Other Character Email Tampo/2005

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Tampo Email #6: "2005"

Summary: Tampo replies to an email asking him he would look and act like in 2005. We get to meet Trevor, Booty and the Stunky '04!

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Trevor, Booty, Fhqwhgads, Booty's Babies, The Cheat, Strong Mad, Strong Bad, Homestar Runner (Easter Egg), Strong Sad (Easter Egg), Homsar (Easter Egg), Frank Bennedetto (Easter Egg)

Places: Computer Room, Trevor's House, Booty's Nursery, Strongbadia/Trevoria

Length: 141 Lines

Date: April 6, 2005

Contents

Transcript

{Cut to Plasma 2000. Everything is same as before.}

TAMPO: {singing} Samus, Mega, Stinkoman, will all bow before Tampo-man!

{Stlunko opens an email.}

{Tampo stops reading it after the "You'd have" in the third sentence.}

TAMPO: Ugh... this is a rambling mess.

BRODY: You said it.

TAMPO: And what does it mean present-timed? We all know what I'm like in the present. I wouldn't have to change. Flying brains are fine here in 20X6.

STLUNKO: He probably means "Present Day" as in when the email was sent, which is 2005. But he did not pay too much attention to grammar. There is one question mark and three interrogative sentences.

TAMPO: But at any rate, this email is in need of some serious sorting if it wants to have a chance of being answered. Stlunko, delete this crap and rewrite the questions and comments of it in a reasonable and logical order.

STLUNKO: Okay.

{Stlunko deletes the email and opens a word processor. He types the following.}

BRODY: Now that is an email worth answering.

TAMPO: Okay, let's see... number one: Good, good. Number two: Um... no. Never crossed my mind, Mikey. But luckily for you, we've been studying ancient history recently so I could go back in time to conquer Free Country. I gotta get more prepared, y'know? Because last time...

BRODY: Ahem, next.

TAMPO: Alright, fine. Number three: What would I be like in 2005? Well, let's see... it seems as if you set some guidelines. I have to be a normal person. That's fine with me. Um... let's see...

{Cut to Tampo floating around in a pure white background. He doesn't talk, all dialogue during this scene comes from offscreen}

TAMPO: Normal, eh? Well, we all know from Brody that to be normal we'd have to have legs. So... I'd definitely have legs. Definitely.

{As Tampo says "definitely" for the second time, the Tampo on screen grows two legs out of his lower brain. They are tall, tan and bare.}

TAMPO: And I guess I'd have to become a... human? That's what they're called, right? Yeah. I would be a normal human.

{Tampo glows white and the white silhouette starts to turn into a human shape.}

BRODY: Wait!

{The white silhouette changes back into the brain with legs. The glow disappears.}

BRODY: A normal human with clothes.

TAMPO: Clothes? Oh, yes. I remember now. You're right. I'd be a normal human with clothes.

{Tampo with legs glows white and changes shape to that of a human. The glow fades to reveal a tan teenager with shoes, a blue shirt and pants, and short brown hair.}

BRODY: And you'd have to look cool.

TAMPO: Yes, cool. Let's see, I'd need... shades. Cool, black shades.

{Cool, dark shades appear over the eyes of Tampo the human.}

BRODY: And spikey hair.

TAMPO: Yes. Spikey hair. And it'd have to green. You gotta have green hair, y'know?

BRODY: Riiiight...

{The human Tampo's hair sprouts into green spikey anime-esque hair.}

TAMPO: And to answer your next question, by name would be... um... I have no idea. Stlunko, you know a lot. What would you think it would be?

STLUNKO: Computing... {pause} Trevor.

TAMPO: Trevor. Sounds good enough, I guess. Okay, my 2005 form would be named Trevor.

{The name "Trevor" appears in white text on his shirt.}

TAMPO: And I would be in a... house, right? Yes, a house. Next door to Strong Bad, who would be my arch-nemesis!

{With a brief flash, Trevor appears inside a house. There is a desk and chair behind him and several anti-Strong Bad stickers and posters on the light green walls.}

STLUNKO: People did not have arch-nemeses back then.

TAMPO: They didn't? Are you sure? Well then, Strong Bad would be my... rival. That's fine, right? Good.

{All but one of the anti-Strong Bad stickers and posters disappear.}

TAMPO: And I would answer emails in 2000-and-something, too. But I wouldn't have this big Plasma. No, I would have a... laptop. Yeah, a laptop. It would be the Stunky '04! Hi-tech stuff, man. Yeah that's right Mike, Stlunko would be my computer of the past.

{When Tampo says "laptop" for the first time, the Stunky '04 appears on the desk. It looks like the Lappy, but it is gray and has a Stlunko-like antenna on top and the name on the bottom left. Trevor walks to the desk and sits down in front of the Stunky.}

TAMPO: So, I'd be answering emails, you know? Sort of like how I do now, except I'd do the typing.

{Close up on Trevor and his laptop. He clicks on an icon and a email popup appears onscreen.}

TREVOR: Ugh, not another "Strong Bad rules" email. Well, there's only one thing I can do with an email like this. {calls loudly} Booty!

TAMPO: {offscreen} Brody would be Booty, my pet hen. He would help me delete emails, except I wouldn't just delete a pro-Strong Bad email. No, I'd take it one step further... watch.

{Booty walks onscreen from the left and looks up to Trevor. He is a regular-looking hen.}

TREVOR: I got another one of those bad emails again, Booty. You know what to do. Let's give him what he deserves!

BOOTY: {clucks and nods}

{Booty flies onto the Stunky and sits down next to the antenna. Suddenly, the email popup flashes blue with white text and a buzzer noise is heard.}

{When the message disappears, the email popup returns with new words on it, replacing the email.

BRODY: {offscren} Eww...

TREVOR: Thanks, Booty. We sure showed him!

BOOTY: {clucks}

{Booty flies away. A little brown blob of whatsit is on the part of the Stunky where Booty was sitting.}

TREVOR: Alright, um... I better go get some cleaner... or something.

{Trevor gets up and walks away.}

TAMPO: Oh, and I've heard that there are rumors going around that Fhqwhgads is the 2000-and-something equivalent of Brody, but that's just not the case. But rather, Fhqwhgads would actually be Booty's wife.

{A snapshot appears over Trevor's Room. It shows Booty and Fhqwhgads (represented by the Atari Dragon) sitting together in their nursery, watching other their children, half of which look like little chickens and have like little Atari Dragons.}

TAMPO: Just thought you guys might want to know that. Anyways, back to me. When I'm not doing emails, I would mostly be battling Strong Bad for Strongbadia!

{Cut to close up of Trevor walking into Strongbadia with a bat. Booty is following close behind, flying a little higher than Trevor's head. Suddenly, just as the fence comes into view, The Cheat shoots in from ahead, hitting Booty and they both zoom away. Trevor starts running forward as the screen pans out to show the whole of Strongbadia. Strong Mad is behind a smoking cannon that was placed there. An army hat is on the Tire. Strong Bad faces Trevor.}

STRONG BAD: You again?

TREVOR: {yelling} Strongbadia will be mine!

{While running at Strong Bad, Trevor lifts his bat over his head, preparing to strike. Before he does, Strong Bad sends a punch right to his gut, knocking the wind out of Trevor. Then Strong Mad grabs him, causing him to drop his bat. Then Trevor is tossed away to the left.}

TAMPO: It would be bunch of tough challenges and fightings, lasting for months with losses on both sides...

{While Tampo says this, different photographs appear on screen, one after the other. The first one shows Trevor whalloping Strong Bad on the back of the head with a bat. The next one shows Booty being shot out of a cannon, bound by ropes. The next one shows Trevor holding a knife at the Tire, frozen mid-slash. The fourth one shows Strong Mad holding Booty, about to put him in his mouth.}

TAMPO: But in the end, we would become victorious, and Strongbadia would be ours! With Booty at my side, I would rename the land Trevoria and make Strong Bad and his friends prisoners.

{When Tampo first starts saying this, another snapshot is shown with Trevor standing on Strong Bad triumphantly, holding a bat high in the air. During the second sentence, a movie is shown of the Strongbadia flag being lowered, and a blue Trevorian flag is raised in its place. It is similar to a skull and cross bones, except it has bats in place of bones and Trevor's head in place of the skull. Then, as he says "prisoners" a final snapshot is shown with Trevor relaxing in a lawn chair with lemonade and Booty and his family nearby. Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat and the Tire are shackled to the fence. The Stop Sign reads "Pop: Booty."}

STLUNKO: Interesting.

{The screen fades back to the Plasma 2000.}

TAMPO: Well, I hope that answers your questions, Mike.

BRODY: Um... you're forgetting the last question.

TAMPO: Huh? Oh, yeah. Well, quite frankly, I have no idea about what's what and who's who in 1936, and I don't really want to find out right now. But I'm sure that even back then I would have a much cooler email show than Stinkoman. Or Strong Bad. Or whoever lived back then.

{Stlunko opens the "Click here to email Tampo." popup on the Plasma 2000, partially obstructing the original text file.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the word "imagined" at the end of the email to view Trevoria being attacked by the Homestarmy.
{Cut to Trevoria. Trevor is still laying on his lawn chair. Booty is pecking at the ground nearby. Booty's family and the previous occupants of the land are nowhere to be seen.}
TREVOR: {relaxed} Ahh...
{Suddenly the Homestarmy enters from the left. Homestar walks in with his spoon and bowl. Strong Sad walks in and stands next to him. Homsar wobbles in, drops Frank Bennedetto, and continues walking, trambling over Booty.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Good woyk, men! {taps Strong Sad on belly with spoon} Twevoyia will be aws!
{Trevor's shades drop down and he stares at Homestar for a second, annoyed.}

Fun Facts

  • This is first Tampo Email to have nothing Tampo says typed into the computer.
  • Samus and Mega Man (called "Mega"), mentioned in Tampo's beginning song, are the main characters of popular futuristic video game series.
  • Brody saying "Now that's an email worth answering." is a reference to the Strong Bad Email "long pants," where Strong Bad said the same thing after fixing up a long email.
  • Tampo getting more prepared to conquer Free Country in 2005 refers to the previous Tampo email "conquest," where they failed to conquer the land.
  • Brody saying that legs are normal refers to the previous Tampo email "robot body."
  • Kewpie Dan, the person who sent Trevor the email, is one of the people Strong Bad "gotta egg today" list in the toon "The House That Gave Sucky Treats."
  • The whole "CRAPPED!" thing is a reference to Strong Bad's DELETED! joke. The message "Crap deleted!" is another reference to the first SBEmail deletion, witnessed in "homestar hair."
  • Fhqwhgads is actually thought by a lot of people to be Brody's 2005 equivilent.
  • In the easter egg, the Homestarmy attack is a reference to the Strong Bad Email "army."

Quick Links

This email features a hidden DVD Commentary by Joshua and Aussie Evil.
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