Fake Character Email Ductape Blader/Waterlogged

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Ductape E-mail #8: Waterlogged

Summary: When Homestar's usually benign silliness goes too far, Ductape rushes in to stop Homestar from spraying everyone.

Cast: (in order of appearance): Stan Banana, Ductape, Homestar Runner, Borismichalovitch, Strong Mad

Places: The public pool, Ductape's computer room, A fire hydrant, The Stick, A bike rack, muddy field, Football field, Blobstacle Course (easter egg)

Date: July 31, 2006

Length: Like I have a clue?

Transcript

{The cartoon begins at a pool, where a tanned Stan Banana is wearing yellow swim trunks and is lifting a 5-pound black diving brick into what looks like the 10-foot end.}

STAN BANANA: Okay, Ductape. Are you ready with the camera?

DUCTAPE: {offscreen} It's up. Can you see it?

{Stan turns his head toward the audience}

STAN BANANA: Yep. So I guess you're going to jump.

DUCTAPE: Bonzai!

{Ductape, who is wearing blue swim trunks with fish on them is running real fast toward the pool. Now we see a full shot of his feet, which are huge. A side view shows him diving headfirst into the pool.}

{The view submerges. Underwater, we can see Ductape swimming to the sand-covered bottom of the pool, with light coruscating all over. He is right next to the black brick, and now he kicks back to the surface, with the brick folling him. Then we see him breaking the surface of the water and placing the brick on the edge of the pool.}

DUCTAPE: Got it. You were right, Stan. This was a good way to test the new high-speed waterproof upgrade to my webcam.

STAN BANANA: Too bad Homeschool didn't come. It's been around two months, why hasn't he come to his senses?

DUCTAPE: He's too paranoid.

STAN BANANA: You know, you're a fast swimmer with those feet. Did you ever consider trying out for the swim team?

DUCTAPE: The coach said he wanted me. Nay, he begged me to join the team when he realized the "flippers" I've been using were really my feet. But I turned him down. I want more free time in my life rather than become my overly-busy sister, Debbie.

STAN BANANA: Couldn't hurt, though. So, you wanna tape us playing underwater catch with the diving torpedoes?

DUCTAPE: I would, but I better get home. I'm going to upload this footage and see if it came out right. And maybe an e-mail, too. It's been around a month, I should have some messages.

STAN BANANA: See you later.

{We skip to a shot of Ductape, fully dressed, entering his room and dumping his wet swim stuff on the chair. He gets on his computer and opens his inbox.}

Dear Duckshirt,
I have terrible news. Recent studies have concluded
that your friend Homestar is "stupid". This is a
serious matter and you need to come and cure him
immediately before the damage is permament.
- Doctor Blob

DUCTAPE: That's not breaking news. We kinda know that. It's not serious or anything, though it does get annoying. Sometimes a quick application of pain can set things right. But this e-mail makes it sound like Homestar's doing something of utmost urgency. I better go check.

{Outside, there is a side-view of an orange car filling up the screen. It drives away, revealing a yellow fire hydrant with a green garden hose coming out of it, pumping a high quantitiy of water. The camera follows the hose, and the end shows Homestar spraying The Stick with water on high blast.}

HOMESTAR: There you go, little stick. You must be thirsty if you have no leaves.

{Ductape blades on up and skids to a stop. He is holding a baseball bat.}

DUCTAPE: Oh. This is what he is doing. {Turns to Homestar} What do you think you are doing?

HOMESTAR: Hey there, Bladerman. Just watering the plants.

DUCTAPE: {raises bat} I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop you.

HOMESTAR: Never! These plants need water. I hasn't dripped a drop in weeks, and all of this land is dry as a dustbin!

{Homestar raises the hose at Ductape, who lets go of the bat in shock and gets blasted off screen. Homestar turns to the camera, which the view gets temporarily obscured. The scene cuts back to Ductape, who now has landed safely next to a bike rack with two bikes on it, a pale green one and an orange one.}

DUCTAPE: Okay, that didn't work.

{Now, Ductape's goat, Borismichalovitch, comes onscreen, bedraggled and wet.}

DUCTAPE: He got you too, eh?

BORISMICHALOVITCH: Yeaaaaah.

DUCTAPE: We're going to have to bring out the big guns before it gets any worse.

{Scene transitions to Homestar, who is now heavily bombarding a dry, cracked landscape with water. It becomes all muddy. He starts to sink into the dirt until Ductape, who is wearing an umpire outfit with a lime-green football helmet and Strong Mad walk in from the side.}

HOMESTAR: Oh hey guys. Are you going to play some football after I'm finished watering the plants?

DUCTAPE: Now, Strong Mad!

HOMESTAR: Uh oh...

{Homestar turns the hose toward Ductape and Strong Mad in an attempt to stop them, but to no avail. Strong Mad picks Homestar up and starts throws him like a javelin. Ductape runs after him.}

{Over at a football field, Homestar is about to land in the endzone until Ductape catches him and tackles him on the ground. The scoreboard goes up six points.}

DUCTAPE: Hooray! We made a touchdown!

HOMESTAR: {dazed} Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

{Ductape is now back at the computer.}

DUCTAPE: Thanks for the appraisal, Dr. Umgullian Blob. Strong Mad and I stopped Homestar from his water-blasting rampage. I give you good luck on your next race. The Umgullian blobstacle courses are tough.

{The computer shows a window saying: Click here to e-mail Ductape Blader.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on "race" to see Ductape sitting on the bleachers and watching small, colored blobs run through a "blobstacle" course.

{Four differently colored blobs are oozing their way toward a bed of nails and a mesh fence.}

DUCTAPE: Keep on oozing there, little blobs!

Fun facts

• Ductape's skill at diving and grabbing submerged bricks is shared with the author. She actually did this herself several times before.
• Homeschool is still hiding after what had happened in Sattelites.
• The orange car is Debbie's from Karaoke is illegally parked. Cars cannot be parked next to hydrants.
• Homestar's lines about it being dry were from an old program "Mr. Potato Head Saves Veggie Valley" where Mr. Potato Head had flew off with a rain cloud to rain on Veggie Valley, which was experiencing severe drought.
• The Umgullian blob races Ductape talks about are from Star Wars, which were featured in Kevin J. Anderson's Jedi Academy trilogy.