Other Character Email Tampo/Fan Emails/Behind the Scenes

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Not Quite So Tampo Email #4: "Behind the Scenes"

Summary: Tampo, Brody and Stlunko talk to the floor producer before going onstage in WikiWood Squares.

Author: Aussie Evil (Floor Producer) & Joshua (Boss Trio)

Cast (in order of appearance): Floor Producer, Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Leland

Places: WikiWood Squares Producer's Lounge

Length: 65 Lines

Date: October 5, 2005

Transcript

{Magic signboard reads: LET'S GO BEHIND THE SQUARES.}

FLOOR PRODUCER: Did that "Master" Guy send you here or something?

TAMPO: Not really. You see, Stlunko discovered this competition, so he decided we should sign up for it. Just to see what happens.

BRODY: And we hit the jackpot. Center square.

STLUNKO: I always stay updated with my inter-universal gameshows. I thought this one would be an interesting show to try out for.

FLOOR PRODUCER: Ok. Two questions: What's this Universe called? And, what about The Price is Right?

STLUNKO: You don't know this universe's name? AE-G4M3-sho Universe. {pronounces it "Ay-ee Guhfour-emthree show}

TAMPO: What about the Price is Right? Is that some sort of product you're advertising?

FLOOR PRODUCER: Wait, is the camera still on?

BRODY: Huh? {looks around, notices their CameraBot} Oh.

STLUNKO: You mean our CameraBot? He always follows us around.

FLOOR PRODUCER: Ok. Hey Stlunko, you have any tastes in music? You know, our theme? You seem to be a pretty expressive robot. Hang on. {yells at someone offscreen} I don't care if Rat-boy wanted him to wear Hawaiian! Tell him to go with the gray jacket and blue shirt!

STLUNKO: I do not really listen to music.

BRODY: I do. I like old fashioned video game music. It's the best. One of my favorites is the cave music in Super Mario Bros.

TAMPO: Dodododododo... dodododododo... doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo dooo, dododododododooo...

BRODY: Eh... something like that.

{An intern walks by. He has long gray unkept hair, buck teeth, and oversized yellow sunglasses. He is also wearing a loud suit with sequins.}

FLOOR PRODUCER: Oh not again, Rat-boy. You're not supposed to be on the set! Go back and do your Mike Jackson spin-dance moves or whatever.

INTERN: My name is Leland! WhyisAussienotwearingthatshirtichoseforhim? CHEEZ! {storms off}

FLOOR PRODUCER: Sorry about that. We don't like our interns, but then hey -- who doesn't?

BRODY: Yeah...

TAMPO: I'll fix this. {flies off}

INTERN: Huh, Tampo? What are you doing? No, no! {explosion} OWWW!!! MY FACE!!! {another explosion} MY INTERNAL ORGANS!!! {fizzling sound} My- {heard crumpling to the ground}

{Tampo reenters.}

TAMPO: He won't be bugging us anymore.

FLOOR PRODUCER: Uh... Can you find a loophole for that in our liability insurance?

BRODY: Ummm...

TAMPO: ...no?

STLUNKO: I would not worry about it. You probably will not lose too much in lawsuits. On to the next question.

FLOOR PRODUCER: Ok. You three know what the Magic Signboard is, right?

BRODY: Sure we do. It's the most magical of all bored signs.

{Tampo and Stlunko stare at Brody, a little creeped out.}

FLOOR PRODUCER: I guess we can live with that. Well, It's almost time for me to work on getting the audience warmed up. So here's the questions we ask all the stars: First, you know the vocabulary?

TAMPO: Yeah, what about it?

FLOOR PRODUCER: It's just tradiotion. Ok. You know the rules?

TAMPO: {confused} Did you just say... tradiotion? {pronounces it "trad-ee-oh-shun"}

STLUNKO: Scanning... rules not found.

BRODY: {sighs} Rule explaining time.

FLOOR PRODUCER: Ok. The contestants are going to choose either you or those other eight people in the squares. Basically they're playing ticktacktoe for money. Aussie Evil, the Master of the Squares, will ask you a question. You can either answer it truthfully or bluff. Trade secret: always tell a joke answer before your real one, OK? Otherwise it's going to be real bland. Any Questions?

TAMPO: Yeah, I have a question. What happens if, say... should we mess up, Brody goes on a maniacal rampage and kills all the other contestants. Do we win?

FLOOR PRODUCER: If you mess up, we do a blooper edit. K?

TAMPO: No. Mess up, as in, if Stlunko here answers the question incorrectly.

STLUNKO: I will not answer a question wrong.

FLOOR PRODUCER: You won't get penalized, y'know. Most likely, the contestant will disagree.

TAMPO: Good.

BRODY: I've been practicing my maniacal rampage all week. Just in case.

FLOOR PRODUCER: I guess I can skip the "Are you all juiced up?" question. OK. I gotta go warm up the audience now. There's snacks over there {points offscreen}. I heard they added butter spray to the pasta roast.

{floor manager walks off}

TAMPO: {excited} Quickly, Stlunko! Grab the footage so we can steal it and claim it as a Fan Tampo Email!!!

{The three start running towards the camera as the video footage freezes and ends.}

Fun Facts

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