott felt the back of his head and winced.

“I’m not going to just let you walk out of here.” Mike growled. “I didn’t expect you to.” Scott replied coldly. “Go ahead and call the cops if you want, I just don’t want to fight. I can’t take another hit, I’ll admit it.” He edged toward a chair and eased himself into it painfully.

Mike glared daggers at him. “Fine. Alex, tie him up.” Mike stalked back to Matt, who was starting to stir.

Alex smirked at Scott. She wound a length of computer cord around the backs of her hands and snapped it threateningly in Scott’s face, making him jump. Then she tied his shoulders more than snugly to the back of his chair. He gasped for breath as she jerked him against the chair back. “Jeez, you don’t need to break my ribs.”

“Don’t I?” She challenged. Then she shrugged and loosened the cord to be tolerably uncomfortable.

Mike helped Matt to his feet across the room from Scott. “You okay?” Mike asked.

“Ugh… well, I’ve had worse hangovers in college I guess.” Matt muttered. He looked up and saw Homestar. “Hey, did we get the site…”

“Yes.” Homeschool replied. “Everything’s back. Thank you.”

“No problem… shouldn’t Homestar be getting back? I can think of a few people who would be pretty happy to know he’s all right.” Matt suggested.

Homeschool smiled and pulled out the TranSphere. A moment later the portal opened behind him. He stepped aside.

“Well guys, it’s been fun.” Homestar nodded to Mike and Matt. He walked toward the portal, but Alex caught his arm. He turned around to face her.

“You weren’t just about to leave without saying goodbye to me, were you?” Alex asked. “N-no.” Homestar replied awkwardly.

Alex smiled and threw her arms around him. “Take care, ya big goofball.”

Homestar’s pale face reddened. “Uh, thanks Alex.”

Alex let go and poked him toward the portal. “Now get back in there, buddy.”

Homestar walked up to the portal. Scott laid his hands open in his lap, revealing a small metal ball. It was the second TranSphere. The sphere wobbled, and the air behind Scott shimmered as a second portal tore open. The sphere in Homeschool’s hand sparked and he dropped it. Both portals shuddered and tendrils of energy snaked between them. Alex yanked Homestar out of the way as a bolt shot out at him from the first portal. The bolt continued across the room, directly for Scott. His eyes grew wide and he struggled against the computer cord that bound him, but the bolt found him before he even had a chance. There was a flash, and both portals closed. Scott was nowhere to be seen. The room was eerily silent.

“That was my favorite office chair!” Matt said finally.

Homestar looked at the place where Homeschool’s portal had been. “Now how do I get back?” He groaned.

Homeschool picked up his TranSphere and rubbed it on his coat, then inspected it. “I’m pretty sure this one’s shot.” He shook his head sadly.

“What about Scott’s?” Alex asked.

Homeschool dropped his Transphere and crossed the room to look at Scott’s. He picked it up and fiddled with it for a few seconds. Suddenly a portal reopened behind him. “Well, we sure got lucky. This one still works!”

“It’s not reversed or whatever is it?” Mike asked.

“If it was, I wouldn’t be standing here. I’d be in limbo, remember?” Homeschool replied. “Come on, Homestar… before something else happens.” Homeschool motioned Homestar over. Homestar glanced back at Matt, Mike, and especially Alex. She shooed him toward the portal.

Homestar nervously gazed into the abyss before him. Then he stepped forward and fell into the emptiness. Darkness was suddenly replaced by stinging light. He blinked and sat up. Then he leapt to his feet. He was home! The sky was blue, the grass and trees and buildings had all returned. He looked to his left and saw that even the Stick was back. “I’m finally home!” He declared happily. He looked around for someone to greet, but no one was in sight so he wandered over to Strong Bad’s house.

Oddly enough, the door was propped open, so Homestar walked right in. The house was completely empty upstairs, but he could hear voices coming from the basement. He descended into the basement and stood on the stairs, peering into the room. It was very crowded. It looked like everyone in Free Country had somehow packed themselves in there. Towards one end of the room was a makeshift podium, upon which rested a framed picture of Homestar. Marzipan was currently standing in front of it, looking very distraught and giving some kind of speech.

“… he wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, but I still liked him a lot. He would always find a way to make me laugh if I was down... I wish I could have given him one last hug before…” Marzipan trailed off and bowed her head. “I’ll miss him.” She rejoined the crowd, tears streaming down her face silently.

Strong Bad stepped up next and cleared his throat. “Seeing as everyone’s had their say now, I guess I better wrap this up. Uh, well… I had to deal with Homestar a lot, since he was always breaking into my house and finding ways to ruin stuff for me and The Cheat. But even though he’s probably the most annoying guy on the planet, and he couldn’t think his way out of a box, and he was always cramping my style… not having him around is like…” Strong Bad’s voice shook a bit. “I mean, that guy was too friggen stupid for anyone to hate. I guess if I would have had a chance, I wish maybe… maybe I could have told him goodbye or something. I-I’d give my lappy to get him back. But-”

Homestar was touched by this remark. “You’d weally give up your computew fow me?” He blurted out.

Strong Bad’s head snapped up. “Y-you!” He shoved his way through the stunned audience and stood before Homestar. He stared at Homestar for a few seconds, then grabbed him and gave him a huge hug. Homestar gaped down at him, bewildered. Strong Bad suddenly felt all eyes on him and he abruptly shoved Homestar away. “Jeez, man… I’m glad to see you too but don’t get all sappy about it. Yuck.” He coughed.

Homestar was still gaping at him. “Did you just-”

“No.”

“But-”

“NO.” Strong Bad replied firmly. He stalked off, brushing past Marzipan.

Marzipan hurried forward. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again! You need to be more careful with yourself… I couldn’t stand to lose you again.”

“But it wasn’t-”

“Shh.” Marzipan smiled. She kissed him. “No more hero stuff for a while, okay?”

“O-okay.” Homestar stammered, grinning goofily.

“DaAaAaAaA, I think the captain’s back on deck, compadres.” Homsar announced.

“Who wants some Listerine!” Coach Z cried. Several people groaned.

“Ooo, I’ll take some!” The King of Town replied. “Does this mean there’ll be a feast to celebrate?”

“Well, I guess this means things are back to normal.” Strong Sad sighed.

“Meh mimema meh.” The Cheat offered Strong Sad a stick of gum.

“Sure.” Strong Sad grabbed the stick and started to pull it out of the package, but there was a snap and he yelped in pain. He yanked his finger out of the trap as The Cheat made a quick escape. “Yeah, things are definitely back to normal…”

“Come on, Homestar. You still owe me lunch.” Marzipan went upstairs. Homestar paused and glanced back at his friends. Then he ran up the stairs after Marzipan. “Okay, but you’we payin. I’m bwoke.”

---

Please tell me whatcha thought! And yes... there is a threequel: For Awesome Or For Evil - Jenny^Stuff 02:32, 27 February 2006 (UTC)