Fake Character Email Ductape Blader/Pets

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Ductape E-mail #5: Pets

Summary: Ductape gets an e-mail suggesting a pet, and comes up with all kinds of silly animals.

Cast: (in order of appearance): Ductape, Strong Sad (drawing), The Cheat (drawing), Homestar (drawing), Coach Z (drawing), Bubs (drawing), Marzipan (drawing), Pom Pom (drawing), Stan Banana.

Places: Ductape's computer room.

Date: April 20, 2006

Length: No idea.

Transcript=

{Ductape is on his computer. He is playing Greebles, with about nine other computers on a network.}

DUCTAPE: {After pushing a block and squashing a Greeble} Whoa, total squash fest!

{Later, after crushing a Death Touch power-up, he starts touching all the Greebles. They all pass the level}

DUCTAPE: Awesome. I think I should check my e-mail, seeing if I got any messages.

{Ductape closes the Greebles program and opens up his inbox. The folling e-mail pops up.} 

Dear Duck Duck Goose Blader,
I think you should get a pet.
A Dragon for an example?
You know, it's extreme!
-Spyrox6 (Not the purple dragon)

DUCTAPE: You are a bit late on the pet thing, because I have one. A young kid named Borismihalovitch, if you were here during the last e-mail. Bu you can see it, these are taped. However, a creepy exotic pet could be fun, like the kind you put in your own manga comic. But, not a dragon. Too big. It wouldn't fit in the house. but a baby dragon? Nah, still an inferno. How about... a hydra?

{Cut to a manga-comic style scene, depicting Ductape with a hydra. Everything Ductape says is said in a talk balloon.}

DUCTAPE: Hmm... A hydra is like a Greek Dragon, with more heads.

{More heads suddenly grow from the hydra. A Greek-style Strong Sad appears at the corner, tossing a spear.}

DUCTAPE: Maybe too many heads. I'll try something simpler. Like a...

{New scene, which now looks like it was done with markers. Ductape is now at what seems to be at the entrance of a random cavern. Next to him is a Gorgon.}

DUCTAPE: A Gorgon. Maybe it'll be okay if I gouge out the petrifying eyes, {Someone who looks like The Cheat comes in and instantly gets turned into a scone,} and defang the head snakes. {Homestar walks up, and a snake bites him. He collapses, fast asleep.} But that's a bit too much work. So, Spyro, will you like a...

{Another scene appears over the old one,in a flash-animated fashion. This one shows a huge monster in a forest eating a corpse, from flesh to bone, with Ductape nearby.}

DUCTAPE: A manticore? {Now, the Ductape image cowers in fear.} No, a manticore eats all kind of meat, and might eat me, or all the people in Free Country, USA. {Several people in Free Country USA show up, which is comprised of Coach Z, Bubs, Marzipan, and Pom Pom. They all get bite marks on them.} But how about this one?

{Now we show doctored movie footage with a giant snake in a giant sewer chamber. Ductape is wearing a cloak and some round glasses, with a scar on the forehead.}

DUCTAPE: A basilisk! Hatched from a chicken's egg beneath a toad! That's an extreme pet.

{Now, he starts spitting venom all over the place. Some of it hits Ductape.}

DUCTAPE: Ouch! That burns!

{Now, a phoenix drops in with a hat. Ductape pulls a samurai-type sword out, and skates off a makeshift ramp, onto the wall, and sticks it right through the top of its mouth. Cut back to the computer. Ductape is still writing comics.}

DUCTAPE: That's not going to work if I end up killing the pet. Or being in a sewer. Instead, what if it was a giant, animal-like banana?

{Now is a scene in Stan's banana farm. A giant banana is ravaging out of the place, while Stan is attempting to squirt herbicide at the banana with an old water gun. Ductape is riding it like a wild bull through a field.}

DUCTAPE: That would be sort-of fun. Especially if I could cause mondo destruction to someplace like Kalamazoo or Denver.

{As he says the names of the cities, a postcard advertising the city comes up, showing Ductape riding a giant banana, which is destroying the town with it's giant squashing feet and eye lasers.}

DUCTAPE: Heh. That's silly. Wait 'till I tell this story to the kids. As this e-mail is broughto a close, I'm going to eat some matzah. I wish Passover was over, which it will be, soon.

{The computer shows a window saying: Click here to e-mail Blader.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the screen afterwards to see a creepy photo of Ductape with a Chimaera.

Fun Facts

  • Ductape is playing a game called Greebles, a network game. however, he can't really play it, it's only availble for Apple, and he owns a windows.
  • The first four animals are a Star Wars reference. Those were the names of Admiral Daala's four Star Destroyers.
  • A hydra is a dragon-like creature in Greek mythology, which has several heads.
  • A Gorgon is a person with eyes that turn people to stone and have snakes on their heads, which means it's like a Medusa.
    • The "scone" part is a reference to Sheep in the Big City, where in one episode, there was a Medusa-like beast that turned things to hot, pastry muffins, called scones.
  • A manticore is a kind of mythical animal that lives in certain forests, and when it eats a body, it eats everything, without leaving a trace.
  • A basilisk is a giant snake that comes from a chicken's egg, hatched beneath a toad.
  • The entire basilisk scene was a parody of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
  • Destroying Kalamazoo is a pass-off line from the Fairly Oddparents movie, Abra-Catastrophe. It's even more ironic because I live in Michigan.
  • Ductape's line about Passover happens to do with the fact the day this e-mail was released was the same day as the final day of Passover.
  • A Chimaeara, however that's spelled, is a kind of mythical best with some kinds of body parts from several random animals. It fits with the others, Chimaeara is the name of Grand Admiral Thrawn's Star Destroyer.
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