The Guide to Email Success/Markie Tips
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Contents |
A Message From Your Leader
Alright, so you wanta Fanta master? (POKEMON!!!) Do you have the skills to be (NUMBER ONE!!!) and your five bucks? Well, look no further, people. I, Markie, will demonstrate (err, not really) Basic Instructions Bashing Ludicrous Emails, and you will emerge a champion from the rubbles of poor grammar!
Read this guide. It'll surely help you, and if you want further help, go look at other tips to further harden your resolve.
Ready? Go!
Ingredients
What you'll need for this crash course dummy test:
- An Email Show that you can handle
- Little procrastination
- A good sense of humor
- At least 10 lines of scripting
- Good Kelsey Grammer Grammar
- Transcription Standards
- Your best judgement
- And special updates
Your Average Email
Meet little Billy. He's your average email transcript that has been released for the public in Other Character Email Generic Name. But wait! What's this?
OMIGAWRSH Billy is less than 10 lines long! And he's poorly outfitted with bad grammar and spelling!
Young Billy here needs to be taught a lesson. First he will have to go cruel and unusual editing from the public. Then he will be forced to take a two-day crash course in Transcription Standards. And it looks like Billy here reeks of lack of humor! He will finally be fluffed with pillows and impaled with sticks to ensure that he has enough funnybone to please the public!
There, that wasn't so bad now, wasn't it, Billy? Want to go for another ride through the Standardizing Committee Machine? No? Well, okay then. But don't let me catch you all dirty with poor conventions again, or else it's Spankie-Poo for you!
How Email Transcripts are Cranked
Taken from Film Storage C in Markie's Treehouse, Reel ID #102
ZEEKY H. BOMB: Ohlet'scheckanemail! {brings up email}
Dear Zeeky Bomb, I hope you die somewhere. If not, have my ham sandwich. -Blahnerson
ZEEKY H. BOMB: {typing} Wellblahnersonyousuckandareanidiot.
<LINE 4>
<LINE 5>
<LINE 6>
<LINE 7>
<LINE 8>
<LINE 9>
ZEEKY H. BOMB: Well that's all I gotta say. SolongandZeekyBoogyDoog.
{Boom}
IT'S OVER.
Let's Review, shall we?
ONE - Always, ALWAYS CAPITALIZE YOUR NAMES in BOLD while transcripting.
ZEEKY H. BOMB: Ohlet'scheckanemail! {brings up email}
compared to
Zeeky H. Bomb: Ohlet'scheckanemail! {brings up email}
TWO - {Italicize actions in brackets.}
ZEEKY H. BOMB: Ohlet'scheckanemail! {brings up email}
compared to
ZEEKY H. BOMB: Ohlet'scheckanemail! {brings up email}
THREE - 10 LINES, FOLKS.
<LINE 4> <LINE 5> <LINE 6> <LINE 7>
<LINE 8>
<LINE 9>
Yeah, I'm too lazy to fill the rest in. Use your imaginations, people! I want to see ACTION!, DRAMA!, CHEESYNESS!!! Okay, maybe not cheesyness...
FOUR - Somehow, you must end using something that resembles "Click here to email Zeeky H. Bomb" or so.
IT'S OVER.
would be
{Click here to email the Zeeky H. Bomb at "zeekyboogydoog@blahhosting.com"}
Those are four basic things I would like to cover. More details later.
Maddox gets hatemail. You don't.
This is one thing I am very strict on - NO FREAKING HATE MAIL. I REPEAT, NO FREAKING HATE MAIL. The average hate mail would go like this:
Dear Markie, You suck. Go choke on a muffin and die somewhere. -Yo Momma
Sure, it's okay to answer one or two pieces of hatemail - but after that, DON'T DO IT. What are ya, a dumb jock? DON'T BE A DUMB JOCK.
Grammar Checkie!
Please, for Pete's sake, USE GOOD, or probably DECENT grammar. This is essential as it will tear up the quality of your emails.
A Few Misspelled Words (no offense, Mitchell)
- He's/his
- I/eye
- Their/they're
- Who/hue
- Laser/lazer {use sparingly or intentionally}
- Its/it's {first is descriptive, second is contraction for "it is", because Stlunko does not use contractions}
- You/u {annoying, I am sick of this being a substitute for "you", it is crappy n00bspeak}
