Other Character Email Nebulon/clones
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Summary
Nebulon Email #10: "clones"
In this email special, Nebulon kills Tampo. However, there is a catch...
Date: August 30, 2005 - September 5, 2005
Cast (in order of appearance): Nebulon, Charles, Ghype, Tampo, Brody, Homsar, Piedmont, NEB-1, Stlunko, Kevin, Bob, Frotzer Secretary, The Liekand, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Harvax XVII
Places: Nebulon's Base, Tampo's Roof, Warehouse O' Parts, Outskirts of Tampo's Base, Tower of Command, High Room in Tampo's Base, Stlunko, Beach, Rocket
Length: 321 Lines
Transcript
{Nebulon, Charles, and Ghype are at the Mechy 1337.}
NEBULON: Well, the Mechy seems to be working. I wonder if it could fly?
CHARLES: Why would you want a computer to fly? That is not their point.
MECHY: Flying intitiated. Tell me when you want me to fly.
NEBULON: I was thinking of getting a new base. Bigger. With windows.
GHYPE: Guess, guess what? I just chowed on all your money?
NEBULON: Yeah, I don't plan to pay for it. Most people run when they see me.
CHARLES: Should not we be checking emails?
NEBULON: ...what? That doesn't make sence. Well, I email sometimes, and other times, I don't.
Hey there Nebulon,
Tampo stinks! Don't you agree he stinks?
I mean, if anybody stunk any more then
Tampo, they would probably... um... die.
Because they stink.
Some guy who isn't calling you NEB-1,
Super Sam
NEBULON: Oh no, that doesn't work. See, one time, I hacked into Tampo's inbox. Where people send him inane emails about the people he's made suffer. And the robots. And I found this wonderful gem.
Hey Tampo, Brody and Stlunko,
You are the coolest guys ever!
Why don't you go and hold a parade
for youselves, or perhaps create
a statue in your honour!
-A guy who worships you, Super Sam
CHARLES: "The people he's made suffer"? You have the same point as Tampo: destroy the forces of "good". You are assigned to 1-Up, but you can not spout sayings of peace.
NEBULON: I hate you when you're right. Fine. The point is, you worship Tampo. And the other point is: that's not allowed!
GHYPE: Why don't you just kill brain guy? That would make things easier. And he is squishy and weak from all sides!
NEBULON: That's... a good idea. I could just crush him from jumping from above!
GHYPE: My ideas are always right in emails divisible by--
{Cut to Tampo's Base.}
NEBULON: Ah yes, the standard break in that's nessary to show every single time.
CHARLES: The Stone Jaro...
NEBULON: ...is not how we'll be getting in. We'll be walking in the main entrance.
{They do, and take the elevator to the roof.}
CHARLES: What about Brody?
NEBULON: Brody will be too busy being emotional. I think he actually has emotions.
{The elevator stops.}
NEBULON: He's below this glass roof.
CHARLES: I do not remember this room...
GHYPE: Destroy the evil brain!
NEBULON: I'll just start off with my warning...
{Nebulon blows on the roof. The glass shatters, and the shards hit Tampo. He crumples and turns gray, apparantly dead.}
CHARLES: Glass kills Tampo. Interesting.
NEBULON: That was... easy...
{He fires a round of laserballs at Tampo. They impact him, leaving marks on his side.}
GHYPE: Brain guy is dead! Let's go home and party!
NEBULON: Wait! I need a dramatic cutscene, or something!
{Zoom out so that Tampo's fortess is shown in shadow.}
NARRATOR: And so, Nebulon defeated Tampo the Evil in world FCUSA, variation 7. What lay in wait was...
TAMPO: Ah ha ha ha! So NEB-1 fell for the clone act. Very nice.
{Zoom back in to show Tampo approaching Nebulon.}
NEBULON: Ugh... now that I realize it, you do stink. Do you bathe in formaldahyde?
CHARLES: I highly doubt even Nebulon could fall for such a stupid prank.
TAMPO: It makes me sad to see you in such unworthy hands. But because your hands shouldn't be in my brain, I'll let you wither in unworthy care.
GHYPE: Fake brains do no good with any tomfoolery!
TAMPO: Ah ha ha ha! Fake isn't entirely correct, you see, pryamid. You see, clones are the future of the world. Although normally weaker than a normal being, mass work can make any fortress fall.
CHARLES: I see. Do you plan to confront us?
TAMPO: No. As much as I'd like to, I'd much rather have my new ally do it.
NEBULON: You have a new ally?
BRODY: {offscreen} What are you talking about, Tampo?
TAMPO: BRODY! {He runs offscreen.}
NEBULON: I'm sure glad that cloning machine was introduced last email.
CHARLES: Revenge would be interesting, but there was never any venge to start off with.
GHYPE: NEB-1 is your name, Mr. Reptile? I will now call you that!
NEBULON: To the cloning room!
{Cut to the Warehouse O' Parts.}
CHARLES: So are we are going to test this first?
NEBULON: Yes. With this model of Homsar.
{He puts the model in the machine. It makes a whirring noise, and then a real Homsar appears on the other side.}
GHYPE: Gasp! It's alive!
HOMSAR: I'm feeling sick... wait, I'm not garbled?
CHARLES: This room is equpped with immediate translation. I do not know why you are feeling sick...
NEBULON: The nanobots!
CHARLES: He's not a robot. They should not affect him.
NEBULON: You don't know... they boil whatever comes in contact with them. Slowly.
GHYPE: Ah ha! I know surgery!
NEBULON: Well, it doesn't really matter if he survives or not.
HOMSAR: I can hear you...
NEBULON: {to Homsar} That's nice. You win best ears. And those are some big ears.
CHARLES: Let Ghype fail the surgery. If it somehow works, we can send him back to the past. Maybe this is how he is created.
HOMSAR: I remember some things...
GHYPE: Say anathetic, because you're not getting any!
{Ghype gets a saw out.}
HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaAaAa! {He passes out.}
GHYPE: Medical work is so wonderful! And fun!
{He moves the saw in closer. The screen fades out, then fades in again. Homsar looks the same, and a boiling bag of nanobots is in Ghype's hand.}
NEBULON: That was... suprising. Piedmont!
{The Piedmont slides over.}
CHARLES: Beam him to 2005.
{The Piedmont does so.}
PIEDMONT: Thank you for letting me be part of your useless subplot.
{He leaves.}
GHYPE: Let's get to see NEB-1 turn to two! NEB-2!
CHARLES: I am ready for the cloning. There are no hidden nanobots this time.
NEBULON: Here I go!
{He walks into the machine.}
CHARLES: ACTIVATE!
GHYPE: All you have to do is press this nice button.
CHARLES: Yes. I was going for dramatic appeal. {He presses the button. There is a whirring noise, clunking noises, Nebulon's screech, and finally a clone appears.}
OTHER NEBULON: NEB-1! I AM NEB-1!
NEBULON: This isn't a cloning machine...
NEB-1: IT'S TIME FOR YOU ALL TO DIE!
NEBULON: ...this is an extractor.
Part 2
{NEB-1 shoots a round of laserballs at the Neby Trio, and they all miss.}
CHARLES: What are you-- {he dodges a round of laserballs} --talking about?
NEBULON: Well, apparently Homsar was always part of that -- {Nebulon gets blown into the wall.} -- doll, and he was always part of me.
GHYPE: Ooh! I must try the splitter!
NEB-1: {roars}
GHYPE: Mr. Second Reptile, what are you doing? You aren't going insane with sharpies, are you?
NEBULON: We need to...
NEB-1: KILL... TAMPO!...
{He destroys the wall by running through it.}
NEBULON: Hey, whoa! Don't you know how much that wall cost?
CHARLES: Eight dollars?
GHYPE: Come on, come on, don't be slow, you'll be late to catch the show!
{Cut to Tampo's Rooftop. Brody's head is outside as an observing post.}
BRODY: Whoa! NEB-1 is approaching, and he actually looks normal for once.
TAMPO: Oh man, I need to see this. {He rises up and gets hit with a laserball.} Oof!
{NEB-1 jumps onto the roof.}
NEB-1: {roars}
TAMPO: Whoa! Brody was right! Stlunko!
{Cut to Stlunko. He is outside the fortress, and he looks electreocuted.}
STLUNKO: That hurt me quite a bit.
{Cut back to the rooftop. NEB-1 is glowing.}
BRODY: Um, Tampo? Why don't we go inside?
TAMPO: Right. The base is damage proof.
{They go in quickly. NEB-1 unleashes a giant laserball, which makes Tampo's bace glow. Glass shatters on numerous roofs, and a brick falls out.}
A JARO: Ow!
NEB-1: {roars angrily}
{Cut back to the fizzing Stlunko. The Neby Trio approaches.}
STLUNKO: NEB-1?
NEBULON: Wrong. I'm actually Nebulon with NEB-1 removed.
CHARLES: Yes. Mebulon wanted reven-- {Nebulon hits Charles with a weak laserball.} --revent calandars for your next attacks, and he accidentally seperated himself.
STLUNKO: Interesting. But from what Tampo told me...
NEBULON: Tampo is... actually, I don't hate Tampo anymore.
STLUNKO: I am dreadfully sorry. This is all my fault.
GHYPE: We have not seen you besides that once time! I was not here!
STLUNKO: Yes, that is true. But I sent the seperator. I needed to perform a test.
NEBULON: What kind of test?
STLUNKO: A test to create a new world. Because you were seperated, we are splitting into a new world.
CHARLES: A world where NEB-1 has destroyed everything?
STLUNKO: No. A world where NEB-1 kills Stinkoman. In his rage, he eventually kills Stinkoman. This will likely create another world. You see, any time a big change could be made, another variation of the world is created.
NEBULON: Look, I don't have time to discuss science fiction with you--
GHYPE: You do indeed! It is watch NEB-2 kill, or talk! It is your fun choice!
{Cut to inside Tampo's fortress. The ceiling is shaking, and dust and particles are falling from the ceiling. Tampo is under a table, and Brody is attempting to fix the ceiling.}
BRODY: T-T-Tampo-o, pass me the h-h-hammer!
TAMPO: The one that hit me on the head?
BRODY: I think I'm doing a good job for someone without any arms!
{The roof finally collapses. Brody jumps back.}
TAMPO: Don't we have a basement?
NEB-1: {roars}
BRODY: What? No. At least I don't think we do. Maybe we can read our archives...
TAMPO: Never mind. I'm taking him on.
{Cut to the Mysterious Man.}
MAN: Interesting... NEB-1 and Nebulon are destroying the universe. I'll set that to watch.
{The phone rings. The Mysterious Man picks it up.}
MAN: Hello? Ah, Tampo. I'm watching you on the monitor... well, yes, but what am I supposed to do? Yes, I know he's the one I kill... I released him by mistake!... Don't call me Kevin, please, that's my real name... Fine. I'll deall with him... yes, Stinkodeath, but why don't you actually... {He hangs up.} Tampo. How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.
{His answering machine starts.}
TAMPO: Come over here, or send one of your hyper intellegent robots that you don't have NOW! I'm losing to some lone green blob! {beep}
KEVIN: {recorded} Please leave a message before the beep.
{The door opens, and Bob rushes in.}
BOB: Hey, this is MY tower of command!
KEVIN: Er... no, it's not.
BOB: Yes it is! That's my picture of my daughter!
KEVIN: That's an illusion. Your tower of command is in deep space, without oxygen.
{Cut back the the ordinary Nebulon.}
NEBULON: So, let's review. If we can stop NEB-1 from killing Tampo, he'll move on to 1-Up, who is always near Stinkoman. They'll both die in his wrath. Then, we attack hm by tranquilizing him, and run him through the seperator again?
STLUNKO: Yes, this is the course of action that seems the least risky.
CHARLES: Yes, but we have one crucial flaw: NEB-1 won't stop beating up Tampo.
GHYPE: Hey NEB-1, why is your style so bad?
NEBULON: I'll assume we'll have to jump into the fray.
GHYPE: I mean, green body and puphle dots says enouh!
STLUNKO: If all else fails, I can emit a drawing signal, but it is very dangerous for me.
GHYPE: {singing} Nobody likes Nebulon's style...
NEBULON: WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP?
CHARLES: Thank you for the idea, Ghype.
NEBULON: Idea? Pyramid guy had an idea?
CHARLES: Who do we know who is good with voices?
{Cut to The Liekand's base.}
FROTZER SECRETARY: I'm sorry, there is a warrant for your death.
{The Liekand whirls in.}
THE LIEKAND: You and your jokes, Marinda! Hello, Nebulon! Charles. Project-, er, Ghype.
GHYPE: Did you hear about the evil clone?
CHARLES: NEB-1 got seperated from Nebulon and has started an attack.
THE LIEKAND: I have this adversion to helping you in the back of my mind, but I can't figure out what...
NEBULON: It doesn't matter. It's probably just, that, uh, we haven't talked in a while.
THE LIEKAND: Yes, that's probably it.
CHARLES: Your help will lead directly to the elimination of Stinkoman.
THE LIEKAND: Then that's a different story. I will help you in any means nessary.
NEBULON: Great! Now, what you have to do is draw a circle... {fade out}
{Cut to inside Tampo's Fortress.}
NEB-1: {enraged roar}
TAMPO: Come on, Kevin... do something, please...
BRODY: Tampo, why didn't you have a back up plan?
TAMPO: Plan B: get killed.
{NEB-1 charges at Tampo.}
Part 3 - showdown
THE LIEKAND: {far off, in Stinkoman's voice} No one likes your style, NEB-1!
NEB-1: {huge roar}
{NEB-1 jumps off of the roof again.}
TAMPO: Brody, we need to go save Stinkoman. Sadly enough.
BRODY: So that The Master can kill him?
TAMPO: Yes. We need some kind of vehicle that can move faster then NEB-1.
{Cut to Neby Trio, Stlunko, and The Liekand.}
NEBULON: So, do we go to watch Stinkoman being destroyed?
THE LIEKAND: You might want to, if you want to get rid of him somehow.
STLUNKO: I believe we have a store of fluid that can transquilerize in the warehouse.
GHYPE: We have a major problem! No one has said anything funny in this part yet!
CHARLES: You should get that--
{NEB-1 runs past.}
NEBULON: Wait, shouldn't he have attacked us?
CHARLES: No. See, he is after Stinkoman, not people in the road.
STLUNKO: I will be back shortly. {He wheels off.}
{A rocket flies across the sky, and eventually falls to the ground near Nebulon.}
TAMPO: {in rocket} Brody, do you have to take up so much space? Wait, where's the door?
{Brody and Tampo exit.}
TAMPO: NEB-1, I'm not going to let you kill Stinkoman!
NEBULON: Actually, NEB-1 is that way. He just ran past.
BRODY: But you're NEB-1!
NEBULON: Uh, this joke has been done to death. Stlunko will explain it...
TAMPO: Stlunko joined you? Traitor!
GHYPE: {robotic laugh} Now you go to evil in part one, coward part two, and stupid part three!
CHARLES: You need a fourth wall chip. It is very important.
BRODY: Just explain what's going on!
{One long explanation later...}
TAMPO: Oh. Well, if Stlunko says it...
NEBULON: What happened to stopping NEB-1?
BRODY: Bye!
{They jump in the rocket and leave again. Stlunko wheels in again.}
STLUNKO: We only have a very limited supply. You can feed it to him, inject a vial into him, or coat a laserball with it. You will only have three chances.
GHYPE: Because three is a magic number!
STLUNKO: You may want to ride on me. I will move faster.
THE LIEKAND: I'll meet you there! {He rushes off in a giant whirlwind.}
{Cut to a beach. Stinkoman and 1-Up are getting a tan.}
STINKOMAN: You were right, kid! The beach sun really does bring out my abs!
1-UP: Stinkoman, I said I left my beachball on the other side of the beach!
STINKOMAN: That plan was dumb.
{NEB-1 jumps into the sand.}
STINKOMAN: Huh-wha? IF YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR...
1-UP: Take a break, Stinkoman, he's mine!
STINKOMAN: No way! You'd fail the challenge!
NEB-1: {huge roar}
1-UP: Huh? What's that rocket roar?
{Tampo and Brody's rocket lands on the sand. They get out.}
TAMPO: NEB-1, stop!
BRODY: Or I'll step on you!
{The Liekand whirls in.}
THE LIEKAND: What happened? Anything happen yet?
TAMPO: It will.
{Tampo hits NEB-1 with some laserballs.}
NEB-1: {roar}
{Stlunko rolls in.}
STLUNKO: Go. You must attack while he is distracted.
NEBULON: Well, we need some kind of distraction.
STINKOMAN: I can handle this challenge on my own! DOUB-
{Stinkoman is hit with one of NEB-1's laserballs.}
STINKOMAN: Ugh!
{Nebulon shoots an transquilerized laserball at NEB-1, but he dodges when he runs after 1-Up, and the ball hits The Liekand instead.}
VOICE: All of you. Stop. I have direct orders from the Figure.
{Harvax XVII moves in.}
TAMPO: I don't care about the Figure. I serve the Master!
HARVAX XVII: The Figure is The Master, fool! Sticklyman-
{Gasps from The X Trio.}
HARVAX XVII: What a fraud! It's amazing what people do for power. I am tired of arguing with you, Tampo. I have been sent to assasinate Stinkoman.
NEB-1: {roars}
HARVAX XVII: Stay calm, please. The Figure will take you to another world, where you can wreck as much as--
{Nebulon hits NEB-1 with a transquilerized laserball. He falls over.}
GHYPE: You can leave now, Mr. Message!
HARVAX XVII: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I'M GOING TO KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!
TAMPO: No you're not. That's not what the Figure said.
HARVAX XVII: THE FIGURE MAKES CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS FOR BRATTY THIEVES!
NEBULON: {whispering} How do we get NEB-1 back?
STLUNKO: {low volume} That rocket can hold all of us here but two.
HARVAX XVII: FIRST, I'LL TAKE THE...
NEBULON: SHUT UP! {He hits him with a transquilerized laserball.}
HARVAX XVII: Augh... The Figure...
CHARLES: Who do we leave behind?
TAMPO: Well, we can leave Figure Boy here, The Liekand, Stinkoman, 1-Up...
BRODY: Shouldn't we try to kill Stinkoman?
TAMPO: I'm sure the lobstrocities will get him.
BRODY: Those don't exist.
TAMPO: Well, what are you going to do? Okay, everyone on board.
{One loading onto a rocket ship later...}
BRODY: This is really cramped, you know...
{The rocket takes off.}
GHYPE: Are there high expectancies of NEB-2 to go snap snap again?
STLUNKO: Probability of NEB-1 coming to: seven to one.
TAMPO: That was very reassuring...
NEBULON: {queasy} Did I ever tell you I was airsick?
CHARLES: There is no air on the moon.
BRODY: Tampo! We just passed our base!
TAMPO: Yes, we are visiting Nebulon's Ol' Fashioned Ranch.
{The rocket lands in Nebulon's top floor.}
STLUNKO: I shall assist in bringing NEB-1 to the Seperation Machine.
{The Neby Trio and Stunko exit, bringing NEB-1.}
TAMPO: Oh, and, uh, Nebulon?
NEBULON: Yes?
TAMPO: I still hate you.
{Cut to the Seperaration Machine.}
STLUNKO: Please wait...
{His fists hoist NEB-1 up to the seperatiom machine.}
GHYPE: I want to do the fun pressing!
CHARLES: No.
{He presses the button. The full NEB-1 turns into a microchip, and a box that changes from a model of The Trickster, Sidekick Bob, and other Tampo Email characters.}
NEBULON: A microchip? TAMPO!
{Cut back to the rocket.}
GHYPE: Did you happen to stick anything in NEB-1? 'Cause something came out of him!
{Nebulon shows the microchip.}
TAMPO: Heh... heh... ah! Stlunko, don't miss the ship!
{He jumps on, and the ship takes off. Cut back to the Computer Room.}
NEBULON: And that is the story on how Tampo stinks so much, Sam. That is the story.
CHARLES: You just said that.
{The Paper comes down, saying "Email Nebulon at nebymail@nebulon.com!"}
Easter Eggs
Coming shortly!
Fun Facts
More coming soon, but:
- The two emails at the beginning is a reference to Tampo Email "death", where the process is reversed.
- "Lobtrocities" were a violent species in Steven King's "The Dark Tower" series.
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