The Cheat Commando Handbook/Chapter 9: Proofs of Purchase

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So, now that you're almost finished with this book (and hopefully thrown it at Reynold's head a couple of times!), selected your absence-of-weaponry and your gimmick(s), it's time for the most important part of being a Cheat Commando: Product Placement!

First off you'll need to find the Product development area. From your squadron ( 8F ) the directions to the product development studio is as follows:

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, through Door A, through Door B, and the password is 'Start'

Soon, you'll be working with the best Product Development Cheats Pencil Shavings and Cheeze-Puffers can buy! You're on your way to becoming a REAL Cheat Commando, regardless of your current status whatever it may be!*

Step 1: Persuading your Superiors

Hopefully, you'll have a really cool codename and "special ability" by then, so be sure to tell them that as quickly as possible! Also, they'll need an extra pair of clothes that you want to wear in your action figure. If you don't have any, well, you can either go native for a while or wait to finish your training until you get extra clothes. So, after they measure all 2 of your dimensions, then they'll have to consult you on why you should have yourself immortalized in plastic and TV form. Quickly! Hope you thought of this on the way over, because you're gonna need to convince them to make you a star in the eyes of children. So, you must ask yourself these vital questions:

  • Do I fill any special purpose that the Cheat Commandos that are already popular don't?
  • Do I fill any cool special purpose that the Cheat Commandos that are already popular don't?
  • Do I believe in picking on Blue Laser constantly enough?
  • Do I believe in picking on Reynold constantly enough?
  • Do I need pansy armor to go in the field, or can I go in with just my fur in random badly-aimed fire?**
  • Can my action figure embed itself into the minds of children?
  • Do I have any cool customized weapons, or ones that are original? (Nunchucks haven't been done yet...)
  • Do I say To-MAY-to or To-MAH-to?
  • Do I say GUN-HAVER or GUN-HAY-VER?**
  • Can they do anything cool with my action figure? (i.e. stretchable limbs, glow in the dark, miniature bottle rockets strapped to back, etc.)

If you answer these questions to the product development Cheat's liking, then they'll write up a report, sit on it for 8 months doing nothing but eating "CONGLADULATIONS", then pass it off to Reynold. Your request to become a star MIGHT be fulfilled in the next 6 months after that.

*If you stole this booklet you will never be a real cheat commando.
**If you answered the first one, turn in this booklet now.

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