The Guide to Email Success/Noid Tips
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Heya, people. I see you've come here if you're strugglin' with an email show. I have been like that - back in my old days of OCE Doreauxgard, I sucked and eventually dumped him because he wasn't right. Then I picked up an old friend, Trogador. Along those ways, I jumped bandwagons and got WUEs and my fourth(don't ask) FCE. if you want tips on how to prevail, then read forward.
Contents |
Part One: Character
Character Selection
TROGADOR: Hi, peons, and welcome to one of my parts of this thing. Here, I'll be explaining the importance of character. Today we'll begin with a little thing called "Character Selection."
{cut to one of those wanted pin-up things where people try to identify the crook. Coach Z, The Bishop, Stinkoman, and The Grape Faerie are standing there.}
TROGADOR: First of all, here is your choices. Not the creme of the cake, but they should work.
TROGADOR: Anyways, first tip: don't usurp someone elses character.. That means don't steal the good ol' Coach when he's already claim'd.
{A bottomless pit appears and Coach Z falls through it.}
TROGADOR: Next, don't do "Other Other" character emails, like that Bishop guy. It'd generally frowned upon.
{The floor underneath Bishop makes him spring up, making him fly through the ceiling.}
TROGADOR: And for the love of Grand Supreme Ruler Fred and Vice President C., DON'T CLAIM A CHARACTER AND RETCON ALL CONTINUITY PLEASE. Like, take Stinkoman being a robot. The new owner could just decide to take out emails of robot continuity and say "oh hay im a hueman with shiny skin lol". Don't do that.
{Stinkoman explodes.}
TROGADOR: After a selection process, that would leave you with this well-rounded and cool character, The Grape Faerie!
THE GRAPE FAERIE: Yay.
TROGADOR: Alright, on to our next tip.
But What If My Character Ain't Got No Personality?
{cut to The Field. Noid is standing there.}
THE NOID: That's what I'm here to answer.
{Noid starts walking.}
THE NOID: Let's say you claimed this guy.
{a capsule falls from the sky, and a stickman pops out of it.}
THE NOID: {thinking} Our budget is so low we have to use a stickman?
THE NOID: Anyways, let's use Stickman Sticklyman here as an example. Let's say your email show's character's time is in Free Country U.S.A, Present Time.
THE NOID: What do you want your character to be? Is he/she supposed to be Homestar's roomate?
{the scenery changes to Homestar's bedroom. Homestar is there, singing.}
HOMESTAR: Oh, hey, new roomate, what hijinks will we get ourselves in today?
THE NOID: Does he/she work for Bubs?
{cut to the Concession Stand.}
BUBS: Heya, new worker! What hijinks will we get into today?
THE NOID: Whatever you manage to make work for your character and still have dignity, go for it! Take Trogador.
{Trogador walks on screen.}
TROGADOR: Yeah, what?
THE NOID: Normally you don't have much of a personality, do you?
TROGADOR: Nope.
THE NOID: But what did I make you out to be?
TROGADOR: An apparently-honorable evil dragon bent on destruction that doesn't get what he wants due to stupidity and poor-quality henchmen?
THE NOID: Ex-ACTLY!
Handling Emails
THE NOID: Usually, there's one or two bad emails out there. The trick is finding ways around them.
{Noid walks over to a screwy computer.}
THE NOID: Take a virus email. Tampo managed to pull one off great...fully, and if you do some thinkin', you might be able too!
THE NOID: Just always be thinking out of the box for emails! Pretty soon, you'll be up and running in no time.
I Wrote Myself Into A Hole!
to be continued
