Other Character Email Pan Pan/Friendship

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Contents 1 Summary 2 Transcript 3 Easter Eggs 4 Fun Facts

Summary

Pan Pan recounts the memorable events of his friendship with 1-Up.

Cast (in order of appearance): Pan Pan, 1-Up, Pan Pan's Sensei, Fighters, Old Man (Voice), Chorch, Classmates (Voice and Easter Egg only)

Page Title: OptiPilot XZ

Words: 2,202

Transcript

{Cut to a koi pond in a city park. Soothing and slow music plays. Zoom in on a tree beside the pond, where Pan Pan is sitting on a carpet, writing on a scroll of paper with an inkbrush. Pan Pan puts down his inkbrush and picks up the scroll.}

PAN PAN: (I wrote this little haiku for my next email, which is right about now. Here it is: Refreshing, an email is. Many flowers bloom. Email is so cool.)

VOICE: {off-screen} Hey! That sucked!

{Pan Pan quickly grabs a frog from the pond and is about to throw it. However, after closing his eyes, he throws the frog back into the pond. Then he opens his eyes and takes out his OptiPilot.}

PAN PAN: (I came here for calmness, not stress...)

OPTIPILOT: {robotic voice} You have 3 emails.

{A holographic screen with the email shoots from the OptiPilot. Cut to the email, which Pan Pan reads. He reads Shwoo as "Sha-woo" (translated from "badalaa...").}

1-up

To Pan Pan
You seem like an intelligent panda. Why do you hang around
with 1-Up?
From Shwoo

PAN PAN: (You know, that's a good question, Shwoosh. No doubt you have seen the video that leaked out on the InstaNet last week, featuring me punishing 1-Up for being in the toilet. Not that I'm going to elaborate.)

{The holographic screen where the words translated from Pan Pan's speech are written is cleared.}

PAN PAN: (Anyway, to me, friendship is pretty valuable and is a rather scarce resource, since, as you said, I'm an intelligent panda. Nobody readily becomes a friend of someone intelligent. So that's one reason why I hang out with 1-Up. Valuable resource. As for how we became friends, you won't believe it, but my crushing him was the basis for our friendship. It all began when I was still in training...)

{There's a flash of white. Fade to a dojo. Throughout the flashback, there's a blurry white border. Pan Pan, wearing a karate suit and a red belt, is standing with his mentor (sensei), who is wearing a black karate suit.}

SENSEI: (You are almost finished with your preliminary training. All that remains is for you to master the Crushing Move, which is when you jump and fall on someone, hopefully breaking some bones along the way. We are fortunate that we have a volunteer who's going to be our target in this training. The best part is, he volunteered for free.) {to target} (You can come in now!)

{Cut to the dojo entrance. 1-Up, looking around and holding an old-fashioned camera, walks inside.}

1-UP: So, uh... this is the pudding factory, huh? It looks so cool, and so disguised...

{Cut back to Pan Pan and his sensei.}

SENSEI: (Go now, before the winds blow against your destiny!)

PAN PAN: ((Wish he would stop talking about wind and destiny.))

{Pan Pan jumps into the air. Cut to 1-Up, who is still looking around. He looks up when an enlargening shadow is above him. He gets a shocked look on his face just when Pan Pan lands on 1-Up, destroying his camera.}

PAN PAN: (Oh my Baddalang! Are you all right?)

1-UP: {dazed} Wow... that was the best pizza sauce I ever kicked in my life...

{1-Up falls unconscious.}

PAN PAN: (Despite that, that was fun!)

{Cut to Pan Pan (without the karate suit and belt) and 1-Up (with some bandages) walking away from the dojo.}

PAN PAN: (Thanks for your cooperation. I hope you weren't hurt too bad.)

1-UP: No problem. I've had worse from the tennis shoes Stinkoman gave me.

PAN PAN: (You know Stinkoman?!?)

1-UP: Well, he is the Guy, and I'm living with him.

PAN PAN: (Whoa! Can I come with you and visit his house? Maybe get to meet him?)

1-UP: Uh... sure!

{Cut to Pan Pan following 1-Up to the Stinkoman HQ. 1-Up gives Pan Pan a wary look before facing him.}

1-UP: {scared} Get away from me, you stalker! It's not even nighttime yet!

PAN PAN: (What?!?)

{1-Up gets out a pepper spray canister and points it at Pan Pan.}

PAN PAN: (Whoa! Watch where you're pointing that thing!)

1-UP: You're right! This is a diversion!

{1-Up throws the pepper spray canister into the air and spin kicks Pan Pan. However, his foot gets caught in Pan Pan's fat before he gets bounced off and bounced onto the ground.}

1-UP: Uhh... that panda is fat...

{Cut back to Pan Pan with the OptiPilot at the koi pond. The border is gone.}

PAN PAN: (As it turned out, he didn't understand a word I said when he "offered to take me to Stinkoman's house". So things cleared up after 1-Up took some language lessons, or some minor genetic modification, since people of this generation are have genes that enable them to understand our "baddalangs". Apparently, automatic translation wasn't an innate characteristic for 1-Up. Typical.}

{The holographic screen where the words translated from Pan Pan's speech are written is cleared.}

PAN PAN: (Anyway, we became friendly towards each other, since not only did he live with Stinkoman, but he could understand me. Then I had to partake in the championship. As it turned out, seeing that I only fell on 1-Up once, I needed to work on that skill so I could win. 1-Up was more than eager.)

{Cut to 1-Up, wearing a headband and training clothes, standing with Pan Pan. It is dawn. This is a flashback, so there's a blurry white border}

1-UP: All right, Pan Pan! I'm going to train you hard so you will win that stinkin' competition! You're going to master that crushing move! You hear me? You're going to learn to fall on me willingly! You're going to learn to fall on me on instinct!

{Pan Pan quickly jumps and falls on 1-Up.}

PAN PAN: (You mean like that? (Should shut you up.))

1-UP: Yeah! Now, let's begin the real training!

{Training music (a remix of "Showdown") starts to play. Cut to Pan Pan punching and kicking a sandbag. Then he suddenly jumps and falls on 1-Up (who was eating pudding).}

{Cut to Pan Pan cracking eggs and dropping yolk into a glass of water. Then he mixes the substances in the glass. He goes to drink it when 1-Up walks onscreen. Pan Pan quickly splashes the substance in 1-Up's face, jumps, and falls on 1-Up.}

{Cut to 1-Up running up a mountain slope. Just then, Pan Pan falls from the sky and lands on 1-Up. 1-Up begins to roll down the mountain slope. Pan Pan jumps down the slope and lands on 1-Up again, who continues to roll. Pan out to a wider view of the mountain slope, where 1-Up and Pan Pan are just silhouettes. 1-Up rolls down the slope, being crushed by a jumping Pan Pan at intervals. The scene freezes.}

ROCKER: {singing} SHOWDOWN!!!!

{Cut to a quick montage of Pan Pan beating up several fighters at the championship. He employs the crushing move in every one of his matches. Cut to Pan Pan holding up a trophy and a bouquet of flowers. Cheering is heard as pictures of Pan Pan are taken.}

{Cut back to Pan Pan with the OptiPilot at the koi pond.}

PAN PAN: (Because of my using the crushing move, Stinkoman got interested, and now, I get to live in his house and be on first-name basis with him! So as you can see, we're very good friends at that time. Then there's the time around my birthday...)

{Cut to a flashback with Pan Pan in front of a store window, looking at a cannon on display.}

PAN PAN: (I'd like to have that cannon. It'd be nice for getting to places as fast as possible. Not to mention it'd be fun. Well, I shouldn't buy it. Meaningless waste of money.)

{Pan Pan bounces off-screen as 1-Up leans onscreen.}

1-UP: Don't worry, Pan Pan! I'm going to make sure you get this cannon without wasting money! But what's wrong with wasting money? It's fun.

{1-Up gets out a dollar bill and begins to eat it.}

1-UP: Well, I guess I should do some dangerous engineering work.

{Cut to 1-Up with a mask and a blowtorch in a dark room in the Stinkoman HQ. He uses the blowtorch to burn a wall. Cut to 1-Up using a little laser tool to make cuts in a slab of metal. Just then, a piece of the slab of metal, which is attached to the ceiling, falls on 1-Up. Cut to 1-Up using a hammer to bang on the piece of the slab of metal. Occasionally, he yelps in pain.}

1-UP: Ow! My fingers! I hit my fingers! Again!

{Cut to 1-Up (who has a little bandage on his head) with Pan Pan in a hallway in the Stinkoman HQ. 1-Up has something hidden inside his shirt.}

1-UP: Hey Pan Pan! I made something special for you in the past few days!

PAN PAN: (Uh... what did you make?)

1-UP: Well, I noticed you wanted this expensive cannon, so I made s...

PAN PAN: (No way! How could that be possible! Did you compress the atoms of the c...)

1-UP: Even better!

{1-Up gets out what he was hiding inside his shirt, a metallic, ugly piggy bank.}

1-UP: A piggy bank! I'm going to collect money so I can buy you the cannon!

PAN PAN: (Aww... it really isn't ne...)

1-UP: Wish me luck!

{1-Up runs off-screen. Cut to an exterior view of an apartment building. A conversation inside one of the rooms is heard.}

OLD MAN: {voice} Why, hello young man! Are you here to sell me cookies?

1-UP: {voice} Nope, rich old man! Instead...

{A metallic thunk and a thud are heard. 1-Up's humming is heard as we can hear pillaging and the opening of safes. Soon, we see 1-Up walking out of the apartment building with the piggy bank stuffed with money.}

1-UP: Ooh. Now I have enough money!

{Cut to 1-Up and Pan Pan standing in front of the cannon that was previously on display at the store window. There is ribbon on the cannon.}

1-UP: Well, as I promised, your cannon!

PAN PAN: (Aww... you shouldn't have! (In fact, you shouldn't have, but...) This is cool! I can actually fly to places!)

1-UP: You can also use the cannon to launch yourself and land on me! I want to make sure you're making the best out of my present by being crushed everyday!

PAN PAN: (That isn't ne...)

{1-Up happily runs off-screen.}

PAN PAN: {voiceover} (I still have and use that cannon today. Anyway, as it turned out, 1-Up actually meant that last sentence.)

{Cut to Pan Pan and a sad 1-Up in front of the Stinkoman HQ. It is evening.}

1-UP: {stricken} What have you been doing today?!? Have you been disobeying me?!?

PAN PAN: (What? Excuse me?)

1-UP: The day is almost over, and I didn't get crushed at all today! You don't want to use the cannon everyday? {zoom in on 1-Up as sad, violin music plays} Do you know how much I had to go through in order to give you that cannon? {tears start to fall from 1-Up's eyes} Do you know how many injuries I went through in the process of getting you that cannon? Well, I went through all of that to make you happy! And now, I see that I'm receiving nothing for my giving you...

{Suddenly, a falling sound is heard. 1-Up looks up before Pan Pan falls on him.}

PAN PAN: (Sorry. Had a busy day today. Thanks for reminding me!)

{Cut back to Pan Pan with the OptiPilot at the koi pond.}

PAN PAN: (So I continued to fall on him daily until lately, when it became frequently. 1-Up began to get tired of being crushed everyday, and even though it probably will affect his health, I can't help stopping the falling on him! It's almost like an addiction! Well Shwish, now you know why I hang out with 1-Up. If not, tough.) {pause} (You know, I think I'm going to write another haiku.)

{Pan Pan picks up his inkbrush and writes on the scroll, reading what he's writing.}

PAN PAN: (Friendship is like gold. It is so valuable. You should have it too.)

{As Pan Pan is writing the haiku, a Chorch floats onscreen and looks at the scroll.}

CHORCH: You know, you should actually learn to write characters instead of acting like you're writing and...

{The Chorch picks up the scroll so that we can see what's "written" on the scroll, a drawing of a stick figure. Pan Pan gets angry.}

CHORCH: ...actually drawing a crappily-drawn picture!

PAN PAN: (It's you! The guy I almost threw that frog at!)

CHORCH: Huh? Oh. Right.

{The Chorch quickly speeds off-screen. Pan Pan quickly picks up the same frog from the pond and throws it off-screen. A wet smack is heard.}

PAN PAN: (Ooh... that doesn't look nice... Anyway... Maybe I should go home.)

{Suddenly, the OptiPilot shoots out a holographic screen, which says the following.}

Click here to email Pan Pan at flyingpanda529@cocomail.com

PAN PAN: (This seems to act on its own at times.)

Easter Eggs

You will need to look for the Easter Eggs yourself in the Transcript. If you've found all three Easter Eggs, you are allowed to click on the [edit] button. If not, it's advised that you attempt to find the Easter Eggs. If you truly can't find all three, click on the [edit] button.

Fun Facts

• This is the first email where Pan Pan doesn't check his email in his room.
• This is the first email with dialogue after the OptiPilot shoots out the holographic screen with the link to Pan Pan's inbox.
• Click here to read about koi ponds.
• Click here to read about haikus.
  • Pan Pan's second haiku fits the rules for haikus. Pan Pan's first haiku had a 7-5-5 syllable pattern instead of 5-7-5.
• Here are Pan Pan's haikus:

Refreshing, an email is.
Many flowers bloom.
Email is so cool.

Friendship is like gold.
It is so valuable.
You should have it too.

• The video of Pan Pan punishing 1-Up reference an Easter Egg in the previous email.
• A sensei is a karate or judo instructor. It also means master/teacher in Japanese.
• The song "Showdown" is from montage and was played in Strongest Man in the World.
• Even though 1-Up said he hit his fingers with a hammer, it's questionable due to his lack of visible arms.
• In Japanese, "panpan" is the onomatopoeia for the sound of a slap.

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