Fake Character Email Ductape Blader/Plague

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Ductape E-mail 11: Plague

Summary: When Ductape recognizes his friend's old scam being hoisted on him, he provides a fun alternative.

Cast: (in order of appearance): Ductape, Debbie, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Sad, Borismichalovitch, Homestar Runner.

Places: Ductape's kitchen, Ductape's computer room, Strong House, Strong Bad's basement.

Date: October 8, 2006

Length: Why would I care?

Transcript

{Ductape is in his kitchen with a plate of pumpkin pie on the table. He appears to be wearing a headset over his eyes and ears. A mircophone is over his mouth as he speaks into it. We can now see what Ductape sees in the headset.}

DUCTAPE: >NORTH

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: Ye comes to a decrepit shack. It's mossed over, and it looks like the gardener took a 47-year leave of absence. There's some old tools not put away.

DUCTAPE: >ENTER SHACK

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: It's locked tight.

DUCTAPE: >GET GARDEN TOOL

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: You've got it. It's a clamp. Perfect for the lock.

DUCTAPE: >ENTER SHACK

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: Ye entered the shack. Cobwebs and undergrowth are everywhere. The equipment is in good condition, albeit rusty.

DUCTAPE: >TAKE SOME

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: All that I'm authorized to give you from this shack are a machete and a box for fruit. That's it. Like the dental supplies back in the cave.

DUCTAPE: >YEAH. GET ON WITH IT. WHICH WAY DO I GO FROM HERE?

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: Out. You're surronded by walls, dipstick.

DUCTAPE: >OKAY, I'M OUT. NOW WHERE?

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: East. To the garden.

DUCTAPE: >TAKE ME THERE.

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: You arrive at the garden. It hasn't been cared for in years. Undergrowth and weeds have taken over. Bugs and vines are everywhere in this mini-jungle.

DUCTAPE: >I'LL JUST START ON A PATH. I HAVE A MACHETE.

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: Sure. You blaze a trail through the thick vines and rebellious hedges and sloshing mud until you hit some trees. You can go UP and LEFT, but there's no turning back now.

DUCTAPE: >SAVE. I'M GETTING BACK TO THE REAL WORLD. SHUT DOWN PROGRAM.

COMPUTER RESPONE WINDOW: Good choice. You can't spend forever in a game. Just come back later to finish. Don't leave me hanging.

{Ductape removes his headset and places it on the table. He shakes his head a bit, due to dizzyness and hat hair. Debbie comes up.}

DEBBIE: What were you just doing? Is that a virtual program?

DUCTAPE: Yes. It's the beta version of the new "Thy Dunjinman Virtual Reality" program. Instead of one adventure, this headset has infinite adventures, sometimes many in one game. It's dependant on what you want to quest on. That, and it has a... witty interface.

DEBBIE: Can I test it out?

DUCTAPE: Later. Just don't save over my game, okay?

DEBBIE: Whatever you say. {looks toward the screen} Duncan? Your webcam is on.

DUCTAPE: That happens sometimes. It means I should check my e-mail.

DEBBIE: Good luck with that. I'm going to start on the Dunjinman game.

{Debbie puts the headset on as Ductape rolls out of the room. He jumps onto his compy and opens the following e-mail from his inbox.} 

Dear Doomed Tape-Leg,
I am very proud to say that I have
infected you with the Death Seed
Plague. It originated on the planet
of Nam Chorios. You have 5 seconds
to live.

-Say good bye to your lives,
Rya

DUCTAPE: Hey, I remember this. It's that Death Seed Plague e-mail scam that my friend sent out to everyone. I wonder how many people took it seriously. Well, since I can't get rid of legible e-mails, I'll have to make something up.

{Ductape jumps out of his chair and leaps out the door. He comes over to Strong Bad's house.}

STRONG BAD: What's the emergency this time, Ductape?

DUCTAPE: Do you still have the green screen? I'm going to use it for a skit.

STRONG BAD: You bet on the galaxy I do. What's your skit about?

DUCTAPE: Remember the Death Seed Plague e-mail scam?

STRONG BAD: The scam where some Star Wars teen had sent e-mails to a ton of webcamers and see who took it seriously? Yeah.

DUCTAPE: I'm making a Star Wars skit.

STRONG BAD: Then I'm not the guy you should ask. Call in the resident Star Wars nerds. But, before I wake them up, what's in it for me?

DUCTAPE: I have the beta test version of the virtual Thy Dunjinman game.

STRONG BAD: Good enough, let's go.

{Ductape and Strong Bad go inside the house. The scene changes to The Cheat (everything except hand offscreen) holding a card that says "DUCT TAPE: Planet of Twilight". He brings it offscreen, revealing Ductape in a duct tape made flight suit. He is entering the basement, labeled "break room", and the wall is projected to look like a space station breakroom. The TV is blinking blue light. Ductape looks at it.}

DUCTAPE: Blast it, Koth, I told you...

{Camera pans over to a portable table. Strong Sad is in a flight suit, his head on the counter, a cup of coffee in his hand. He isn't moving.}

DUCTAPE: Koth! {Ductape walks around the table. Strong Sad flinches his eyelids a bit.} Koth!

{Ductape hits a red circle painted on the wall with a sticky note next to it labeled "emergency call". Ductape then goes over to the coffee cup, picks it up, and sniffs it.}

DUCTAPE: It's still warm. No trace of drugs.

{The angle changes to see some coffee film on Strong Sad's lips, on some peach-fuzzy type mustache. Back to Ductape, he presses buttons on a control panel projected by the green screen.}

DUCTAPE: {Into speaker} Sir? Wover here. One of the midshipmen's down. The meds haven't come here yet, but...

{A swoosh is heard as The Cheat and Borismichalovitch, dressed in robot costumes, walks through the basement doors. He sets up all kinds of medical equipment and places the Lappy with a scanner screen playing on it all over the limp Strong Sad.}

'DUCTAPE: {Into speaker} It looks serious. No, sir, I don't know what it is, but you might want to check with Her Excellency's flagship, and the Light, and let them know. Okay, Okay.

{Ductape turns to The Cheat-bot.}

DUCTAPE: {jesting} My heart is yours.

THE CHEAT: {Clicks and beeps.} <Many thanks, Sergeant Wover. But the organ istelf won't be necessary. A function reading will suffice.>

{Boris, in a robot costume, moves Strong Sad over with many plugs now in. The screen on the Lappy is giving off a tinny alarm and the readings are going down.}

DUCTAPE: Festering groats! What in the name of daylight...?

{The readings on the Lappy are now in full view. It is claiming to be pumping stimulants and records no virus, bacteria, or posion. The bars went flat.}

STRONG BAD: And that's a wrap!

{The lights go back on, revealing a huge, green wall. Strong Sad wakes up as The Cheat struggles a bit to take off the robot costume and unplugs him.}

DUCTAPE: That was great.

STRONG BAD: I wonder how such awexometacula stuff like this will look like on webcam?

STRONG SAD: Good enough that millions of Star Wars nerds and webcam fans will watch it on the Internet when it's broadcasted?

{Homestar now steps in wearing Princess Leia buns on a headband and a red, flowing kimono-like robe. He also had several rubber bugs.}

HOMESTAR: Am I late for the Death Seed skit? I brought the drochs. {He shakes the bugs. They go flying everywhere and land on everything.}

DUCTAPE: Come to think of it, we didn't even mention the Death Seed Plague. D'oh well. I'm going home to upload this as soon as I aid in cleaning this mess up.

{The camera immediately comes back to Ductape on his computer.}

DUCTAPE: So, I spent a long time cleaning the props up. But I think that this is was a fun way to spend my DBE anniversary. It's nothing really special. Now I should check on Debbie and see if she's okay with the Thy Dunjinman game. She's been playing for hours.

{Ductape leaves. A rubber bug flies onto the monitor. A window appears on the computer saying, Click here to e-mail Ductape Blader.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the bug to see Homestar "suffering" from the Deasth Seed Plague.

{Homestar Runner is still in the crimson gown and Leia buns. He is lying on the floor, with bugs all over him.}

HOMESTAR: Oh no, they got me! My life is being sucked out by drochs...

{He faints, immobilized. After two seconds, he jumps back up.}

HOMESTAR: Okay, that's my contribution to the skit.

Fun Facts

  • The Thy Dunjinman Virtual Reality headset was something the author had made up as a joke on another invisionfree forum, which many people enjoyed reading about her adventures she created.
    • It is a now a plug for an Interactive game, if anyone wishes to play it.
  • The e-mail was a part of the author's e-mail scam to send people e-mails notifying them about the Death Seed Plague from a "Rya". One of the receivers had sent one back as a joke.
  • The green screen was from redesign.
  • The entire skit is correct transcript of the first few pages of Star Wars: Planet of Twilight, where the Death Seed Plague was featured. It is the name on The Cheat's title card.
  • Ductape and Homestar are crossdressing. Sergeant Wover and Leia are females.
  • Homestar's use of rubber bugs and mention of drochs show what really caused the Death Seed Plague.
  • This e-mail was released 10/8/06, a full year anniversary of Ductape's first e-mail.
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