Strong Bads Ace Investigations/skub1
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Summary
Marzipan has gone missing—or has she been stolen? Only Homestar Runner, Private Eye, has the guts and the fortitude to solve this crime! Will Marzipan be found? Will a criminal be apprehended? Will Strong Bad ever get his fondue pot back? Only Homestar Runner, Private Eye, has the guts and the fortit
Cast O' Characters
- Homestar Runner: The private eye with the guts and the fortitude to solve this crime! Was previously Marzipan's boyfriend, so this means a lot to him.
- Coach Z: Homestar's good pal and co-investigator. Knows a lot about stains, smells, and the like.
- Marzipan: The missing lady-type in question.
Evidence
- Marzipan's Note: A note from Marzipan left strangely unfinished. "Dear Homestar: I think it's time that I had some time away from you. That's why I'm leaving and ____________"
- Doily: Has a strange blue stain on it. Source currently unknown.
- Window: Was cracked open at the scene of the crime.
Transcript
{Open to Marzipan's House. Homestar is walking through, looking for Marzipan.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, Marzipan? Marzipan, where are you? Marzipan, there's a cloud that looks like a duck and you like those, right?
{Homestar walks into Marzipan's Living Room, and gasps.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Gasps!
{Cut to a view of Marzipan's Couch. There is a note sitting there. Homestar picks it up and reads it.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {reading in Cardboard Marzipan's voice} "Dear Homestar: I think it's time that I had some time away from you. That's why I'm leaving and..." {normal} Gasps again! The note cuts off there! This can only mean...
{Homestar turns around, now suddenly wearing a trench coat and a hat.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Marzipan has been stolen!
{Musical sting!!}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: And it looks like I'm on the case!
{Musical sting!!}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: So let's start investigating!
{Musical sting.}
{Homestar begins taking in his surroundings, checking under sofa cushions and such. Suddenly, he spots something out of the ordinary...}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ah-ha! What is this, now?
{Homestar Runner picks up a doily. It has a small blue stain on it.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: This doily never had this stain on it! Marzipan couldn't have made that stain because she's with the People for the Ethical Treatment of Additives! Which leaves but one person... the perpetrator!
{Homestar makes a mental note of the blue stain.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Now, then, what else can I find from this crimed-up scene?
{Homestar suddenly takes notice of the window, which has been cracked open.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Goodness me! Another cluedo!
{Homestar Runner walks up to the window.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Now who would leave a window open unless they were going to burglarize or kidnap a house or person? Time for me to add this to my court record!
{Homestar makes a mental note of the window.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Looks like that's all I can find here... mayhaps I should go ask around, see if peeps got some clues!
{Soulja Boy Tell 'Em walks in}
SOULJA BOY: yo i got a new dance for y'all it's called the soulja boy
{Homestar Runner and Soulja Boy Tell 'Em do the Soulja Boy for nine hours straight.}
HOMESTAR: Thanks, Soulja Boy!
{Soulja Boy flies away.}
HOMESTAR: And now I know exactly whodunnit!
{Shocking Swerve!}
HOMESTAR: Coach Z, j'accuse!
COACH Z: But I'm just a washed-up man with moistness in the leather regions!
HOMESTAR: What? Ew. What? Jump cut!
{Jump Cut!}
{Homestar vomits}
{Jump Cut!}
HOMESTAR: Strong Bad, did you kidna
STRONG BAD: No shut up.
{Jump Cut?}
HOMESTAR: Marzipan, how are you today?
CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: I know who killed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
HOMESTAR: Cough it up Cough it up
{Homestar delivers a sound thrashing to Cardboard Marzipan.}
{Cut: Marzipan and Homestar sitting on the couch.}
{Cut: Homestar on the couch by himself! David Lynch oh crap!}
{Cut: Marzipan and Homestar on the couch.}
HOMESTAR: So, you just went shopping?
MARZIPAN: Yeah.
HOMESTAR: Then why was the window open?
MARZIPAN: Because it's hot out today.
HOMESTAR: And the blue doily?
MARZIPAN: That's not a stain, it's dyed.
HOMESTAR: Then what about the note?
{Homestar foists the note on Marzipan.}
MARZIPAN: ...Homestar, you can't read.
HOMESTAR: Oh, right. Sometimes I forget I'm faking it!
