Other Character Email Tampo/attacked

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Tampo Email #14: "attacked"

Summary: Tampo breaks in the SuperCom by answering and email, and then someone breaks into the Lunar Warehouse.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Stlunko, Brody, Jaros, Greggos, Chorches, Terrells, Grundies, Stobats, Astromunds, NEB-1, 1-Up

Places: Trio's Bedroom, Computer Room, Main Chamber, West Dome-Tunnel, Holding Cell (Easter Egg)

Length: 185 Lines

Date: May 13th, 2005

Transcript

{Tampo and Stlunko are in their new bedroom. It is a huge glass dome, showing the starry sky and lunar landscape outside. Decorations are hanging from the dome, and there are two large, fluffy beds in the middle of the room, one of them really long. There's also an elegant matress nearby with a ramp around it, and a large, golden socket sticking out of the ground near it.}

TAMPO: Well, it's nice to have anything back to normal.

STLUNKO: Zyves had been really mutated.

TAMPO: Yeah, I know. Four legs and purple? That's just too much.

STLUNKO: I do not exactly understand what you mean by that.

TAMPO: Don't worry about it. It's a "personality" thing. You wouldn't understand.

STLUNKO: I see.

TAMPO: So, how are the robots doing with labelling everything?

STLUNKO: They finished forty-six minutes ago.

TAMPO: They did? Nice. So now that everyone's normal, want to break in our new computer with an email?

STLUNKO: I would not mind that.

TAMPO: Good. Let's get Brody.

{Tampo and Stlunko start to leave and the screen fades out.}

{Cut to the Computer Room. Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are in front of the SuperCom. Tampo and Brody are in their usual positions, but now Stlunko is on the right, no longer needed to operate a keyboard.}

TAMPO: I! O! U! A! E! Mail!

{Tampo's email client appears onscreen in a pop-up, and an email is quickly displayed on a seperate pop-up. Tampo reads it outloud.}

Dear Tampo,
I regret to tell you that your new home on the moon
is infested with the evil forces of Nebulon, who seems
to work by himself, I think. Also, 1-Up (Kidstar) has
the ability to warp to the moon any time and any where
to bring terror by probably spin kicking.
What are you going to do?

Sincerely,
Sayo-Sham-Sam

{Tampo whispers "(Kidstar)" quickly and says "any time" and "any where" with a brief pause between the words}

BRODY: 1-Up can warp?

TAMPO: I don't think he can. Have you ever seen him warp before?

STLUNKO: I have no records of 1-Up "Kidstar" Extraman ever warping.

TAMPO: Okay... {a word file opens and what Tampo says is typed} So Sayo-Sham-Sam, even if 1-Up could warp here, I don't think he would be much of a threat at all. I mean, terror by spin kicking? Not likely. Although if he does show up to fight, I'll be sure to send him on a one way trip to the sun.

BRODY: Heh.

TAMPO: But I wonder who's that other character you're talking about, Sammy? Some Nebulon guy?

{Suddenly a pop-up appears onscreen. It has a picture of Nebulon on it and some text, which the Supercom reads.}

SUPERCOM: Nebulon. An alien who visited Free Country, USA on Planet K about X0 years ago. No one liked his style, causing him to be very depressed. Born: 1984. Married the alien Neeblie: 2008, had one child. Died: 2016.

{The pop-up closes by itself.}

TAMPO: Oh, that's Nebulon.

BRODY: But why should worry about some long-dead alien?

TAMPO: Is he, like, back from the dead or something?

STLUNKO: {beeps} I understand! By searching the InstaNet, I have discovered that Nebulon's ancestors and descendants have often been inaccuriately dubbed as "Nebulon" as well. The most famous of which is when the creators of the game Stinkoman 20X6 used the name Nebulon for their boss, who was actually shaped and used as Nebulon's descendant NEB-1.

BRODY: So, this NEB-1 is still alive today?

STLUNKO: Yes.

TAMPO: So besides the time period, how else are Nebulon and NEB-1 different?

STLUNKO: Nebulon was weak, small, lonely and unpopular. NEB-1 is strong and as large as a mega-robot. He has a powerful blowing attack and can shoot out laserballs. He is also rounder than his ancestor. Although no one likes his style, NEB-1 has a large army of mindless drones called "Astromunds" at his disposal.

BRODY: Yikes!

TAMPO: Sounds like a serious threat.

BRODY: Yeah, we better get out-

{Sirens blare and red lights flash. Camera pans out to show more of the room.}

SUPERCOM: Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Break in at west dome-tunnel!

TAMPO: Don't tell me. It's-

SUPERCOM: NEB-1! Intruder identified as NEB-1 and his army!

TAMPO: Okay, Brody, go gather our robots and chickens and meet us in the main chamber.

BRODY: I'm on it! {walks away}

TAMPO: Stlunko, fire up this warehouse's defense systems and then get some weaponry for our fighters. There should be a room full or stuff somewhere.

STLUNKO: I know where. {rolls away}

TAMPO: And, I guess I'll... join them. {floats away}

{Sirens stop and screen fades away to black.}

{Fades back to the main chamber. It is a large room with a domed top and metalic walls. There are some parked space ships in the background. Tampo floats in.}

TAMPO: Man, this place is so big. If it weren't for that alarm, it could take us hours to find out about an attack. In that old warehouse, on the other hand...

{Brody walks in, followed by a bunch of Jaros, Greggoes, Chorches, Terrels and Grundies. A bunch of Stobats on motored skateboard-like vehicles follow as well.}

BRODY: We're ready for combat!

{Mumbles of agreement are heard from the crowd.}

TAMPO: Good. Now all we need is Stlunko.

{Stlunko rolls in, his hands pulling a giant wagon-like tool that is holding a bunch of weapons.}

STLUNKO: Here are the weapons.

TAMPO: Help yourself, minions.

{The crowd of minions, except for the Stobats, charge up and get the weapons. The Chorches mostly get regular laser guns, but the other armless ones put on guns with straps or headsets to keep them on.}

TAMPO: Okay, NEB-1 is attacked somewhere down that corridor over there. {motions to a corridor in the background}

{All the minions excitedly hurry down that path, out of site. Tampo, Brody and Stlunko follow.}

BRODY: This shouldn't be too hard of a battle, right?

STLUNKO: I activated the warehouse security system, too.

TAMPO: We should be fine.

{Cut to a far out view of the part of the west dome-tunnel that is being attacked. There is a large opening in the clear-dome tunnel, and several Astromunds are entering the center. NEB-1 is standing among them, right outside the opening. The Astromunds spread out inside the tunnel. A bunch of satelites from the warehouse have automatically made a large bubble-like forcefield around the opening, sealing air inside. Suddenly, Tampo's minions enter the tunnel through the left entrance, causing all the Astromunds to quickly run outside the opening, where they engage the minions in combat. Some flying probes from the warehouse enter the fray as well. Tampo, Brody and Stlunko appear inside the dome-tunnel and the camera zooms up on them.}

TAMPO: {shouting} Lockdown west dome-tunnel!

{The door on the opposite site is seen closing and red light appears signifying "locked." The unseen door behind the boss trio can be heard locking, too.}

BRODY: Okay, it looks like our minions are doing fine.

TAMPO: With inferior firepower and numbers, those NEB-1 minions won't stand much of a chance.

STLUNKO: What about NEB-1 himself? He is very powerful.

TAMPO: Let's go get him!

BRODY: You sure that's a good idea?

TAMPO: Three of us. One of him. We'll be fine. Let's go. Besides, we have that force field thing.

{Stlunko raises a rectangular machine with a button an antenna in his hand.}

STLUNKO: I am ready.

{The three walk farther down. Cut to the battle. There are bunches of minions from both sides shooting each other with each lasers and the like, with laser beams flying and explosions everywhere. Occasionally a robot, chicken or astermund are destroyed. NEB-1 is up close, walking the battle and shooter laserballs.}

NEB-1: Roar!

{Tampo, Brody and Stlunko push themselves through the battle, protected with a weak green forcefield. Brody is leaning down low to avoid the force field's upper edge. They get close to NEB-1, and turn off the force field. Then Stlunko beeps and the forcefield turns on again, separating Tampo, Brody, Stlunko and NEB-1 from the other fighters.}

TAMPO: NEB-1, why are you attacking us?

NEB-1: Roar! {shakes head}

BRODY: Oh.

{Tampo and Brody look at each other. Tampo winks, and Brody nods with approval and smiles.}

BRODY: NEB-1, why don't you get out of here?

TAMPO: No one likes your style.

NEB-1: RRROOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!! {shakes head violently and shoots out laser balls}

{The laser balls hit Tampo and Brody offguard, making them fizzle, flash and crumple down, unconscious.}

NEB-1: ROAR!

STLUNKO: This is a problem. {beeps, computing}

NEB-1: Roar! {shoots laserball at Stlunko}

STLUNKO: {rolls out of the way} I have got it!

{Using the machine in his mand, Stlunko turns off the forcefield. Some of Tampo's minions keep the Astromunds from attacking the trio. Stlunko quickly reactivates the forefield so that the edge of it is touching the machine's antenna. The forcefield bubble is now only surrounding NEB-1, with the boss trio outside. Stlunko turns the forcefield to maximum power, so that NEB-1 is barely visible behind the green forcefield.}

STLUNKO: This should take care of you for a while.

{With all his might, Stlunko flings the machine in his hand away, taking the forcefield with NEB-1 inside away with it. Apparently the forcefield didn't weigh anything, so NEB-1 flies out of sight.}

STLUNKO: That Forceful, Overpowering Radiation Circle Emitter sure is useful. It is a good thing I brought two.

{Brings out another F.O.R.C.E. and makes a force field around him and his two friends, but then turns it off, seeing it's not needed. The Astromunds, after seeing their leader being flung away, quickly panic and run away, leaving Tampo's minions by themselves. Tampo and Brody begin to regain consciousness.}

TAMPO: {dizzily} Wha-what happened?

STLUNKO: I used the F.O.R.C.E. to send NEB-1 away. We will not be attacked by him for a while.

TAMPO: {recovering} Good. Looks like we've won. {shouting} West dome-tunnel lockdown, deactivate! Take a breather, everyone.

{The various minions go back inside the warehouse via the opening in the crack. The attack drones fly out of sight.}

TAMPO: We'll have to get our robots to repair that breach soon.

BRODY: {dizzily} Let's just go inside...

{Tampo, Brody and Stlunko start moving towards the breach.}

{Cut to a different angle of the computer room, so that the large door is visible. There are some cracks and breaks in the pipes and small computers along the wall, but the SuperCom is not visible. A crash is heard. The door opens and Tampo, Brody and Stlunko enter.}

TAMPO: {walking in, talking to Stlunko} ...you flung him into low orbit? That is- {notices damaged room} What the crap?!

{Camera pans to the regular faraway view. The SuperCom is unharmed, but 1-Up is spin-kicking around the room, hitting the walls and breaking some pipes and small computers.}

TAMPO: 1-Up?! How did you get in here?

1-UP: {still spin-kicking} I warped here. {continues spin-kicking throught the conversation}

TAMPO: What?

BRODY: How?!

1-UP: {breaks another small computer} I found this cool machine in my pudding yesterday. It lets me {teleports to another part of the room} teleport by {teleports again} thought.

STLUNKO: {whispering to Tampo} A handheld thought-powered teleporter would be very useful.

TAMPO: {whispering to Stlunko} I know. {to 1-Up} So... 1-Up, where is this teleporter?

1-UP: I hit it in a place where no one will find it: my underwear.

BRODY: You have underwear?

1-UP: No. {destroys a pipe, steam gushes out}

TAMPO: ...okay. Well, can you stop destroying our room?

1-UP: No.

TAMPO: And why not?

1-UP: It's fun! {laughs} And you can't hit me!

TAMPO: Oh, yeah? {shoots a laserball at 1-Up}

1-UP: {quickly teleports out of the way} See?

TAMPO: Great.

STLUNKO: I will use the F.O.R.C.E. to stop him. {holds out the machine}

{Stlunko presses a button and a forcefield instantly forms around 1-Up at maximum power. It is connected to the F.O.R.C.E. by a thin laser beam.}

1-UP: {stops spin-kicking} What is this? {teleports around inside the forcefield, but can't teleport outside of it} This is no fair! I want my pudding!! {crying}

BRODY: Good thinking, Stlunko.

TAMPO: Yeah. Why don't you go lock him up somewhere where he can't escape by teleporting? We'll find that teleporter on him.

STLUNKO: I know where the impenetrable holding cell is. I will take him there.

{Stlunko rolls out of the room, taking the F.O.R.C.E. and the forcefield with him. 1-Up is still crying inside.}

TAMPO: {sighs} Looks like we have more cleaning up to make our minions do. {goes to the computer}

{Camera zooms in to Tampo and the SuperCom. Brody appears by his side.}

TAMPO: {entered into word file} Well, What's-Your-Name, all I can say is kudos for your uncanny predictions. So... I guess until next time... where is Zyves? {looks around}

{The "Click here to email Tampo." pop-up appears onscreen.}

Easter Eggs

During the beginning, click on the picture of Nebulon on the picture to change it in the following order:
- Powered by The Cheat Nebulon
- "Limozeen: but they're in space!" Nebulon
- Grafiti Nebulon
- Back to 2005 Nebulon
At the end, click on "uncanny" to see 1-Up in his jail cell.

{1-Up is in the holding cell, where the walls are a light green forcefield over metal. He is alone, in the middle of the room.}

1-UP: {sobbing uncontrolably} Oh-ho-ho-hooooooooo! {falls over, rolls around crying} Pudding-ing-ing-iiiing! {sits up, still crying} Blah-ah-ah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blaaah!

Fun Facts

To help understand the beginning scene, you will need to read the Tampo email "new stuff" and the beginning and ending of the Tampo-Einoo Email Crossover.
Tampo's email rap are the five vowels in a special order so they are pronounced like: "I owe you a e-mail!"
The email Tampo receives references the game Stinkoman 20X6, where 1-Up somehow warps to the moon, spin-kicks to attack, and then battles Nebulon in the boss fight.
1-Up "Kidstar" Extraman is considered to be 1-Up's full name on the Fanstuff Wiki, with 1-Up Extraman being coined by TBC and "Kidstar" being his Fanstuff nickname.
No one liking Nebulon's style is a running gag on the Homestar Runner Website.
Astromunds are the only mobile robot-like enemy on the Stinkoman 20X6 moon level.
Stlunko using the F.O.R.C.E. is a play on the Star Wars saga.
The jailcell easter egg is a play on Homestar's reaction to the The Li'l Brudder Show.

Quick Links

This email features a hidden DVD Commentary by Joshua and Shim-Sham-Sam.

Other Character Email Tampo/attacked

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