Other Character Email Jaro/fired

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CAST:Jaro, Grundy, Chorch, Homsar, Homestar, Poopsmith, My Benj, 3 Women, Stinkoman

SUMMERY:The trio are fired by...Homestar?

LINES: 121

Transcript

{The trio is at the computer.}

JARO: All right, email time.

CHORCH: Just like the good old days.

I'm Seriously Serious.
Seriously. You've been Serious-ified.
Seriously. I'm Serious.
Homestar Runner. Seriously.

JARO: Serious-ified?

CHORCH: What’s so serious?

GRUNDY: Beats me.

X-5: You have one new email.

Come to the Homestar Co.
-Mrs. Pan

JARO: Uh-oh.

CHORCH: Not that place.

GRUNDY: You know it’s bad when Marzipan emails you.

{Cut to a building. The trio is at a secretary’s office. The secretary is none other than Homsar.}

HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaA!!!! I’ll be tweaking to the beep!

JARO: Uh…

{The trio sits down and waits. Grundy picks up a magazine and reads it. He shoves it in Jaros face.}

GRUNDY: Look, the worlds longest nose hair!

JARO: Ew! Get that away from me!

INTERCOM: Jaro, Grundy and Chorch to Homestars office please.

JARO: Ugh.

{The trio starts walking down a long hallway.}

JARO: For those of you who don’t know, this is the Homestar Building. It’s where all cartoons and sub cartoons are made. Our email show, for example, is in the Fanstuff section. We could do our email show with out working here, but that would make us unable to be viewed as much as we are. Currently, a lot of email shows have been destroyed, and the checker fired. Examples are Reynold, An Ice Machine, and even the King of Town!

KOT: {offscreen} I only retired!

JARO: Shut up! Anyway, we’re sort of, praying that we don’t get fired.

{They finally stop walking and come to a door. It is labeled “CEO: Homestar Runner”.}

JARO: Gulp.

{ They go inside. Homestar is sitting at a table. He is wearing a brown backwards cap, a red polo shirt, with a star on the pocket, and has cinnamon on his face.}

HOMESTAR: You’re probably wondering why I called you here.

JARO: Well, actually, no. We-

HOMESTAR: I brought you here for a serious reason. You might have noticed people being laid off from their email shows. Well, here’s the reason. We just don’t have enough room on the Fanstuff wiki for minor character email shows, and, you’re the most minor.

JARO: Minor? US? We’re in the most popular computer game on your website!

HOMESTAR: Yeah, but….you always die. I’m afraid I have to let you go.

JARO: WHAT? I’m a fanstuff award winner! I demand that you not fire me!

HOMESTAR: I’m sorry Mr. J, but there’s nothing I can do. SECURITY! Get these non-employs out of my office!

{Cut to the outside of the building, where the trio is thrown out.}

JARO: Oh well. At least we have our spaceship.

POOPSMITH: (Actually…)

{The Poopsmith walks onscreen in his official design. He’s holding a clipboard.}

JARO: Poopsmith! What happened?

POOPSMITH: (Well, because you were fired, I was re-hired to Homestars website. I also got a job as Boss! My first job was to take back the Z-ship and your computer.)

CHORCH: What? That’s our property!

POOPSMITH: (No, it’s the studios property, now that you’re fired.)

GRUNDY: This can’t be happening!

JARO: Let’s calm down and call our loyal minions.

MY BENJ: {offscreen} Not anymore!

{3 My Benj bounce onscreen.}

MY BENJ: We quit! And, Homestar gave us our own email show for being so cute!

JARO: WHAT? You’re even more minor than us! And you get your own email show?

MY BENJ: Sorry former masters, but we can’t be held back by the likes of you anymore.

{The My Benj bounce off. Fade to the trio walking down a sidewalk.}

JARO: I can’t believe it. In one day, we lost our home, minions, Poosmith, and, worst of all, OUR EMAIL SHOW!

CHORCH: Well, it was fun while it lasted. We just have to admit; we’re nothing more than worthless minions to Tampo.

JARO: Well, what are you guys going to do, now that we’re jobless?

GRUNDY: I plan on renting an apartment and playing Clue online, while living off a single bottle of catsup.

{Cut to Grundy in a dank apartment. He is sitting at a Mac, and has a razor stubble.}

GRUNDY: Automated dice roll. {pause} What? It was Mr. Green? Of course! It’s always Mr. Green! MAN! {Throws a brick at his computer. He picks up a bottle of ketchup, and squeezes it into his mouth. Cut back to the trio.}

JARO: Sounds cool. What’re you going to do Chorch?

CHORCH: Well….

{Cut to a flowery living room. 3 women and Chorch are sitting in chairs, while Chorch is floating above one. He has an apron tied to his arms that reads “Born to do laundry”, and he is wearing a curly wig.}

WOMAN #1: Okay, as you recall, we had just finished “Where the Red Fern Grows.” What are your feelings on this book?

WOMAN #2: Well, I would hate having that many dogs.

WOMAN #3: Yes. I can barely handle my 2 children as it is.

CHORCH: You mean three.

WOMAN #3: No, I only have 2.

CHORCH: Not if you count your husband!

{All women and Chorch laugh.}

CHORCH: I kill me.

{Cut back to the trio.}

JARO: That was disturbing.

GRUNDY: What are you gonna do Jaro?

JARO: Well..

{Cut to the top of a museum at night. Jaro is on the roof with a rope and a burglar’s hat. He drops the rope through a hole in the ceiling. He ties himself to the rope and jumps in. He is suspended above a giant jewel. He pulls out some spray and shoots it around the jewel, revealing infer-red security beams. He pulls a diamond-shaped mirror out, and throws it in front of the lasers, blocking them from his path.}

JARO: Heh-heh.

{He dives down and grabs the jewel. His head opens up and he drops the jewel inside. Lights go off and he quickly pulls himself up. Cut back to the trio.}

GRUNDY: Wow.

CHORCH: Impressive.

{Cut to the trio walking down a sidewalk again. Grundy now has stubble, and Chorch and Jaro look rusty. After 20 seconds of walking, they collapse.}

{Cut back to Homestar and the trio. Jaro looks zoned out.}

GRUNDY: Jaro! Wake up!

JARO: Huh? What?

GRUNDY: You zoned out on us right before Homestar gave us the news!

HOMESTAR: Wight, wight. I was going to tell you, I will not fiwe you.

JARO: You won’t? Hooray!!!

GRUNDY: Yes!

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Howevew….

JARO: Huh?

HOMESTAR: I’ve decided to make some changes to youw show.

{Fade to Jaro, Chorch and Grundy looking at the viewer.}

JARO: Well kids, we sure had fun today!

GRUNDY: We sure did!

JARO: Today’s show was brought to you, by the letter “W” and the number 5,246,378. See you next time!

{Cut to a cartoony city. There is a Statue of Liberty, represented by a green Stinkoman holding a power crunch. The music from the end of Sesame Street plays. Stinkoman dances with the music, until he gets into his double deuce pose. He charges at the camera, and it cuts to black. Just as the music ends, the words “Click here to email Jaro” appear.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "Jaro" to see a clip:

{Cut to Donald Trump in an office.}

DONALD: You're fired.

Fun Facts

  • None.


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