Other Character Email Homestar/a brief history of dumb
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Homestar Email #29: "a brief history of dumb"
Characters (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Strong Sad, Strong Bad, Homsar
Homestar is dumb. Other people are smart. Etc.
Transcript
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Email is like my right and left arms! ...... Um, if I had........ any........ yeah. Um, email. Yeah.
{Homestar types "homestarmails.exe" into the computer, and an email pops up.}
Dear Homestar Runner,
It has come to my attention that we have mixed up your scholarship
file. Seems we accidentally sent your ultra-scholarship to a fellow
named Jlom Phom, the cousin of one of your friends. We are terribly
sorry for the mistake. Would you like to go to the best school in
Free Country, and maybe learn something?
-Department of Monopolyy
{Homestar reads the email. He reads "Jlom Phom" as "um.... someone I don't know" and pronounces "Monopolyy" as "Monopoly-ee." He then clears the screen.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {typing} Well, Department of Candyland, as a member of the most Learnedest of all Personables, I must most irrespectably decline your offer of a scholarship, no matter how "Ultra" it may be. Even if I wasn't the intelligent, dare I say handsome man that I am, I'm surrounded by people well-learn-ed in the art of culture. Or the culture of art. Or whatever. Observe:
{Homestar gets up from his chair. Cut to Strong Sad's room. Strong Sad is there, reading "A Brief History of Time".}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {walks into the room} Oh hi, gray man. Is it true that you're a real smart guy?
STRONG SAD: Why thank you, good sir! I myself believe that I am pretty intelligent-
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, that's nice. Can you spell fubugrass?
STRONG SAD: Um, okay, I guess.... Fhqwhgads. F-H-Q-W-H-G-A-D-S. Fhqwhgads.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: BEEP! {looks directly at audience} No, I'm sorry. The correct answer was "WAY-O, WAY-O". {singing} Dut dut da-dunnn. {normally, looking back at Strong Sad} Um, that was the losing music. So anyway, bye. {walks out of room}
STRONG SAD: Don't go........ I'm lonely!
{Cut to the Brothers Strong Basement. Strong Bad is on the couch, reading a book entitled "A Brief History of Crap".}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {walks into the room} Oh hey, Stong Bah.
STRONG BAD: WAGHGgghghth- HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE???!!!!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {gleefully} Through the window.
STRONG BAD: Ugh..... Jeez. Homestar, go away. I'm on the verge of comprehending the universe here!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Cool, cool, I don't care, cool. So anyways, could you tell me what E=MC2 means?
STRONG BAD: Um, Evil = Madness Times Coolness Squared? Look, Homestar, I don't have a freakin' clue, all right?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, Stong Bah. That's not right. But it is true! Here, have a lollipop and a Deep Impact DVD!
{Homestar gives Strong Bad a lollipop and a Deep Impact DVD.}
STRONG BAD: That's nice. Now get out of my face.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Can do! {walks out of room}
{Cut to The Field. Homsar is there, reading a book entitled "A Brief History of Orange Hogwash" (upside-down).}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Homsar!
HOMSAR: DAaAaAaAaA! I'm waiting for the ninja shiiiip!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Homsar, are you smart?
HOMSAR: Not until the parakeet calls my naaaaaaame!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Do you know what a black hole is? Because I sure don't!
HOMSAR: If you see, something saaaaaaaay something!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: See you later!
HOMSAR: DAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaA!
{Cut back to the Compy.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {typing} So you see, Clue, those people are stupid. Except for Homsar. Man, that guy is smart! Anyway, I'm surrounded by dumb people, which makes me look smart! And that's why I don't need a scholarship. {stops typing} So everyone, until next week, I'm probably Homestar Runner! Keep watching the skies, keep reaching for the stars, and keep circulating the tapes!
{The Paper comes down.}
Fun Facts
- "Keep circulating the tapes" is a reference to Mystery Science Theater 3000.
- "A Brief History of Time" is a book by Stephen Hawking.
- "If you see something, say something" is a reference to the secret "Puppets on the Road" Puppet Stuff hidden in the strongbad_email.exe Disc Four.
