The Neverending Email/Archive 6

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This page contains all Neverending email entries from 23 October 2005 through 22 May 2006

DO NOT PUT NEW ENTRIES ON THIS PAGE! Post it on the main Neverending Email page instead.

Transcript

Strong Bad: That narrator was right! A Fan are you The Scammer?

A Fan: No, that was for publicity. I will help you beat The Scammer.

Strong Bad: What about Homestar? Homestar?(silence) Okay, what about Strong Mad?

Strong Mad: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!

Strong Bad: Okay, we still have to worry about the...

Homestarrunner PAY PLUS!.....Again!

Second time today!

Our site is down. Come back and we'll charge $5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000!

Sincerely,

Matt Chapman a.k.a. THE SCAMMER!

{Cut to Los Angeles}

STRONG BAD: Hold on. I thought I killed you.

A FAN: Ohhh. I'm A Fan's brother, also called A Fan.

HOMESTAR: Weirdo.

Strong Bad: Hey why are you back all of a sudden, Homestar?!

Homestar: I doubt it. I drove.

The Cheat: (Makes sound like,"You don't have a car.")

Strong Mad: YEEEEEEEAAAAHHHH!

A Fan: Seriously.

Homestar: Oh, I doubt it. I drove.

God: I shall destroy you all!

Strong Bad: I'm feeling like there's a climactic battle coming on! DOOOUUBBLLLE DUUUE...

This is getting old.

3,864,587,264,876,254rd time today!

Our site is down. Come back and we'll charge an infinite amount of money!

Sincerely,
Matt Chapman a.k.a. THE SCAMMER! a.k.a. The Coolest Guy Ever

P.S. Trogdor Rules!

STRONG BAD: Look, Matt Scammer... ever, why should I?

STRONG MAD: A GLOWY BOX!

{The Lappy 486 shuts down}

STRONG BAD: Noooooooooooo!!! Oh, wait. I have a 'nother computer.

{Strong Bad walks away, then comes back with a Tappy 600}

STRONG BAD: Now let's check some emails!

</pre>

STRONG BAD: Hey, next do you want me to show you how I type with boxing gloves on? {sighs} Fine. I'll show you the truth. It all {trails off} started when...

STRONG BAD: ...and that Rhys, is how I type with boxing gloves on. There! Now everybody can stop asking me that!

Strong Bad: Okay Tappy is dead and Lappy is back. But, why am I checking emails now? Why is one of our creators doing this? I mean he does voice most of us.

You know the drill.

Bla, bla, bla!

Bla, bla, blab. Bla!

Sincerely,
Matt Chapman a.k.a. THE SCAMMER! a.k.a. The Coolest Guy Ever a.k.a. The awesome hair guy.

P.S. Simple Strong Bad! You are more popular than me! If I destroy your source of popularity, I will once again rule the site!

Strong Bad: That's his motive?

Homestar: Oh, I doubt it. He drove.{BluesKirby pops up}

BLUES KIRBY: He drove? Oh well...if it's not for that Email show, Strong Bad won't be that popular, eh?

STRONG BAD: I'm always popular, with or without Email shows!


STRONG BAD: Hey! Get out of here!

{BluesKirby suddenly disappears}

HOMESTAR: I can't see why Matt didn't just delete every sbemail and have them discontinued.

MATT CHAPMAN: {Voiceover} That is an excellent idea! When I delete everything, I won't delete you.

{The screen turns black and everybody except for Homestar disappears}

HOMESTAR: Now it's time for me to save the day!

{The words "INSERT ADVENTUROUS MUSIC HERE!" appear on the screen above Homestar in red}

{Cut to the Tangerine Dreams}

STRONG BAD: Wow. So that's what happens when I go on a journey to kill A fan. It's a good thing I watched this simulation.

STRONG BAD: So since all that crap will happpen if I go on a journey to kill A Fan, I will do the next best thing... get revenge on A Fan by sending him a virus!

{Cut to Bubs' Consession Stand}

STRONG BAD: Hey, Bubs! Do you have that spam virus you created when I gived you those email addresses?

BUBS: Yeah. I made 17 copies. I'll sell you a copy along with a Cold One for a pencil shaving.

STRONG BAD: Deal! Here you go.

{Strong Bad hands a pencil shaving to Bubs. Bubs hands a disc and a Cold one to Bubs}

STRONG BAD: A Fan, you should better look out, 'cause I'm about to beat the crap out of your computer, digitally!

{Cut to the Computer Room}

STRONG BAD: Now to unleash my virus!

{Strong Bad places the disc into the disc drive and the following message appears on the screen:}

{After a little while, a new message appears}

{Homestar appears on screen.}

HOMESTAR: Um... Strong Bad that was a realism anti-incarnator. The time streams are merging. I am from "Strong bad kills A Fan" time stream. This is where I end up.

{Second Homestar comes next to Strong Bad}

HOMESTAR 2: And I am from "Strong Sad is cool" time stream.

{Third Homestar appears.}

HOMESTAR 3: I'm from "A Fan is a hot girl" time stream. Many a times you wanted a date, many a times you got smacked.

STRONG BAD: NOOOOOO!

HOMSAR: {homsar pops out from the top of screen} ALLLL YOUR FUuUuUDGE IS BELONG TO HOMSAR!!

HOMSAR: {falls and gets up} MYYYY CAT POOOED IN MY CAKE {kicks homestar and walks away}

STRONG BAD:Well, I'll just make the best of this and go to wherever A Fan lives, and this time bring homestars 1-3 to help.

{cut to Bubs' Cocession Stand.}

STRONG BAD:Bubsy, I need you to fly us to wherever A Fan is so we can finish him off.

BUBS:I dunno, killing A Fan might ruin the whole thing that this email has come up w-

STRONG BAD:Here.Buy yourself somethin' nice.

{Strong bad hands Bubs $50.00}

BUBS:Oooooooh!Nevermind.I got the jet round back.

{cut to the words "2 hours later" with a montage of Bubs, Strong bad, and Homestars 1-3 flying to wherever A Fan is.After about 30 seconds, cut to wherever A Fan lives, which is the town's name.}

STRONG BAD:Okay, lets go find A Fan.

HOMESTAR 3:Actually, we're in his house right now.

{Zoom out to reveal that Homestar 3 is right.There is nothing there but literally a fan}

A FAN:Yes, strong bad, A Fan is literally A FAN!!MUHUHUAHA!!!!

{cut to Homestar 1.He is walking over to A Fan's cord and unplugs it.}

A FAN:Soon, all of y-

{A Fan gets cut off in midsentence as he loses power}

STRONG BAD:Well, that was fun.I'm gonna check another email.

{Everyone walks off.A Fan is still sputtering sparks.Once they leave, pan over to see A Fan's cord replug itself.A Fan slowly jerks back to life.}

A FAN:MUHU-MUHUHUHUAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

NARRATOR: And now, a message from Count X.

{cut to the Field}

COUNT X: SEE? I WAS RIGH-

NARRATOR SB: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'D!

COUNT X: I'm not a- {sees meteor} AGH!

{screen fuzzes out}

{Fade in to the Possessed Squid's lair-cave}

POSSESSED SQUID: ...What?

{fade to black}

{we see television static as it cuts to the field}

ANONYMOUS CONTRIBUTOR: Okay, okay, people, let's get on with the story now.

{Anonymous Contributor looks at the camera}

ANONYMOUS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, what are you waiting for? Get outta here and.. do... something. Like give A Fan his revenge.

{more television static and we cut to Strong Bad at the lappy}

Kraftwerk

Guten Tag!
You are Awesome! Can you a member of our band be? We like really Bright Switch Rave.

Auf wiedershein, Kraftwerk

STRONG BAD: NO, YOU STUPID DEUSTCH MONKEY!!!!

{Strong Bad gets crushed by 

Thwomp}

|Technical Difficulties|

STRONG BAD: Y'know, we need to advance the story now, so this thwomp will explode, and we'll cut to A Fan.

{The Thwomp explodes and we get T.V static as it cuts to A Fan at a desk}

A FAN: Now to wreak my revenge! I have recruited the unguraits to blow Free country off the map and we will transform it into... A FAN COUNTRY, F.A.N.! Oh wait, that'll happen in 8 hours.

{We see a giant screen showing a timer counting down from 8 hours. we watch for 5 seconds then cut back to Strong Bad at the lappy}

STRONG BAD: {mumbling} Stupid scammers, taking my Tappy, replacing it with a Lappy.

{the Ali and Ali's sister email pops up}

STRONG BAD: FINALLY! IT'S BACK! {he begins typing} Well, Ali, there's one of me...

{cut to A Fan}

A FAN: The chaos will begin in five hours. I'm also holding The 386 captive!

THE 386: Hey man, I've got a favor to ask, can I check my email?

{almost actively cuts back to Strong Bad, where we see a fan}

Strong Bad: HEY! A FAN!

A Fan: I'm the real one. Wait, you found me?

{the following email is seen on the floating tandy, which appears}

STRONG BAD: A Fan, why do you have the intent to blow Free Country off the map?

A FAN: Cuz, uhhh... it makes a good story. And now I'm just going to make the missle fire!

{A remote control falls from the sky, suspended by strings}

STRONG BAD: Wait, it was a missle?

A FAN:Well duh! how else could I blow this place up? Speaking of which...

{A Fan jumps up and hits the remote. Cut to the missle flying out of a hole in the ground}

A FAN:MUHUHUHUHHUHAAAA! Now, in 5 seconds, the missle shall hit!

STRONG BAD: NOOOOO!!!

{the missile touches down, but does not explode}

STRONG BAD: Gotcha! It's a dud! PWA HA HA HA!

Homestar 1: Of course! The Blambopiter is equal to the hypotonuse of the circle.

Homestar 2: What are you talking about?

Homestar 1: That's how Strong Bad disarmed the missile.

Strong Bad: Could you two be more idiotic. Hey, where's Homestar number 3?

A Fan: I don't know.

{Cut to evil lair. Homestar 3 is hung by his legs.}

Homestar 3: Okay, okay. I'll give you the chip with all the e-mail adresses in the world. Just don't destroy the world's supply of Bronco Trollys.

Dark Figure: Exactly Homestar. I will scam everyone in the world for I am Matt Chapman, the Scammer.

Homestar 3: Dun dun DUUUN!!!

The Scammer: Don't do that.

Homestar 3: Yes, mam.

Strong Bad: Hey! The Scammer!

The Scammer: What do you want?

Strong Bad: You're not Matt Chapman!

The Scammer: Then I'm really A Fan!

{strong bad looks shocked}

STRONG BAD: No, wait, A Fan is literally "A Fan" and I'm sticking with that.

HOMESTAR 3: Hey, what's this button do?

{Homestar 3 pushes a red button. Cut to the missle sitting in the middle of the field. It suddenly explodes.The screen turns white, and when the white fades everything is in inverse colors.}

HOMESTAR 3: It inverts the colors of the world?

A FAN: That's right, and my Ungurait scientists have made it so that it can't be turned back to normal! The world will stay inverse FOREVER! WAHAHAHA!! Oh, and please turn the colors back only after a long, long, climactic fight happens.

Strong Bad: As a matter of fact...

Old-Timey Strong Bad: CURSES! People invert the colors of this frightening world!

{strong bad prepares to fight}

STRONG BAD: Homestar 3, you moron! I was about to say "don't press that button"! Now I have to fight A Fan!

{a fan starts the fight}

STRONG BAD: (Puts on a pair of shades) DOO DO chickachickachickachickachickachicka DOO DO DOOT DOOOO!

{a fan removes the shades, then punches strong bad}

A Fan: You offend me like that.

Strong Mad: OKAY, STRONG BAD! ATTACK HIM!

Strong Bad:oh no look its TACO-MAN

(taco-man comes by looking anGRY)

Taco-man:poppoppoo

Strong Mad:WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!AHH

taco-man:yo moma

TeenGirlSquadFaceGuy:EATEN!

(taco-man dies "AAUUGGHH MY ALL OF ME!")

Strong Mad:I think I'll Go Cry in a Corner...

Strong Bad:Ok.... Dooouuubbbllleeee Duuuuueeeccceeee!!!! *PISHAW!*

CX: AtionSong would be disappointed. Great. The 386 is captured. I'M-A COMING!

MOTHER 386: MY BOY!

{Cut to a dumbfounded Strong Bad.}

Strong Bad: Uhh...This...Is becoming the weirdest...Uhh...How would you describe it?

Homestar: I doubt it. I dr...

Strong Bad: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! I'm trying to think of something smart to say. Hmm...

Homestar: Hey, Strong Bad, I found a Freezy Treaty!

Strong Bad: Really Homestar? Well, give it over!

Homestar: No way, Croquet. These things are super-rare, and if you don't believe me go ask Bubs. He said something about not selling them anymore because they were getting too expensive to buy.

{Cut to a shot of Bubs' Consession Stand sitting down with his head on the counter.}

Bubs: Man, I really should've bought in bulk. Well, I guess it's back to homemade pumpkin juice.

{Cut back to a shot of Homestar gasping for air and dangling from a tree with a rope tied around his ankles while Strong Bad is drinking a Freezy Treaty.}

Strong Bad: GULP! Man, I wish I had more of these in my fridge while I was on my 72-hour Stay Awake bet.

Homestar: STRONG BAD!!!!! You're CHOKING my ANKLLLLLLLES!!! And I'm late for my doctors appointment.

{Cut back, again, to a shot of Bubs looking ata piece of paper which, is presumably, a schedule paper}

Bubs: ...and now Homestar's late. This day is getting worser by the second. Wait a second...{takes out a "Bubs' Free Country USA Dictionary (Abbridged Version)" and continues to turn the pages} Ok, yeah. "Worser" is a word...

Strong Bad: Uhh, hey Bubs. Are you really not selling Freezy Treatys anymore?

Bubs: Oh, hi Strong Bad. Yeah, I stopped selling Freezy Treatys.

Homestar: {Hopping over to Strong Bad and Bubs.} I've escaped from the tree rope, and I've found some "SBLOUNSKCHED!" candy bars. {Holds up three "SBLOUNSKCHED!" candy bars in the air and passes one of them to Strong Bad and the other to Bubs} Now we can all have some delicious food!

Strong Bad: WOW Homestar! You've actually done something smart for once!


Coach Z: Do not worry aboot the farn! I will take care orf this!

{Coach Z gets an evil look in his eyes, and he magically grows some spikey hair.}

Coach Z: By using the dancing brothers!

{The Dancing Brothers suddenly appear from the black on the screen, and "Good Time Tonight" starts playing.}

Strongbad: Do you always have to be so crappin' annoying? HUTTAH!

{Strongbad pulls out a nunchuk-gun and shoots Coach Z. Suddenly the world gets all messed up, and everyone suddenly appears next to Rather Dashing and Marshy.}

Marshy: I can do it! I can do it upsidefront!

Rather Dashing with a Bill Cosby-like voice: Heeheehee! Yup! Now I have a voice!

Homestars 1-3: Strongbad! What did you do?

Strongbad: I dunno! I just shot Coach Z! So what?

{Homsar walks normally onto the screen, wearing glasses.}

Homsar: I say, it really is quite simple, old fellow. Coach Z was a fan of yours, and this whole email was about what would happen if you put a fan to death. Now we are in an alternate reality. I am smart, you wear underwear for a change, and Bubs doesn't smell like cottage cheese.

Strongbad: But the fan we were talking about actually was a fan. He was A Fan!

Homestar 1: Strongbad! Look out!

{The actual A Fan jumps on the back of Strongbad's head.}

A Fan: Haha! Now it is time for that climactic fight I've wanted ever since I was a little youngyin!


1-UP: Stop the fighting! Stop the fighting!

Strong Bad: Hey, shouldn't you be in 20X6?!

1-UP: No! I'm trying to make a point! There are things out there that are controlling our every move! They are called Wiki Users, and they weren't even our original creators!

A Fan: So.

1-UP: So, instead of attacking each other we should attack them!

Homestar 4: Why?

Strong Bad: Wait. There are only 3 Homestars!

Homestar 4:... Wiki Users Attack!

HOMESTAR 4: We're doomed, man!

STRONG BAD: Oh crap, it's... huh? (bright flash)

STRONG HAD: (enters) Hello. I'm coming to the rescue

DAS654: {suddenly teleports in} JIB {gets crushed by a falling rock}

STRONG BAD: What was that about?

HOMESTAR: He's my new best friend!

STRONG HAD AND STRONG BAD: Shut up, Homestar!

HOMESTAR 4: Oh, crap it's STRONG HAD!!!!

STRONG HAD: It, took you like thirteen minutes to figure that out

Lappy 486 reappears

STRONG BAD: Lappy, you've returned!

{suddenly, the lappy blows up! The 386 walks onscreen.}

THE 386: Well, you've came to the point. I've reasoned with Compy Inc., and look what I got!

STRONG BAD: I'm going to play Greebles.

{Strong Bad is now at a library computer, playing Greebles, when the sceen fades black.

<blockquoteclass = oneupmail> Dear Strong Bad,

D'jwanna hit Van's for a fun skate? -Duncan "Ductape" Blader </blockquote>

STRONG BAD: Sure. I'll bring Strong Mad and The Cheat.

{Cut to Van's indoor skate park. Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat blade up to Ductape in full skate gear.}

DUCTAPE: Great! You guys showed up. Let's get ready to shred so well!

STRONG BAD: Word.

STRONG MAD: WORD!

THE CHEAT: <Word.>

THE CHEAT: Meh Meh!

STRONG BAD: Absolutley, this email will be saved and... {reversed to the Compy sbemail, reads}

hie
i's unca duk mea gaughts mani
monies

STRONG HAD: What was that?

STRONG BAD: Dunno.

STRONG HAD: Um uh... where're the Homestars?!?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You mean, an email from Duk?

STRONG HAD: Yes.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Now, it's time to figure out the...

HOMICIDAL RUNNER, HOMECHILD BLACKER, HOMESTYLE RUNNER KID: {they 3 entered} Hello. We're coming to the rescue.

STRONG BAD: What the crap?!? We're rescuing ourselves.

HOMECHILD BLACKER: We can join.

HOMESTYLE RUNNER KID: I'll give you... {holds up a video game and a million dollars} A free video game and a million dollars.

HOMICIDAL RUNNER: Right!

STRONG MAD: JOIN! JOIN!

THE CHEAT: Mehmehmehmeh.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, you can join.

HOMICIDAL RUNNER: Okay, you know the drill, we're going to the one and only, New York!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Alright!!! And we'll have to know about emails.

1-UP: I WANNA GO TOO!

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: {enters} Me too.

HOMESTAR RUNNER, THE HOMESTAR RUNNER AND 1-UP: You know what that means!?! We wants marshmallows and pudding!

STRONG MAD: PUDDING LATER! PUDDING LATER!

STRONG HAD: Now, A Fan, let's g to New York, NY! Duk's address should be here.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, unless we bring the Lappy!

A FAN: Okay, so...

{the Deleted Tandy title says,

Later at New York...

then fades to New York, New York}

ALL: {enters} YAY! HERE WE ARE!

Subject:Welcome

Welcome
To New York, NY

Population: DUNNO!

STRONG BAD: Great, we're here.

HOMSAR: {enters with a New York hat} AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa! Hey Songs from the 70's/60's! Welcome to NeEeEw York!

STRONG HAD: Okay, that email from Compy says that we have to go find Unca Duk. Now please Strong Bad, bring The Cheat.

THE CHEAT: {enters} MEH!

STRONG BAD: Okay, let's split!

A FAN: WHAT?!?

HOMECHILD BLACKER: We split!

HOMESTYLE RUNNER KID: Okay?

A FAN: Nevermind!

{they all search}

ANNOUNCER: Everybody finds Unca Duk's house.

ALL HOMESTARS: WE FOUND IT!

ANNOUNCER: Nevermind.

ALL EXCEPT FOR THE HOMESTARS: Where is it?

STRONG BAD: Tell me.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: At 123 Fake Street like in "The Simpsons!"

STRONG HAD: Good and... {looks at Duk's Crazy Mansion}

HOMESTYLE RUNNER KID: Oh baby!

HOMECHILD BLACKER: Oh crap!

STRONG BAD: And look, a crappy stuff in Duk's place, uh-oh!

MIKE & MATT CHAPMAN: (singing) DUN-DUN-DUN!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: The Brothers Chaps, do the song again!

MIKE CHAPMAN: UGH! What ever you say!

MATT CHAPMAN: Okay.

MIKE AND MATT CHAPMAN: {singing again} DUN-DUN-DUN!

DUK: {enters} HI! I'S UNCA DUK! ME GOTS MANY MONEYS!!!

STRONG HAD: You're so gibberish, man!

BATMAN TV ANNOUNCER: {offscreen} Will they know about Duk's language? Is it the end of the email? Find out after these words!

{A candy commercial begins. Fade in to a close-up of Strong Bad's feet and pants as he walks down a road towards the camera. The words "copyright 2006 Cheap As Free Foodstuffs" appear in the bottom-right corner for the first few seconds.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, singing} You got the munch.

{Cut to the same scene, except now focusing on the right of Strong Bad's upper body. You can see that he is holding a SBLOUNSKCHED! candy bar. As the words "Crisp" and "Crunch" are spoken, they appear on the left.}

STRONG BAD: The crisp and the crunch.

{The camera cuts to full shot of Strong Bad walking. You can see that he is going along an odd-looking hill.}

STRONG BAD: Livin' in the gutter with—

{Cut to an alley, where Senor Cardgage is sleeping in a sleeping bag and using his Aldi bag as a pillow. Strong Bad's silhouette is seen walking past the edge of the street.}

STRONG BAD: —Grandma...

{Cut to the Athletic Field, where Strong Bad is in the foreground watching Coach Z struggle with a basketball over his head. On the scoreboard, CGNU has "0" points and TECH has "R".}

STRONG BAD: When Coach puts you in,—

{Strong Bad turns to face the camera, holds a SBLOUNSKCHED! candy bar up to the camera and smiles.}

STRONG BAD: —you gotta go for the win.

{Cut to Strong Bad facing the Tandy 400. The following is displayed on the Tandy's screen.}

STRONG BAD: Y2K turned out all riiiight!

{When "all right" is sung, Strong Bad turns to face the camera and holds up the candy bar again. He also winks and gives a "thumbs-up" sign with his other hand. Cut to a blue background with the word "SBLOUNSKCHED" written repeated in the background. The candy bar's logo pops onscreen.}

STRONG BAD: {with chorus} SBLOUNSKCHED!

{Strong Bad is facing the camera. Behind him is an angry Marzipan with her art equipment, her canvas broken over her head. Strong Bad raises the candy bar to the camera again, and Marzipan smiles.}

STRONG BAD: You can do it!

{Cut back to the blue background. The logo pops onscreen again.}

STRONG BAD: {with chorus} SBLOUNSKCHED!

{Cut to Strong Bad in his basement. Strong Sad's lower body is seen hanging halfway out of the ceiling, struggling. Debris is visible on the floor beneath him. Strong Bad holds the candy bar up again and the hanging Strong Sad gives a "thumbs-up" sign.}

STRONG BAD: Crunchy chew it!

{Cut back to Strong Bad standing on the green hill, this time with the path gone. The camera circles around Strong Bad as the sung line appears onscreen and then fades away.}

STRONG BAD: {with chorus} Who's got the money?!?

{Strong Bad jumps up.}

STRONG BAD: You got... SBLOUNSKCHED! {Has slight trouble saying the name}

{Strong Bad freezes in midair as the background changes back to blue, with the logo beneath him. As the TV announcer speaks, two SBLOUNSKCHED bars appear on the left in their wrappers, one after the other. A yellow oval with the message "Dentist Acknowledged" appears on the right.}

TV ANNOUNCER: {speaking very rapidly} Buy one and you can get one free root canal or cavity search.

BATMAN TV ANNOUNCER: What'll they do with Duk's language?!? Is it the end of Sbemail? We'll find out, 'cause we returned to the show!

STRONG BAD: Okay, that's enough!

{Hoesta appears out of no where}

HOESTA: I'll saves you guys!

{Hoesta flys into Unca Duk. They both explode (they're still alive)}

HOESTA: We're okay!

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