Fake Character Email Ductape Blader/Fakers

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Ductape E-mail #3: Fakers

Summary: Ductape gets another duct tape brand e-mail from an imposter, and gets the real Strong Bad in to insult her/him.

Cast: (in order of appearance): Ductape, Marzpan, Goats, The Cheat, Strong Bad, Stan Banana, Debbie Blader (Easter Egg)

Places: Ductape's computer room, Marzipan's garden, The stick, A rail, Strong Bad's house, Stan Banana's backyard.

Date: February 2, 2006

Length: No idea.

Transcript

{Ductape is typing a transcript for what looks like a fan fiction. As he writes the following text on the screen, he mimics his voice to match what he's typing.}

DUCTAPE: So, Cosmo wand goes flat, causing half a goat to appear on the floor. Guts are spilling everywhere.

Timmy says: Ah! Goat guts? ewww. Wanda comes in, saying 'Cosmo, is there something wrong with your magic?' Then Timmy just says 'I'll just use one of my other magical items, it's not a problem, just please pick up the goat mess. Then, Timmy goes to his closet and under his bed, and realizes they are empty. 'Where has all my stuff went?' asks Timmy. 'I don't know...' Cosmo stutters. Wanda steps in. 'Oh no, Cosmo, did you do something stupid?' 'What do you mean? I just know that last night I was in a fine game of Sabacc with some red-haired, teenage girl who won a whole ton of the stuff I bet.' 'Uh oh, that's not good. You bet you magic away to this person? Now your magic will slowly drain away.' {Not typing} Wow. This is one of my best Fan Fictions yet. I wonder if I'll get an answer this time. Oh well, I guess I'm due for another e-mail

{He brings one onscreen from his inbox.}

Ducttape guy,
Are you the one that asked me
if my legs were made of tape?

Strong Bad

DUCTAPE: Strong Bad? No way! Strong Bad doesn't send pity e-mails to people. And we both agree that these tape-leg e-mails are total pieces of junk. Am I right? Duh. Well, now what's left is to humiliate you into sending me better e-mails. Now, how should I do that?

{Ductape sits there for a few moments, then gets up to pace. He then types a bit more of the earlier transcript.}

DUCTAPE: So, Amy, wearing all of Cosmo's stuff, finds a trail that Cosmo left, tracing him somewhere around California. Then, Timmy and Wanda are also looking for her, because Cosmo's been hospitalized with lack of magic! And Amy then causes cows to fall from the sky, causing the cowpocalypse! Not in that order, of course. Man, this plot just gets better and better. Thank goodness for that conveniently placed trampoline at the bottom of that skyscraper!

{Suddenly, a flash of light occurs}

DUCTAPE: Man, I've got to get that fixed. I've got it! I'll ask the real Strong Bad to belittle the sender of this awful e-mail! See yehz later, you nutcase!

{Cut to the outside field, where Ductape is roller blading in the direction of Strong Bad's house. Marzipan is next to her gazebo, in the garden, watering the radishes, and a herd of goats are grazing in this field.}

DUCTAPE: Hiya Marzipan. How are your goats today?

MARZIPAN: Oh, they are fine, thank you. I'm just watering my prize radishes. What brings you here?

DUCTAPE: I was just going over to Strong Bad's house. I need to ask him a question about imposters.

MARZIPAN: Oh, take care then. By the way, if your going in that direction, can you go over to Stan's house and pick up some bananas for me?

DUCTAPE: Yes ma'am!

{Ductape is about to skate offscreen until he spots a sick-looking goat.}

DUCTAPE: That goat looks sick.

MARZIPAN: Goatee here has been sick for months, and getting more fatigued by the week. I don't know what's wrong.

DUCTAPE: Well, I'm sure you'll find out eventually. Bye.

{Ductape starts roller blading away to Strong Bad's house. First, he speeds up downhill while passing The Stick, which had a leaf on it, which blows in the wind. He then jumps over The Cheat in a crazy swerve, and jumps onto a rail, skating down until he lands to perform an Ollie. Cut to Ductape at the door. He knocks twice.}

STRONG BAD: {opening door} Ductape. What brings you to my lair of manliness?

DUCTAPE: I was going to pick up some bananas for Marzipan.

STRONG BAD: Um, Stan Banana's house is over there. Why don't you ask him?

DUCTAPE: Oh yeah. Why did I come here?

{Cut in front of Stan's house. Ductape knocks on the door. A ten-year-old with a green shirt with a banana on it opens the door.}

STAN BANANA: Ductape, what brings you to my fortress of bananatude?

DUCTAPE: Marzipan wanted a crate of bananas. I'm here to pick them up.

STAN BANANA: Right. Go around into the backyard. I'll meet you there.

{Cut over to a fence, which Ductape opens and steps inside. There are several banana trees growing, all lush with bananas.}

DUCTAPE: Whoa! I didn't know you had such a huge amount of bananas.

STAN BANANA: This is what you get when you love bananas and grew them when you were 5.

DUCTAPE: Fresh picked bananas. Not that imitation crap. Wait! That's why I went to Strong Bad's house.

{Stan comes out with a wooden crate that says "Unlabeled crate" on it and gives it to Ductape.}

STAN BANANA: Okay. Here's your crate. Tell Marzipan to be careful with the plantains, they might get mad.

DUCTAPE: Plantains can get mad?

STAN BANANA: There have been stories of plantains eating monkeys.

{Ductape holds the crate and glides off. Cut back to Strongbadia, where Strong Bad is lying in a tanning bed. Ductape skids in the dirt, leaving skidmarks.}

DUCTAPE: Strong Bad, what do you do when you have to deal with imposters, especially if they all imitating Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: You got an e-mail that imitates me? Lemme see that!

{He jumps abruptly from the bed. Pan right where Strong Bad and Ductape are standing in Ductape's computer room.}

STRONG BAD: This isn't an imposter e-mail.

DUCTAPE: Oh yeah. I wrote a fan fiction here. This is the e-mail I was talking about.

{Ductape brings the previous e-mail up.}

STRONG BAD: {Reads it aloud} Well, this is definitely not from me all right. I think that guy's real name was Nicholas. Anyhoo, no one imitates Strong Bad without a severe pummeling! So, you know what, Imitation Sam, Jibney to you! Go over to your friend Jlammy's house with your wimpy high-pitched teenage Aussie accent and write your new edition of a crazy man's blog! And maybe a flash cartoon, too. Don't forget to reference a giant, floating brain!

DUCTAPE: Good, good. Thanks, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Why are you still carrying that crate of bananas?

DUCTAPE: I've been carrying these bananas all this time? That's why my arms are tired. I need to go back to Marzipan, stat!

STRONG BAD: {as Ductape leaves} YOU DON'T HAVE ARMS!

{Ductape arrives in Marzipan's garden, leaving skid marks in the grass.}

DUCTAPE: Sorry I'm late, I got sidetracked.

MARZIPAN: Nevermind, I'll just take these plantains. I hear they'd help with the goats.

DUCTAPE: Be careful, I heard of plantains that eat goats.

MARZIPAN: Oh, that. Yeah, they do if you make them mad.

{Goatee comes over to Ductape and clings on to him.}

DUCTAPE: Um, Goatee, will you please stop clinging to my leg?

{Ductape gently nudges him off. Goatee walks away, feeling uncomfortable.}

DUCTAPE: Marzipan, are you sure that's a male goat? I think it's a female.

MARZIPAN: You think she is?

DUCTAPE: Yeah. She might be uncomfortabe because she's pregnant.

MARZIPAN: Interesting. Goatee's a girl! I wonder how great her kids'll be.

DUCTAPE: Congratlations, Goatee.

{Ductape pets her. The screen fades to the computer.

{The computer shows a window saying: Click here to e-mail Blader.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on the screen to show Debbie Blader reading a story about angry plantains.

DEBBIE BLADER: Hello children. Today's story is called "Bye Bye Bananas", by me, Debbie Blader. Let's begin.

(transcript will be provided later.)

Fun Facts

• In the beginning, Ductape is writing a Fairly Oddparents fanfic about Cosmo betting his powers away to my custom character, Amy Whifflepoof, who later ends up joyriding with Cosmo's magic while Cosmo got hospitalized.
  • In the fanfic is a reference to Conviniently Places Trampolines.
• The broken light bulb gag is a variation of the broken clock gag.
• Ductape can't really do an Ollie. An Ollie is a skateboard trick.
• Strong Bad makes a lot of references to Imitation Strong Bad, despite the fact that the imposter who sent this e-mail wasn't Super Sam.
  • Saying the real person's name was Nicholas is a reference to tape-leg.
• Strong Bad mentions Ductape's lack of visible arms.
• Debbie Blader's story was originally written by my sister, Annie, in fifth grade.