X is the new Y/3
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
About
Yvonne and Marissa begin to question the purchase of Xaviar.
CAST: Marissa, Yvonne, Strong bad, Xaviar, The cheat, Strong sad, The KOT
SETTING: The bedroom, the field, strong bads basement, the stick
Transcript
{opens up to the girls room. There are now two wodden framed beds. strong bad, yvonne, and marissa each have a hand of five cards, and are sitting around . a large stack of tokens is in front of marissa. yvonne and strong bad have significantly less, strong bad having just one peach token.}
YVONNE: Um... Let's see... I see marissa's ace of spades, and raise her twenty-five.
MARISSA: {puts two blue tokens and a red token in the middle} I'm ready.
YVONNE: I'll start. {lays out her hand} full house of fives and nines. {crosses her arms, smiles smugly}
STRONG BAD: I have a hand so awesome, that your faces would melt if you saw it.
MARISSA: Let me see. {looks at strong bad hand} You have a six of clubs as a high card.
STRONG BAD: So?
MARISSA: You lose.
YVONNE: Let's see how much better you've done!
STRONG BAD: Yeah!
MARISSA: Ok. {lays out her hand} Four of a kind, aces.
YVONNE: That's ten winning hands in a row!
XAVIAR: {flies onscreen} Hey, guys.
STRONG BAD: Oh, what are you doing here? can't you see I'm-
XAVIAR: Losing to a school girl in poker? Yes.
MARISSA: {angered} What's that supposed to mean?
STRONG BAD: That I got the hand you're trying to pass off as yours?
XAVIAR: Well, girls just arent that good ad card games.
{yvonne throws a handful of tokens at xaviar. they hit}
XAVIAR: Ow!
MARISSA: I've been playing poker since the second grade. It's only natural I know the inner workings of the game!
YVONNE: Wait a second. {mumbling to herself for three seconds} Wait, you've been playing for seven years?
MARISSA: And I've gotten rich off of it.
XAVIAR: I bet I could beat you at it.
MARISSA: Starting with how little?
XAVIAR: Um... a hundred dollars!
MARISSA: {throws a black chip at xaviar} Bring it!
XAVIAR: You'll be broke before you kno-
{the screen turns to black, with thirty second later written on it in white. it comes back to the previous scene. xaviar has a hand of cards}
XAVIAR: {laying his hand out} Three jacks!
MARISSA: {laying her hand out} Flush of hearts!
XAVIAR: {mumbling} I shouldn't have gone all in...
MARISSA: Now, what did you say about girls?
XAVIAR: That they are CHEATING!?!
MARISSA: {shocked} WHAAAAT?!?
XAVIAR: How else could you win every time?
MARISSA: With strategy!
XAVIAR: I bet you mark the cards.
THE CHEAT: {walks in} {confused the cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: That brain haired girl-
MARISSA: Hey!
STRONG BAD: -wouldn't cheat, the cheat would.
XAVIAR: How would you know?
MARISSA: Get OUT OF HERE!!!
XAVIAR: {flying out} {sing songy} Temper tantrum! {flies offscreen}
MARISSA: {to strong bad} Now, I believe you owe me one thousand seven hundred dollars. {holds out her hand}
{cuts to outside the grill. xaviar flies out. strong sad walks in}
STRONG SAD: Aren't you the bird strong bad bought?
XAVIAR: What's it to ya?
STRONG SAD: It was just a {strong bad peeks his head outside the grill} kind gesture!
XAVIAR: {squalks loudly at strong sad, causing him to run away} That'll teach him.
STRONG BAD: {jumps out of the grill completely} Woah! You just singelhandedly got rid of our worlds worst problem!
XAVIAR: Thank you. {sneering at the way strong sad went} At least someone respects me.
STRONG BAD: I don't know why the girls hate you!
{cuts back to the bed room yvonne and marissa are putting a cage above the door}
YVONNE: Bye bye, birdy!
{cuts back}
STRONG BAD: So, how did you come to hate dumpus?
XAVIAR: He offered me a {raises wings in quotation marks} bla-la-ka-lava{stops} whatever that is. It's probably some kind of laced food.
STRONG BAD: So, could you teach me that squalk?
XAVIAR: It'll cost ya.
STRONG BAD: But I just lost all my money.
XAVIAR: I'll just take a token. meet up with me by some dork.
{xaviar flies into the grill, and strong bad walks away. cuts to inside the girls room. xaviar flies in fast enough to avoid getting trapped. he grabs a black token}
MARISSA: Thief!
{xaviar flies off screen.}
{cuts to the stick. the king of town is there. strong bad is waiting impatiently, as the king of town noisily and sloppily eats a raw steak. xaviar flies on screen.}
STRONG BAD: Finally. Now can you teach me to do that squalk?
XAVIAR: First, you'll need to replace your vocal cords with those of a birds.
STRONG BAD: What?!?
XAVIAR: It's the only way I can teach it.
STRONG BAD: Then why'd you tell me to find a dork?
XAVIAR: So I could gloat about my ability to do it. {squalks loudly at the king of town}
THE KOT: Aaah! {runs offscreen}
STRONG BAD: You're a dirty, scamming, rotten little bird. {two second pause} You're alright.
{cuts back to the girls room. the two are doodling on some blueprint paper. xaviar flies in}
MARISSA: There you are! Give me back my hundred bucks!
XAVIAR: Don't worry. S.b. will pay it back. {thinking} I hope. '{peeks over at the paper the girls are doodling on.}
YVONNE: Hey! We're planning here!
XAVIAR: Yeah. Planning a doomed machine.
YVONNE: What do you mean?
XAVIAR: Duh. You need to install a crank shaft attached to the pulley at 8-D, and use a stronger metal for virtually every metal object in the machine.
MARISSA: {raising her hand} Uh...
XAVIAR: It was part of my old job.
YVONNE: If you're so good at that, explain why our cage trap failed.
XAVIAR: Because, I can fly fast.
MARISSA: So, what you're saying is that you can make blue prints.
XAVIAR: What did you think was the blue stuff lining the bottom of my cage?
MARISSA: Bub's shedded skin?
YVONNE: Same.
XAVIAR: He's a reptile?
MARISSA: Maybe.
{the cheat walks in}
THE CHEAT: {inquizitive the cheat noises}
XAVIAR: Purple paint mixed with vinegar.
THE CHEAT: {confused the cheat noises} {leaves}
MARISSA: You didn't even have to think on that!
XAVIAR: Same reasons.
YVONNE: Okay, you're a lying, evil little devil.
XAVIAR: Right.
YVONNE: If you can help us with our plans, we will let you stay here.
XAVIAR: And if I don't agree?
YVONNE: We'll give you back to bu-
XAVIAR: Deal.
{Yvonne shakes xaviars wing. the screen fades out}
Fun facts
- If strong bad had one peach poker chip, he would merely have a quarter left over.
- Likewise, Xaviar taking a black chip as payment would signal a hundred dollar fee.
- 'Bye bye, birdy' is a reference to Stuart Little.
- 8-D was chosen because it looks like an emoticon written down.
- The six of clubs is the lowest possible card that could be used for a high card.
- If marissa has been playing cards since the second grade, and she's been playing for seven years, Marissa would be in the eighth grade.
