Other Character Email Videlectrix/SPAMMATORY!

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Contents

Overview

Videlectrix Email #2

Videlectrix attempts to delete an email... Without the second Graphic Designer's help.

Cast (in order of appearance): Graphic Designers, Shady Dealer, Art Man, Programmer, CEO

Places: Videlectrix Apartment, Shady Alley

Computer: 286 CGA Enabled PC

Date: November 12, 2005

Lines: 80

Transcript

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: I think this email needs some graphics.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Well, then, why don't you make some, then? GET TO WORK, NOW! {Snaps}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: I-I... I was just... I was reading up on the InstaNet a while ago, and people checking email usually say something related to email.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Why?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Actually, I don't know.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: {Doesn't read the email} What's wrong with the format? IS THIS YOUR FAULT, WEASEL? {Points at the second Graphic Designer}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Hm. Through all the horrible HTML-

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: ...Which is... What?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: For your sake, let's just call it "happycode". Anyway, I can see through the, er, happycode, and I see that this is what the InstaNet people called "spam".

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Is it tasty?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: I'm going to ignore that. Anyway, they also said that the best use for this... Spam is to delete it. By speculation, I can assume that is executed by pressing the "Del" key, right here on the keyboard.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Shut up, I'm not taking any chances, after what happened the other day. Since we had to buy another 286 CGA Enabled PC, I'm going to try to protect this as much as possible. We can't afford another one.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: But it's right here in the manual! {Holds up an open manual, turned to the page "deleting a file"}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: If you knew where I bought this, you would understand.

{Cut to a shady alley. The first Graphic Designer is making an exchange with a shady dealer.}

DEALER: So... I get it. I give you one o' my 286 CGA Enabled PC's, and you gotta give me some plutonium. Got it?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Yeah. Here it is. {Hands over a glowing, pulsing briefcase}

{Cut back to the Videlectrix Apartment.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: {Irritated} So, how will we delete this, then?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: I'll think of something. Let's see... Since this isn't the head computer for all of our games, let's just find out a way to delete it!

ART MAN: Hey! Our new game is almost finished! We need to pull it up on your computer to test it.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: What? Can't your computer do it?

PROGRAMMER: With me running my 3-bit graphics D & D game in the background, I don't think that's possible. {Strange noise}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Ah, okay. Lemme just delete this email first... Um... {Graps a can of white-out, and covers the screen with it} Good as slightly used. Let's go! Send me the file!

ART MAN: 'K.

{The Graphic Designers and the Art Man wait patiently for the game to pop up on the screen, which is still covered with white-out.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Um... I'm pretty sure the game's there. We just can't see it through the white-out. Any ideas, O Great CEO?

CEO: I've got a great idea, alright! I'll need a shovel, though. Or one o' them things you scrape your car with when it gets ice on it.

ART MAN: An ice scraper? I have one of those. {Holds one up} I use it for combing my hair, because I can't afford to waste my $0.50 on a comb.

{The CEO begins to scrape the screen insanely hard. It is clear that he is damaging it. The few areas that are rid of the white-out gradually change colors, eventually staying at a noticable purple or green.}

CEO: Hm... Looks like not very much will come off. Nice idea, Art Man! Geez, always messing us up...

ART MAN: Actually, that was your idea, again.

CEO: Wow. And you haven't gotten rid of me yet?

PROGRAMMER: You haven't been cooperating with our many attempts to dump you in the desert yet.

CEO: Oh, yeah.

{Even though the screen is an ugly shade of purple and green, some text is visible.}

CEO: Woah. V-T, the game! I'd buy it.

{A "Budget Meter" appears in the corner of the screen. It is currently at $140. Cut to a snapshot of Graphic Designer #1 buying another 286 CGA Enabled PC from the shady dealer. The budget meter decreases to $120. Cut back to the Videlectrix Apartment, where it is unpacked and ready.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Let's try this gain. Hopefully, we'll get a good email this time that we won't have to ruin our computer.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: {Doesn't read it} What? This is the same email! What gives?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Our programmer made sure this email client doesn't check the same email twice by communicating with the head 286 CGA Enabled Server. But it can't tell if the same email is sent twice. So, let's delete this. {Reaches for the "Del" key}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: {Swats his hand away} Cut that out! We can't afford to lose another. {Pauses} BRING OUT THE HOSE!

{Cut to another scene of Graphic Designer #1 buying yet another PC from the shady dealer. The budget meter decreases to $99. Immidiately cut to a Hundredaire Socialite magazine, with the headline "Videlectrix ain't no hundredaires no more!" After a few seconds, cut to the Videlectrix Apartment, where the new PC is unpacked and ready.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Let's try this again...

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Dirg-g-g-ge!!! {The veins in his neck begin to swell}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Woah! Calm down. I know a good way to delete this email without being risky.

{He reaches behind the computer and unplugs it. The email disappears.}

{Everyone claps, except for the first Graphic Designer, who is convulsing and twitching on the ground.}

PROGRAMMER: Yeah! You did it! And now, I can play my 3-bit D & D game in peace! {Strange noise}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Now, let's just boot up the computer...

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Something tells me we need a new computer...

{RunningMan runs across the screen, carrying a banner that reads "Click Here To Email Videlectrix".}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the progress bar to play V-T.

Fun Facts

  • Strong Bad used white-out to "edit" the email in long pants.
  • Hundredaire Socialite is a magazine featured in part-time job.
  • D & D is short for Dungeons & Dragons, a role-playing game popular among antisocials and nerds such as Programmer.
  • "Commencing full system scan, for some reason," is a reference to most Microsoft computers that, when they boot up after being unplugged or crashed, they initiate a full system scan to search for "dirty code".

Author's Comments

  • Rating: 6.5
  • Not as good as the last email, but it was fun to crash the computer in several ways. The "Budget Meter" was fun, too.

Reader Comments

Care to write a review? Format it like the above self-review.


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