The Cheat Commando Handbook/Chapter 5: Cheat Commando Vehicles

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

A completely organized assault team must have some sort of transportation to carry them around in the case of retreat, lethargy or show-offytude. We the Cheat Commandos have engineered some of the finest (if not cheapest to build) vehicles for all types of terrain, be it grass, sand, mud, snow, or maybe even zombies! These are just the few of the apple pies we've baked up!

Troop Carrier

Back in 1979 when there were threats of Blue Laser Nukes and anti-aircrafts, this tank-shaped vehicle was the solution for running away whenever we felt provoked by such things. Today we're less chicken, however the Troop Carrier, or the Bad Recon Tank, can move our troops at 50 mph compared to the sluggishness of those Blue Laser cars. Come to think of it, they just used soap box derby cars.

This vehicle holds up to:

• 10 Cheat Commandos
• 2 Bamboo Poles
• 10 Fax Machines
• 98,024 Hate Mail Envelopes from Blue Laser
• 1,899 Crank-up Flashlights
• Reynold (needs his distance, you know)

This vehicle is armed with a standard-issue 123mm Tank Cannon, which targets everything in a one-mile radius. Auto-targeting has been placed in newer versions of the Troop Carriers, but unfortunately someone had to haxxor them. So when you look at a big, shiny red button in the control panel for this tank, DON'T PRESS IT. You'll get joint cramps plus many innocent lives blown to bits when you do. Our finest mechanics are woking this out upon this handbook's release, but don't expect a patch or your money back anytime soon.