Fake Character Email Ductape Blader/Nonsense

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Ductape E-mail 14: Nonsense

Summary: Gibberish in an e-mail leads Ductape to some new heights.

Cast (in order of appearance): Ductape, Stan Banana, Homsar, The King of Town, Homestar Runner, a moose.

Places: Ductape's computer room, Stan Banana’s banana ranch, The Stick, Homestar’s deck, A puddle of mud.

Date: December 2006.

Length: I hope it’s enough.

Transcript

{Ductape is back at the compy. He is typing.}

DUCTAPE: And then, when they get to the megaplex, a bunch of intruders come in. That’s when they lock out the doors, screw with the lights, make popcorn tsunamis, break chairs and the main characters two friends get caught in a celluloid jam. It’s up to the main character to stop the mess, free his friends from the psychos, and evacuate the megaplex. Wow, what a video game description! If this is ever made, I’d like to play it.

{He opens up his inbox and the following comes up.}

DUCTAPE: This e-mail is close to being gibberish. What, do you randomly spew typos and junk? Or is it more problematic, the G.O.B.W. possessed your keyboard, forcing you to typo garbage? Yeah, that must be it. I hate those darn G.O.B.W. So, to give an answer to your buzzwords in the e-mail, “moose” and cheese”, let’s go get a moose and some cheese and go on an adventure.

{Ductape leaves the compy. He arrives at Stan Banana’s banana ranch, where Stan is seen, picking bananas and putting it into a peach basket.}

DUCTAPE: {quickly} Stan, I’m in need of a moose and some cheese for an e-mail that’s practically gibberish because the G.O.B.W. possessed the sender’s keyboard. You’ve said that moose sometimes come around here, you see one? I want to ride it and feed it some cheese, preferably brie.

STAN: Whoa, slow down man. The G.O.B.W. possessed a moose named Shira Brie that the sender had cheesed off, smashing his keyboard into giving you a gibberish e-mail?

DUCTAPE: Yeah, yeah. So, you see a moose around these parts?

STAN: You couldn’t have come at a better time. There was a moose here just yesterday, who took out a long red and white straw, drinking from a mud puddle. He’s probably still there.

DUCTAPE: Thanks. I’ll also just buy some bananas, for the trip, or the moose. Whatever, I’m just screwed up today.

STAN: {takes out a small beaver and a taxicab} Here’s your beaver and your taxicab. Good night.

DUCTAPE: Thanks, I’ll enjoy eating it on the way there.

{He takes the beaver and chews on it a bit, then puts his taxicab on the ground, stepping on it and riding it like a skateboard. Stan falls asleep on a crate of bananas as the scene suddenly turns dark.}

{Back to Ductape, he’s rolling on the taxicab on broad daylight, passing by a factory and a circus in the distance until he comes to a stop at The Stick, which has grown many feet. Homsar is wearing a harness and carabineer, climbing up the Stick/tree and many tree legs are kicking him in the process}

DUCTAPE: Wow, the stick really had a growth spurt since I was gone.

HOMSAR: We’ve got feet, and we’ve got fireleeeegs!

{Homsar takes out a match and lights one of the legs on fire. It instantly comes off and drops in front of Ductape, melting into brown goop. Ductape takes a spoon out from nowhere and gives it a taste.}

DUCTAPE: It’s Puudu! The brown goop flavor, too!

{He sets up a sign that says “Tree Puudu, 0.1 monies}’’ and starts eating. The King of Town comes up.}

KING OF TOWN: Wow, 0.1 monies! That’s practically a bargain. I don’t have a dime on me now, so take this token as my method of payment.

{He takes out a squid from nowhere and hands it to Ductape, exchanging it with a spoon. It squirts loads of ink on him, covering him in a black, drippy mess. Ductape rolls off to the left all wobbly on his skates because he cannot see.}

{Cut to Homestar on a wooden deck building a wooden ramp out of wood. He is pounding a hammer on a badly bent nail.}

HOMESTAR: C’mon you little galvanized nail! Don’t make this Homestar vs. Little nail! {he pounds himself with the hammer and faints out cold.} Ouch!

{The inky mass on red wheels that is Ductape is emitting muffled screams as he rolls up the ramp and into the sky. Drifting slowly, he lands on a cloud. Some of the ink has melted away.}

DUCTAPE: That was convenient, like a trampoline in the air! {looks down} Hey, how do I stand on this cloud? That only happens in video games with lack of floating floors and Word Rescue!

{Just as he says this, he sinks into the cloud and immediately plops into a mud puddle. There is a moose there, slurping from a red and white straw.}

DUCTAPE: Aha! I found you, the Elusive Moose! Anyway, I’m kinda far from home, can you give me a ride?

{The moose stops slurping and stands up.}

MOOSE: I’m Morris. Sure I’ll give you a ride. Just tell me where my friend Boris is. He got lost.

DUCTAPE: I think he’s at my place. Just drop me off.

{Cut to Ductape piggy-back riding on Morris, stopping at his house.}

DUCTAPE: Thanks for the ride. Here’s some brie.

{Ductape hands him some cheese and the moose runs off. Back at the compy}

DUCTAPE: I really don’t know what came over me today. Must’ve been an attack from the G.O.B.W., the nonsense was too nonsensical to be real. But at least I got to ride a moose.

{A window appears on the computer saying, Click here to e-mail Ductape Blader}

Easter Eggs

Click on “G.O.B.W.” to see a diagram of how they work, involving typo-spewing, bad plotlines and characters, and malicious mistreatment of characters.

Fun Facts

• G.O.B.W. stands for “Ghosts Of Bad Writing”, a term the author coined, which have become an inside joke on another website the author goes to.
• Stan’s mention of Shira Brie is from Star Wars.
• Stan gives Ductape a beaver and a taxicab, two items that were seen in an episode of Invader Zim, “Bestest Friend”.
• Firelegs are a play on Firearms, which are shooting weapons.
• Puudu is one of Dennis’s products, which she uses often.
• The monies system is also from Invader Zim, but the author likes to use it out of that context as a standard form of currency.
• Homestar is still building wooden objects with galvanized nails, as seen in the toon.
• The mention of Word Rescue was an old game from the early 90’s that had a few levels where the character could walk on clouds.
• The moose’s name comes from the series of children’s books, “Morris the Moose”. The mention of Boris also was from there.