Strong Bad Email/offspring

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NOTE: This was just something I wrote one day in a fit of boredom. It was written before the Compé's introduction.

Strong Bad describes Marzipan and Homestar's hypothetical child, while blocking many jibblies.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Bubs, The Poopsmith, Marzipan, Homestar III, Coach Z, Pom Pom, Horrible Painting (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Hospital, Marzipan's House, The Field, Bubs' Concession Stand

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Someday, Monthuary 39, 2010

Running Time: 4:26

Page Title: Lappy 486

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Please stop trying to email my style, 'cuz you can't. {brings up the email, speaking:} It works better just to contact me directly.

{After reading "jibblies", Strong Bad replies with:}

STRONG BAD: The jibblies? Uh-oh. Jibblies shield... ON!

{The screen suddenly glows red and a chime is heard. The top of the screen reads "JIBBLIES SHIELD" and there's a flashing red light in the upper-right-hand corner. Strong Bad continues reading the email. After reading the word "child", the screen suddenly flashes, there is a ha-WING!! sound effect, and the bottom-left screen reads "JIBBLIES BLOCKED!". Strong Bad acts as though nothing unusual happened. The same happens after the word "long", and again after the word "Peace". He reads the name as "Holly Dayton, Parkero".}

STRONG BAD: {typing} You're right about one thing, Holidayton. Peace {ha-WING!!} is out. War is in! {clears screen} So, Homestar and Marzipan's future child {ha-WING!!}, eh, eh, Holiday? Yeah, I have a pretty good idea what it might be like. Do I want to think about it? {ha-WING!!} Well... no, but since you asked...

{Cut to a hospital waiting room. Homestar is pacing around nervously.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh man oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. Oh man. Oh man man. Oooohhhh man.

{Bubs walks up behind him.}

BUBS: Hey, Homestar!

{Homestar jumps in surprise.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: AH! {spins around} Bubs? What are you doing here?!

BUBS: Oh, well I heard about the big day, and I just had to make it here!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Really? It's my son and-slash-or daughter that's about to be born...

{The screen flashes with the same "ha-WING!!" sound effect, and "JIBBLIES BLOCKED!" is again written in the corner.}

BUBS: Oh, well, you know. Can't be a proper birth without the local concession guy.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oooooohhhh. Right, right. Local concession guy.

{The Poopsmith walks in on the other side, dressed in nurse scrubs, with a mask over his face. He taps Homestar in the back.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: AH! {spins around} Nurse Poopsmith? How's she doing? Is the baby born yet? Where can I get me a cool mask like that?

{The Poopsmith holds up a sign reading "It's a girl!"}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: A girl? Never woulda guessed we'd get another one of those around here. Anyway, {impatiently} lemme see lemme see lemme seeeeeeee!

{He pushes The Poopsmith aside and runs through the door. Bubs follows him. Cut to Marzipan, under the sheets on a bed, as Homestar walks up. She's holding a small bundle.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Marzipan, Marzipaaaaaaan! {very rapidly} How're you doing? How's the baby doing? Is it doing okay? Does it need any wood-davers? I can get you wood-davers! I can get on the wood-davers train! C'mon, how are you doing with the baby? Tell me everything's okaaaaaay!

MARZIPAN: Settle down, Homestar. Everything's fine. Here, you wanna hold the baby yourself to see? Careful, don't drop her!

{Homestar nervously takes the bundle. Cut to behind the bundle, as Homestar and Bubs both look into it. Homestar's eyes glow and he smiles widely.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ohhhhhh, she's the most precious little baby of mine, yes she is! I'm gonna love her, and hug her, and name her...

{Cut to a closeup of the baby's head. It looks like Marzipan's, but its mouth is clearly the same shape as... Bubs's mouth?! ha-WING!!}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Homestar Jr.!

MARZIPAN: Um, that's taken!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, yeah, right. Homestar the Third!

{Homestar III pokes two flipper-like arms — the same shape as Bubs's — out of the blanket toward Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, and look, she even has my arms!!

{The screen fades to black. "A few years later" is written across the screen. It fades to Marzipan's living room. Homestar III walks in.}

HOMESTAR III: Mom! Dad! I'm home.

{Homestar walks in.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, hi, dumplin' of mine! {ha-WING!!} How did things go at preschool today?

HOMESTAR III: Oh, I drew a cool picture! {She holds up a piece of paper.} Mister Cardgage said it was the breathed of the clasp!

{Homestar takes the paper. It looks like a simplistic crayon drawing of Bubs' Concession Stand, with Bubs in it. A scribble resembling Homestar III is next to it. "HOMESTAR III" is written in crayon by the corner.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh! This is so beautiful! You obviously got this artistic skill from my side of the family! I have to hang it on the fridge for everyone to see!

{Cut to a cross-looking Homestar III.}

HOMESTAR III: Ahem! That'll be five dollars, dad!

{Cut to Homestar III behind a lemonade stand, labeled "HOMESTAR III'S LEMON4DE 5TAND".}

HOMESTAR III: LEM-onade! Get your lemonade! Only fifty cents a glass! Sugar extra!

{Coach Z walks up.}

COACH Z: Oh, hey there, amazingly good-looking child! {ha-WING!!} Getting in on the entropernorial spirit, eh?

HOMESTAR III: What? No, I'm just selling lemonade!

COACH Z: Oh, that's different then! Well, I think I'll take an extra-large lemonccino on the rocks, with just a dash of Listerine in it!

HOMESTAR III: Mommy says I can't talk or sell stuff to you. Something about straining odors.

COACH Z: Oh, well, I do strain my odors reeeeeeeeal good! {ha-WING!!}

{Cut to Bubs's Concession Stand. Pom Pom is standing nearby.}

POM POM: {bubbles}

BUBS: Naw, why should I tell Homestar? Just cause too much trouble.

POM POM: {bubbles}

BUBS: Hey, thanks for coverin', man! Catch you later!

{Pom Pom bounces off, and Homestar III walks up.}

HOMESTAR III: Uncle Bubs!

BUBS: Oh, hey there, Homestar Three! Always nice to have my favorite, ahem, "niece" over!

HOMESTAR III: I love you, Uncle Bubs!

BUBS: And you too, kid!

{Homestar walks up. Bubs pulls a lollipop out from behind the counter and hands it to Homestar III.}

BUBS: Here ya go! No charge!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa, you comped candy? You never comp anything! At least not for me.

BUBS: Hey, what can I say, I loooves the kids!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Better you than Coach Z. {ha-WING!! To Homestar III:} Okay, honey! Time for your dance lessons!

{Both Homestars walk offscreen.}

HOMESTAR III: I'm gonna shimmy-shake it to the left, and then shimmy-shake it to the right!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's my girl!

{Cut back to the Lappy. The screen is again tinted in red due to the jibblies shield.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} And that's pretty much that. I can't really see it turning out any other way. Or could I...? {Holds up his head, wondering. ha-WING!! He looks back down.} Nope, guess I can't.

{New Paper comes down.}

Easter eggs

  • At the end, click on "see it" to see an extra scene with the Horrible Painting.}
{Cut to a wide shot of the Lappy. The Painting flies in from Strong Bad's left.}
HORRIBLE PAINTING: Come on in heeeeeeeere!
{The jibblies shield flashes again. ha-WING!!}
STRONG BAD: Sorry, man. I'm ready for you today.
HORRIBLE PAINTING: You take all the fun out of thiiiiiiiis! {flies off}

Fun Facts

Remarks

  • Homestar notes that Homestar III has his arms, even though hers are visible and his aren't.

Inside References

Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Strong_Bad_Email/offspring"