Other Character Email Videlectrix/CopyWrite

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Contents

Overview

Videlectrix Email #4

Videlectrix is punished for all of their past (and present) CopyWriteTM infringements.

Cast (in order of appearance): Graphic Designer #1, Graphic Designer #2, Art Man, CEO, Playtester Judge Ebil, Assorted Court Peoples, Programmer, Tuxedo Bunny

Places: Videlectrix Apartment

Computer: 286 CGA Enabled PC, Prison Computer

Date: December 23, 2005

Lines: 113

Transcript

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: w00t! 3m41l |2 1337.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Shut up and speak English.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Ugh... Every time I try to do a realistic email intro, you just stop it.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Well then, let's just have silence.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Dot-dot-dot.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: That was clearly not silence!

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: It was a silence SIMULATION! Can't you just live with what you have?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: C-E-Guy, punish him.

GRAHPIC DESIGNER #2: Wh-what'd I-

{The first graphic designer reads the email. Sparks and flashes fly out as the second one is stabbed repeatedly with a shock baton.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Hm... Song?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Please... Please tell me you know what a song is...

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Nope.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Ugh... You know, one of these...

{The second Graphic Designer leans over and types something in.}

{An extremely grainy version of a Britney Spears song starts to play. Both of the Graphic Designers start to look more and more uncomfortable as it plays.}

{After a while, Art Man starts to sing along. The first Graphic Designer immidiately closes the program. Art Man continues to sing.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Shut up! Nobody wants to hear Britney Spears around here...

ART MAN: Aww... It's my favorite song...

CEO: Art Man, you are now not permitted to create music for us! What was I thinking when I let you near the sequencer... Why didn't I notice when he created that new Videlectrix theme? WHY?? Oh, yeah, it's the Playtester's job.

{The CEO puts a cartridge into a stray FunMachine. RunningMan runs by as a bleepy version of the same song plays.}

CEO: You're supposed to notice this! YOU! {Points to the Playtester}

PLAYTESTER: But... {Cries and jumps out the window}

CEO: Wow. Am I being too hard on him? I'll go get him some Doritos.

{Cut back to the computer.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Well, now that I've erased that from the computer, we no longer have to listen to that.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: You know, this may be the one thing you've done that I appreciate.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: R-really?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Nah. I just like screwing with ya.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Aww...

CEO: I got the Doritos! {Chucks them out the window} Hm... Who's going to make the music, now? I know... I know exactly who can make our music! {Points to Graphic Designer #2} You! You can make the music! You can save our company!

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Me? Really? Why, thank-

CEO: Not you, you idiot!

{The camera scrolls a little to the left to show that he was actually pointing to the first graphic designer.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Ugh...

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Why, thank you for this honor! I was thinking something like this...

{He precedes to hum the Mario theme.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: That sounds vaguely familliar...

CEO: Good! Let's put it in the game right now.

{A newspaper flies up to the screen.}

{After a few seconds, cut to a courtroom.}

JUDGE EBIL: Court is now in session.

PROSECUTOR: We all know that the Mario theme is catchy, right? But we also all know that it has been copyrighted since 1985, or so. Therefore, Videlectrix couldn't have legally used it. Am I right? I rest my prosecution. Wow... I can't believe I'm being payed so much for a wimpy copyrighting case... Heh... Big buxx...

{The Prosecutor suddenly becomes 8-bit and teleports into the sky.}

JUDGE EBIL: Hm. Aren't both lawyers supposed to stay here?

{Murmurs start in the crowd, and one very clear voice arises from them.}

MAN: Well, I don't know. It's not like the author actually knows anything about a trial.

JUDGE EBIL: May we hear the defense?

DEFENDANT: {Whispering to the CEO} I told you, I was a dentist! But noooo, I had a jacket and hair, so therefore I was a lawyer!

JUDGE EBIL: I sentence you to a lifetime...

CEO: Gulp!

JUDGE EBIL: ...Supply of chocolate! Where would you like it delivered??

PROGRAMMER: Chocolate, or technochocolate? {Strange noise resembling a giggle}

JUDGE EBIL: Heh, just kidding. I never used my gavel. Heh. 12 months, and Nintendo sues you for $70. {Bangs gavel}

CEO: Grrr... {Close-up shot of his face} Wait, how can you imprison an entire company?

JUDGE EBIL: I just did.

{The camera zooms out, showing that the entire staff, minus the Playtester, is in a jail cell already.}

CEO: Dangit!

{As the newspaper fades away, the entire staff is awake.}

PROGRAMMER: This bread is too dry! Does anyone have a +4 Gem of Moisture?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Do I have to give you the "life isn't a video game" speech again... sir?

PROGRAMMER: You were the one who jumped on a turtle on the stairs for an entire week trying to "gain 127 lives".

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: {Stutters uncomprehensibly}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Hey! Is there a prison computer in here?

PRISONER: Here's ya computer!

{Random knives and bricks are chucked at him, and he dodges them.}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: It'd be good to stay away from those other prisoners. I heard they had to fill up four entire prisons over here in America after they arrested Sony for that copy-protection-thing.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: Stop talking.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: Yes, sir!

{A prison guard walks by, swinging his keys casually. One breaks off and flies into Videlectrix's cell. It is still capable of unlocking the door.}

PRISON GUARD: Uhh, could you give that back? I need it. It's for your cell.

PROGRAMMER: Here's your Boss Key. {Strange noise}

{The programmer hands it over as the CEO's face distorts.}

CEO: You idiot! That was a key to our cell! We could've gotten out!

PROGRAMMER: I already have a Fingernail of +1 Lockpicking!

CEO: Oh.

PRISON GUARD: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Oh, and for doing a good deed that could've easily fired me, you are entitled to one email-checking.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #2: That's an oddly-specific reward. I don't think Sony has an email show.

PRISON GUARD: Well, it's not like they would give back the keys, like you suckers.

CEO: Hey! I'll have you know that the Programmer has a serious mental condition, and I only hired him because the only other applicant was actually a rabbit in a tuxedo!

{Cut to a large room with an old computer in it. The CEO is doing calf stretches while the others are crowded around the computer. He tries to dash off and escape.}

PRISON GUARDS: Don't you dare. {Several shotguns are heard cocking}

CEO: I-I'm sorry... I'll just, er, pretend that never happened... {Slowly backs away with his hands up}

GRAPHIC DESIGNER #1: {Stops reading at "Jaro's name and it's appearance"} Um...

{There is a deep silence. Suddenly cut to outside the prison, where guard dogs are being released and sirens are blaring. The CEO is running for his life.}

CEO: Every man for himself! I'm goin' to Mexico!

{RunningMan runs across the screen, carrying a banner that reads "Click Here To Email Videlectrix".}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the left guard tower to see Playtester's predicament.

{The Playtester is still falling out the window.}

PLAYTESTER: Well, as long as I have my lucky rabbit's foot, I'll be okay. {Reaches into his pants and pulls out a rabbit's foot on a chain} Ah. {Leans back into the air}

{The chain is caught on a tree.}

PLAYTESTER: Dangit!

{The camera stops following him, and several crashes and horn-honks are heard. An ambulance siren is heard. A few seconds later, a bag of Doritos falls down.}

  • Click on the right guard tower to see Videlectrix's possible programmer.

{A bunny in a tuxedo is stepping around on a keyboard.}

NINTENDO EMPLOYEE #1: How's that new game going?

NINTENDO EMPLOYEE #2: Our prime programmer is almost done with it. All we have to do is delay it until 2006, and we're set!

{The bunny stops, and a title screen for "The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess" comes up." Presumably, the bunny has just finished programming it.

Fun Facts

  • "Oops! I Did it Again" is a notorious song by Britney Spears that really, really annoys Thatkidsam.
  • Doritos are an American snack chip.
  • Sony recently hid malicious programs on certain music CDs, as referred to by Graphic Designer #2.
  • Boss keys are, obviously, keys to a boss's room.
  • Twilight Princess is a highly-anticipated game in the Zelda series by Nintendo.

Author's Comments

  • Rating: 7.5
  • This was pretty fun to write. Hope people liked it.

Reader Comments

Care to write a review? Format it like the above self-review.

  • Rating: 8.0

I thought it was kind of funny —ACupOfCoffee 22:33, 9 March 2006 (UTC)


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