Fake Character Email Ductape Blader/Suspicions

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Ductape E-mail 15: Suspicions.

Summary: Ductape gets a fine from a corporation he never knew existed.

Cast (in order of appearance): Ductape, Debbie, Homeschool, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Marzipan, Tetris Player.

Places: Ductape's computer room, Mailbox, Suspiciousness Inc. headquarters.

Date: March 14, 2007

Length: Does it have to be any longer?

Transcript

{Cut to Ductape’s computer room. Ductape is checking his e-mail.}

DUCTAPE: I wonder how much e-mail I have? It has been a long time, I don’t think people even acknowledge my presence anymore.

{The following e-mail opens up}

DEAR DUCTAPE BLADER,
You still owe us, the Suspiciousness Inc. Society,
$45,737!! Please pay us in the next 5 hours, or we
will destroy your computer! Ha ha ha ha hha ha ha!!
              Homsar R., and Suspiciousness Inc.

DUCTAPE: HOLY ROMAN! That’s a lot of monies I have to pay. I didn’t even buy anything! The last thing I bought on the InstaNet was a game package from Redwood games… which didn’t come in yet. I should send a strongly worded letter for this outrage! One that abuses punctuation and formatting.

{Cut to Ductape at the kitchen table. He has a blue pen and many sheets of paper on both sides, one is piled up in a box that reads “IN” while another reads “OUT”. Ductape writes and writes, piling papers from the IN pile to the OUT pile.}

DUCTAPE: {holding up last sheet} Lo and behold, it is DONE! A paper of mega-sized proportions with formatting and punctuation abuse! Look at my unnecessary exclamation points and underlining! The people of the evil corporation that’s trying to extort my money won’t get me!

{Debbie walks in}

DEBBIE: {looking at the piles and at Ductape} Uh… I won’t ask. It looks serious yet somehow stupid at the same time.

{She walks out. Cut to a mailbox. Ductape is straining to carry a large package with numerous stamps on it to the mail drop. He drops it in.}

DUCTAPE: {wipes his brow} Oof! That was a real strain. But Suspiciousness Inc. will know their error when they read my Strongly Worded Letter that I just sent!

{Homeschool Winner walks up with a package of his own. It has duct tape all over it. It also is spray-painted with the Bio-Hazard logo.}

DUCTAPE: Hey Homeschool, you’re finally out of your hole! What brings you out here?

HOMESCHOOL: I got some e-mail saying that I owed a vast sum of monies to someone, despite the fact I didn’t buy anything!

DUCTAPE: Really? I did too!

HOMESCHOOL: That’s pretty suspicious.

DUCTAPE: So, what’s in the box? A strongly worded letter?

HOMESCHOOL: Not quite. This is a box of lethal biological warfare. I have it hermetically sealed and it will be shipped to Suspiciousness Inc.’s doom! {Evil laugh, which later slows as Homeschool realizes what he’s doing.}

DUCTAPE: You too? Wow, I wonder who else got those e-mails.

{Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat are walking up to the mailbox. Strong Mad is carrying a car, The Cheat is carrying a flaming bag, and Strong bad is carrying a gasoline tank that reads “Mongolian Aftershave Lotion”.}

STRONG BAD: Okay guys, we just dump the stuff, and as soon as the mail carrier comes to send the mail, we migrate to Mexico as luchadors until this all blows over.

‘’’THE CHEAT:’’’ <That’s pathetic. Besides, we don’t even look like luchadors!>

‘’{The Cheat dumps in his bag as Strong Bad and Strong Mad dump their items, Strong Mad’s car is next to the mailbox with a giant stamp on it because it doesn’t fit.}’’

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Let me guess, Suspiciousness Inc. is billing you?

‘’’STRONG BAD:’’’ No way! You too? That’s pretty suspicious!

‘’’HOMESCHOOL:’’’ I sent them biological weapons!

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Guys, there’s only one thing we can do.

‘’’STRONG MAD:’’’ ‘’{lifting the car over his head}’’ RAMPAGE!

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Whoa, not that extreme, big guy. ‘’{Strong Mad drops the car}’’ We find out the person’s address and then we shut them down!

‘’{The rest of them cheer. Fade to a small building. A sign on it reads “Suspiciousness Inc.}’’

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Alright men, barge!

‘’{Ductape kicks the door open with his enormous feet. The crowd follows him in. Ductape stops in front of a desk with a blonde woman behind it.}’’

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Excuse me, lady?

‘’{She turns around, revealing Marzipan}’’

‘’’MARZIPAN:’’’ Yes?

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Marzipan? What are you doing with Suspiciousness Inc.?

‘’’MARZIPAN:’’’ Well, they told me that this was the Genetic Engineering protest.

‘’’THE CHEAT:’’’ <Like THAT’S not suspicious.>

‘’’HOMESCHOOL:’’’ Well, we’re here to shut this place down. Can you tell us where to go?

‘’’MARZIPAN:’’’ ‘’{points pen}’’ That-a-Way.

‘’{Ductape barges in with his giant feet again. Inside is a man playing Tetris. He has green hair and sunglasses.}’’

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Huh? Who are you?

‘’’MAN:’’’ I’m trying to go for the Worldwide Tetris Championship. The Soviets won’t rob it from us this year!

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Sorry dude, but you’re gonna have to pause for a second.

‘’{Ductape pushes the man aside and minimizes the game. Up comes a window that shows Suspiciousness Inc.’s evil plans and profit margins.}’’

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Wow, you guys make a killing!

‘’{He deletes it. Cut back to the compy}’’

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ So, Homsar Faker, I have completely stopped your scam plan. Now I’m going to spend my money on something more tasteful instead.

‘’{A window appears on the computer saying, Click here to e-mail Ductape Blader}

Easter Eggs

• Click on “tasteful” to see what Ductape was going to buy.

‘’{Ductape turns on the InstaNet and clicks on a box that reads “Click here to order the series”.}’’

‘’’DUCTAPE:’’’ Good… 35 dollars and I’ve got eight games!

Fun Facts

• Suspiciousness Inc. is a corporation from Stinkoman 20X6: Reloaded. Marzipan being the “blonde woman” comes from there as well.
• The game Ductape ordered in the beginning and the Easter Egg are the same games. Since I bought them, they didn’t come in yet.
• For something to be hermetically sealed, it must be in a vacuum.
• Strong Bad wants to set his “Mongolian Aftershave Lotion” on fire.
• Strong Mad can pick up a car. This is a reference to the Yearbook Character page.
• Strong Bad claims he could hide in Mexico as a luchador. This is because he wears a Mexican boxing mask.

*A man going for the Tetris Championship is a reference to Futurama.