Stinkoman Email.exe/4

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Instead of a regular message, Stinkoman receives a drawing of 1-Up with hair. Stinkoman then tries to explain why fake hair is dumb, before making a terrible discovery!

Cast (in order of appearance): Stinkoman, 1-Up

Places: Computer Room, Dark Corner

Page Title: Tandy 4XX!!!

Author: Joshua

Transcript

STINKOMAN: {singing, types "run Stinkoman's__email"} I check the email once, I check the email twice, {sings part of his theme song} Okay, let's see what we got here...

STINKOMAN: One...up...Hair...? What the...

{A drawing of 1-Up appears onscreen with oddly shaped hair, sideburns and an outline of a beard.}

STINKOMAN: What the? Is that my 1-Up? Why's he got hair? Even I know he's a baldy! {clears screen} What, has he been walking around with some sorta wig or something? With a beard? But everyone knows that hair is a symbol of awesome-ship! If you have fake hair... it goes against the way of the challenger! I can't believe he'd do this!! {pauses} Well, I guess I gotta go look—

{He suddenly notices he doesn't have any hair in his reflection.}

STINKOMAN: What the?! {frantically grabs at head} Where'd my glorious Stinkohair go? It's gone? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! {runs away}

{Fade to black. Fade back in to a dark corner inside the building. The faint outline of a bald Stinkoman is visible.}

STINKOMAN: {sad} Why did it leave me?

{After a little while, 1-Up is heard entering the room.}

1-UP: Hey Stinkoman, where are you? I have something to show you!

{1-Up enters the camera's view. He is wearing Stinkoman's blue hair, with his hat on top of that. Upon seeing him, Stinkoman quickly jumps out of the shadows.}

STINKOMAN: 1-Up, whaaaat are you doing with my hair?! How'd you get it?

1-UP: Slow up, Stinkoman! I found this hair beside your bed. It must have fallen off! I decided to keep it company until you woke up.

STINKOMAN: Gimme that!

{He snatches the hair off 1-Up's head and puts it on his own. 1-Up's hat flies off and is quickly grabbed by 1-Up.}

STINKOMAN: How could it have fallen off? I've never been wig-hunting!

1-UP: I think there's only one explanation!

STINKOMAN: No! {zoom in on face} It can't be! {zoom in more} But it must!

{Zoom out. Stinkoman flips open a flap on his wrist. On the inside of the flap is some text.}

STINKOMAN: {squinting, reading} Made... in... the U.S.A. {closes flap} Oh, no! It's true! I'm... I'm... a robot! I'm a friggin' bald robot!

1-UP: Your hair's real to me, Stinkoman.

STINKOMAN: {pauses, then pats 1-Up} Aww, that's really nice of you, 1-Up. Maybe we'll get you some hair someday.

{1-Up starts... purring?! o.O }

{Cut back to the computer. Stinkoman sits back down.}

STINKOMAN: So in closing, it doesn't really matter how real your hair is. As long as it's blue hair, it's still awesome. And that's the moral of this story!

{Some generic 20X6 variant of The Paper comes down.}

Fun Facts

  • "Glorious Stinkohair" is a reference to Stinkoman 20X6: Reloaded.
  • "Slow up, Stinkoman" is a reference to the Imitation Strong Bad Email "stinkoman".
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