Doctor Stinko/homestarmy
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Part 1
{Date: January 4th: 2004. Time: Midnight}
{It was a calm, dark midnight in the field of Free Country, USA. As always, the crickets were chirping, and everyone was in their beds sleeping. Well, that is, except for 4 or 5 men. In the middle of the field, a few feet away from the country of Strongbadia, a police box slowly forms, next to a tent campout. After a few seconds, Stinkoman and 1-UP walk out of the box. Stinkoman has a disgruntled look on his face}
STINKOMAN: ...What were you thinking man?!
1-UP: I'm sorry, you know how much I like history.
STINKOMAN: Well, now because of your love of history, we're stuck in this...this... {surveys surroundings} ...WHERE ARE WE?!
{As Stinkomans scream rips into the night, a large, tubby, grey skinned person with unusual feet walks out the tent. He has a orange bowl on his head}
GREY SKINNED MAN: {gasps} Look guys, I found some new recruits!
VOICE: {from inside the tent} Well what are you waiting for, GET THOSE PUNKS IN HERE!
{As Stinkoman and 1-UP realize the grey skinned man is there, they attempt to start running, but the man gets the best of them, and drags them into the tent}
{Inside the tent are two men, the grey skinned man, and a painting of a man holding a big knife, and a popcorn machine. All have bowls similar to the one the grey skinned man, except for the popcorn machine and one man, whose helmet is off and to the side of him. He is a short man with a large underbite and beady eyes, whose blue shirt says his name, Homsar. The other man is similar to Homsar, but is taller and has a red shirt with a star on it. Both men have no arms, the the tall man seems to be holding a wooden spoon.}
STAR-SHIRTED MAN: Allright you maggots, this is Colonel {pronounced "col-o-nel"} Homestar Runner of the Homestarmy speaking! Let me ask you something, are you two good at video games?
1-UP: Well, uh, I'm in a video game. Does that count?
STINKOMAN: Who are you people, and why did you bring us in here?!
HOMESTAR: You want an introduction, huh? Well, this is Third-Style Private Frank Bennedetto... {points spoon at the popcorn machine} ... Aviation specialist Homsar... {Points at Homsar} ... Weapons specialist Johnny... {points to painting} ... and Onlooker Strong Sad {points to grey man}
STRONG SAD: Hey, you said I would be Lieutenant!
HOMESTAR: Shut up, maggot!
STINKOMAN: Well, whatever this Homestarmy thing is, I don't want no part of it!
STRONG SAD: But wait, you haven't heard our cause yet.
HOMESTAR: MAGGOT, DO YOU WANT TO CLEAN MR. BENNEDETTO AGAIN!?
STRONG SAD: {scared} No, not again sir!
HOMESTAR: Well, stop interrupting my draft speech!
STRONG SAD: {ashamed} Yes, sir.
HOMESTAR: Now, as I was saying, the reason the homestarmy exists is pure...to erradicate the rulership of Strong Badia by our sworn enemy. HOMSAR...show them the picture!
HOMSAR: Aye, aye cap'n. {Takes out a handdrawn picture of a masked wrestler who looks similar to Stinkoman}
HOMESTAR: That's right, Strong Bad, the two-bit wrestleman, has had his share of the spotlight long enough! It's time the underdogs took to the stage, and yelled to the crowd..."TO BE, OR NOT TO BE! THAT IS THE FRIGGIN' QUESTION!!".
STINKOMAN: {annoyed} Which means...?
HOMESTAR: It means we shall take over Strongbadia. And once we do, we shall rename it, HOMESTARIA!!
STINKOMAN: {To himself} Hmmm, take over a country, eh...?
1-UP: These guys scare me...
STINKOMAN: Shut up, I'm thinkin' over here. {scartches his chin for a minute}
HOMESTAR: So, have you made your decision, maggot?
STINKOMAN: I have. And the answer...is YES!
Part 2
{Date: January 5th: 2004. Time: Dawn}
{It is a new day, as the Homestarmy (plus Stinkoman and 1-UP) are preparing to begin the fight that, in Homestars mind, will give all second fiddles of his home equal rights. In the middle of The Field, Stinkoman is preparing one of his patented Deuce-cannons, a cannon that gives a Single Deuce to everyone it reaches.}
STRONG SAD: Man, I wish we had one of those cannons you're making available today.
STINKOMAN: {turns to Strong Sad} Oh yeah, well this device is so gnarly, your people wouldn't even comprehend its awesome power! You should all be thankful I even decided to help you guys out!
HOMESTAR: Yeah, you tell 'em Futuristic Wrestleman! Show that ole' hump of lard who's boss!
STINKOMAN: {to Homestar, angrily} Will you people let me finish my work, or will I have to shove your heads in the ground to mute your voices!!
HOMESTAR: {shaken} Oh, ugh...ugh... of course Futuristic Wrestleman! Whatever you want!
STINKOMAN: {even angrier} And another thing, MY NAMES IS FRIGGIN' STINKOMAN!! THE GUY!! THE RESPONDER OF CHALLENGES, NOT "Futuristic Wrestleman", ALLRIGHT!
HOMESTAR: {even more shaken} OKAY...OKAY...I'M SORRY STINKOMAN! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
STINKOMAN: {satisfied} Now that's more like it, now I can work in peace.
{1-UP comes running to Stinkoman, holding a box of old junk}
1-UP: Here's all the old broken stuff I found in the TARDIS.
STINKOMAN: The wha-?
1-UP: You know, the big blue box that got us here.
STINKOMAN: Oh, so that's what it's called. Why didn't you tell me that earlier?
1-UP: You were too busy yelling at me for bringing you here.
STINKOMAN: Oh yeah, that's right.
1-UP: So...how's the cannon coming?
STINKOMAN: Just about finished. Should only take but a couple of minutes.
{Cut to later in the evening. Homestar is joining his soldiers in a rally before the attack, while Stinkoman just about finishes up the cannon}
1-UP: I thought you said this was only gonna take a few more minutes!
STINKOMAN: Well yeah, but all the stuff you gave me was crap! {to himself} Note to self: Never trust 1-UP with getting junk for a cannon.
1-UP: Why did you decide to join these guys anyway?
STINKOMAN: Because, for your info, I haven't been getting any challenges at all this week. Plus, this "Strong Bad" guy seems to be easy to beat in the heat of combat.
{Homestar and the soldiers come marching towards Stinkoman and 1-UP, ready for battle}
HOMESTAR: Gentlemen, are you ready to help serve your cause and take your place in history!?
1-UP: YEAH!!
HOMESTAR: Well then, onwards westward...to STRONGBADIA!
Part 3
{Date: January 5th: 2004. Time: 4:00 p.m}
{The time has come for the Homestarmys attack on Strongbadia, as a montage of Stinkoman lifting up the Deuce Canon, 1-UP packing the supplies, and Homestar yelling at Strong Sad. Finally, they move out, walking in slow motion to make the 10-yard walk seem longer. Everyone except Stinkoman pretends to be tired, while stinkoman just keeps moving along. They reach their destination in about 5 minutes (20 minutes in slow-mo time). At Strongbadia, Strong Bad and his humongous brother Strong Mad are holding badmitton racks, talking to themselves.}
STRONG BAD: Yeah, I don't know. Maybe there is a goodminton
{The Homestarmy halts next the cannon}
STRONG BAD: WHOA, what the crap is that thing?!
HOMESTARMY: It's the end of your rule of Strongbadia, for we have gotten this cannon all the way from the year 20X6 to aid us in destroying your kingdom and mold it in our image!
STRONG BAD: Well, uh, how exactly did' you get that thing?
{Stinkoman pops into view from behind the cannon, waving at Strong Bad with a smirk on his face}
STRONG MAD: IT'S THE GUY FROM MY FAVORITE CARTOOOOOOON!
STRONG BAD: Whoa, it's the real Stinkoman!
STINKOMAN: Wait, people over here know who I am?!
STRONG BAD: Yeah man, your toys sell like hotcakes over at Bubs' Concession Stand.
{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. It's decorated with Stinkoman merchandise, and has the words "DOUBLE DEUUUUUUUCE" painted on its side}
STINKOMAN: Well then, how come these guys acted like the didn't know me?
STRONG BAD: Probably because they don't know what cool is. A'int that right Strong Dump?
STRONG SAD: That's one of the reasons I joined! I've always felt you've disrespected my contributions to The Brothers Strong.
STRONG BAD: I HAVE disrespected you, because you're a waste of dump!
STINKOMAN: {angrily} UGGGH, WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP!!
{In a rage of fury, Stinkoman fires the cannon at Strong Bad, blasting him about 3 miles away. As Strong Mad gasps at this, Stinkoman points the cannon right at him}
STINKOMAN: You're next, tubby!
{This is enough to make Strong Mad run away to help his brother, who is in a considerable amount of pain}
HOMESTAR: Hooray, Strongbadia is ours!
HOMSAR: {Unintelligible yelling}
STRONG SAD: Finally, we shall rule all in habitants of Strongbadia!
STINKOMAN: {dismounting cannon} Uh, guys...
HOMESTAR: Yes, allie?
STINKOMAN: I don't know if you noticed but, all Strongbadia is is a fence behind a dumpster. {cut to a wideshot of Strongbadia} It's only occupant was a tire.
HOMESTAR: {disheartened} Oh. Uhh...guys, I think we're gonna' have to populate this thing. Let's start by making the population...tire...Bennedetto...and Big nife painting.
STINKOMAN: Yeah, whatever. C'mon 1-UP, let's get outta' here.
{1-UP wals into view, holding many Stinkoman merchandise, and wearing a Stinkoman t-shirt}
STINKOMAN: ...
1-UP: They were on sale at Bubs'!
STINKOMAN: I'm helping them conquer a country and all you do is BUY STUFF!?
1-UP: {pause} But it was on sale!
STINKOMAN: {annoyed} Whatever, let's get outta' here.
{Stinkoman and 1-UP take the long walk back to the TARDIS, which fades away soon after they enter}
