Stinkoman Email.exe/12

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Overview

Stinkoman_Email.exe: credit card

Stinkoman gets what he THINKS to be a scam letter and forwards it to 1-Up. However, does he know that he actually missed a payment? Or is it?

CAST: Stinkoman, 1-Up(unseen), Chorch Lawyer, Saargtsson, Greggo Lawyer, Liekand, Phoenix Wright, Miles Edgeworth

PLACES: The Tando 5XXX, The Courtroom

PAGE TITLE: OBJECTION!

AUTHOR: Zippy

Transcript

STINKOMAN: {typing "run stinkoman's_email.exe"} Initiate Stinkoman Email check in five... fooooouuuuurrrr... THREEEEEEEE... TWOOOOOOOO... ONE!

{After reading "scam artists", Stinkoman exclaims, "pssh, right."}

STINKOMAN: Listen, JOOOOOOOOHN, you're gonna need to try haaaarder than that to steal MY Virtu-Coins! Now, then... what am I gonna do to you? Hmm... OH! Let's see here...

{Stinkoman runs his word filter and changes Stinkoman to 1-Up and "John and some other people, etc." to "Virtu-Bank of Planet K".}

STINKOMAN: Hahahaha! 1-Up's so stupid! HAHAHAHA! I'll take his money! HAHAHA! {types in "fwd to 'theguy1up'} Now, we wait.

{Five minutes later, as indicated by a time card, An email pops up on the Tando with a 'ping'.}

STINKOMAN: Whu-ha? I have an email! It's probably from 1-Up!

{Stinkoman opens the email. It reads:}

{Stinkoman starts to read the email, and it fades into 1-Up's voice. Stinkoman stops reading the information at the credit card number, and laughs.}

STINKOMAN: HAHAHAHA! I fooled him good! HAHAHAHA! Now, I'm going to use this to buy some awesome stuff! {types in "www.sweetestthings.com"} Man, I'm gonna have so much cool stuff!

{Stinkoman opens the webpage, and a menu is shown.}

STINKOMAN: Oh, man! These are the sweetest things ever! I should get me some killa robots... {clicks on "killa robot" twice} Some of these things right here... {clicks on "rocket fist adaptor" four times} Oh, and everybody needs these! {clicks on "robotic dog/shark"} Now, then... go away! I'm waiting for my new stuff!

{Suddenly, the doorbell rings.}

STINKOMAN: Wow! That new stuff's here! Fast!

{Stinkoman runs to the door and opens it dramatically. He opens it to find not his stuff, but a paper, held by a Chorch.}

CHORCH LAWYER: Ahem.

STINKOMAN: What is this? {holding paper} WHAAAAAT is this?

CHORCH LAWYER: It's a subpoena.

STINKOMAN: What's a sub-poem-a?

CHORCH LAWYER: You're being summoned to court, you blockhead.

STINKOMAN: Is this some kind of law challenge?

CHORCH LAWYER: Just follow me, Stinkoman. You'll be treated... fairly. I assume.

{Stinkoman has no choice but to follow the Chorch Lawyer to court. The scene fades out, and fades into the courtroom. Surprisingly, it looks a lot like a certain court from a certain video game... Saargtsson is the judge, and a jury of Stinkoman's peers is at the jury bench.}

SAARGTSSON: Court is now in session! The case: Virtu-Bank of Planet K vs. Stinkoman.

STINKOMAN: WHAT? You mean-

LIEKAND: Yes. I'm the head of the bank, bozo. I sent you that email, I just sent it under a different guise, savvy?

STINKOMAN: Hmm... really?

LIEKAND: Ugh... yes. Really.

SAARGTSSON: Okay, now, will the plaintiff please step up to the stand?

LIEKAND: Ahem.

SAARGTSSON: Okay, WHIRL up to the stand.

LIEKAND: 'Kay, then.

{Liekand whirls up to the stand and "sits" down. A Greggo Lawyer walks up to Liekand.}

GREGGO LAWYER: Now, then, Liekand--is it true you work at the Virtu0Bank of Planet K?

LIEKAND: Absolutely, one-hundred percent-

???: OBJECTION!

LIEKAND: Wha?

{The mysterious voice is actually... PHOENIX WRIGHT?!}

PHOENIX WRIGHT: That's right, OBJECTION!

GREGGO LAWYER: You... my greatest legal foe...

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Yes... Miles...

{The Greggo Lawyer bursts into smoke, and standing there is Miles Edgeworth, rival of Phoenix Wright.}

STINKOMAN: Okay, this is just RIDICULOUS. Video-game tie-ins? You wish!

MILES EDGEWORTH: Well, Phoenix, what evidence do you have that this man is, in fact, guilty?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Oh, you'd be surprised, Miles...

{The scene cuts to a picture of Liekand, wearing a name-tag.}

PHOENIX WRIGHT: As you can see, this photo is CLEARLY doctored!

{The camera zooms in on the name-tag.}

PHOENIX WRIGHT: This name-tag was not, in fact, provided by the bank itself, but rather...

{The camera pans over to a picture of a Greggo with a square taken off it's chest.}

PHOENIX WRIGHT: AN ACTUAL EMPLOYEE!

MILES EDGEWORTH: OBJECTION!

{The scene cuts back to the courtroom.}

MILES EDGEWORTH: That photo of that Greggo is clearly doctored! That square was cut out on purpose!

PHOENIX WRIGHT: OBJECTION! That piece IS genuine! {Phoenix rips the name-tag clipping off the picture of Liekand and reveals nothing under it} See?

MILES EDGEWORTH: I... you...

PHOENIX WRIGHT: That's right, Miles--I win another case!

MILES EDGEWORTH: I'll be back next time, Phoenix... NEXT TIME!

{Miles storms out of the courtroom. Saargtsson pounds his gavel.}

SAARGTSSON: Court is adjourned. Winner: Stinkoman.

LIEKAND: NOOOO! I was found out! I was gonna sue you for all the money you had!

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Well, I guess I win again!

STINKOMAN: Good, now get back to your own game! Sheesh!

{Phoenix leaves the courtroom, as well as Liekand, who is sobbing. The judge hands Stinkoman a wad of cash.}

STINKOMAN: Wow! Money! Sweet! Now I can buy MORE stuff!

{Stinkoman runs out of the courtroom. Saargtsson looks around for a few seconds, and takes out a bottle of sake. He opens it with his tail, and drinks it in one gulp.}

SAARGTSSON: Man. Being a judge is hard.

{The Paper comes down.}

Fun Facts

  • Pretty much the whole email was influenced by the Phoenix Wright series of games.
  • Yeah. That's about it.
  • Go home, why don't you?
  • GO!
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