Fake Character Email Ductape Blader/Karaoke

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Ductape E-mail #7: Karaoke

Summary: When Ductape needed to display he was more well-rounded then someone thought he was, Ductape decided to sing.

Cast (in order of appearance): Ductape, The Cheat, Strong Bad, Debbie Blader, Senor Cardgage, Bubs, Homestar, Marzipan, Strong Bad, Stan Banana, Borismichalovitch, Coach Z.

Places: Van's indoor skate park, Debbie's orange pontiac, Several berry bushes, Bubs' Consses5ion stand, The side of the stand.

Date: July 3, 2006

Length: Still no idea, but is holy-roman long.

Contents

Transcript

{Ductape is in Van's again. He's on the mini ramp, does a nice invert, then shreds off. He's worked up a nice sweat, and goes off to sit on a bench}

DUCTAPE: Hooph. Man, I'm hot. Seems mom should pick me up in around twenty minutes. I'm going to check out the games.

{Ductape slowly rolls to the arcade corner of Van's. Several machines, such as Billiards, Sharpshooter, Snow Mountain, and The Simpsons Game are standing around, with some kids putting quarters in and playing. In the background, we can see the silohette of The Cheat and Strong Bad playing a game of Air Hockey.}

THE CHEAT: <I am sooo winning!>

STRONG BAD: {After the puck falls into the gutter.} Aww, peas. You're kicking my pasty white rump in this game. But next time I'll beat you bad!

DUCTAPE: Hi there, Strong Bad, The Cheat. What's on?

STRONG BAD: A rematch is what's on!

THE CHEAT: <My treat. I'll just roll right over you like the last forty-two times.>

DUCTAPE: Before you start, can I borrow the Lappy?

STRONG BAD: Sure, yeah.

{Ductape picks up the Lappy from the concrete floor and boots it up.}

DUCTAPE: DuctapeBmail.exe.

{An e-mail scrolls onto the screen} 

Dear Mr. Blader:
So what's all this blading business about?
I mean, they're on your feet and in your name,
but you don't seem to really actually do
much rollerblading.....
Are you some sort of SKATING FRAUD???
Your #135th biggest fan,
Einoo T. Spork

DUCTAPE: Wow! I have fans now! This is great. So, this blading business is part of my life. I just totally worked up a sweat today on the street ramps. But roller blading isn't who I am, it's something I do, and roller bladers have lives too, ya know? We do other things, like e-mailing, wikiing, foruming, goat care, sleeping, breathing,and eating.

STRONG BAD: Ductape, your sister's here. I'll need the Lappy back now.

{Ductape shoves the Lappy into Strong Bad's hands and runs, skidding to a stop at a billboard, picking a small sheet of paper. He continues to run outside. He jumps into the front seat of the orange Pontiac and instantly puts on his seatbelt.}

DUCTAPE: 'Sup, Deb? Why isn't mom here?

DEBBIE: She's busy, and there's a slight chance of rain today, Duncan.

DUCTAPE: I get that. Let's just get home.

{Debbie drives a few intersections, until she turns onto Sam Street.}

DUCTAPE: {Looking at the slip of paper, it advertises a blading competition in San Dimas} Debbie, do you think that I could go to San Dimas this summer?

DEBBIE: Why?

DUCTAPE: There's this blading competition, and I'd like to compete.

DEBBIE: No. First, our parents would freak. Second, you don't have a team. Third, no transport.

DUCTAPE: Wait... you don't have a liscence! You only have a learner's permit, and I'm not a liscenced driver! Is this legal?

DEBBIE: Sh! Just let me drive you home and we'll be fine.

{Just as soon as Debbie says this, the Pontiac, whose liscence plate says "BLADERZ" suddenly creeps too close to a speed limit sign and skids to a stop on the shoulder. A police car pulls up.}

POLICEMAN: Would you two please step out of your bizzarely colored vehicle?

{Ductape and Debbie hesitantly open the doors and step outside in front of him.}

POLICEMAN: Miss, I'd like to see your liscence.

{Debbie gulps as she takes out her wallet and removes her permit.}

POLICEMAN: This is a learner's permit. And I'm sure Duncan here isn't a liscened driver.

DEBBIE: I just needed to pick up my brother while mom was out. But how did you know his name?

POLICEMAN: Duncan here had to explain to me a previous offense last week. And you don't forget a kid wearing duct tape and size 13 lime green Chuck Taylors.

DUCTAPE: He's right. Last Saturday, I went out roller blading like I always do, and a couple hours later I was in front of him, attempting to explain why I threw a cherry pie at a horse.

DEBBIE: Why'd you toss a cherry pie at a horse?

DUCTAPE: Hey! That horse was asking for it.

POLICEMAN: Well, I'm going to have to escort you home, young lady.

DUCTAPE: Debbie? I'm going to go over to Bubs'. Tell mom I'm there.

{The policeman steps into the passenger seat, and Debbie drives home. Ductape blades off. He stops in front of several blackberry bushes. Senor Cardgage is pigging out behind them.}

DUCTAPE: But first... I'll pig out on these blackberries.

SENOR CARDGAGE: Pig out all you want, Donna. There'll be more tomorrow. I'll be here tomorrow.

{Ductape and Senor Cardgage pick berries and cram them into their mouths. Cut to Bubs' Consses5ion Stand, where Ductape is approaching the counter, covered in blackberry stains.

BUBS: Went a little crazy on the blackberries, did you?

DUCTAPE: Yes, yes I did. They are delicious.

BUBS: I can't really blame you.

DUCTAPE: So, any get-togethers here tonight? I just don't feel like going back to Van's this week.

BUBS: Check the bulliten board. I think Karaoke night is tonight. You can sign up.

{Ductape walks to the side of the stand, revealing a message board, with several flyers, such as; Have you seen The Cheat?; Hug a Tree with Homsar, bring dips; and "Pool dive-for fish competition at the aquatic center. The camera zooms in on a green sign-up list with a Karaoke machine, with Stan's name on it.}

DUCTAPE: That looks interesting. I'll sign up.

{Ductape signs his name. Homestar and Marzipan walk up.}

HOMESTAR: Oh, Ductape. You're signing up for Karaoke too?

DUCTAPE: Yeah. I've got a free night, so why not? What song are you going to sing?

MARZIPAN: We're doing a duet. See you tonight!

{Homestar and Marzipan sign up. Fade to the other side of the Consses5ion stand, where several chairs, a spotlight, and a Karaoke machine are placed. Bubs steps into the spotlight with a microphone stand.}

BUBS: Hey there, every peoples! Welcome to Karaoke night, where our contestants will sing for praise. That's right, we have no prizes tonight, just some fun, chips, dips, fries and some sodas and other snack food.

STRONG BAD: Wait... no prize? I'm outta here... nah, maybe I'll stasy for the food.

BUBS: And, tonight's theme is "Second Grade Songs".

STAN BANANA: I wanted to do another song! Oh well, I can sing a diferent one.

BUBS: Okay... we only have three acts tonight. But that's okay. Please put your hands together for our first contestants, Homestar and Marzipan, who will be singing a duet of "It's a Noun!"

{Homestar and Marzipan walk onstage with microphones. The music starts, it's a soft, yet slightly comical tune.}

JAMBOX: Noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun. Noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun. Noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun.

MARZIPAN: {singing} Hey, Homestar!

HOMESTAR: {not singing} Yeah?

MARZIPAN: You're wearing a noun.

HOMESTAR: I'm what?

MARZIPAN: Hey, Homestar.

HOMESTAR: What?

MARZIPAN: You're wearing a noun.

HOMESTAR: C'mon.

MARZIPAN: In a manner of speaking, a person, place or thing. Like a hat, a shirt, a ring. Each are a noun, so you're wearing a noun.

HOMESTAR: I see.

{A new verse starts. Homestar kicks it off.}

HOMESTAR: {singing} Hey, Marzipan.

MARZIPAN: {not singing} Huh?

HOMESTAR: You're eating a noun.

MARZIPAN: I'm eating what?

HOMESTAR: {singing} Hey, Marzipan.

MARZIPAN: What?

HOMESTAR: You're eating a noun.

MARZIPAN: I thought it was peanut butter-

HOMESTAR: In a manner of speaking, a person, place or thing. Like bread or chicken wing, each are a noun, so you're eating a noun.

{Music swells to bridge.}

HOMESTAR: What about Susie Brown?

MARZIPAN: {not singing} That's a noun.

HOMESTAR: Phoenix or Allentown?

MARZIPAN: Those are nouns.

BOTH: {singing} A taste, a smell, a sound, they're all nouns!

{Instrumental. Back to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: {singing} Hey, Homestar.

HOMESTAR: {not singing} What?

MARZIPAN: You are a noun.HOMESTAR:

HOMESTAR: I'm what?

MARZIPAN: Hey Homestar.

HOMESTAR: What now?

MARZIPAN: You are a noun.

HOMESTAR: Oh, thank you.

MARZIPAN: In a manner of speaking, a person, place, or thing. A difference, a ding-a-ling. {laughs}

HOMESTAR: {singing} A champion, or a king.

MARZIPAN: Each are a nouuuun!

HOMESTAR: Even the crowwwn!

JAMBOX: Noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun. Noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun. Noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun, noun.

{Song draws to a close. Homestar and Marzipan walk off stage. The crowd gives applause.}

BUBS: That was great. Stan, you're up next, with "Panama Parrot".

{Stan walks up on stage with a microphone in hand. The music begins. It sounds somewhat tropical.}

STAN BANANA: {not singing} This song is all about adjectives. What is an adjective, you ask? Well lad, let me tell you. {begins to sing.} An adjective is a kind of word that describes things. An adjective is a kind of word that describes things.

{Stan continues to repeat that line, while the Jambox sings an overlap}

JAMBOX: {overlapped} Which one? Whose is it? How many? What kind of?

STAN BANANA: {not singing} Can you guess which of these words are the adjectives? {voice gets higher} See that little green bird. She's smart and you can hear it. She can sing seven words. My pretty, pretty Panama parrot. {Not singing} These words are the adjectives.

{Stan sings each word, and the jambox repeats the words in a childlike voice.}

STAN BANANA: That.

JAMBOX: That.

STAN BANANA: Little.

JAMBOX: Little.

STAN BANANA: Green.

JAMBOX: Green.

STAN BANANA: Smart.

JAMBOX: Smart.

STAN BANANA: 7.

JAMBOX: 7.

STAN BANANA: My.

JAMBOX: My.

STAN BANANA: Pretty.

JAMBOX: Pretty.

{Now, both sing the last word together}

BOTH: Panama!

{The Jambox now sings the second verse by itself, and Stan overlaps with the first. Stan sings the first line once during the break in the music. Now, the overlap has been done again, but the Jambox sings the first verse and Stan the second. The song then stops to a calm.}

STAN BANANA: An adjective a kind of word that describes things.

{The song ends. Everyone in the crowd cheers in the way they are accustomed.}

BUBS: Okay. Stan, you rocked the planet today. Our last performer of the evening is our own Duncan Blader. Everyone give a round for Duncan here.

{Some cheering and whistling come from the crown. One person, presumably Strong Bad, yells "Yay, Ductape!". Ductape walks onstage with a mic and Borismichalovitch, who stop in front of a short stand-up mic.}

BUBS: Ductape, why did you bring Boris onstage with you?

DUCTAPE: Well, I was going to do the song "A Goat in my Room", and for the song it would be nice to have a goat with me.

BUBS: That's pretty clever, Ductape. Why didn't I think of that?

{Some quieted rock music plays. Ductape doesn't sing}

STRONG BAD: What are you waiting for? Your song is started!

DUCTAPE: I- uh, forgot the words. {worried} I don't remember!

COACH Z: Just improvise what you remember.

DUCTAPE: Um... okay. I'll see what I can do.

{The song restarts.}

DUCTAPE: {singing} A verb is a word about an action. It tells you what the pants has happened. And I once has to learn a verbal lesson. A goat came into my room when I was dressing?

{Ductape stalls a bit.}

DUCTAPE: Umm... he began to chew, he ate my tennis shoe, and then he said his favorite verbs.

BORISMICHALOVITCH: {He baahs, so he extends the vowels.} Eeeeat. Cheeew. Swaaallooow.

DUCTAPE: I forgot this part... um, A verb is a word about an action. It tells you what the pants has happened. And I once has to learn a verbal lesson. A goat came into my room when I was dressing. He ate my pants, he standed up and he pranced, and then he said his favorite verbs.

BORISMICHALOVITCH: Juuump. Skiiiip. Bo-bo-boooogiiie.

{The music changes for the bridge.}

DUCTAPE: So, something, something, something that rhymes with is. That stuff used to be mine, but now it's his. And I know now that verbs are actions? And all that stuff that did had happened.

{Song ends. Ductape breathes a sigh of relief. Cheering from the crowd ensues. Fade to black. A flyer says: Click here to e-mail Ductape Blader.}

Easter Eggs

  • Wait a few seconds for this extra dialouge.}

{Ductape is standing in his plain computer room.}

DUCTAPE: This is the only easter egg. After that song, I'm just don't feel like doing one.

Fun Facts

  • If you saw Ductape do an "invert" like he did in the beginning, he'd be floating in midair. An invert is when you do a handplant on the top of a ramp, but Ductape has no visible arms.
  • All games mentioned are from a local arcade named Marvelous Marvins, except the billiard table and air hockey. However, the real Van's does have an arcade corner.
  • San Dimas is a city in California, which was the hometown of Bill & Ted.
  • If you have a learners permit, you aren't allowed to drive unless a liscenced driver is in the car with you, which Debbie wasn't.
  • The mention of tossing a cherry pie at a horse is from The "X", a program on Canadian public TV where a reporter was asking teens about unusual happenings, and what Ductape said about rollerblading and later explaining why he tossed the pie was one example.
  • One of the flyers on the board was a reference to "Where's the Cheat?". The one with Homsar's chips/dips and tree hugging was from Strong Sad's lament.
  • The three songs sung were really from the program "Jumpstart 2nd grade", and are copyrighted by the Knowledge Adventure corporation. Please don't kill me.
    • All three are about a different part of speech, Nouns, Adjectives, and Verbs, respectively.
      • During Homestar and Marzipan's song, the names of the characters were Joey and Marilee. They were changed accordingly.
        • Ductape had forgotten the word to his song, "A Goat in my Room", because Dennis Dunjinman, the author, had also forgotten the words and tried to remember as much as possible. So it wasn't on-the-dot verbatim like the others, because several of the words were made up.

Easter Eggs

  • Wait a few seconds for this extra dialouge.}

{Ductape is standing in his plain computer room.}

DUCTAPE: This is the only easter egg. After that song, I'm just don't feel like doing one.

Fun Facts

  • If you saw Ductape do an "invert" like he did in the beginning, he'd be floating in midair. An invert is when you do a handplant on the top of a ramp, but Ductape has no visible arms.
  • All games mentioned are from a local arcade named Marvelous Marvins, except the billiard table and air hockey. However, the real Van's does have an arcade corner.
  • San Dimas is a city in California, which was the hometown of Bill & Ted.
  • If you have a learners permit, you aren't allowed to drive unless a liscenced driver is in the car with you, which Debbie wasn't.
  • The mention of tossing a cherry pie at a horse is from The "X", a program on Canadian public TV where a reporter was asking teens about unusual happenings, and what Ductape said about rollerblading and later explaining why he tossed the pie was one example.
  • One of the flyers on the board was a reference to "Where's the Cheat?". The one with Homsar's chips/dips and tree hugging was from Strong Sad's lament.
  • The three songs sung were really from the program "Jumpstart 2nd grade", and are copyrighted by the Knowledge Adventure corporation. Please don't kill me.
    • All three are about a different part of speech, Nouns, Adjectives, and Verbs, respectively.
      • During Homestar and Marzipan's song, the names of the characters were Joey and Marilee. They were changed accordingly.
        • Ductape had forgotten the word to his song, "A Goat in my Room", because Dennis Dunjinman, the author, had also forgotten the words and tried to remember as much as possible. So it wasn't on-the-dot verbatim like the others, because several of the words were made up.
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