Fake Character Email Dan/pirate

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

< Fake Character Email Dan
Revision as of 04:53, 7 September 2007 by Shwoo (Talk | contribs)
(diff) ← Older revision | Current revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

Contents

Summary

Dan, Carlos and The Cheat play pretend.

Cast (In order of appearance): Dan, The Cheat, Carlos, Tompkins, Gunhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip, Tristan (mentioned), Victor

Places: Dan's Computer Room, The Streets

Date: February 17, 2007

Length: 50 lines

Transcript

DAN: {singing} Energetic and engaging, email...

{Dan slows down when he gets to the third sentence, pronounces "shoul" as "shall", and continues to do so throughout}

DAN: {typing} Your key is broken, huh? That sounds serious. I'll tell you what. Send me your key, the blueprints to your lock, your home address, and about a hundred dollars, and I will fix it for you. {clears screen} Anyways, whattaya mean I "shoul" become a pirate? Don't I get a choice, man? More like, you "shoul" become someone who can tell the difference between stealing and falling. Plummet the seven seas. What does that mean? Besides, we tried being pirates last September, and it didn't really work out.

{Cut to the streets. Dan and The Cheat are seated inside a cardboard box with a mast that's flying the Strong Badia flag. Carlos is pushing it along. All three are dressed as pirates, and the background music is also evocotive of pirates}

DAN: Hoist the main sail, The Cheat!

{The Cheat sighs and holds up a sheet with "sail" written on it}

CARLOS: AVAST ME LUNGS!

{Tompkins walks by playing his Gameboy.}

DAN: {To Carlos} Slow down here, I wanna board the sidewalk. {Carlos slows down and Dan jumps out} Ahoy there, you, uh... bilge... rat.

TOMPKINS {not looking up} Get lost.

{The Cheat drops the main sail and gets out of the box}

THE CHEAT: Your gold or your life. Pick one.

{Tompkins glances up, and his Gameboy makes a sound that implies that he just died.}

TOMPKINS: Aw, peas!

DAN: We're the terror of the high seas, er, streets, uh, hand over that gold!

GUNHAVER: {offscreen} Freeze!

{Gunhaver, Silent Rip and Fightgar run on screen. They're all pointing guns at Dan, who looks annoyed, and The Cheat, who looks excited. Tompkins continues to play his gameboy.}

DAN: What the? Shouldn't you guys be out fighting terrorists or something?

SILENT RIP: He's right, sir.

GUNHAVER: They did say they were spreading terror, didn't they?

DAN: Uh, no, I said we were the terror of the high seas.

THE CHEAT: We're pirates. Arrr.

FIGHTGAR: Sounds like a terrorist to me!

GUNHAVER: Take them away, boys.

{The commandos lead Dan and The Cheat away}

DAN: {muttering} I hate this town...

{Cut back to the computer room}

DAN: {typing} So as you can see, the pirating thing... not a good idea. And let me tell you, nothing is more embarrassing than being bailed out by your baby brother.

VICTOR: {offscreen} Yeah, I bet.

{Cut to a wide shot. Victor is standing to Dan's right}

DAN: Wh-How did you get in here?

VICTOR: Uh... Isn't this where you check your email?

DAN: Get out of my house.

VICTOR: But it's me! {hesitates} Victor!

DAN: Yeah, that's great. But I still hate you. {Victor doesn't react, so Dan turns back to his computer} So until next time, {annoyed} spell my name right!

{Dan types "the_paper.exe", waits for The Paper to print out, and holds it in front of the screen. It reads, "Click here to email Dan.}

{After some time, cut to another wide shot}

DAN: So, uh, can I interest you in a little pocket lint?

{He digs around in his pocket and offers Victor some pocket lint}

VICTOR: No thanks. I'm good.

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the cardboard box while Carlos is pushing it to see inside. Some loot is visible:
    • An iPod
    • A jar of Fluffy Puff mayo.
    • Carol
    • A sign reading "Death Hole"

Fun Facts

  • Dan mentions that he was being a pirate in September, the month Talk Like A Pirate Day is in.
  • Dan offers to sell Victor some pocket lint because The Cheat told him that Victor would buy anything in the previous email. Kind of.
  • The email song at the start is from the Clone High theme song.

Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Fake_Character_Email_Dan/pirate"