Other Character Email Gunhaver/Action
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Summary
Gunhaver and some of the remaining Cheat Commandos take action and go on a mission against the Legion of Bane, and perhaps save Gyro. That, or maybe they're still concerned about Blue Laser.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Gyro, Reynold, Blue Laser Minion, Alpha Stan, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Ripberger, Arrowhaver, Reinforcements, Crackotage, Firebert, Blue Laser's Nana (Easter Egg), Blue Laser (Easter Egg), Shadow, Black Laser (Voice), Something (Voice)
Lines: 152
Page Title: Alpha 1260 - Not Back With A Vengeance (Whatever That Means)
Transcript
{Cut to a dark hallway. Gunhaver is in front of Gyro, who is tired, dirty, disorganized, has tattered clothes, and has broken glasses. There is a dark border and the screen is slightly blurry.}
GYRO: Gunhaver! There's not much time! You don't know what you're up against!
GUNHAVER: Sure I do! The Ocean King!
GYRO: Forget about the Ocean King!
{There is a slight flash of white as a later part of Gunhaver and Gyro's conversation is shown.}
GYRO: Gunhaver, control yourself! Return to reality!
GUNHAVER: I can't. I have to beat the game in order to do that.
GYRO: No! Once you beat the game, you'll be in an infinite, negative void of cyberspace! That's their intention if their primary plan fails!
GUNHAVER: Who and what the crap are you talking about?
GYRO: Them! The Leg...
{Suddenly, Gyro turns into static a little before he's back to normal. There's a slight flash of white as Gunhaver is shown holding a handheld computer. Gyro is gone. The handheld computer has the following email on its screen. The last part of the email is completely covered in static.}
Subject: %^& NTGHTYI&KI*I need to warn you of Black Laser, Blue Laser, Beta Oyster, Max, and...
CONNECTION LOST
{There's a long flash of white. Cut to Gunhaver waking up on the floor in the Cheat Commandos HQ. It's still night.}
GUNHAVER: Ugh... that was a crappy dream. I hate crappy dreams. I've been having them for many nights now. {zoom in} But the thing is... even though I don't really remember... {ominous music plays} I think that dream's a warning... or sign... about something I must do for the Cheat Com- {faces left} Reynold! Kill that cassette player NOW!
{Pan left to reveal Reynold with a cassette player. Reynold presses the "STOP" button to stop the music.}
REYNOLD: Sorry. Nervous habit I'm developing ever since... recently.
GUNHAVER: You're not receiving sympathy, so no expectations, maggot!
REYNOLD: Oh, and by the way. Remember when you wanted me to define "bane" for you?
GUNHAVER: No.
REYNOLD: Well, nevertheless, bane means "a person or thing that ruins or spoils"; "a deadly poison (often used in combination)"; "death, destruction, ruin"...
GUNHAVER: Hold on!
{Cut to a flashback at the front door of the Cheat Commandos HQ. A Blue Laser Minion with a piece of paper is seen with Gunhaver.}
BLUE LASER MINION: Hello sir or madam. I am a delegate/messenger from the Legion of Bane, formerly called the Legion of Tribulation.
{Cut back to Gunhaver and Reynold.}
GUNHAVER: Of course! Gyro must've warned me of the Legion of Bane in my dreams!
REYNOLD: Excuse me?
{Zoom in on Gunhaver.}
GUNHAVER: I know what I must do. {zoom in} I have to take action against the Legion of Bane in order to stop all of this crazy crap. But first, {zoom in} I must check my email.
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260. Alpha Stan is on the screen.}
GUNHAVER: Gotta check an email in the night! Hope they don't run away in fright!
Hello Gunhaver. I've lost count.
GUNHAVER: What?!? Don't tell me you're developing nervous habits too!
Actually, I feel there's some weird disturbance in time and space...
GUNHAVER: You and your science.
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear.}
Subject: That ThingWhat is that thing you said earlier?
-Steve
I forgot!
The best animator in the world,
{Gunhaver reads the salutation as "The best liar in the world".}
GUNHAVER: {typing} You were always the dumb one, Steve. "Best animator"? Please... I don't see your animations winning five awards. And you must have a horrible attention span. The thing I said earlier? I'm going to take action against the Bane people! So that means I should stop checking my email and actually carry out what I said. {shouting} Cheat Commandos! We're going on a mission! So wake-up-an-at-em! And no pre-mission ambrosia salad again, Ripberger!
{Pan swipe to Gunhaver with Silent Rip, Fightgar, Ripberger, Arrowhaver, Reinforcements, Crackotage, Firebert, and Reynold in front of the Cheat Commandos HQ front door. It's still night.}
GUNHAVER: Okay Cheat Commandos! We may be lacking in numbers, but that's okay! We don't need no eskimos!
REYNOLD: Uh... that's a double negative.
GUNHAVER: Shut up! You're not supposed to be here! Now, {to Cheat Commandos} we're going to take action against the Legion of Bane, especially sicne Blue Laser's involved! Therefore, we are going to the Abandoned Warehouse district!
REYNOLD: Uh... since Blue Laser's involved, don't you think we should be going to his headquarters?
GUNHAVER: First of all, shut up! Second of all, shut up! Third of all, shut up! Fourth of all, you're supposed to scram! Fifth of all, you are behind the times! Sixth of all, I know what's right! I have informative dreams! Now, {to Cheat Commandos} let's rig- rock, rock on!
{Gunhaver, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Ripberger, Crackotage, and Firebert run off-screen to the right.}
REYNOLD: Well, I might as well go check out Blue Laser's headquarters by myself. {pause} At last!
{Cut to the fCon Warehouse. Cut to a laboratory in the warehouse. Gyro, looking worse than before, is slowly using a screwdriver on something metallic. Shadow, who has a look of great impatience, walks onscreen, a metal door slamming being heard.}
SHADOW: {growls} Jeez! Can't you work on the freakin' Prototype faster?!?
GYRO: {patiently} The Prototype is delicate and requires deli-
{Shadow whacks Gyro in the head, knocking off his glasses.}
SHADOW: Look, crap-for-brains. Whether you oppose us or not, we don't have a lot of time. The Operation is near completion. We might as well carry on with the Operation two days from now if it's not for the risk of certain deaths and a chaotic empire! So don't stall with the false hope that we can be stopped!
GYRO: {angrily} Well, I STILL have HOPE for the world!
SHADOW: What hope?!? {coolly} Listen. The Prototype from Black Laser's part of the preparations has come to our warehouse for examinations. The last thing you want is for this Prototype to lash out on you, and mutilize you, giving you a slow and painful death in which you'll still feel the pain even after death. You hear me?
{Gyro doesn't reply.}
SHADOW: You don't want that, huh? I can tell by your lack of reply. If you don't want that, finish the Prototype by the break of dawn.
{Cut to Gunhaver and his group of Cheat Commandos walking in a dark hallway in the fCon Warehouse.}
RIPBERGER: Gunhaver, we've walked a long distance, and we're getting tired of this continuous walking.
GUNHAVER: Be quiet.
SILENT RIP: Sir! It's getting darker and darker! I can't see you!
GUNHAVER: Be quiet.
{Firebert speaks in Cheatese. Just then, the screen turns black. Doors opening and closing are heard.}
GUNHAVER: {voice} Oh, great job, Firebert! You just had to jinx everything with your stupid name! Oh well, at least I stole Flashfight's flashlight.
{Gunhaver turns on the flashlight, bringing some visibility back to the screen. The other Cheat Commandos are not seen.}
GUNHAVER: What the... where are they?
{Gunhaver swings the flashlight around until he sees nine doors in the wall.}
GUNHAVER: Oh crap. They got lost in the dark. Well, I guess I should not focus on finding them. I guess I should focus on finding some Bane person myself.
{Cut to Gunhaver walking down a hallway, looking around with the help of the flashlight. Gunhaver has a look of not having an idea where he is. Suddenly, he walks into the camera.}
GUNHAVER: Ow...
{Rotate to show that Gunhaver's walked into a window. Gunhaver gets his face off the window and looks through it. The camera zooms through the window to show Gyro holding a metallic vest to a gleeful Shadow.}
GYRO: You know what? I miraculously finished the Prototype in one hour.
SHADOW: That's great! See what you can do if you don't stall? Now you will die a more peaceful death! Now, let's try out the Prototype!
{Cut to Shadow taking the metallic vest and putting it on. There is a panel on the wall that's barely visible. Shadow examines the metallic vest and presses a black button. Suddenly, Shadow is electrified, screaming in pain. Gyro looks excited as Shadow is still being electrified. Suddenly, the metallic vest lets out a sound effect of a machine powering down, and Shadow is no longer being attacked by electricity. Gyro gets a look of great disdain. Shadow, slightly smoking, rips off the metallic vest and throws it at Gyro's face, breaking what's left of his glasses.}
SHADOW: WHY YOU LITTLE...
{Zoom in through the panel on the wall to show Gunhaver at the window. Suddenly, he's blown back by a wave of sound as Shadow's scraems at Gyro can be heard.}
SHADOW: {off-screen} YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT! YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE DEATH PENALTY! AND NOT JUST ANY DEATH PENALTY! I MEAN THE DEATH PENALTY! YOU HEAR ME? THAT ONE! BLUE LASER MINIONS, TAKE THIS TRASH INTO SOLITARY CONFINEMENT!
{Cut to a jail cell. Two Blue Laser Minions drag a greatly saddened Gyro into the jail cell and close a metallic door. Then they off-screen. Pause. Shadow's roar of stress can be heard off-screen.}
{Cut to inside Gyro's jail cell, which is totally dark.}
GYRO: {voice} Crap... I thought that it could kill h-
{Suddenly, slight footsteps are heard from the outside.}
GYRO: {voice} Oh no. Already? I thought I might have some time to thi-
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Wow. You really sound whiny.
GYRO: {voice} Gunhaver?!?
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the door to the jail cell.}
GUNHAVER: Yeah, I came. Rather quickly, in fact.
GYRO: {from jail cell} Let's not talk about your extremely convenient timing! Let's focus on getting me out of here! Despite my committment to my cause, I'm actually afraid of the death penalty I'm threatened with!
GUNHAVER: Sheesh. Don't sound like a coward! You're almost sounding li-
BLACK LASER: {off-screen} There he is. Get him.
GUNHAVER: Eh?
{Suddenly, the screen turns back as fierce growling and Gunhaver's screams are heard.}
BLACK LASER: {voice} That's enough. Don't kill him. {pause} Good. Now, go play. I'll deal with this scum...
{Alpha Stan appears on the screen, whispering his message.}
Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on "rig-" when Gunhaver says that to see this scene:
FIGHTGAR: Were you just about to say "riggidy-roll" again?
GUNHAVER: Hey! Be quiet! It's personal!
CRACKOTAGE: We don't want to go through this again! You say "riggidy", my name's Ben! Hee-ha-hee-hee!
- Click on "At last!" when Reynold says that to see this scene:
{Cut to Reynold in front of a house. He looks excited.}
REYNOLD: Okay Reynold. Breathe. Breathe. Don't get too excited and throw grenades! {takes deep breath} Okay! I'm hyped up and ready to rumble! Rolligy-rig!
{Reynold gently knocks on the door. The door opens, revealing an elderly female Cheat who is wearing a blue dress.}
ELDERLY CHEAT: Yes, may I help you, young lad?
REYNOLD: Uh... is Blue Laser here?
ELDERLY CHEAT: Why, no.
REYNOLD: Oh... where is he?
ELDERLY CHEAT: {sighs} As his loving Nana, the day of his departure still depresses me. Still, let me tell you...
{Cut to Blue Laser (with suitcases) standing with his minions at the front door. He is facing his Nana.}
BLUE LASER: NANA! I'M DESERTI- I MEAN, DESERTING YOU!
BLUE LASER'S NANA: What? Why?
BLUE LUASER: UHH... WOULD YOU ALLOW ME TO GO IF I SAID I'M GOING TO DESTROY THE WORLD WITH SOME MANIACS?
BLUE LASER'S NANA: Absolutely not!
BLUE LASER: OKAY. I'M LEAVING BECAUSE... {pause} ...YOUR COOKIES SUCK!
{Cut back to Blue Laser's Nana and Reynold.}
BLUE LASER'S NANA: Since then, I've been refining my cookie recipe, but I haven't heard a word from Blue Laser since that day, {sadly} so I don't know if my new cookie recipe will go to waste! And I don't know if it'll be good enough to bring him back home.
REYNOLD: Aww... Miss Blue Laser's Nana, don't feel sad. I know what to do.
Fun Facts
- The email's page title refers to how this is the first canon email written after the email show ended "for the first time".
- Gunhaver's dream is from Ocean King.
- Gunhaver's flashback is from Ultimatum.
- Gunhaver references the group of Cheat Commandos led by Frostbite (an eskimo) who left the Cheat Commandos in the aforementioned email.
- Black Laser's Prototype was mentioned in the said email.
- The reason Alpha Stan was unable to tell Gunhaver the amount of emails in his inbox is because the last time an emails from the inbox was answered was in an email that took place chronologically after this email (see Cult).
- Gunhaver references Stealing when he said, "I don't see your animations winning five awards".
- Gunhaver references Let us give TANKS! with the mention of Ripberger and ambrosia salad.
- The phrase "riggidy-roll" is from An Important Rap Song.
- The Prototype Gyro's working on was first mentioned in Massacre.
