Fake Character Email Ductape Blader/Cards

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Ductape E-mail 12: Cards

Summary: Ductape gets an e-mail that's too close to a recent SBEmail for comfort.

Cast: (in order of appearance): Ductape, Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Borismichalovitch, Debbie, Strong Sad (Easter Egg), The Cheat (Easter Egg), Homsar (Easter Egg).

Places: Ductape's computer room, Ductape's yard, Strong basement.

Date: October 21, 2006

Length: Count for yourself.

Transcript

{Ductape is at his compy, opening up his inbox}

DUCTAPE: Another e-mail is getting checked today. If I ever go weekly, I'll have to.

To Duct-Tape Blader:
Do you have any trading cards?
What about your friends?
- Zippy

DUCTAPE: Oh... I'd be glad to answer your e-mail, but for your safety and mine, I have to give you fair warning. As you know, I'm not the only person with a webcam show around here. Strong Bad has one with tons of fans, which many of the viewers also see. Now, we're pretty good friends, I'm sure he'll understand that my limited amount of e-mails have led to this, but despite the fact that your e-mail isn't a "sbe-mail clone" like many out there, it's subject is too close to that of a much too recent SBE-mail for comfort. If I show any signs of cheap imitation of his e-mails, he'll get so mad he'll make my colossal feet go and kick you. From long distance. I don't know how, but he does this.

{The scene immediately switches to Strong Bad watching the e-mail on the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: Ductape, you've got that right. So far you're doing okay. But this can change for the worse...

{Back to Ductape}

DUCTAPE: I've never really been fond of trading cards. They never seemed to be worth a whole lot. You go to the hobby store, buy several packs for about $10, and none of them have cards you want. Then after everyone cashed in, they become worthless. And don't say they increase in value with time, because they don't. They only decrease until they are worth the paper they are printed on.

{Pan out from the computer. Homestar Runner is next to Ductape}

HOMESTAR: Here's an unexpected visit from me. So, about your card-types-

DUCTAPE: Homestar, please don't. Look, we've got some soup in the fridge, why don't you go check it out?

HOMESTAR: Actual soup? Ductape, you've won this round. Now to critique that broth of sorts.

{Homestar walks out of the room. Sounds of footsteps on stairs are heard as Ductape comes back to his computer}

DUCTAPE: Back on task. So, the trading cards of which we speak of are a big waste of time and money. The worst kind I've seen are the ones with the cute little creatures on them, and they have lots of insane instructions to play with. And there's so many, with the monster series and the enchancer cards.

{Homestar is back}

HOMESTAR: You mean like these cards that The Cheat-

DUCTAPE: How'd you get back so quickly?

HOMESTAR: Debbie told me to get out of the kitchen. And that soup was delicious, you should sell the recipie to that restaurant your sister works at.

DUCTAPE: What do you wanna do now?

HOMESTAR: {Takes out fan of cards} I was going to show you my new deck that I found-

DUCTAPE: {Pushing Homestar back} I hear that cards are out of style now. Do you play roleplay games now?

HOMESTAR: Trading cards never go out of style. They just keep making new ones. Like these right here. {thrusts cards over at Ductape}

DUCTAPE: Umm... Homestar, I'm sorry, but I have to do this. Borismichalovitch!

{Boris enters and crouches next to Homestar. Ductape then pushes Homestar back so he falls out a window.}

HOMESTAR: Alley oop!

{Immediate cut to outside shows Homestar falling out the window and onto a conveniently placed trampoline. He bounces on it and sticks a dismount.}

HOMESTAR: And not a hair out of place!

{Pan over a bit to reveal Debbie with a sign that reads "4.7"}

DEBBIE: Awesome gymnastics!

{Back to Ductape}

DUCTAPE: Zippy, I've given you my opinion on trading cards. I personally hate them. I should show you some coverage of my midnight roleplay sessions with Strong Sad and the others in the basement. Now, I'm going to jump out the window. It looks kinda fun.

{Ductape jumps out the window and falls to the trampoline. He bounces and does many mid-air flips. Jumping onto a rail, he grinds down and sticks his landing.}

DEBBIE: I give a 6.0 for that. Now to get back to homework...

{Fade to the computer. A window appears on the computer saying, Click here to e-mail Ductape Blader.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on the computer to unlock a scene.

{Cut to the Strong's basement. A game board is seen with many dice and figures. Ductape, Strong Sad, The Cheat, and Homsar are at the table.}

DUCTAPE: I'm sorry I've been gone, I had e-mail to check.

HOMSAR: You're the only pilot we've goooot!

THE CHEAT: He's right. The stats say you are the only person who can drive or ship, and we needed to get to Corellia days ago!>

DUCTAPE: I need an understudy.

{Homestar butts in}

HOMESTAR: I'll be the Rodian spacer! I just pawned all my cards.

Fun Facts

• This e-mail was not a clone, as Ductape pointed out, but had too close a subject to this SBE-mail for the author's comfort.
• This is another example of the Conveniently Placed Trampoline.
• Ductape being a Rodian and the only person who could pilot the ship to Corellia means they were playing a Star Wars roleplay game.