For Awesome Or For Evil
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Please make sure to have read The System is Gone and The Real World Adventures of Homestar Runner before reading this!
That said... feel free to indulge thyself.
Contents |
It's Dot Net
Scott plunged backwards into nothingness. Then the ground found him, and it wasn’t gentle. The breath was knocked out of him for a few seconds, but when he finally caught it he discovered the cables that had been binding him to the chair had loosened. The chair was in pieces now, so he easily threw off the cables and got to his feet.
He looked around. The sky above him was two toned blue… the grass indistinct and cartoonish. He looked down at himself. Even he had that cel-shaded appearance. “This must be Free Country then…” He remarked to himself.
“Who are you?” A familiar voice inquired.
Scott spun around. Homestar was standing behind him… except there was something strange about him. He was Homestar, but yet...
“You… you don’t recognize me?” Scott asked incredulously.
Homestar looked at him suspiciously. “Nooo…” He answered slowly.
Something wasn’t right, and Scott didn’t like not knowing what it was. Finally he broke the silence. “I’m Scott… you know, from the real world. You fought me.”
If Scott didn’t know better, he would have thought Homestar was sizing him up. “I have never fought you.” He spat.
Scott was a little startled. A nasty Homestar? “Uh… I’m pretty sure you did. Where am I?” He asked, just to be sure.
“You’re trespassing.” Homestar replied darkly.
“Yeah…” Scott backed off a little bit. This whole scene was definitely not right, and it was sending his brain off the freak-o-meter. Suddenly he realized something. Homestar was dressed oddly. His shirt was a darker red than it should be… and his star was black. So were the bottoms of his shoes, and the base of his hat. And where the hell was the idiot's speech impediment? “I’m in Free Country USA, right?” Scott blurted.
Homestar narrowed his eyes at Scott. “Wher did you hear that name?"
Scott was getting frustrated now. “Look, cut the crap. I want to know what is going on here. Why are you dressed so weird and… and acting smart all of a sudden?” Scott demanded.
Homestar walked toward him threateningly and glared at Scott. “Is that supposed to be an insult?”
“N-no… it’s just… I could have sworn this was… that I got sent to you know, Homestar Runner dot com… but I guess you aren’t Homestar. My mistake.” Scott swallowed hard.
Homestar was quiet for a few seconds. “It’s dot net.” He corrected.
“Homestar Runner dot net?” Scott repeated. “That’s where I am?”
The pseudo-Homestar nodded. Then, quite unexpectedly, he smiled. “Why don’t you come with me, Scott. I’d like to ask you a few questions.”
“Uh, okay…” Scott agreed nervously.
The I.E.
Scott hadn’t known what to expect upon falling out of that portal, but he never thought it would be quite as strange as what he’d somehow stumbled into. He concluded that he had landed in some kind of parallel universe where somehow all of the characters on ‘dot net’ were completely the opposite of their counterparts on ‘dot com.’ After talking with AntiHomestar, he’d come to discover that in this universe Homestar had been the reigning leader of what he called “The Independent Empire” for almost eight years. So far, corniness seemed to be the only common trait between FCUSA and the IE.
“Lately the Rebels haven’t been putting up as much of a fight as they used to, so it’s been getting sort of boring around here until you showed up.” AntiHomestar remarked sadly. “But now you say that you discovered a way to cross universes… which I would probably have discredited right away and thrown you in the dungeon to rot, if it hadn’t been for the information I recently received from my top informant.”
Scott didn’t really know how to react to that. Should he be grateful for not getting thrown in the dungeon? “Well... thanks, I guess. That would have been unpleasant.”
“For you…” AntiHomestar smirked. “Anyway, tell me about this other universe you speak of.”
“Well, there are two actually. The one I come from, which is the real world. It’s completely different than anything here or in Free Co- I mean, ‘dot com.’ It’s pretty much where everything in these… or at least, the dot com universe- comes from. People think it up.” Scott thought angrily of the two animators that had thwarted his plans and something in the depths of his mind stirred. It was a dark idea, and it thrilled him a bit. He wasn’t out of this battle just yet. He looked at AntiHomestar and grinned. “Perhaps you’d like to help me with something.”
“What’s in it for me?” AntiHomestar inquired.
“A whole other universe under your rule.” Scott offered smugly. “I can make you a device to travel between dimensions.”
AntiHomestar did not enjoy Scott’s smugness at all, but he tolerated it for the moment. He’d take what he needed from this loser and get rid of him soon enough. He was patient. “Why would you do that, there’s no gain for you. You’re hiding something.”
“I want revenge for those idiots dumping me here! Anything you do to them that makes them suffer is my reward.” Scott replied.
AntiHomestar regarded Scott. He was interesting, even had potential… but he didn’t have vision. He was trapped in a cliché vendetta scenario and couldn’t see past his own selfishness to the bigger picture. The idiot didn’t realize he could have had so much more if he’d just bargained a little… but AntiHomestar didn’t mind. It was Scott’s loss. “I’d take you up on that offer… if we didn’t already have an inter-dimensional device.”
Scott was stunned. “You- ...what?”
“As I alluded to before, Agent Z recently learned of the existence of a device currently in the possession of the Rebels. He was to infiltrate their base today and attempt to confiscate it. I was awaiting his return when you showed up.”
Scott absorbed this information. “Well, where is he then?”
AntiHomestar looked a little annoyed. “He’s late. I’ve been here for a half an hour longer than I should have been made to wait. He’d better have a good excuse.”
“Homestar…” A voice interrupted. Scott and AntiHomestar turned to face its source. Homsar was standing there- or at least his counterpart. He was also dressed oddly. His bowler hat was dark blue, and he wore some kind of uniform. His name was emblazoned discreetly on the left side of his shirt.
“What is it?” AntiHomestar inquired.
“They have disappeared!” AntiHomsar replied, perfectly fluent and understandable.
“The Rebels escaped?”
“No, everyone… they’ve all just vanished. I can’t find any of the Rebels anywhere. I’ve lost radio contact with Agent Z… and even Strong Bad is gone!” AntiHomsar explained.
“What does this mean…” AntiHomestar pondered.
Scott knew what it meant. “It means they’re in the other universe. They must have used the device.”
AntiSelves
“Let’s see… who will I mock this week…” Strong Bad had just logged on to his lappy and was scrolling through a long list of emails when he heard a crash in the basement. He slammed his fist on the table. “Strong Mad! What did I tell you about playing with the furniture!”
Strong Mad walked up behind Strong Bad. “IT WASN’T ME.”
Strong Bad almost fell off of the stool in surprise. “Jeez, don’t sneak up on me like that. Who’s in the basement?”
Strong Mad blinked. “UHHH…”
Suddenly The Cheat zoomed into the room in a panic and latched onto Strong Bad’s leg. “MIMEH HIEME MEH!”
“Take it easy, man. Okay, look… let’s just go down there and see what the heck it was.” Strong Bad left the room with The Cheat and Strong Mad following hesitantly behind him.
They peered into the basement and were shocked to see a group of strangers standing around and arguing.
“What the crap are you doing in my basement?” Strong Bad demanded, stomping into the room. He glared at the group of weirdoes and came to realize they all bore startling resemblances to people he knew. “You… what are you, like Strong Mad’s long lost twin?” Another one looked like Coach Z except he was wearing a suit with a green tie, and another looked like Bubs but the colors of his clothing were reversed.
Before Strong Bad received a response, there was a second crash and he whipped around. The TV set was lying on the floor next to The Cheat. Strong Bad had to look twice before he realized there was a second The Cheat with stripes instead of spots who was cringing away from spotted The Cheat. Striped-The-Cheat had apparently knocked over the TV while backing away.
Strong Bad grabbed his head. “Someone tell me what is going on before my brain explodes!”
AntiBubs glanced over his shoulder and kicked the couch. With a yelp of surprise a short, blue-masked person stood up and brushed himself off with what looked like a couple of oven mitts. He glanced nervously at Strong Bad. “W-well… you must be my opposite, um… self…” He shifted uncomfortably.
“Agah… hebah… what?” Strong Bad blinked.
“We're from another universe... I’m Strong Bad. Nice to meet you.” AntiStrong Bad thrust out an oven mitt.
Strong Bad stared. “You aren’t me!”
AntiStrong Bad hesitated and looked over at AntiStrong Mad.
AntiStrong Mad sighed. “Actually he is… your world is the exact opposite of ours. Everything in our world is precisely reflected in your world, and vice versa… except the reflections are polarized.”
“This is not helping my brain… let me get this straight… you’re saying this pansy is somehow related to me?” Strong Bad motioned toward AntiStrong Bad.
“That pansy IS you. Just not the “you” of this universe.” AntiStrong Mad corrected.
Strong Bad shook his head. “But- I mean- just look at him! He’s a freaking… he’s so… HE’S NOT ME!”
“Of course. He’s your opposite. I’m obviously not your world’s Strong Mad either.” AntiStrong Mad replied.
“Well… yeah I guess… you talk too quiet and smart-ish…” Strong Bad mumbled. He glared at his anti-self, who smiled nervously. Strong Bad scowled. “Okay… now why don’t you explain what all you freaks are doing in my basement?” He paused. “Wait… weren’t there five of you?”
Agent Z had disappeared from the room. AntiBubs rounded on AntiStrong Bad. “Where’s that transporter thing?” He demanded.
AntiStrong Bad flinched. “I- I dropped it… when I stood up.”
“Strong Bad!” AntiBubs scolded. “You idiot! Agent Z is probably back in our universe by now, handing it over to Homestar. Do you realize what you’ve done?”
“It was our fault too. We got distracted and let him escape.” AntiStrong Mad admitted.
AntiStrong Bad buried his face in his oven mitts, but real Strong Bad just snorted. “No big deal though, right? I mean… if my opposite is this stupid, I can only imagine how lame Coach Z and Homestar’s alternate selves must be. You should be able to get that thing back no problem. And then you can get out of my basement!”
“Homestar… lame?” AntiBubs seemed to find the two ideas incompatible. “If he heard you say that, he’d probably send you to the torture chamber… if he was in a good mood.”
At the mention of Homestar, Striped-The-Cheat dashed under the couch and hid. Strong Bad just shook his head. How could they be that scared of a moron like Homestar? “If he heard me say that, he’d probably agree with me and then ask me what my favorite color was or something.”
“This isn’t your Homestar, or your... what was it, ‘Coach’ Z? Homestar has ruled ruthlessly over the IE for about eight years. Agent Z is a skilled spy for the Empire. He, Marzipan, and Homsar are Homestar’s top advisors.” AntiStrong Mad explained.
“Wait… you’re really serious about this? Your Homestar is like, some kind of evil, power hungry dictator?” Strong Bad asked incredulously.
AntiStrong Bad finally worked up the courage to speak again. “Yes… they’re all evil… and- and Marzipan… eats puppies!” With that, AntiStrong Bad lost his composure again.
“… what!” Strong Bad didn't try to process that scenario..
“I WANT TO SAVE THE PUPPIES!” Strong Mad exclaimed.
“In due time. Right now we need to figure out how to stop a pan-dimensional war.” AntiStrong Mad consoled his counterpart.
Strong Bad waved his arms. “Why the crap are we talking about war now? Seriously, just when I think I start to understand all this junk you throw another knot in it!”
AntiBubs took this question. “You really think our Homestar would pass up the opportunity to control TWO universes?”
Strong Bad heard, he understood… but he just could not picture Homestar as a ruthless dictator. Then again, he’d never have pictured the opposite of himself as some kind of cowering wuss in a baby blue mask and oven mitts. “Okay fine. We’ll help you.” He finally growled. “I can’t freakin’ believe that Homestar got the cool anti-self… he doesn’t DESERVE an evil twin.”
Recon
Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and their extra-dimensional companions headed out for Homeschool’s temporary residence in Free Country. AntiBubs had stayed behind with The Cheat and AntiStrong Bad, mainly because Strong Bad didn’t want his antiself wandering around in public. The thought of what that twit could do to his reputation gave him the jibblies.
“I sure hope Homeschool’s not out in the real world this week. The nerd never leaves his house otherwise.” Strong Bad remarked, knocking on the door. There were footsteps beyond followed by the rattling of the lock. Homeschool appeared at the doorway.
“What can I… huh?” He stared at the duplicates on his doorstep.
“Long story short, I'm from an alternate universe. And I’m afraid we might have brought our problem right along with us.” AntiStrong Mad explained. “Can we come in?”
“You… Strong Mad?” Homeschool blinked disbelievingly at this intelligent version and then glanced at Strong Mad.
“HELP SAVE THE PUPPIES!” Strong Mad contributed.
Strong Bad cleared his throat. “Look, are you letting us in or what?”
Homeschool unfroze and opened the door wide for them. “Yes, of course.”
They filed in and picked their way through the living room, which was currently strewn with electronic scrap, and sat down where they could.
“And I thought my room was bad…” Strong Bad muttered.
“It’s an organized chaos.” Homeschool defended.
Strong Bad snorted. “For a genius, sometimes you’re really-”
“What was it you needed to tell me now?” Homeschool interrupted, looking at AntiStrong Mad.
“As I was saying… you will have to prepare for the worst. The Homestar from our universe will surely waste no time in coming here to take over. He wouldn’t pass up an opportunity like this for anything.”
Homeschool was silent for a moment. “How did you get here in the first place?”
“I created a way to travel across universes in hopes of either finding help or finding a sanctuary from Homestar and his advisors. It didn’t work out as I planned… we were followed and now the device is in the hands of the enemy.”
“I see… how do you recommend we prepare?” Homeschool inquired.
AntiStrong Mad looked away. “I’m not really sure. I guess if I knew the best thing to do, we would have taken care of Homestar ourselves and never have come here. We were desperate.”
“Well if my antiself wasn’t such a pa- …pushover, you wouldn’t have a problem.” Strong Bad remarked.
AntiStrong Mad looked at him. “Don’t be so quick to condemn your counterpart. You’ve never met our Homestar.”
“Yeah well I’d like ta see him try to push me around.” Strong Bad huffed. Little did he know that his wish would soon be granted for at that moment, by The Stick, a portal was opening.
First to emerge was Agent Z. He tumbled out and sprung to his feet, straightening his green tie. Then he stepped aside as a second figure came through. AntiHomestar stumbled but did not fall. He blinked and looked around. He smirked at the sphere he was holding. “I guess the Rebels were good for something after all.”
Last to come out was Scott. He crashed into the ground with a groan. AntiHomestar glared down at him. “Get up, you idiot.”
Scott flashed a glare at him, but it was ignored. He got to his feet, rubbing his elbow. He felt a shove and was almost sent back to the ground again. “JEEZ, cut it out!”
“I just might if you don’t get moving.” AntiHomestar replied darkly. “You said you knew this place?” He tossed the transphere to Agent Z, who stuck it in his suit.
Scott was liking this Homestar less and less by the minute. “W-well, sort of.”
AntiHomestar stared at him dangerously. “You do or you don’t. I took you along under the pretense that you would be useful because you knew your way around. Are you suggesting you aren’t useful to me anymore?”
“No.” Scott replied quickly. “I was… just kidding. Heh heh.” He offered weakly. AntiHomestar remained stone faced. Scott cleared his throat. “Uh, where did you want to go?”
AntiHomestar glanced at Agent Z. “What do you think?”
Agent Z pondered. “I’m thinking this should be a recon mission until we determine the level of potential resistance.”
“Yes, yes, I know that. Where do you think we should go?” AntiHomestar pressed.
“We need to evaluate their current administration.” Agent Z advised. “So we need to go to their headquarters, their place of government.”
AntiHomestar turned to Scott. “Take us to theiw leader.” He commanded.
Scott rolled his eyes, but he dared not say anything. Common sense told him it was a good idea to do everything in one’s power not to upset evil, insane dictators. He held his tongue for fear of losing it and walked on, hoping he was going the right way. He shuddered, realizing his health might depend on that detail. Then he spotted someone familiar approaching. AntiHomestar noticed them too.
“Well, apparently the leader has come to us. How convenient.” AntiHomestar mused.
“Uh, he’s not the leader. He’s…” Scott hesitated to explain. “Well, I guess you’ll find out soon enough.”
AntiHomestar was about to threaten bodily harm again in exchange for more information, but at that moment he was interrupted.
“Hey, whewe’d you guys come fwom?” Homestar asked, coming to a halt before the trio. Then he blinked. “You thwee look familiaw…”
AntiHomestar stared at him. Was this loser for real? He glanced at Agent Z to make sure he was prepared to back him up in case it was a bluff. Then he addressed his other self. “We’re here to take over this poor excuse for a universe.”
Homestar just blinked again. “Oh that’s nice. Sewiously though… do I owe you money or something? I know I seen you befowe and it’s weally bugging me.”
It was all AntiHomestar could do to keep himself from strangling his double. “I’m YOU. Have you looked in the mirror lately?” He growled.
“You’we not me. I’m me.” Homestar replied. He squinted at his antiself. “Although now that you mention it, the wesemblance is pwetty cweepy. You suwe you awen’t my cousin?”
AntiHomestar stared in utter disgust. “I don’t believe this. My antiself is a complete moron.” He stated flatly.
“What should we do with him?” Agent Z wondered.
“No point in killing him yet. This is a reconnaissance mission after all… but we should keep him from wandering off and telling someone of our presence here.”
Agent Z nodded in agreement. “I’ll take care of it.”
Suddenly Homestar noticed Scott. “You! I wecognize you. What awe you doing hewe?” He demanded.
Homestar never got a chance to receive a response, however, for Agent Z grabbed him and threw him to the ground. He pulled a roll of wire out of his suit and quickly wound it around Homestar’s ankles.
“Hey! What’s the big idea? This wiwe is huwting my feet.” Homestar protested.
“Cloth.” Agent Z requested, looking at Scott and AntiHomestar.
AntiHomestar looked around and then walked over to Scott and shredded a strip off of his shirt.
“HEY!” Scott cried, pulling away and inspecting the gigantic hole. “Why you-”
“Me what?” AntiHomestar challenged.
Scott mouthed silently. “N-nothing.” He finally stammered.
“Thought so.” AntiHomestar scowled. He handed the rag to Agent Z, who used it to gag Homestar.
“Well now.” AntiHomestar smirked. “Problem solved. Now let’s get moving, shall we?” He glared at Scott and they continued on, leaving Homestar lying confused and helpless behind them.
A Plan
Back at the basement, AntiBubs was flipping channels on the TV. Miraculously the television was intact enough to still function after being knocked to the floor.
AntiStrong Bad was sitting beside him fidgeting. Suddenly he perked up. “Hey, go back!”
AntiBubs glanced at him and went back a channel. “What’s so interesting?”
“Survival is on! It must be three already.” AntiStrong Bad looked around for a clock.
AntiBubs shook his head. “Ugh. You watch that reality show crap?”
“W-well, they’re getting near the end…”
AntiBubs watched it for a few minutes. “Weekday TV stinks. Your antiself needs to get satellite or something.”
AntiStrong Bad leaned forward. “I don’t believe this. Kim was the only reason you made it to the final round, you backstabber!”
“Why did I have to get stuck babysitting you.” AntiBubs muttered.
A moment later The Cheat and Anti-The-Cheat came zipping down the stairs. Behind them came Strong Bad, Strong Mad, Homeschool, and AntiStrong Mad.
AntiBubs got to his feet. “What’s he doing here?” He asked, pointing at Homeschool.
“I’m helping you get rid of Homestar.” Homeschool replied. “I think we might have a plan. But we’ll have to act quickly… AntiHomestar- your Homestar- is already here. We found our Homestar tied up not far from here.”
“It won’t be long before he figures out what the plan is and tries to stop us.” AntiStrong Mad added. “Let’s go while we can.”
“Wait wait wait… what is the plan?” AntiBubs asked.
“It’s not t-too dangerous, is it?” AntiStrong Bad wondered timidly.
Strong Bad glared at his antiself. “We’re gonna free your king.”
There was a racket on the stairs, and Homestar stumbled into the room. Strong Bad fumed. “What are you doing! I told you to stay by the door and keep watch!”
AntiStrong Bad wailed and leapt behind the couch, mistaking Homestar for his counterpart. Homestar looked around and blinked. “Whoa, is thewe a family weunion this week or what.”
“Get back up there, you idiot! Someone has to watch for AntiHo- for your cousin. He could be anywhere, and we don’t need two of you interfering with stuff.” Strong Bad started shoving Homestar back up the stairs.
Homestar looked behind him. “But I was just comin to tell ya, he is hewe.”
And he was. AntiHomestar stood outside, sizing up the house. “This doesn’t look like any residence of importance. This looks like… Strong Mad’s house.” He glared at Scott. “Explain.”
“Look, I’m not from around here! This isn’t even my universe, the only way I know this place is from a freaking web site!” Scott felt an invisible grasp tighten around his throat and he gagged.
“You are making this more difficult than it should be. I don’t like delays. You better come up with a good reason for me to keep you around.” AntiHomestar sneered. Scott struggled, but even if he had an answer he wouldn’t have been able to respond. Just when he was about to pass out, AntiHomestar released him.
Scott rubbed his neck and looked up at him. “You didn’t have it in you-”
AntiHomestar shot him a withering glare. “Don’t tempt me. You’we only alive because I saw someone looking out the fwont doow. Come on, Agent Z.”
AntiHomestar and Agent Z walked up to the door. AntiHomestar kicked in the door and stepped in. Agent Z slipped past him and searched around the upstairs. He paused by the door to the basement and pointed. AntiHomestar smirked. He started down the stairs, stopping near the bottom. Someone had thrown a rug on the bottom stair, the other end of it running under the door.
“Oh honestly… how stupid do they think I am.” He muttered, kicking aside the rug and throwing open the door.
Strong Bad managed to stumble backwards and avoid getting hit by the door. He regarded the eerily familiar newcomer and got to his feet. “So… you’re the guy I’ve been hearing about. Homestar’s opposite, eh?” He noted.
AntiHomestar looked around the room at the others, then focused his cold gaze on Strong Bad. “Who are you? Wait… I know who you are.” He glanced toward AntiStrong Bad, who was shivering behind the couch.
Strong Bad saw where he was looking and tensed. “Listen up, mister fancy no-pants. I’m sick of you messing around in other people’s universes. I don’t care how tough they say you are, your act doesn’t work on me.” He faltered as Agent Z stepped into the room beside AntiHomestar, but only for a moment. “So… unless you want a piece of me, you better crawl right back to that other-dimensional rock you came out from under.”
AntiHomestar smiled unpleasantly. “What an ironic twist of fate. A boastful, overconfident Strong Bad. I never thought I would see this day.”
Something about that smile made Strong Bad uncomfortable. He shoved the feeling aside and huffed. “Overconfident? Look who’s talking, buddy. You just walked into a room full of people and you’re outnumbered 9 to 2.”
“Fine. Then why don’t you subdue me? Tie me up.” AntiHomestar stared him in the eye. “What are you waiting for?”
Strong Bad looked around the room. No one was moving. Homestar was slowly backing away from behind him and he whipped around. “Where do you think you’re going?” He snapped. “What’s wrong with you guys? Jeez, I have to do everything myself!” He turned back to AntiHomestar and threw a punch. His glove stopped in midair.
AntiHomestar grinned. He lifted his foot, still holding Strong Bad in place by his glove, and kicked him right into the wall. Strong Bad groaned, but didn’t get up. AntiHomestar addressed the room. “All right, listen up. I’m sick of wasting my time with you losers. Tell me how to get to the castle, or wherever it is your leader resides.”
“Why should we,” Homestar retorted.
“If you don’t, I’ll take it out on your friend here until I get the answers I need,” AntiHomestar threatened.
Strong Mad shuffled over and helped Strong Bad to his feet. “LEAVE HIM ALONE!”
“Tell me what I want to know.”
AntiStrong Bad finally crept out from behind the couch. “I-it’s that way.” He said meekly, pointing.
“How do you know? AntiBubs snapped.
“The C-Cheat said something about it.” He muttered.
“I knew I could count on your weakness.” AntiHomestar sneered. “Come on, Agent Z. We have a country to take over.” He left the room and went back up the stairs. When they heard the door slam, the room visibly relaxed.
“You see what we mean now?” AntiStrong Mad said to Strong Bad.
“That meant nothing. Except maybe that you guys are all a bunch of LOSERS for standing around! He beat me because I was waiting to let you have a shot at him.” Strong Bad glared.
“We needed him to leave so we could leave. We may not have been able to beat him anyway. It’s safest to stick to the original plan. Which means we need to leave now, while he’s distracted.” Homeschool pulled out the transphere and activated it. A portal split the air before them.
“There’s nine of us! All he had was Agent Z! Do the math, man!” Strong Bad glanced at his antiself cowering across the room from him. “Okay, eight of us. But still!”
“Are you coming or not?” Homeschool asked him.
“Well of course I’m coming, it’s pretty obvious you guys are too dumb to pull this off on your own.” Strong Bad replied.
“I’ll come too! Whewe awe we going?” Homestar wondered.
“To the antiverse.” Homeschool responded.
Tag Along
AntiHomestar rapped on the door of the castle. There was some clamor beyond it before the King of Town appeared in the doorway.
“Oh, hello Homestar! You… haven’t seen the pizza guy yet have you?”
AntiHomestar glared at him. “You’re the leader here?”
“Er… well yes, I am the ‘King’ of Town after all.” He replied nervously. “Hey, if you’re not here delivering pizza, you want to hang out for a while and play some Typing Tutor?”
AntiHomestar stared at him for a minute. “… no. I don’t want to play some stupid game. I’m here to take over this ridiculous excuse for a country. Now give me that crown and get out of that castle, I’m running things from now on.”
The King of Town blinked. “Can you at least wait until the pizza gets here?”
AntiHomestar rolled his eyes and shoved past the king. A second later The King of Town was booted out of his castle by a red-soled shoe, crownless and without pizza.
Inside, AntiHomestar made himself comfortable. That mainly involved throwing a lot of what he deemed as ‘unnecessary crap’ out the window. “Jeez, this guy has enough food for an army… and he’s ordering pizza?”
“My lord, I beg your pardon but… what’s next on the agenda?” Agent Z interrupted.
“Relax, Agent Z. Now all that’s left for us to do is to take care of those rebels.” AntiHomestar smirked. “And that shouldn’t be too difficult now that they’re trapped here without-” He stopped himself. “Wait a moment… didn’t Scott say those opposite selves have a transphere as well?”
“I believe so.” Agent Z affirmed.
AntiHomestar growled in annoyance and pulled out his transphere. “Fricken retards are probably trying some stupid last minute rescue mission.” He muttered, activating the device. “I’ll be right back.” He snarled, before leaping into the portal.
Meanwhile, everyone’s favorite cartoon athlete emerged from the portal to the antiverse and looked up curiously at the blue-gray skies of the Independent Empire. “Kinda cweepy. Like a science fiction movie owr something.” He remarked. The others were already on or getting to their feet.
“I still think we should have left him behind.” Strong Bad muttered.
“Why isn’t the portal closing? I thought dot-com Homestar was the last one through.” AntiBubs observed.
Homeschool glanced at AntiStrong Mad, who examined the sphere with puzzlement. “By all logic it should have closed…” He agreed.
Then they abruptly discovered the answer to the dilemma when Scott came flying out, crashing into Homestar.
"Aw man, I just got UP too!” Homestar complained.
Scott glared at Homestar. “Crap. I thought you guys were going back to the real world or something.” He muttered, getting up off of the dazed webtoon character.
Homestar shook his head and sat up, staring at Scott with a flicker of recognition. “YOU again!”
“You were working for Homestar.” AntiStrong Mad said slowly.
Scott glanced around, suddenly realizing how outnumbered he was. “Uh… emphasis on ‘were.’ I- he sorta terminated our contract, apparently.”
“You’re lucky that’s all he terminated.” AntiBubs snorted.
“Poor Mr. Bland…” AntiStrong Bad whimpered.
“Man, as if it wasn’t enough you screwed up our site last time… then you’re helping some evil dork from another dimension take over! What do you want NOW?” Strong Bad demanded.
“Might I remind you all that… we have a very small window of opportunity to begin with…” Homeschool reminded anxiously.
“We can’t just leave him here, he’ll hook up with AntiHomestar again.” AntiBubs pointed out.
“Well now wai-“ Scott began to speak but he was interrupted.
“Eme mi meh mimer hemeh?” The Cheat suggested. Scott just looked at him weirdly, but the others nodded.
“Good idea. Just make it quick.” Homeschool replied.
“What did he say?” Scott asked.
“To unlace your shoes.” Strong Bad smirked.
“What?” Scott narrowed his eyes.
“Do it, buddy, or I’ll have to get Strong Mad to help you.” Strong Bad ordered. Strong Mad cracked his knuckles.
Scott rolled his eyes and yanked out his shoelaces. “This is ridiculous…”
Strong Bad snatched the laces from Scott as soon as he had finished, and quickly used them to secure Scott’s hands behind his back. Then he connected Scott’s shoes with the other lace, creating a makeshift hobble.
“All right, now lets get going before AntiHomestar figures out what we’re up to.” AntiStrong Mad remarked.
Scott watched them leave until he felt a shove. “You didn’t think we were leaving you behind, did you?” Strong Bad observed smugly. “Move it.”
Scott complied, resentfully. “I just want to get home.” He muttered.
“Yeah like that’s gonna happen. Not after all the trouble you caused last time. You’re getting a nice, rat-infested cell next door to AntiHomestar in that castle once we let loose the anti-king.” Strong Bad snorted, jabbing Scott again for good measure.
“Why were you so resolute about destroying the site in the first place?” Homeschool wondered, slowing up to walk beside Scott.
“None of your business.” Scott snapped.
Homeschool shrugged. “As you wish… I was only wondering because I was considering the possibility of sending you back, on the grounds that your motivation to repeat an attempt to destroy us was gone, or resolved.”
Scott was quiet after that. “I don’t have to prove anything to a bunch of stupid cartoons.” He muttered after a while. “What are you, the police?”
“You do realize that, as you are currently in our universe, you are a cartoon now as well?” Homeschool mused.
“Nooo, really?” Scott responded sarcastically. “I’m not stupid. I made a transphere, too, genius. And I figured it out on my own. That counts for WAY more than some… cartoon character making it. Nobody wrote ME up in a script.”
“How do you know?” Homeschool pointed out.
“Because I’m REAL. Nobody drew me in a web design software program and stuck me on a freakin’ website for people’s entertainment.” Scott replied.
“It’s all relative you know. Things aren’t always what they seem.” Homeschool sighed. “You think you know everything, but you really have a lot to learn.”
Scott huffed. “I’m not about to take lessons from some fictional character on my existential status in the scheme of things.”
“Keep quiet, guys… we’re nearing the castle. Homestar has guards.” AntiStrong Mad warned.
“…I do?” Homestar puzzled.
Strong Bad whacked him. “He said quiet, dorkus.”
Traitor
The castle loomed before them… once again, the spitting image of the castle back in Free Country. Homestar squinted.
“Is that Pom Pom?”
“Homestar… be QUIET.” Strong Bad growled.
“That’s not OUR Pom Pom. Chances are, he works for AntiHomestar.” Homeschool clarified quietly.
“We have a contact inside the castle. The Cheat has gone ahead to inform him of our arrival. We should be able to sneak in the back.” AntiStrong Mad explained. It was strange hearing a whisper coming out of him.
They crept around the side of the castle and came to a back door. Scott saw it and snorted. “Jeez… what’s the point of having a drawbridge if you have a back door? This is insane.”
“What’s the point of putting locks on the doors of a 24 hour 7-11?” Homeschool countered.
“Okay, both of you… be quiet already.” AntiBubs hissed. They all turned at the sound of the door opening. Anti-The-Cheat was standing in the doorway.
“Let’s do this.” Strong Bad stated, shoving Scott forward. They filed into the castle, and AntiBubs shut the door behind them.
“Well that was the first hard part.” AntiStrong Mad sighed, relieved.
“So who’s this contact you guys are supposed t-“ Strong Bad started to ask, but suddenly he felt himself yanked into a hug.
“Welcome back!” A familiar voice exclaimed.
“What the-” Strong Bad looked up. It looked like Strong Sad… but he sounded WAY too… cheerful. And Strong Sad knew better than to try to hug Strong Bad.
“Who the crap are you?” Strong Bad demanded, shoving him away. He blinked. “Strong Sad?”
“I think you mean ‘Strong Glad,’ big brotherling.” Strong-whatever chuckled.
“Huh?” Strong Bad couldn’t form a response. He was beyond weirded out. He didn’t even snap at his doppelganger when he shoved past him to greet his younger brother.
“It’s so good to see you’re okay!” AntiStrong Bad gushed.
Strong Bad gagged loudly, causing Strong Glad to glance between him and the antiself quizzically. “Two of you…?”
“These are our doubles from the antiverse.” AntiStrong Mad clarified.
“Oh, that goofy thing you were explaining last week? Well I’m pleased to meet you all. Sorry about the confusion there.” Strong Glad patted Strong Bad on the head.
“Wt- cht- fgdk… DON’T TOUCH ME.” Strong Bad swiped at his hand.
Strong Glad withdrew and glanced around at the rest of the group. He spotted Homestar and gasped. “My lord!” He bowed deeply.
AntiStrong Bad tugged at his brother’s vest. “That’s n-not really Homestar! It’s a good version of him. From the other place.” He assured.
Homestar leaned over to look at the floor by Strong Glad. “Whatchya lookin at, Stwong Sad?”
Strong Glad blinked before straightening. “Oh. My mistake again! Silly me.”
Homestar just gave him an odd look and shrugged the behavior off as some kind of side affect of caffeine. “So, whewe’s this king guy we gotta fwee?”
“He’s in the dungeon of course. I expect you’ll be wanting me to show you in through the secret passages. Homestar may not be here but… Marzipan is.” Strong Glad shuddered.
“All right, let’s get this over with. All this antiverse stuff is creeping me out big time.” Strong Bad muttered.
“Me too.” Homestar agreed cheerfully.
“SAVE THE PUPPIES!” Strong Mad added.
Strong Glad grabbed a sconce on the wall and turned it, and the wall slid back to reveal a passageway. “Now you must remember this: You’ll have to keep someone in the passageway to be able to reopen the door that leads to the dungeon, because it is a one-way entrance. I will wait here for your return. My disappearance would be-”
“Yeah, yeah. We got it, now go away.” Strong Bad shoved past Strong Glad, dragging Scott after him. Strong Mad and the antiselves followed, and Homestar brought up the rear. The stone passage slid shut behind them as Strong Glad twisted the sconce again. The only light now filtered in through small gaps running along the ceiling of the corridor.
“Wow, I didn’t know the King of Town’s castle was so cool.” Homestar remarked.
“It isn’t- oh jeez, never mind. It’s not worth explaining anyway. Not to YOU.” Strong Bad huffed.
“This is so degrading…” Scott muttered angrily.
“Shh! There are holes in this hallway, anyone could hear us.” Homeschool cautioned.
The hallway dipped into a slope, and eventually they came across some irregular stairs. The group descended and at long last came to a dead end. Strong Bad searched around in the darkness for a lever or something to trigger the door.
“If you untie me, I have a flashlight on my keychain.” Scott offered.
“Yeah right, nice try.”
“Come on, where am I gonna go?” Scott pointed out.
Strong Bad just ignored him. In a few minutes he managed to find a loose stone in the wall and shoved on it. Flickering torch light poured into the hallway. They had reached the dungeon.
“All right, you guys. Find out which one they’re keeping the King in. Homestar, you can stay in the passage with Scott and hold the door for us.” Homeschool ordered. AntiStrong Mad, Homeschool, and AntiBubs searched in one direction while Strong Bad, his antiself, and Strong Mad checked the cells in the other direction. Homestar waited impatiently in the doorway.
“This is bowing. I wanna help look too.”
“So go look. I’ll keep an eye on the door.” Scott suggested.
Homestar glared at him suspiciously. “How do I know you awen’t lying? You’we one of the bad guys.”
Scott shrugged. “Fine, if you would rather just stand here I really don’t care.”
“Well if you pwomise not to wun away…”
Scott smirked. “Of course I promise.”
“Okay then.” Homestar agreed, walking off. Scott waited for him to disappear around the corner before hobbling toward the dungeon’s main exit. The stone passage slid shut behind him.
“What an idiot.” He snickered quietly.
Meanwhile, Strong Bad had located the King’s cell. It was on the end, in a solitary cell with solid walls and a thick wooden door. “Boy, apparently AntiHomestar doesn’t want this guy getting out.” Strong Bad noted.
“W-well, it was the King who imprisoned Homestar in the f-first place. He can counter his psychic powers.” AntiStrong Bad explained.
“Uh huh.” Strong Bad responded distractedly. “Strong Mad do you think you can get this door open?” Strong Bad asked his brother.
Strong Mad blinked at the door before stepping back a bit and then ramming it with his square shoulders. Neither Strong Mad nor the door appeared to be affected by the jarring blow. “I CAN’T SMASH IT.”
“Looks like we need to get-” Strong Bad was interrupted by the sudden arrival of a certain annoying athlete.
“Hey guys, you need some keys? I found these hangin’ on the wall down thewe.” Homestar rattled a set of keys in Strong Bad’s face.
Strong Bad snatched them away. “Wow, that’s a first. Homestar actually being usefu- HEY… aren’t you supposed to be keeping the secret door open for us?” Strong Bad demanded.
“Oh, don’t wowwy. Scott’s watching it fow me.”
Strong Bad groaned. “Homestar! You can’t trust HIM!”
“Yeah but he pwomised not t-” At that moment, Homestar was knocked backwards into the wall, hitting his head sharply and slumping to the floor. AntiHomestar stepped over him.
“Oh isn’t that sweet. Both Strong Bads working together to save the day,” He sneered.
Caged
Strong Bad blinked in surprise before glaring at AntiHomestar. “I’m getting really REALLY sick of running into you, man.” He growled.
There was a clang as a door slammed shut on the other end of the dungeon and Agent Z jogged up the passage a moment later to stand beside his master.
AntiHomestar didn’t even glance at his assistant. “I can assure you, the feeling is mutual. Agent Z, did you take care of the others?”
“Yes, milord.” Agent Z replied.
Well Strong Bad wasn’t just going to stand there while this evil creep locked up his companions. He lunged for Agent Z with an angry yell, catching him off guard. His fist caught Agent Z’s shoulder as the agent of evil attempted to dodge the blow that would have otherwise left his face in a rather painful condition. Agent Z crashed sideways into the iron bars of the nearest cell.
AntiHomestar took advantage of the attack on his assistant and invisibly grabbed hold of Strong Bad’s shoulders to get a clean shot at kneeing him in the gut, but he neglected to notice that his antiself was stirring on the floor and had stretched his leg out on the floor behind him. AntiHomestar stumbled backwards, bringing Strong Bad down with him. The two had started a scuffle on the floor by the time Homestar had gotten to his feet, bending his knee tentatively in the wake of being tripped over.
Strong Mad finally took the situation into his own hands… literally. He grabbed AntiHomestar in one meaty fist, and his brother in the other. “STOP FIGHTING!”
“I agree!” AntiStrong Bad yelped. He was cowering behind the mound of muscle that was Strong Mad.
“Oh you underbiting no good fricken-” Strong Bad snarled, still trying to get a shot at his foe. AntiHomestar ignored his efforts and turned his attention to the new threat. He twisted and kicked out at Strong Mad, catching him in his stumpy shin. The action, however, did not cause him to loosen his grip as AntiHomestar had hoped. Instead it just made his opponent more angry. Strong Mad smashed AntiHomestar against the wall several times until he seemed sufficiently subdued.
“Stop! Don’t anyone move.” Agent Z interrupted. Strong Mad looked up to see that Agent Z had grabbed Homestar and was holding him hostage at knifepoint. Strong Mad hesitated.
Strong Bad pounded on his brother’s arm. “Let me down, you dope!”
“Release my master.” Agent Z hissed, pressing the knife menacingly against the side of Homestar’s face. Homestar swallowed nervously.
Strong Mad did as the spy requested and released his captive immediately. AntiHomestar grunted painfully and limped away, straightening himself once he was a safe distance away. AntiStrong Bad whimpered quietly.
“Now all of you can step into that cell.” Agent Z commanded. Again the group complied, Strong Bad having no choice in the matter since he was still in Strong Mad’s grip. AntiHomestar walked up and locked the door. Agent Z shoved Homestar into a separate cell across the way and with a final click their rescue mission had come to a screeching halt.
AntiHomestar glared at them through the bars. “You just wait until tonight. You’ll be sorry for that. You and your arrogant brother.” He growled.
Strong Bad grunted and finally managed to shove his way out of Strong Mad’s grip. He grabbed hold of the door as AntiHomestar started to walk away and shouted after him. “Where are you going, huh? I’m not through with you yet, marshmallow boy! Come back here and say that to my face! You wouldn’t even have caught us if you didn’t have your stupid double agent from another dimension snooping around.”
AntiHomestar paused. “… are you referring to Scott?”
Strong Bad hesitated. “Uh… maybe. Yes.”
AntiHomestar shook his head and turned around. “I caught you because you are about as stealthy as a herd of elephants on stampede. I wasn’t aware that Scott had returned to us. Thanks for the tip.” With that he continued to walk away. “Do a thorough search of the castle. Make sure you find that annoying man and lock him up. I have no further use for him and he is too much of a risk to be running around my castle.” He muttered to Agent Z.
A few minutes after their captors disappeared up the stairs, Strong Bad took a seat on the floor and sighed in frustration. “This is just perfect.”
“Weally? I don’t wemembew this bein’ pawt of the plan,” Homestar remarked.
“I was being sarcastic, dipwad,” Strong Bad replied flatly.
“Ohh, w-we’re in BIG t-trouble now. Big trouble! No escape…” AntiStrong Bad started pacing nervously.
“Okay, you, CUT THAT OUT. Right. Now,” Strong Bad ordered.
“But y-you don’t know what he does to prisoners! He never keeps them long… ohhh…” Strong Bad’s double looked about ready to faint.
“So help me if you faint, I’m gonna shove your head in that chamber pot in the corner. Then you’ll WISH AntiHomestar had put you out of your misery. I don’t care if you’re the ‘me’ of another universe. Who knows when this place was cleaned last.” Strong Bad made a face.
“Hey! Are you guys all okay down there?” Homeschool’s voice echoed down the corridor from the other end of the dungeon.
“Oh we’re just fine. Couldn’t be better. Well, we could I guess… if Homestar hadn’t left his freaking post!” Strong Bad yelled back.
“I didn’t mean to,” Homestar defended.
Strong Bad stood up. “Oh you never MEAN to. You just DO it. You always screw everything up, man! If you ever did something right I think the laws of physics would shatter and the universe would like… implode. Why do you think I said you shouldn’t come with us? I knew this would happen.”
“H-hey, take it easy, he was only-” AntiStrong Bad began, but was interrupted.
“Only trying to help? I’ve had enough of his so-called help. For once he can NOT get in the way and then maybe we’d get somewhere.”
Homestar was quiet for a bit. “Sowwy.”
“Yeah, well, sorry doesn’t unlock this door,” Strong Bad muttered, sitting back down again.
“We’ll get outta hewe, Stwong Bad. The good guys always win!” Homestar reminded somewhat cheerfully.
“Yeah, I noticed.” Strong Bad snorted. “Do us all a favor and spare us from your optimistic babble, dumpface. I can’t hear myself think.”
Decoy
Scott eyed up AntiHomestar’s stash of treasures in frustration. There were many intricate mechanical devices and strange weapons mixed in with some other expensive looking finds; none of them interested Scott though. His mind was set on one particular object, and of course that was the one he couldn’t find in the carefully organized collection of trophies.
He perused the collection one last time before moving on to rummage through a chest at the end of AntiHomestar’s bed. No luck again. He slammed the chest closed in frustration. “Where the hell did he put it!”
“Lose something, sweetheart?”
Scott spun around to face the voice. Black dress, purple streak in her hair, way too much makeup; it was AntiMarzipan. “Oh, heh heh. Hi there… uh, Marzipan. You know Homestar just sent me up here to find the transphere. Have you seen it?” He silently prayed that AntiHomestar hadn’t had a chance to tell her he’d been relieved of his services at the castle yet.
AntiMarzipan blinked. “Oh. Well I have it.” She produced the sphere, but kept it carefully out of Scott’s reach.
“Great, you can hand it over now,” Scott commanded.
AntiMarzipan hesitated and then smiled, slipping the sphere into her purse. “No, I don’t think so honey. I’ll get in trouble.”
“You’ll only get in trouble if you don’t hand it over, now give it to me!” Scott urged impatiently.
“Nope. Homestar said you ain’t working for us no more so I can’t give it to you,” AntiMarzy stated resolutely.
“But you- agh, come on Marzy…” Scott paused. Suddenly he had an idea. He pointed out at the hallway. “Hey, I think I saw a puppy.”
“Where?” AntiMarzipan spun around, and Scott grabbed the sphere from her. Not the most ingenious plan, but it worked well enough against the not so sharp wits of AntiHomestar’s purple-blonde babe. Scott chuckled to himself as he ran down the hall. Knowing her she was probably still trying to locate the puppy.
He fiddled with the sphere a bit to find the controls. It was a bit different from his design, but shouldn’t be too hard to-
“Whoa!” Scott stumbled forward, colliding with the stone floor painfully. Someone had tripped him. He clenched the sphere and looked up at his assailant.
Agent Z smirked down at him. “Fool,” he snorted haughtily. “You think my lord would entrust Marzipan with the real transphere?”
Scott blinked as Agent Z grabbed the sphere out of his hand. He made a move to detain Scott, but Scott managed to kick him off and roll to his feet. Then he made a break for the main doors, though he only succeeded in gaining a few feet before once again his escape was rudely interrupted. He was yanked backwards unceremoniously by the collar of his shirt, this time by AntiHomestar himself.
“Okay, that hurts.” Scott gagged. AntiHomestar slammed him against the wall. He inspected his captive briefly before shoving him toward Agent Z. “Put him in the dungeon with the others.”
“Hey, you know- I helped you!” Scott pointed out angrily.
“Good for you. Maybe I’ll let you live to see your world conquered as well.” AntiHomestar smirked before walking away.
Agent Z led Scott to the dungeon before he could say anything more.
AntiHomestar made his way to his study to resume poring over an assortment of papers that were scattered across his desk. When Agent Z returned he glanced up briefly. “Ah, about time you showed up. I was wondering your opinion on something.”
“Yes, m’lord?”
“Well I’ve been thinking, this Scott… he knows the layout of the Atlanta universe quite well… in addition to the local customs, the defenses. I wouldn’t have enough to go on just from what he’s told me to feel confident about a takeover. Do you think he’s worth sparing despite the risk he poses to our operations? Or should I just get rid of him and find someone else on the other end of the portal.”
Agent Z thought out his response carefully. “Well I don’t deny the fact that it would give me great satisfaction to see him destroyed. But if I may say so, sire, we know more about Scott and his weaknesses than any other citizen of that land and it seems a safer bet to use him to our advantage while we have him.”
AntiHomestar ‘hmmed,’ not sounding overly enthusiastic about the advice. Agent Z cleared his throat nervously.
“Or we could always compromise…”
AntiHomestar perked up. “What do you mean by that?”
“We don’t have to destroy him, we could just make him suffer. Enough to teach him a lesson.” Agent Z explained.
AntiHomestar laughed. “You honestly didn’t think I’d just let him off scott free -- if you’ll excuse the expression – in the event that I DID decide to let him live, did you?”
“Well no –”
“But yes, I know what you are getting at. Thank you, Agent Z.” AntiHomestar shuffled a few papers and started organizing them, turning his attention away from the spy.
“You’re welcome, sire. Oh and by the way, the decoy transphere was an excellent idea.” Agent Z remarked as he headed out the door, but AntiHomestar suddenly barred his way.
“What did you say?” AntiHomestar inquired slowly.
“The decoy.” Agent Z replied, confused. “Scott saw Marzipan with it and assumed that she – ”
“Marzipan BROKE the decoy yesterday, you idiot.” AntiHomestar growled. “Are you telling me that she was wandering around with MY transphere and you did nothing?”
“Well of course I took it from Scott immediately!” Agent Z stammered. “I mean, he got it away from her b- but thankfully I took it…” He searched his pockets desperately for the sphere, but with no success.
“Where is my transphere, spy?” AntiHomesetar snarled. Agent Z swallowed nervously and backed into the wall.
Keys
“Look who decided to join the party,” Strong Bad mused as Scott rattled bars of his cell in frustration. “I suppose this wasn’t the welcome you expected to get when you went crawling back to your buddies, huh? Sucks to be you.”
“Shut up,” Scott snapped, leaning against the bars to look out down the dungeon corridor as best as he could.
“W-what are you looking for, anyway?” AntiStrong Bad wondered.
“Keys. They keep an extra set of keys down here somewhere.” Scott replied. He paused and straightened, looking across the way at Strong Bad’s cell. “Why don’t you just get your big buddy to bust open these doors for you?”
“Dude, if that was an option, don’t you think we would have been out of this dump hours ago?” Strong Bad replied, but he muttered something to Strong Mad nonetheless.
Strong Mad got up and slammed his shoulder into the big door. It seemed like the whole dungeon rumbled upon impact. The door had indeed taken some moderate damage, but unfortunately so had several of the stone blocks in the ceiling.
Strong Bad cleared his throat. “You see? He breaks down the door and this whole place will come down on top of our heads. Can’t do it.”
Strong Mad prepared to slam the door again, but luckily Strong Bad stopped him. “Whoa whoa whoa, big guy. We’ve made our point, you can sit down now.”
“BUT I WANNA GO SAVE THE PUPPIES,” Strong Mad protested, bewildered.
“Hey, look we can’t save ANYTHING if we got two tons of rock on top of us, man,” Strong Bad assured him. He turned back to Scott. “So about those keys…”
“Oh hey, you guys. I got a gweat idea,” Homestar piped up from his cell.
“I know I’m going to regret even asking but what exactly is your so-called idea, marshmallow boy?” Strong Bad inquired unenthusiastically.
“Hows about we get out of these cages and take cawe of that evil me so we can go back and have a movie night,” Homestar replied. “I just wemembewed my fwee wental expiwes today.”
“Do me a favor. If you think of any more bright ideas, tell it to a rat instead of wasting my time with it,” Strong Bad snorted. “Preferably a plague rat.”
“What is that noise?” Scott interrupted. Everyone fell silent.
CLINK. CLINK. KA-CHINK.
“Hey, what IS that?” AntiStrong Bad got to his feet and looked around curiously.
“It’s coming from Homestar’s cell.” Strong Bad noticed.
“What?” Homestar asked, not really paying attention. The noise stopped.
“Homestar, what are you doing?” Strong Bad demanded.
“Nothing.”
“Then what was that noise?” Scott asked.
“Oh, that’s just these keys I found.” Homestar replied indifferently. The noise started up again.
“You mean you still had them the whole time and never said anything?!” Strong Bad exclaimed.
“Well that’s why I said we should-“ Homestar began, but he was interrupted.
“Just shut up and unlock your door,” Strong Bad groaned.
“Okey dokey,” Homestar chirped, getting up and easily levitating the keys through the bars. It took a couple of tries but finally he found the right key and the door swung open. He walked out and looked around. “It would be so much nicew down hewe if thewe was a window-“
“Dufus. Do you mind?” Strong Bad reminded flatly.
“No. I’m just saying some natuwal light could weally bwighten up the woom and-“
“HOMESTAR!”
“Yeah what?”
Strong Bad leaned his head against the bars. “Give me the keys, man.”
“Awight, awight… jeez,” Homestar muttered as he handlessly tossed the keys through the bars. Strong Bad proceeded to release everyone from their cells, with the exception of Scott.
“So now what?” Homestar inquired.
“Now what what? We’re out of jail, obviously we… go…do the…” Strong Bad trailed off and scratched his head. “Homeschool, what exactly WAS the plan once we got in here?”
“Release this universe’s King of Town so he can reclaim his throne from AntiHomestar,” Homeschool stated.
“It seemed the most viable solution,” AntiStrong Mad agreed.
“Of course it was. Let’s do that then,” Strong Bad looked around in the dungeon a bit, stopping in front of a very large, dusty door. From all the locks on it, it was apparent AntiHomestar didn’t want the occupant getting out anytime this century. Obvious enough target?
“Hang on a minute,” Scott interrupted as Strong Bad prepared to unlock the solitary confinement chamber. “How do you know there isn’t something really nasty in that room that we shouldn’t be letting out?”
“Um, hello- anything really nasty to AntiHomestar has to be pretty helpful to us,” Strong Bad snorted.
“All the same I would rather not be stuck in here when you open that door. Maybe we can come to an agreement,” Scott replied.
“N-no way! You already tricked us once,” AntiStrong Bad glared at him.
“There is no “us” involved. He tricked Homestar once and that doesn’t take much,” Strong Bad pointed out. He managed to find the right key and the first of the three locks on the big door popped open.
Scott shifted nervously. “Well then, I guess I’m as trapped as you are, seeing as you don’t have your transphere anymore. It’s a shame because I am more than happy to hand it over in exchange for my release.”
Strong Bad paused as the second lock clicked open. “Yeah, right.”
“If I’m lying you can just throw me back in here again,” Scott remarked. “I can’t take on all of you.”
“Okay then, if you really have it hand it over,” AntiStrong Mad prompted, stepping over to Scott’s cell.
“I will, after you let me out,” Scott responded.
AntiBubs rolled his eyes. “We don’t have time for this. It’s obvious he’s lying.”
“If I just hand it to you now I have no way of knowing you’ll keep your end of the deal,” Scott insisted.
Strong Bad ignored him and unlocked the last latch on the door. He took a step back, but nothing happened.
Homestar marched up to the door and pulled it open to poke his head in. “Hellooo… any Kings of Town in hewe? Oh, man… ”
“What is it?” Strong Bad shoved his dense companion aside rather than wait for the answer. He blinked and pulled the door open all the way. “There’s nothing in here!”
“Well, that is an unexpected turn of events,” Homeschool observed calmly.
AntiStrong Bad began to panic. “Ohhh, n-now what are we supposed t-to do?”
“All right, that’s it. I knew it would come to this. We’re taking out this guy ourselves, just like we SHOULD have done in the first place.” Strong Bad threw down the keys and rolled up nonexistent sleeves.
“But we CAN’T,” AntiStrong Bad protested, staring at his double like he had gone insane.
“We do outnumber him and can easily take him off guard since he believes us to still be imprisoned,” AntiStrong Mad assured his brother.
AntiStrong Bad bit his lip. “Yes, b-but… ”
“Let him stay here then,” Strong Bad suggested flatly.
“I will not leave him in the dungeon,” AntiStrong Mad disputed.
While they argued, Scott slowly bent down and attempted to reach the abandoned keys through the bars. He managed to hook a finger onto it and pull it in, hiding them behind his back for now.
Strong Bad eventually lost his patience. “All right, do what you want. I’m getting out of here.” He headed for the stairs but paused with his foot over the first step. He grabbed Homestar by the shirt to keep him from going ahead. Someone had opened the door above them and was on their way down to the dungeon.
“Everybody get around the corner. We’re gonna ambush this jerk,” Strong Bad ordered suddenly.
More eventually :) be patient.
