Sounds E-mailesque!/The Computa Murder
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Somebody killed the Uzi-Computa! Will Dangeresque and Renaldo be able to get something from the Brainblow City Prison Gift Shop and Rip-Off Center in time?
Cast (in order of appearance): Dangeresque, Renaldo, Baron Darin Diamonocle, Topsy
Places: The Smoky Office
Computer: The Uzi-Computa/The Shady 13annaHalf
Date: May 16, 2010
Page Title: You'll never guess whodunit!
Transcript
{The scene is much like the one at the end of hiding, where Strong Bad is inside Pom Pom's stomach. Suddenly, he jumps out and runs to the Smoky Office, past Strong Borneo, and the swimming pool, where Dangeresque Too is still hiding.}
DANGERESQUE: Phew! I was afraid I wouldn't make it in time. Let's see what E-mails I have this week.
subj:say good byeDear dangeresque,
I've placed a bomb in this e-mail.
Say good-bye to your computer!
From ???????
{Reads "dangeresque" as "Bad Capitalization" and grows more and more alarmed as he reads the E-mail. He reads the signature as "From Seven Question Marks."}
DANGERESQUE: Seven question marks? What could it mean! Uzi, decode that nonsense! Quickly! Before you-
{The Uzi-Computa suddenly explodes and falls to the ground, broken, puffing black smoke. Dangeresque runs to his side.}
DANGERESQUE: No! Not the Uzi-Computa! We only checked seven E-mails together!
{The Uzi-Computa prints the message "Eight, counting this one."}
DANGERESQUE: I'll let the fans debate whether or not this counts as an E-mail! You just focus on not dying! You haven't even decoded that message yet!
{The Uzi-Computa prints "Actually, I already decoded that."}
DANGERESQUE: Oh. {He stands up.} Then who cares about you? I always thought you were a worthless piece of junk anyway. What did it say?
{The Uzi-Computa prints "??????? = RENALDO" It belches more black smoke, then dies.}
DANGERESQUE: Renaldo? What? HE blew up my computer? Oh, he will pay for this. He will pay! HE WILL PAY FIFTEEN BUCKS SO I CAN BUY A NEW COMPUTER!
{Renaldo walks in.}
RENALDO: {Faking emotion} Oh, no. Your computer has been destroyed by a person or persons unknown. Now you'll actually have to get out of this smoky office and go on actual cases with your partner, Renaldo. What a crying shame.
DANGERESQUE: Stow it, Renaldo! If this wasn't the first cool thing you've done...ever, I would fire you right now! You and I are gonna have to go computer shopping.
RENALDO: {Shocked} How did you guess it was me? I've been practicing my acting skills for weeks!
DANGERESQUE: Unfortunately, it shows. Now let's get out of here and see if we can't get something from the Brainblow Prison Gift Shop and Rip-Off Center.
RENALDO: Whatever. At least it gets you kids out of the house and playing outside! Why, in my day-
DANGERESQUE: Looks like I'm gonna have to cut to the next scene!
{Cut to a scene at the Brainblow City Prison. Baron Darin Diamonocle is waiting outside with a table piled high with various items. Suddenly, Dangeresque jumps down from the prison and pulls out his nunchuck gun, accompanied by a musical sting. Renaldo walks in slowly.}
DANGERESQUE: So, Baron Darin Diamonocle, we meet again!
RENALDO: Hiya, 'Monocle!
BARON DARIN: {To Dangeresque} Yes, Dangeresque. Now that Craig's floating in the stratosphere, Cool Weapons Surplus has closed down, so you'll have to buy from me. {To Renaldo} Hiya, 'Naldo.
DANGERESQUE: What? This is absurd! I quit, Chief!
RENALDO: So what've you got?
BARON DARIN: {To Dangeresque} Quit? You can't quit! You ain't nothin! {To Renaldo} Oh, we got only the hottest computers on the market! Take a look at this baby!
{He rummages in the pile and pulls out a sleek, black laptop.}
BARON DARIN: This here's the Sultry 2836, imported illegally from Paris! Sleek, shiny, and always good for a makeout.
DANGERESQUE: Ew! I'm not that desperate! For a computer OR a girlfriend!
RENALDO: I'll take it!
BARON DARIN: That'll be a hundred thousand dollars.
RENALDO: I won't take it!
DANGERESQUE: What else have you got?
BARON DARIN: Wow! Dangeresque breaking out of character? This must be serious! And that's why you'll need {He pulls out a brown, sturdy-looking computer} The Serious 39.95! Boring, brown, and brawny, this baby has no personality, no style, but will survive most E-mail Bombs!
DANGERESQUE: Nah. I need something more crooked. Something on the other side of the law.
BARON DARIN: Well, how about this? {He holds up a gray computer} The Shady 13annaHalf? Completely illegal, bought on the black market before it was shut down. Only one of its kind! {under his breath} It's a piece of crap and it's free.
DANGERESQUE: Free? I'll take it!
{He grabs it and runs off. We cut back to the Smoky Office, where Renaldo is sweeping up the crumbled pieces of the Uzi-Computa. Dangeresque types on his new computer.}
DANGERESQUE: So you see, Renaldo? The Internet is a glorious thing! Rather than talk to you when you're right there, I can just send you an E-mail! And the best thing about this computer is that it's Topsy-compatible!
{Topsy comes down and prints a message.}
TOPSY: Yeah, man. Gotta love it!
DANGERESQUE: And..um...that's it. That's all I got. Um...I wonder if this thing will play Roomisode. {He starts pressing buttons on the keyboard. Topsy changes its message to the usual closing.}
Easter Eggs
Click on the Shady 13annaHalf at the end to see Dangeresque playing Roomisode. He goes through a few different actions, but eventually keeps trying to Get Himself. This continues until you leave.
