Other Character Email Nebulon/therapist

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Contents

Summary

Nebulon Email #21: "therapist"

Nebulon recieves an invitation to visit Ekersby, and is then forced into attending one of Ekersby's therapy sessions.

Date: July 1st, 2008

Cast: Nebulon, Bruno, David, Ekersby, An Ice Machine

Places: Nebulon's Base, Ekersby's Room

Length: 101 Lines

Transcript

{Nebulon and Bruno are sitting in front of the Neby.}

NEBULON: Well, it's another day, full of emails to be checked.

BRUNO: Are you depressed, Nebs? You seem depressed.

NEBULON: What? I'm not depressed! Now let's just check this email:

Dear NEB-to-the-1,
Have you met Ekersby? He's a prooty cool
guy. Much cooler tahn you. By the way, I'm
challenging you tomorrow at 4:00 PM. Be there!
-Crabjake

NEBULON: He knows my tag name?

BRUNO: What?

NEBULON: Well, when I was just a young alien looking for oppertunities, I turned to being a graffiti artist. We called it "tagging" when I was just a Nebaby--

BRUNO: Whoa, Nebs, I didn't ask for your life story. Maybe you should see a therapist.

NEBULON: Funny you should mention that, Bruno. Because Ekersby is a therapist!

BRUNO: Oh, really? You should go see him for your depression!

NEBULON: He's renting out a room upstairs! I should go see him!

{David enters.}

DAVID: Good morning, Nebulon. I guess. Have you considered seeing a thera--

BRUNO: Shut up! This is my job!

NEBULON: Since when do you two care so much about my mental health?

BRUNO: Since Ekersby offered us a lot of Galactabucks for recruiting people.

NEBULON: You're telling me that you don't find it the slightest bit morally reprehesible that you are--

DAVID: Uh, Nebulon, this is classic, ah, mirroring behavior, I guess.It's a defense mechanism--

BRUNO: I'm here for you, Nebulon, but I just think you need some extra help.

NEBULON: Is this going to continue until I give in?

DAVID: I guess.
BRUNO: {simultaneously} Yes.

NEBULON: Then fine, I will go upstairs and see Ekersby.

{He begins moving towards the stairs.}

DAVID: Hey, uh, you're going to say I--

BRUNO: Remember to mention your old pal Bruno!

DAVID: Don't you remember the time you--

BRUNO: Can't you take care of your old pal Bruno?

{Cut to Ekersby.}

EKERSBY: {in exaggerated Austrian accent} Ah yees. Theese eez a beeutiful day to practice mental therapy!

NEBULON: {offscreen} Okay, you don't really talk like that all the time, right?

{Nebulon walks in.}

EKERSBY: Eez there a problem weeth my accent? Perhaps theere eez some inner eezue, ah?

NEBULON: Ah, no. Look, no one wants to read an annoying Austrian accent for a long time.

EKERSBY: You are the least fun client I have seen. {brightens} Perhaps you are depressed!

NEBULON: I think my mental health is just fine, thanks. So you can just tell, uh, David that he refered me, right?

EKERSBY: I knew David would be my Astromund! Five Galactabucks for David! So tell me about your problems.

NEBULON: Well, some guy has challenged me. So I guess there's some risk of injury.

EKERSBY: I see. Take a seat on my couch.

{He shoots in the direction of an Astromund-sized couch.}

NEBULON: Uh, I don't think I can fit on that.

EKERSBY: Your releuctance to sit shows this inner fear that I just want to reach. What are you afraid of, Nebulon?

NEBULON: Eye injury, I guess. My eyes are very sensitive. But nothing else.

EKERSBY: That's very interesting, Nebulon. Have you considered facing your fear?

NEBULON: You want me to jam things in my eyes?

EKERSBY: That's a start. Perhaps you could move on to blinding yourself. You might enjoy that.

NEBULON: Nope, never considered that. Can I go now?

EKERSBY: Now, Nebulon, I notice you seem to avoid confrontation. Tell me about this.

NEBULON: That's it, I'm leaving.

{He turns toward the door.}

EKERSBY: I can't let you do that, Dave.

NEBULON: No, Dave is downstairs. Why isn't this door opening?

EKERSBY: It seems David is lost. He is holding onto that door pretty tightly. Looks like you can't leave.

NEBULON: On the other hand, I can just BLOW THIS DOOR DOWN!

{He attempts to do this.}

EKERSBY: You know Nebulon, perhaps this need to blow things away is another symptom of your need to avoid confrontation.

NEBULON: No, it's a need you get out of here so I can do things like, I don't know, eat. I'm not a robot, you see.

EKERSBY: Oh, David here will get tired after a while.

NEBULON: I thought you said he couldn't do that!

EKERSBY: Oh, I just wanted to quote that movie. But back to you. What relationships do you have in your life? Getting on well with your family? Any romance?

NEBULON: Why do therapists feel the need to dig into every single personal detail of someone's life? It's not enough to humilate them, is it? No, they have to let-- wait, where am I going with this? Point is, I'm tired of this.

EKERSBY: That's okay, we can just get to know each other today. We don't have to get into the nitty-gritty today. Just let it all out.

NEBULON: DAVID, IF YOU DON'T MOVE THIS MOMENT I'M GOING TO HAVE BRUNO BLOW YOU TO BITS!

{He doesn't move.}

EKERSBY: Is this overreliance on others a common thread in your life? Because I have another client with the same sort of problem. Perhaps you'd like to try group therapy?

NEBULON: No, not really.

EKERSBY: It'll just take a few seconds for him to get here. His new vehicle is a little hard to control.

{The Nebumobile enters through the ceiling.}

NEBULON: He has an overreliance on others?

EKERSBY: Nebulon, I will not permit mockery of others' differences in this room. Step out, Mr. Machine!

{An Ice Machine exits the Nebumobile.}

AN ICE MACHINE: Oh, hi Nebulon. Do you have Dependent Personality Disorder too?

NEBULON: Um. No?

EKERSBY: It's nothing to be ashamed of, Nebulon. You see, with a few hours of therapy, you can go back to yourself as you invision yourself.

NEBULON: Look, I don't care about mental disorders that you just make up. I'm hungry, and I want my marinated Grundy. Just let me out of here.

EKERSBY: Of course. Your time is up. There's just the small issue of my fee...

NEBULON: Wait, wait, wait. You change for this?

AN ICE MACHINE: Therapy is where all the profit is at these days!

NEBULON: So this is all just a scam to get people out of their money?

EKERSBY: Oh Nebulon, that's what therapy has been for years! You're welcome to join in, but you will have to pay first, of course.

NEBULON: How about five months free rent?

EKERSBY: That sounds spectacular! A year will buy you instructions in the art, though.

NEBULON: Uh, no thanks.

EKERSBY: Let 'em go, David!

{Cut to outside the door.}

BRUNO: {muffled by door} THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, EKERSBY!

EKERSBY: Bruno was very interested in practicing the art, you see. Well Nebulon, it was great getting to know you!

NEBULON: Just let me leave. I'm hungry.

EKERSBY: I'll throw in a disobedient Chorch with the therapy! Its name is Charles!

{An Ice Machine hands the Chorch to Nebulon.}

AN ICE MACHINE: And there's even better rewards for the second meeting!

NEBULON: Goodbye!

{Nebulon leaves with the Chorch.}

EKERSBY: We didn't even get to the issue of his sadism with his style!

{Cut back to Nebulon's computer.}

NEBULON: {typing} Well, I guess I confirmed today that Ekrsby isn't a real therapist. But at least I left with a Chorch of my very own!

CHARLES: How amusing. I seem to have a gigantic lizard of my very own.

NEBULON: {typing} Yes, well, I highly recommend emailing me. I've got some bonding to do and a Grundy to eat.

{Nebulon gets up, and The Paper falls, saying "Email Nebulon at nebymail@nebulon.com!"}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the door when Ekersby says "Let 'em go, David" to see:

DAVID: Was that an order to open the door? I'm so confused. It must be my Comprehension Complex acting up. I guess I'll just keep guarding--

BRUNO: I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave.

{He shoots David with his laser.}

BRUNO: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, EKERSBY!

Fun Facts

  • Therapists are really not evil and Nebulon Emails is not the proper basis to make a decision regarding your mental health.
  • "I can't let you do that, Dave," is a commonly quoted line from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
  • Charles is a character from the original run of Nebulon Emails.


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