Fake Character Email Ductape Blader/SaargtSkates

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Ductape E-mail 10: SaargtSkates

Summary: Awstin asks Ductape where he got his skates.

Cast: (in order of appearance): Ductape, The Cheat, PBTC Homestar, PBTC Ductape, PBTC The Cheat.

Places: Ductape's computer room, The Cheat's computer room, Ductape's memrobillia wall.

Date: October 2, 2006

Length: Why would I care?

Transcript

{Ductape is on his computer in his compy room. He's opening his inbox.}

DUCTAPE: Man, I'm hungry. For a new e-mail!

{The folloing e-mail comes up on screen}

Dear Duckshirt,
What store did you purchase those stylin' fancy roller-skate shoes?
I really want them. Was it like, Bub's Concession Stand er' something?
-Awstin

DUCTAPE: Wow, this guy made all kinds of bad grammar. I'm sure you mean, "Ductape, Where did you buy your shoes?" Because I didn't buy a store, and it wasn't at Bubs'. These are a special brand of skates called "SaargtSkates", which I had won in an engineering contest. Lemme tell you the tale.

{The screen changes to a "Powered by The Cheat" flash animation. Ductape is narrarting on a voiceover. The first scene shows a red snake and a boy with red hair, blue shorts and a purple beret sitting in a meeting room confusedly.}

DUCTAPE: {voiceover} So, it all started when the Saargtsson-Dunjinman corporation was trying to brainstorm a new idea. This company is famous for making goods such as the SaargtSofa and the SaargtSkillet.

THE CHEAT: {voiceover} <What's with the shameless plugins? I spent and hour making this for you!>

DUCTAPE: {voiceover, whispering} Hey, I'm just trying to get some new stuff.

{The scene changes to a picture of Homestar stapling flyers to a billboard. A similar-looking Ductape comes by.}

PBTC HOMESTAR: Sargeant-Dunjinman product design contest. Take one, kid.

DUCTAPE: {voiceover} So, the Saargtsson-Dunjinman corp had announced the contest where any kid could design a product for a prize. I got an idea when my skates had hurt a whole lot during wear and tried to make them more comfortable, and in my special size.

{Next scene. PBTC Ductape is in a garage workshop .jpeg. He has a size-13 lime green converse high-top and several red skate wheels. They are being fused together.}

DUCTAPE: {voiceover} Later on, in my workshop garage here, I took my shoes and added skate wheels on. But I had to try many methods to keep them on and efficient.

{The wheels fall off and roll across the floor. PBTC The Cheat is there, and jumps onto the wheels. He rolls out of frame and onto another scene where he's shredding over a mountain.}

{Now, PBTC Ductape has his pair of shoes held up to the Saargtsson-Dunjinman executives while smiling proudly as they give him a medal}

DUCTAPE: {voiceover} I eventually got it. And an award. My product has made millions of dollars for the company, but I only got a medal and $10,000. It's not a lot, but quite a pretty penny.

{The flash cartoon ends. Ductape is in his bedroom displaying a wall covered in posters, pictures, and assorted pieces of paper with magazine articels and awesome doodles. He points to a plaque on the wall.}

DUCTAPE: So you can see, my name is immortalized on my memrobillia wall. And the Saargtsson-Dunjinman Hall of Fame. It was an aspiring goal for a kid like me.

{Ductape gets back to his computer.}

DUCTAPE: And, to answer your original question Awstin, you can get my SaargtSkate designs at any sports store in my area. It's my little contribution to society.

{The camera fades out. It fades back in for a close-up on Ductape's plaque. A digitally added engraving says, Click here to e-mail Ductape Blader.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on the date on the plaque to see this extra scene.

{Ductape and The Cheat are back at The Cheat's computer.}

THE CHEAT: <You know, this e-mail is a week short of a full year anniversary. How many e-mails you got?

DUCTAPE: Not a lot.

Fun Facts

• This e-mail about the Saargtsson-Dunjinman corporation is based on a school project I had. The idea was to use a Microsoft website program to make a fake company with news and products. The "SaargtSkates" were one of them.
  • SaargtSkates were named originally for their use of Saargtsson sprites for wheels.
• The Cheat's comment about Ductape's plugs were other products the Saagtsson-Dunjinman corp had to offer.
• Saargtsson-Dunjinman had taken most of Ductape's profits. This is a reference to "Malcom in the Middle", where Malcom made a miracle drug that would cure thousands of people and make millions of dollars. All he got was a pencil case with a compass on it.
• Ductape's first e-mail was released on 10/8/05. This one was made on 10/2/06.