The Cheat Commando Handbook/Chapter 3: Handling Your First Weapons
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
It's time for an overview of the #1 Blue Laser-killin' weapons: Weapons! Due to some budget cuts and other obstacles, the Cheat Commandos Unit will not be able to supply you with any equipment whatsoever. But if you pester another Commando enough, they might hook you up with one of these dastardly devices!
Contents |
Bullet-Shooting Guns
I don't know about your skills, but the odds are in your favor that you'll be able to work this thing. Pull the trigger with your feeble hands, and it'll start shooting holes into tomorrow. Twist the little knob to reload the gun every once in a while, or you'll find yourself cornered by Blue Laser while unarmed!
Laser-Shooting Guns
Now, we get to the good stuff! These babies are based offa a top-secret Blue Laser weapon, the Periwinkle Panzer! They don't require ammo to fire their red beams of destructomation, so you won't have to worry about running out. But, watch out: If a Blue Laser's gun is fired down your gun's barrel, it will explode! Those danged cheaters!
Some models of Laser-Shooting Guns, particularly the Toastinator, come with laser sights. We're not sure why you'd need another laser on a Laser-Shooting Gun, but hey - it's there!
Smokescreen Bomb
Don't go near any seedy bars without it, most specifically the Seedy Bar! Each capsule contains a highly irritating gas, burning the ranks of Blue Laser's eyes with authority. If you're one of those picky types (You know who you are...) and eye-stinging pain isn't enough for you, it's time to break out that chemistry set your dad gave to you as a kid! You can pour just about anything into the capsules to add some more pain to your enemies' eyes - or worse...
Swiss Army Spoons
Because of the unsafe nature of most of your Cheat Commando Missions, you'll often find yourself in a number of sticky, inappropriate, PG-13 situations. You never know, so make sure you're prepared for them by carrying the all-in-one Swiss Army Spoon, freshly imported from Foreign Lands! This holds numerous useful applications within its tiny compartment, including...
- Razor-sharp spoon
- Soupspoon
- Tea-stirring spoon
- Spork
- Spife
- Foon
- Sptraw
- Sunbed
- And much, much more!
