Other Character Email Saargtsson/master plan

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

< Other Character Email Saargtsson
Revision as of 09:59, 24 March 2006 by Clamburger (Talk | contribs)
(diff) ← Older revision | Current revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

Contents

Overview

Saargtsson E-mail 12 - master plan

Summary - Saargtsson makes an overly complicated plan and starts shelling off spare organs. Disgustingness ensues.

Cast (in order of appearance) - Saargtsson, Harvax XVII, Fiery-Hot, 1-Up, Stinkoman (easter egg), Chorch (easter egg), Robot (easter egg)

Page Title - Who tied my hands to the Fiery 3X6??

Transcript

SAARGTSSON: {singing} A, B, C, D, E-mail me!

{Why must I consistently tell you that Saargtsson pulls his e-mail up on screen and reads it?}

Dear Saargtsson,
what is your master plan to distoy sinkoman?
from,
Friday

SAARGTSSON: {He pronounces the misspellings literally and reads up to 'sinkoman'.} Distoy Sinkoman? You mean Stinkoman's cousin with the faucets for hands? He never really did anything to me, it's Stinkoman I'm supposed to be after. And um... distoy? What the CRAP is that supposed to mean?!

{The camera zooms out slightly to reveal Saargtsson propping up a dictionary in front of his face with his tail}

SAARGTSSON: Okay, distoy, distoy... "Extreme misspelling of the word destroy, whoever makes this mistake has a pretty tenuous grasp of the Engrish language." Psh, I didn't need a dictionary to tell me that. {He throws the dictionary off screen and continues reading.} From, Friday... {typing} Hey, wait a minute... Friday's in three days! This must be an EMAIL OF THE FUTURE! ...Um, cool. Jeez, the least you could have done was told me whether I'm gonna be rich or REALLY rich in the future, Tomorrow. {He clears the screen} Well, Fridays, I've seen plenty of cartoons with master plans, so I know exactly what I'm doing.

{Cut to a screen similar to that of "Strong Bad's Bottom 10" list, but the border is different and the background is that of the lava zone.}

SAARGTSSON: {voice-over} Well, the first thing every single master destruction plan has to have is blueprints. They always have blueprints.

{The text "1. Must have blueprints" appears beneath the title. Cut to Saargtsson sitting at a large coffee table with a blueprint covered in doodles stretched over it.}

SAARGTSSON: See? I've got everything planned out. {The camera zooms in to show doodles of everything Saargtsson talks about as he mentions it.} First, I lure him out of his house, and into a bottomless pit. While he's falling forever, I throw down a couple of tons of acid. So, he floats around in infinity while acid corrodes him, and then I use an endlessly long fishing line to pull his skeleton back up and grind the skeleton into dust, which I then scatter throughout the earth so that it is impossible to retrieve, and therefore, impossible to revive him. It's completely foolproof!

{Cut back to the list. The first item on the list has been changed to "1. Must have overly elaborate blueprints"}

SAARGTSSON: {voice-over} Of course, I'd have to get 1-Up out of the picture, too, so I'd just throw some pudding down there, too. So, onto number two. All plans need funding! {The text "2. FUNDAGE!!11one11!one" appears beneath the first piece of text.} And hey, I've got to pay for two tons of acid, a whole lotta fishing line, some pudding, a crematory and I need to somehow defy the laws of physics and create a never-ending pit... so I can just bribe whoever wrote the laws to change them. Okay, so, all I need is a way to bring cash into my grasp... I had all my normal money converted into melted power crunches. Ooooh, I've got just the thing!

{Cut to Saargtsson at a crappily made wooden lemonade-style stand on a street in front of an alleyway. The sign on top reads "Saargtsson's discount organs" in an untidy scrawl. Harvax XVII can be seen lying in the alley behind Saargtsson.}

SAARGTSSON: ORGANS! GET YOUR DISCOUNT ORGANS HERE! WE'VE GOT HEARTS, KIDNEYS, TOES AND STOMOPHOTINES! {As Fiery-Hot walks by} You there, you hot, hot customer! Been in need of any spare organs lately? Lost your Stomophotine?

FIERY-HOT: Ummm... first of all... where in the K are you getting all these organs? And second of all... Stomophotine?

SAARGTSSON: Well, I'm part worm, so I've got a million extra organs that I don't really need. My Stomphotine is a combination between my stomach, esophagus and intestines and I've got like seven already.

FIERY-HOT: So you're selling them.

SAARGTSSON: Yeah, you wouldn't believe how many people are in need of spare organs lately. I just gave away the spare brain in my butt to 1-Up, I don't know what he wants with it...

{Cut to 1-Up sitting at a table carrying a spoon with a brain in a bowl in front of him.}

1-UP: This pudding tastes weird!

SAARGTSSON: But he paid me a nice chunka-chunka-change for it.

FIERY-HOT: {Looking behind the stand} Is that why Harvax is eating what looks like a spleen back there?

SAARGTSSON: Oh yeah, I've got them in three colors, and he's too lazy to get a job, so I gave him one for free.

FIERY-HOT: ...Please excuse me. I'm going to go and throw up now.

SAARGTSSON: {As Fiery-Hot runs off} Catch it in a cup, will ya? I'm running out of stomach acid. {He holds up what looks like a water cooler full of green liquid and labeled 'GWOSS'}

{Cut back to Saargtsson at his computer}

SAARGTSSON: {typing} You know, maybe I can just use all that stomach acid instead of buying the expensive stuff. Fiery-Hot's really burns, you know. ...'Cause of the fire. I thought that was pretty funny. Witty. Fwitty. Funty? Hmm... {He clears the screen and continues typing} Well, October, to cut a long, extremely epic story short, I didn't make that much money off of organs, and I'm now worried that someone's put one of my other brains in some robot somewhere... so I can't carry out my plan to distoy sinkoman... or Stinkoman... or Stinyman. None of those men. {He stops typing} Well, there's still a little time left... maybe I'll check another e-mail. Hah, you guys must feel like you won the e-lottery out there.

{He presses a button and another e-mail pops up on screen which he reads word-for-word}

Saargytsson!! ^^ I was wondering when you're gonna just
run up to Stinkoman (and maybe 1-Up too!)
and throw 'em in the lava. Good plan
huh?
-Lemita

{Upon reaching the word "lava" he starts reading very slowly, and he reads Lemita as "Loafmita"}

SAARGTSSON: ...You're right! It is a good plan, Loafy! Thanks for complimenting me on thinking of such a brilliant idea! It's so simple and cost effective... {typing} I'm going to leave now and act on MY INGENIOUS IDEA now! {he gets up and the camera zooms out} Here I g-AAARRRRRGH!!! I'VE REMOVED ALL 16 OF MY KIDNIVERS... {He collapses on the floor, twitching.} ORGAN... FAILURE...

{The Paper comes down, this time reading: "Please donate Saargtsson his organs back via e-mail. Somehow. Don't ask me how. I'm just a paper. Amazing how I can fit all this on me, isn't it? Well, you can't actually see me, so you have no idea how big I am. NYEAH!"}

SAARGTSSON: I... can't... feel my... pancreas... Fiery-Hot, get in here with a... Gallaortepi-Bladder... or three...

{Saargtsson continues to twitch after the e-mail is over}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the word "sinkoman" at the beginning of the e-mail as Saargtsson types it to see a picture of what Sinkoman would look like.
  • Click on the words "e-mail of the future" and they'll glow and expand.
  • Click on Saargtsson at the end of the e-mail while he's on the floor and see where he gets his ideas for how master plans work.

{Cut to Saargtsson's living room, where the camera is behind Fiery-Hot and the screen is clearly visible. Stinkoman and 1-Up can be seen, pixelly like in the Stinkoman 20X6 game.}

STINKOMAN: {subtitled} I HAVE A MASTER PLAN TO PROTECTS MY POWER CRUNCH!!

1-UP: {subtitled} TELL IT UP, DAN!

STINKOMAN: {subtitled, holding up blueprints} I'LL GIVE ALL THEMS ENEMIES A BLUE-STYLE PRINT CHALLENGE!! THEN HIT 'EM WITH A LITTLE {He holds up a dollar with his sprite on it, labeled "Stinkodollar"} FUNDAGE!!11ONE!!ONE

1-UP: FUNDAGE!!11ONE!!ONE

  • Click on Saargtsson's monitor after the e-mail is over to see the fate of one of his many brains.

{Cut to an underground lab of sorts, where Chorch is carrying a brain in a glass jar. A robot with a large hole in its head is sitting in front of him, deactivated.}

CHORCH: And now... the final touch!

{He places the brain in the robot, which instantly comes to life.}

ROBOT: Give me all your power crunches!

Fun Facts

  • The page title is yet another one of my parodies of a Nightwish song. The Siren. I'm a fanboy.
  • "A pretty tenuous grasp of the English language" is a joke from the Strong Bad Email the facts
  • The style Saargtsson's list is done in is also taken from a Strong Bad Email, bottom 10 this time.
  • Harvax XVII lying in an alleyway was used in master.
  • "Stinyman" is a joke originally from stupid people
  • Saargtsson calling Lemita a "loaf" is something she does to me in Lemitamail.exe.
  • "Tell it up, Dan!" is a variation of a joke from the Stinkomanual description of a Terell.

Links

Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_Saargtsson/master_plan"