Other Character Email Gunhaver/Switch 2
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Summary
While thankfully not undead creatures, Gunhaver and Reynold have their bodies switched probably due to comic cliche! Now they must deal with this situation without killing each other!
Cast (in order of apperance): Gunhaver/Gunnold, Alpha Stan, Gravedigger, Reynold/Reyhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip, Firebert, Arrowhaver, Reinforcements, Various Cheats, Blue Laser, Blue Laser Minions, Brad, Brad's Mother (off-screen), Librarian
Lines: 253
Page Title: Alpha 1260/Comp-Pak ###
Transcript
{Cut to Gunnold (Gunhaver in Reynold's body) in front of the Alpha 1260. The scene continues where it left off in the previous email.}
GUNNOLD: Oh my Cornbread! Why the crap am I in Reynold's body??? That's insane! Does this mean that Firebert will have the coolest commando name in the near future???
Who are you?
GUNNOLD: It's me! Gunhaver!
{A red beam shoots from the Alpha 1260 and shines at Gunnold.}
ALPHA STAN: Identity scans reveal that you are not Gunhaver. Processing information to know your true identity.
GUNNOLD: Oh come on! Is this another one of Gyro's freak upgrades???
You are: REYNOLD. By the order of Gunhaver, git.
GUNNOLD: I'm going to kill Gyro for this. {to Alpha Stan} Just let me check an email!
ALPHA STAN: You are not Gunhaver. You are Reynold. Therefore, you will never use this computer if you want to live.
GUNNOLD: But can't you recognize my voice??? Oh wait, I'm in Reynold's body, so I'm using his voice. Crap.
ALPHA STAN: I order you to leave the Alpha 1260's presence if you want to live in one piece. All methods in fooling me are futile.
GUNNOLD: Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it? You're just a face on a computer screen!
{Suddenly, the top part of the Alpha 1260 slams down onto Gunnold's hands on the keyboard, making him scream in pain.}
GUNNOLD: {weakly} Oh man! I should have known what would have happened if I insulted Alpha Stan!
{Cut to the Gravedigger in a dark mansion. He is in a room with a desk made of rotting wood and a computer seemingly made of bones (it's still able to work).}
GRAVEDIGGER: So they've used Fang's drink and are back in the real world with their bodies switched. I think things are going according to plan.
{Cut to Gravedigger typing on the computer (in this view, we see the computer's rear and the Gravedigger's front).}
GRAVEDIGGER: Thankfully, their memories concerning the Necropolis are erased. However, I still want them to be dead to the extreme! They have defied me. So, I hope that by sending them an email WITH A PSEUDONYM, those two idiots will think that this body switch is NOT temporary and that they'll kill each other in their madness. Then, I will go to the real world and BURN them myself! {manic laughter}
{Cut to Gunnold in front of Reynold's Comp-Pak. The following is on the screen.}
OUTLOOK DEPRESS
Welcome to your mother's doom.Login:
Password: _______________
Username: _______________
GUNNOLD: Oh man! Why the crap does Reynold have a username and password? I'll just try. Username... {typing} reallydumbloser666@somethingstupid.com {normal} Password... {typing} ihatemyself.
{Gunnold presses a button, and the words "Access Denied" appear on the computer.}
GUNNOLD: Oh crap! Let me try again!
{Gunnold continues to type and fail to log into Reynold's account. Cut to Reyhaver (Reynold in Gunhaver's body) on the floor. He wakes up.}
REYHAVER: Oh... where am I... Wait... {looks at his hands} They look... not very different. {looks at the desk} Huh? Why am I lying on the floor by Gunhaver's computer? Why do I sound like hi... Holy taco!
{Cut to the email-checking view for the Alpha 1260. Reyhaver sits in front of the laptop and looks at his reflection.}
REYHAVER: Wow! I'm Gunhaver! Or at least, I'm more Gunhaver than Gunhaver! I think!
GUNNOLD: {off-screen} Give me back my body, you jerk!
{Cut to a wider view of Reyhaver, the Alpha, and Gunnold.}
REYHAVER: Yep, it turns out that I'm more Gunhaver than Gunhaver.
GUNNOLD: Stop talking to yourself! You'll ruin my body's goldnessity... stuff!
REYHAVER: Goldnessity isn't a word.
GUNNOLD: That statement shouldn't be coming out of my body's mouth!
REYHAVER: Neither should THAT statement, although I wish it did before the events that led to this freak event.
GUNNOLD: Well, don't think things are perfect for you and crappy for me! When the guys come back, they'll know the difference immediately!
FIGHTGAR: {off-screen} Gunhaver! We're home!
GUNNOLD: Perfect timing!
{Cut to Fightgar, Silent Rip, Firebert, Arrowhaver, and Reinforcements in a room, each holding a paper bag. Reyhaver and Gunnold run onscreen.}
GUNNOLD: Guys! You finally came! Now...
SILENT RIP: Shut up, Reynold!
{Gunnold looks distraught and surprised.}
FIGHTGAR: Now Gunhaver, we got to get new weapons for free!
REINFORCEMENTS: On the count of three! One...
FIGHTGAR, SILENT RIP, ARROWHAVER: Three!
FIREBERT: {simultaneously} Meh!
REINFORCEMENTS: You guys take the fun out of everything!
{Fightgar, Silent Rip, Firebert, and Arrowhaver reach into their paper bags and take out slingshots. Reinforcements simply throws his paper bag away, angry.}
SILENT RIP: Ta-da!
ARROWHAVER: Slingshots!
REYHAVER: Well... that's...
GUNNOLD: Cool! They'll be perfect to use against Blue Laser!
FIGHTGAR: Reynold's ticking me off today more than he should.
ARROWHAVER: Let's test our new slingshots! Fire!
{Silent Rip, Arrowhaver, Firebert, and Fightgar use their slingshots to shoot rocks at Gunnold, who falls onto the ground in a helpless position.}
GUNNOLD: {still being attacked} Hey! Hey! Stop it! Hey! STOP IT!! I'M GUNHAVER!!!!
SILENT RIP: You're Gunhaver???
{Silent Rip, Fightgar, Arrowhaver, Firebert, and Reinforcements laugh. After a few seconds, Reyhaver joins in on the laughter. Cut to Fightgar, wiping tears from his eyes from laughter.}
FIGHTGAR: Ah, Reynold! You sure make some good jokes some times!
{Cut back to Gunnold.}
GUNNOLD: But I am Gunhaver! If I'm not, then Fightgar is Reinforcements' mother!
{Cut back to the view with Gunnold, Reyhaver, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Firebert, Reinforcements, and Arrowhaver. Everyone except for Gunnold gasp as an ominous music plays.}
FIGHTGAR: {hurt} You piece of crap!
REINFORCEMENTS: {hurt} That hurt very much!
FIGHTGAR: BEAT HIM UP!!! BEAT HIM UP!!!
{Cut back to Gunnold.}
GUNNOLD: What??? No! Is it THAT complicated for you to know that I'm Gunhaver???
{Cut to Gunnold, beaten up, in a room, limping.}
GUNNOLD: I guess it is. Ow. I should probably buy some chloroform in the near future in case a situation like this arises again.
{Reyhaver walks onscreen.}
REYHAVER: {sneering} Oh, hey Reynold!
GUNNOLD: You shut your mouth, Reynold!
REYHAVER: Hey! That's no way to talk to your leader who is better than you in any way!
GUNNOLD: Okay... I think you're taking this body thing a little too seriously.
REYHAVER: I see that I saw the advantage in this situation before you.
GUNNOLD: Wha...?
REYHAVER: You see, since I'm Gunhaver, I can do whatever I want, even if it's out of character. And I have just changed the Cheat Commandos into the...
{Cut to a close-up of an evil looking Reyhaver in front of a red background with evil music playing.}
REYHAVER: ...THE CHARITY COMMANDOS!
{Cut back to the previous scene.}
GUNNOLD: What the crap???
REYHAVER: The Charity Commandos are a group of elite volunteers serving the poor and underprivileged so they can have better lives!
GUNNOLD: That's the corniest phrase that has come out of my body's mouth!
REYHAVER: What about...
GUNNOLD: NO! Just leave!
REYHAVER: Fine, but you know that nothing will be resolved if you continue to act rebellious like that.
{Reyhaver walks off-screen the other way.}
GUNNOLD: Man. Does the back of my head really look like that?
{Cut to the Cheat Commadnos logo in front of a grey background, except the "CHEAT" in the logo now says "CHARITY" in cursive letters. The Cheat Commandos music is being played on a piano.}
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: The Charity Commandos...
{Cut to Reyhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip giving away teddy bears to little Cheats on a street.}
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: ...is an elite volunteer force, sworn to protect the world and the weak and underprivileged from the evil forces of poverty!
{Cut to Blue Laser in his HQ.}
BLUE LASER: ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M NAMED AFTER SOMETHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH BEING POOR???
{Firebert runs onscreen, hands Blue Laser a teddy bear, and runs off.}
BLUE LASER: I JUST HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!
{Two Blue Laser minions appear with a look of awe on their faces, looking at the teddy bear.}
BLUE LASER MINIONS: Aww!
BLUE LASER: SHUT UP! NO MORE TOYS FOR YOU!
BLUE LASER MINIONS: {sad} Aww!
{Cut to Reyhaver.}
REYHAVER: Charity Commandos... {zoom out to show him on a pedestal reading, "DO-DONATE" and some of the commandos surrounding him} do-donate!
{The theme music plays on a xylophone.}
SINGERS: Charity Commandos, maybe fighting for the poor, and each is given at once. Charity Commandos, probably battling poverty, we'll give you our playsets and toys!
{Cut to Gunnold in a room after a scene transition showing that the Charity Commandos scene was just Gunnold's imagination.}
GUNNOLD: Oh Cornbread, NO! That's horrible! That's stupid! That's the definition of stupid times the definition of stupid... the definition of stupid2! Which is really stupid! I've got to stop him!
{Gunnold starts to run off-screen, but then stops.}
GUNNOLD: I just realized something. If this is temporary, and I believe that, I can just make Reynold look stupid by doing stupid stuff! Then Reynold will be so ticked, that he'll be BEGGING to have our bodies switched back! Gunhaver, you are a genius!
{Pan right to reveal Silent Rip standing there.}
SILENT RIP: Gunhaver just left, stupid. And your invisible friend can't be named Gunhaver! That's copyright infringement!
GUNNOLD: Oh, shut up!
SILENT RIP: You telling me to shut up?
GUNNOLD: Yeah! And here's my way of ticking you off! {looks around} Uh... {pause} Maybe I should just go back to doing something stupid... like doing this!
{Gunnold runs off-screen. Sounds of finding for something are heard. Then Gunnold runs back onscreen with a plunger. He sticks it on his head.}
GUNNOLD: Ta-da!
{Pan right to reveal Reyhaver standing by Silent Rip.}
REYHAVER: {angrily muttering} Oh, you are SO going to pay for this!
{Cut to a montage. Cut to Reyhaver at a pet store, buying a puppy. Reyhaver goes outside and gives the puppy to a little Cheat. The Cheat runs off-screen.}
CHEAT: {off-screen} Mommy! Mommy! That guy named Gunhaver just gave me a puppy!
MOTHER: {off-screen} Throw it away, Brad! It's poisonous! It MUST be a sign of the apocalypse!
BRAD: {off-screen} Aw mom!
MOTHER: {off-screen} Run to the bomb shelters!
{Cut to Gunnold at a library, checking out a large stack of books. Then he gets out a Zippo lighter and sets the books on fire in front of the frightened and shocked librarian, who screams.}
{Cut to various Cheats running away, screaming, down a street. When the Cheats are gone, Reyhaver is revealed, waving a bell in front of a Salvation Army kettle, labeled "Money for the Poor". Cut to another scene of various Cheats running away, screaming, down a street. When the Cheats are gone, Gunnold is revealed, playing something similar to a Game Boy Micro.}
{Cut to Reyhaver and Gunnold hula dancing on a stage in front of people, with dresses and all. Both their glasses are broken, although Gunhaver's eyes are pixelated. Cut to Reyhaver (shades fixed) talking to Firebert in the Cheat Commandos HQ.}
REYHAVER: I think your commando name is the best thing I've ever heard in my life.
{There's a pause. Then Firebert runs away, screaming. Cut to Gunnold (glasses still broken) in front of an upturned mop in a bucket.}
GUNNOLD: I'm breaking up with you.
{The mop drops onto the floor. Pan right to reveal a weirded-out Fightgar.}
FIGHTGAR: Uh...
{Cut to Gunnold and Reyhaver on the rooftop of the Cheat Commandos HQ.}
GUNNOLD: So, how do you like things now if this freaking body switching thing is temporary?
REYHAVER: Have you ever considered what would happen if it's permanent?
GUNNOLD: Well... I should say you humiliated yourself too!
REYHAVER: Well, I do believe that this is temporary, but I just thought I'd like to share some facts.
GUNNOLD: Does that mean we can jump off the building now?
REYHAVER: Of course!
{Gunnold and Reyhaver begin running. When they reach the edge, they jump and fall, screaming. A sickening thud is heard off-screen. Fade to black.}
GUNHAVER'S VOICE: Ugh... this feels crappy. So I guess I'm not dead then. Or maybe I am, again, I think... if only if I can remember.
SILENT RIP: {off-screen} Gunhaver!
GUNHAVER'S VOICE Is it me you're talking too? Wait.
{The person we're in the POV of opens his eyes to reveal Silent Rip, Fightgar, and Arrowhaver (all worried) looking over him. The person looks at his arm to reveal the sleeve of Gunhaver's leather jacket.}
GUNHAVER: Yes! I'm Gunhaver again! Whoo!
{Cut to Silent Rip, Fightgar, and Arrowhaver looking over Gunhaver, who doesn't look very injured or messed up. A trampoline is seen in the background. Gunhaver jumps onto his "feet" and begins jumping around, whooping. Then he jumps off-screen in glee. Silent Rip, Fightgar, and Arrowhaver have weirded out looks on their faces.}
FIGHTGAR: Uh... Gunhaver and Silent Rip were definitely acting weird today.
SILENT RIP: Well... thank goodness that he landed on a conveniently placed trampoline today.
ARROWHAVER: But do any of you think that Gunhaver's gone crazy at last? Do you think he should be replaced by someone...
SILENT RIP: No.
FIGHTGAR: {simultaneously} No.
ARROWHAVER: Okay. Just making a stupid suggestion that doesn't suggest anything evil.
SILENT RIP: {happily} Okay!
ARROWHAVER: Still... I think we forgot someone... or something.
{Cut to a mangled bush by the Cheat Commandos HQ by the conveniently placed trampoline. An injured hand rises out of the bush.}
REYNOLD: {weakly from bush} Guys? Anyone? Can you look over my bush as I go unconscious? Can you make sure I don't swallow my tongue?
{Reynold's hand drops. Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260. Alpha Stan immediately appears on the screen.}
Hello Gunhaver. Reynold has tried to use this computer a few hours ago.
GUNHAVER: I should have Gyro fix this... or not. The security system's pretty sweet.
ALPHA STAN: How did you know? I never showed it to you.
GUNHAVER: Uh... don't talk smart to me! Give me an email!
ALPHA STAN: Yes sir!
{The following email appears on the screen. Gunhaver reads it, saying "Cornbread?" for the name.}
Subject: Surprise, surprise!Dear Gunhayver,
- God?
As you are reading this, you've probably noticed that
you are strangely gone from precious Alpha Stan and
reading from Reynold's computer. That is because, in
a few seconds, you will realize that you are trapped
in Reynold's body. And he's in yours, at your 'puter.
You'll be like this for... a few days. Or a week.
Actually, you'll be switched back when I feel like it.
Have fun learning life leasons,
GUNHAVER: {typing} Look, doofus who is not actually Cornbread, let me say three words to you. I. Hate. You. {pause} Okay, that's all. Take it away, Alpha Stan.
Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on Alpha Stan when Gunnold talks about Gyro's freak upgrades to see this list:
List of My Freak Upgrades
- The Alpha 1260's Alpha Stan personality chip
- The Alpha 1260's security system
To do:
- More upgrades on the Alpha 1260
- That's all. The rest are stuff I need to start from scratch. I blame Gunhaver for this.
- Click on "Reynold's computer" on the email at the end to hear this:
REYNOLD: {off-screen} Oh, come on! Outlook Depress isn't as exaggerated as it was shown! I bet that it was hacked... for the 4,000th time this month! But don't let that discourage you! {pause} Why am I talking to myself? {pause} Aren't I supposed to be writing in a bush outside? {pause} Why am I asking all of these unnecessary questions?
- Click on "God?" on the email at the end to see Gravedigger at the Necropolis:
{Cut to Gravedigger at his desk in his room in his dark mansion at the Necropolis. He lifts his cloaked head.}
GRAVEDIGGER: Crap. They survived, and it's due to another, stinkin' conveniently placed trampolines! Without those, the Necropolis would be as populated as real-world China! Sheesh! {pause} Eh, I don't really care about them anymore.
{Captions that say, "In other words: The Gravedigger has no further purpose in OCE Gunhaver" appear.}
Fun Facts
- This email continues from the previous email.
- The Gravedigger and Fang's drink are also from the previous email.
- Gyro's first "freak upgrade" to the Alpha 1260 was shown in HAL 9000.
- Reynold's Comp-Pak is Reynold's computer in Other Character Email Reynold.
- Outlook Depress is the email program Reynold uses in that email show.
- The need for new weapons and gadgets (as described in Gyro's list in the Easter Egg) reference the events in fCon.
- Reinforcements' mother has appeared in New Toys and Favorites (note, these two emails are when Reinforcements is the senile Cheat Commando based off of Coach Z).
- The Charity Commandos "commercial" is based off of the Cheat Commandos commercial.
- A Zippo lighter is a real lighter.
- The Salvation Army is known for Salvation Army members ringing a bell by a Salvation Army kettle around the holidays.
- The Game Boy Micro is the second design for the Game Boy Advance for Nintendo.
- The mop Reynold/Gunnold was "dating" is from Shopping for Danger.
- This is another instance of Conveniently Placed Trampolines.
- China is currently the world's most populated country.
